


Distilled Unwavering

by dressruffles



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - High School, I'm only tagging the main pairing because otherwise it feels rude, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Omega Verse, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-26
Updated: 2017-12-28
Packaged: 2018-05-27 16:51:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 86,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6292384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dressruffles/pseuds/dressruffles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A lot can happen in the time they have left here in high school. </p>
<p>(a/b/o high school au; krisho; includes taohun, chenyin, xiuhan, and chankai)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The nature of heats and hormones (Or: how Chanyeol’s romance went off with a bang)

**Author's Note:**

> hey this monster story has wrecked my life so here, read it. here are some (monster) notes before we get started:
> 
> 1) get ready to see me make the same handful of jokes five million times in idk how many tens of thousands of words! idk I love this story but I also hate it, and I love to hate it so it's a complicated relationship. also yeah, it's got a super pretentious title haha, sorry about that...?
> 
> 2) there are pwp chapters and they are...weird. I acknowledge wholeheartedly that using intersex dynamics in explicit sex scenes is not something that was in high demand, or any demand at all. but I wrote them anyway uh so! they are nonessential to the story though, so you can skip them if it's not your cup of tea. I tried really hard to reference anything important that happens in them in the other chapters so you can get the gist of it. I'll also make author's notes in the following chapters to explain what you missed in a quick tldr bit, for your convenience. ((these will usually look like: tldr; they almost did The Full Sex and they weren't supposed to, kids these days.)) you can also ask me and I'll tell you.
> 
> 3) I wrote all the pwp scenes first in 2014 and then refused to revisit them as I slogged through the rest of the story, and everything's messy, I'm messy, idek if the story tone stays the same throughout the whole story so *frazzled emoticon* this thing is huge, and I wrote it absolutely completely out of order so if I mess anything up, I am very sorry. I tried my best.
> 
> 4) this is a/b/o or omegaverse or whatever this trope is called, but it's weird (tldr version = some people have sets of mixed genitalia, some people don't, they all exist on a spectrum with masculine genitalia on one end and feminine genitalia on the other and the midpoint is an intersex-type combination of both. the differences most simplified are: alphas have knots ((and monthly heats)), betas have less frequent heats ((usually 3-4 a year)), and omegas have monthly heats ((but no knots)). alignments act kind of like zodiac signs in that they can affect disposition but don't 100% determine it). so here's a really old and kind of obnoxious faq post on [lj](http://beachfront-play.livejournal.com/1443.html) or [tumblr](http://coralbites.tumblr.com/post/159769364924/distilled-unwavering-faq) I wrote forever ago that explains in detail the aspects of it that 'set it apart' or whatever. the important bits you probably care about are alignments (alphas: minseok, lu han, junmyeon, yixing; betas: baekhyun, jongdae, chanyeol, jongin; omegas: yifan, kyungsoo, tao, sehun) and then there's some additional junk about who's got what in their pants and then who's got boobs -- oh and how heats work I guess -- but you can just scroll and stop at any bolded+italicized+underlined header that seems interesting to you to skim through the stuff you care about since it's too long and too involved. I never realized in 2014 how extensive this thing would get ah ha...ha.
> 
> 5) if there's anything you ever want to know or don't understand or you don't want to read an faq, just ask me in the comments and I'll be glad to answer! my goal is to streamline the reading experience of anyone who tries to get through this story. I love you for trying. let me help you.
> 
> 6) I don't hate other a/b/o / wolf pack alignment fics on principle, and I don't think mine is the 'right way' to do it or anything. I just got too into something I [supposedly am not at all into](http://coralbites.tumblr.com/post/99084581714/jessicamiriamdrew-oscarjaenada). I'm embracing it now, though.
> 
> 7) originally posted [here](http://beachfront-play.livejournal.com/2109.html). check the navigation post for already posted pwp (they're all finished already) if you want!

Yifan pants into the air, a verifiable mess. His heat is early – or maybe late, if he’s counting by the schedule his heat was on six months ago. If he’s counting by the new schedule when his heat just flip flopped from the end of the month to the beginning then, yeah. It’s early.

Yifan honestly doesn’t care all that much at the moment, as he shifts uncomfortably under his covers. At least it’s falling on a day where nothing’s happening – no basketball mock-trials, no group project meetings at the library, and it’s even on a Saturday. Way more than Yifan could ever hope for, normally.

He groans and tries not to grind his hips into the mattress. He should roll over. He’s gonna lose self-control otherwise and end up rutting his heat out into his mattress, which at this point in his ‘development cycle’ (as all the doctors he's ever had like to call it) means the heat goes longer instead of shorter like it will when he’s fully grown and an adult and bonded to his mate. When his body isn’t so desperately trying to procreate that it ignores the fact that getting off means it’s all getting taken care of, and that more orgasms don’t necessarily mean better chances at making a baby.

Yifan is honestly just…sick of this. He hisses low under his breath, “God,” and squeezes his eyes shut, trying to breathe despite the boiling under his skin. He’s sick of heats coming out of nowhere and blindsiding him and making him miss almost any and everything, it seems like. This one perfectly timed heat doesn’t nearly make up for the dozens and dozens of times he's missed out on things he wants to do because his heat comes too early or too late or just completely changes altogether.

Prime example: last May he had missed a four day end-of-the-year retreat for the basketball team because his heat was supposed to start sometime during it, and the coach couldn’t reschedule because it fell so neatly in between everyone else’s cycles – mainly because everyone else has managed to sync with other members on the team.

The coach had raised his eyebrows and flipped to the back of his clipboard, where Yifan knows a calendar that tracks everyone on and involved with the team’s heats is taped. “I thought you were due on the – ”

Yifan had tried not to blush, just kept his stoic face on because he’s _vice captain_ and only middle schoolers and juvenile freshmen really get embarrassed and flustered when talking about this natural process all their bodies go through. “It changed again. I – it might happen the last day of the trip, on that Monday." He had paused, then tried to sound convincing as he says, "At night though.”

Yifan had wanted to go, so badly, because he'd just made vice captain and it had been right before school let out for the summer. This was a chance to bond and really work on the new team dynamics and a lot of important plays for the coming fall season. Also they were going to leave on Thursday and stay until the bus picked them up on Monday night, and it would just be really _fun_. And the coach obviously knew that a retreat without the new team vice captain feeling out the team with the new actual captain wasn’t the most ideal, so he'd probably cave and let Yifan go...hopefully.

“If you’re sure it’ll be on the Monday night,” the coach had said carefully. “You can come, and we’ll just send you home early with the assistant coach. And with your record of changing on a dime, it might even come late, you know. You might be able to stay the whole time.”

And Yifan had nodded wistfully, the both of them purposely ignoring the exact opposite situation, with how Yifan’s heat could instead come early, and how that could be a very bad and very embarrassing situation with the shared dorms and all.

In the end it hadn’t matter because that Thursday afternoon Yifan had gone home from school early with pre-heat symptoms, his scent spiking up so suddenly in the middle of trigonometry that everyone at the board answering problems had actually dropped their chalk in near-unison. Everyone seated around him had started squirming and shifting uncomfortably, eyes flickering to and away from him impossibly fast. After another five minutes, with the smell of Yifan’s encroaching heat getting impossibly thicker every second, the teacher had finally pulled him aside outside of class after assigning everyone some problem sets as busywork.

“Just…go to the nurse and have them send you home,” she had told him, incredibly sympathetic. Yifan briefly wondered if she was an omega too. The adults generally didn’t tell, and with the wildly uncontrolled heats of adolescence behind them, most people didn’t really ever get too good a read on their scents to figure it out. And it was kind of rude and weird to just ask people older than you. It also honestly, Yifan reminded himself, didn't much matter beyond satisfying general curiosity.

His old math teacher had taken his awkward pause to mean something, because she had then patted him gently on the shoulder. “I know it’s hard right now, but hang in there. In college, I promise things settle down. And if not,” she had gestured vaguely. “There are suppressants you can take at that age.”

She was telling him this, Yifan knew, because this wasn’t the first time Yifan had been sent home to wait for the onset of his heat, the buildup of pheromones so telltale that none of the other kids could really focus though the haze of his body trying to ask apparently _everybody_ if they could have sex with him.

Yifan had a note in his file, had a special add on to his school medical forms by the nurse, about how his heats were often incredibly irregular and his hormones a mess. But the kicker was ( _is_ ) that he’s still too young for his hormones to get sorted out by medical means. The nurse, and every doctor he’s had look at him, has told him that they have to wait until he's nineteen, or preferably twenty, to see if his hormones will settle out on their own.

There were of course other kids with similar issues, Yifan wasn’t a freak of nature and certainly wasn’t alone in the whole wide world (or even the school) when it came to irregular heats. He was just...embarrassed out of his mind whenever his _thing_ cropped up super publicly like this. It kind of felt like, when it happened, that it was something he was becoming low-level renowned for around school – which, however potentially untrue, was still mortifying to consider. Was especially mortifying in comparison to the reasons why some of his more accomplished friends were known by a better part of the student body. Like Lu Han and Minseok had soccer. Amber ran the morning announcements and produced the bi-weekly school radio program on the public broadcasting station. Junmyeon, for crying out loud, was vice president on the student council and co-captained their regional winning debate team – and he and Yifan had been having a ‘will they won’t they’ flirt fest since sophomore year’s homecoming when they'd danced together kind of half jokingly.

“You can’t call your own failure to take initiative a ‘will they won’t they flirt fest’,” Kyungsoo had informed him dully, counting the tongue depressors while curled up in one of the hardbacked chairs near the door. “Or, well, more like it sounds super lame, so please don’t.”

Yifan snorted and waved Kyungsoo off. “Why are you even here? You’re just touching everything on the nurse’s desk and skipping class.”

Kyungsoo also laughed and spared Yifan an amused glance. “Well then, there you go, huh?”

Yifan had smiled, partially because Kyungsoo was tiny and quiet and liked to keep mostly keep to himself and generally just looked like your textbook definition of an omega, but was able to whip out more aggression and demanding presence than you could shake a stick at when he wanted to. That was always sort of just amusing to Yifan.

The other reason he smiled was that Kyungsoo also always seemed to have a lock on his hormones. He’d been looking Yifan straight in the face and carrying on a conversation like nothing was any different, like Yifan hadn’t turned literally every head on the way here to the nurse.

“Yifan,” Kyungsoo said, eyes going back to the tongue depressors. “If you want to actually make out with Junmyeon, you should just go for it? Or, I mean, at least ask him if you can.”

And Yifan was, ultimately, just unsure what to say or how to explain his funk without seeming utterly pathetic (and he was laid up on a cot waiting for his mom to come pick him up before his impending heat made everyone within a ten foot radius lose varying semblances of their self-control, so that would be an added insult to injury honestly). So he had only smiled carefully, weakly, and then fell into an uneasy silence. Kyungsoo sighed, but had left him to it.

In the right here and now, in the present where Yifan is panting through the pain and unwanted pleasure, it’s all startlingly clear: Yifan is a mess. And he doesn’t think Junmyeon will find it all so adorable and attractive up close. You don’t peel back the layers of a mess and automatically find the treasure, and Yifan has heats like a fourteen year old whose heats are a new experience his body is still trying to sort out.

+++

The thing about Junmyeon is he’s really sweet and nice and also kind of weird and withdrawn in certain ways. Junmyeon puts himself out there but also keeps to himself when he doesn’t feel like being bothered. Yifan can respect that – sort of likes it, because sometimes he can relate. With their friends, there are times when it becomes something like a free-for-all with mocking each other, everyone trying to get a snipe in. And not that he doesn’t love his friends, it’s just that there are certain individuals who are constantly high energy and Yifan…isn’t always up for dealing with that.

There are times when he wants to recharge and just keep to himself on some downtime. During times like this, Yifan sticks to the friends who get that, and Junmyeon’s one of them. (And maybe it’s the ancient and massive crush talking, but Yifan would argue that he’s one of the best ones, tied with Kyungsoo and Yixing.) Junmyeon’ll let silences lay comfortable between them, each of them enjoying their own thing on their own, but together. It’s nice. Relaxing. Something Yifan has gotten used to counting on having for his peace of mind through the years. Junmyeon is patient and gentle when it matters most.

Junmyeon’s patience and ability to weather through mocking and snark by drawing into himself until he’s ready to play along works out, since he’s kind of a good – or at least a _common_ – target when it comes to their group. Especially with Baekhyun.

“I can’t believe you read this trash.” Baekhyun is _still_ lamenting over Junmyeon opting to do a manga trade swap with Jongin instead of going with Baekhyun and Jongdae to sneak into Kyungsoo’s performance that he’s explicitly told them not to come to. 

Yifan rolls his eyes but silently scrolls through old music playlists on his phone to sort out, elbow bumping with Junmyeon’s as they sit together on Junmyeon’s mom’s old, expensive rug. Junmyeon doesn’t even bat an eye in Baekhyun’s direction. 

Baekhyun is still going, undeterred by the lack of his audience's interest. Silence usually goads him into trying until he forces a reaction, truth be told. “ _And_ that this trash is more important than seeing Kyungsoo in action with this _Hyunsik_ dude.” Baekhyun sniffs judgmentally. “Whoever he is. I don’t trust him.”

“Kyungsoo doesn’t trust _you_ ,” Yifan points out easily. “He probably told you the wrong venue on purpose, to send you on a wild goose chase.”

“Nah,” Jongin corrects easily, biting his bottom lip in concentration as he flips through Junmyeon’s first volume of Neon Genesis Evangelion. “It’s at his church. He didn’t even tell them about it _point blank_ , Jongdae just poked around and figured it out.”

Jongdae grins conspiratorially and lifts a finger in the air. “Elementary, my dear Watsons. Plus Kyungsoo knows he can’t pull the same trick twice on us.”

Baekhyun nods sagely. “Try and send us to the wrong café again, will he? _Ha_. This time he just pretended he couldn’t hear us whenever we asked about his gig.”

Junmyeon fingers the bindings of Jongin’s Slam Dunk copies thoughtfully, and finally bites. “You know, the rest of us he just asked not to come. As opposed to purposely withholding information about said event.”

Baekhyun points an accusing finger at him. “What would you know about the intricacies of ponytail pulling flirting, you only want to date anime characters.”

“Ponytail pulling?” Jongdae raises an eyebrow at that. “I think there are only times where Kyungsoo literally wants to punch you in the face. With me, I think he just wants to elbow me until I shut up in submission some days?” Jongdae looks smug. "What I'm saying here, is that Kyungsoo totally likes me better."

That's because Jongdae actually _does_ shut up occasionally. Yifan thinks this is the key between how much more Kyungsoo openly admits to enjoying Jongdae's presence. Baekhyun doesn’t really ever shut up, and only bounces back fast from Kyungsoo’s meaner tactics with more screeching.

Junmyeon, meanwhile, ignores Baekhyun’s lashing out insult about the flirting thing and speaks directly to Jongdae. “Is Chanyeol going with you both?”

Jongin snorts loudly, but doesn’t look up from his manga despite the fact that everyone in the room is now looking at him, all of them varied degrees of perplexed.

“…No,” Baekhyun says eventually, begrudging, when Jongin still doesn't look up and seems wholly uninterested in joining the conversation. “He’s busy.”

Jongin snorts again. Jongdae raises an eyebrow and looks to Yifan and then Junmyeon for answers, both who only shrug. Yifan has no clue what Jongin’s amused by, but when it comes to him and Chanyeol, Yifan usually doesn’t ask.

Baekhyun doesn’t take the second offensive lying down. “You either share with the class, or shut up and enjoy your night snuggled up with your waifu pillow.”

Jongin peers up from his manga long enough to scrunch his nose up at Baekhyun, then goes back to minding his own business. Baekhyun looks increasingly intrigued with the possibilities of what Jongin's reaction could be about, but Junmyeon -- like Yifan -- foresees how badly that can potentially go and, thankfully, nips it in the bud as Baekhyun opens his mouth to, undoubtedly, say something intentionally instigating.

“Can you go already?” Junmyeon asks, part nicely and part exasperatedly. “We’re trying to relax, and you're probably going to be late at this rate.”

“Yeah, relax by being _nerds_ ,” Baekhyun says smugly, going in for the easier target. “Yifan are you going to indulge in their Japanese comic sharing too? Or…” 

He looks like, for a moment, he wants to go somewhere he shouldn’t, an evil glint flickering in his eyes. But when Yifan looks warily at him (because the only ‘somewhere’ he shouldn’t with Yifan mostly revolves around Yifan’s weird, hopeless crush that’s basically this huge open secret with everyone _but_ Junmyeon), the glint fades, and Baekhyun settles for a conspiratorially proud smile instead, like he’s _got_ something on Yifan. “Why are you even over here?” He finally chooses to say. 

“Why are you?” Yifan shoots back, grumbling but thankful all the same. “I need Junmyeon’s government notes and figured I’d hang out for a bit. You’re just pestering us to go bother Kyungsoo.”

Jongin flips a page and looks up with a faint smile. “Yeah, have fun getting beat up.”

Jongdae sighs as Baekhyun only smiles wider, satisfied with the reactions he’s garnered. "Can't talk," Baekhyun singsongs over his shoulder as he starts manhandling Jongdae towards the door. "Like you said we might be late."

“Kyungsoo seriously is going to string us up by our toes.” Jongdae says sadly as a farewell.

Baekhyun’s boisterous, confident laughter is the only thing he offers as a response, and it echoes from the foyer before he slams the door shut behind them.

“So, Chanyeol’s trying to serenade me tonight,” Jongin confides in them the second the latch clicks shut. “That’s why he’s busy. He thinks I don’t know, but he dropped his to-do list at lunch. Tao found it, and now I have it.”

Junmyeon raises an eyebrow and Yifan grimaces a little. “Maybe I should talk to Tao about not gossiping so much.”

Jongin shrugs and puts down the first volume to reach for the second. “Maybe you should talk to Chanyeol about not being so extravagant. I looked at that list. He’s trying to set off fireworks in my front lawn. And there’s something about a rented chocolate fountain on there that’s crossed off, I don’t know.” 

Junmyeon carefully looks at Yifan (who, to be fair, is looking at Junmyeon first) and they share an expression that is mostly a lot of sympathy and nervousness for both parties involved. Junmyeon gathers the courage first to say something, and Yifan commends him for it. “If you know that…why are you sitting in my living room like you’ve got nowhere to be?”

Jongin only shrugs, though something in his eyes sparkle a little. He’s nibbling at his bottom lip again, reluctant to speak on the subject now, apparently.

“Maybe,” Yifan says carefully. “Maybe you should text him. Call him. Get him to simmer his plans down a little.” _Stop him from accidentally burning down your house doing a grandiose display of affection while you’re not even there to see it_ , Yifan doesn’t say. Not yet, anyway.

Jongin only shrugs again, but there is a hint of a smile that he’s biting down on. Honestly if anyone here is a prime example of ponytail pulling, it’s those two.

+++

Junmyeon’s giving a ride to Jongin and Yifan’s walking back to his place with Junmyeon’s government notes in tow, but they have a moment of just the two of them alone when Jongin finally gives in to their insistence that Jongin needs to at least call Chanyeol, and he ducks out onto Junmyeon’s back patio to do as such.

“I can’t tell if intentionally trying to stand Chanyeol up is for amusement, or if this is just how Jongin processes emotions of affection,” Junmyeon muses, arms crossed as he looks up at the foyer ceiling. “Should we not get involved?”

Yifan runs a hand through his hair. “I don’t know, I mean it’s not like we’re his parents or anything. He kind of can just do what he wants. But we’re all friends and…well if this gets too messy, I don’t…know…” Yifan isn’t sure where he’s going with this, and it's starting to feel like it's hitting too close to home, so he trails off with a shrug.

Junmyeon offers a shrug of his own, smiling. “Well, I’m sure it’ll all be fine. We were all certain that Tao and Sehun dating was going to be an absolute catastrophe and look at how opposite of a mess that turned out to be.”

Yifan snorts and fingers the strap of his messenger bag nervously. “Yeah. True. Now they’re just disgustingly attached to each other.”

Junmyeon sends him a skeptical look. “Because Lu Han and Minseok are so easy to be around?”

“Minseok’s shoving Lu Han off of him half the time,” Yifan points out, though to be fair most of them are shoving Lu Han off of them half the time. Lu Han’s really clingy. “Which is sort of better than Tao and Sehun, I don't know – " god, abort abort, this is seriously too close to home for Yifan, how is he managing to be so casual right now? " – I guess – just, _melting_ at the sight of one another 24/7.”

Junmyeon tilts his head in a question. "Melting? I don't know, I think it's kind of cute and sweet." And his eyes crinkle as he laughs and Yifan’s freaking _heart_ is melting, god he is such a hypocrite –

Jongin comes back at this moment, shuffling his feet and looking like his mouth is threatening to go full pout any second now. “We’re gonna meet at the park and talk later,” he mumbles.

Yifan catches a hold of himself and checks to make sure he’s in control of his face, as Junmyeon beams at Jongin. “Good!”

Jongin shoves his hands in his pockets and stares determinedly at the ground. “Okay, can we go, then?”

Yifan thinks he’s probably embarrassed, and there's something to be said about kindred spirits in how it makes Yifan feel better. He only shakes his head before reaching over to ruffle Jongin’s hair. “Hang in there, Jongin.” He can almost _hear_ how intently Jongin is staring at the floor now. Junmyeon laughs, because he probably can too (and Yifan’s heart does that twisting thing again, argh, crushes are the _worst_ ).

Their goodbyes are relatively short because they all see each other all the time, and Yifan manages to hold himself together until he gets home.

Trudging past the living room where his mom is watching some historical drama and up the stairs into his room, he doesn’t whip his phone out of his pocket until he throws himself on the bed. Then he lets loose: he proceeds to send Kyungsoo a long string of texts that are only the ‘T^T’ emoticon written once per text box. Usually Yifan would save this sort of messy show of emotion via text for Chanyeol, but like hell he’s going to talk to Chanyeol about ridiculous crushes. Chanyeol’s barely working through his own with any semblance of grace. Yifan doesn’t trust him on this matter.

Kyungsoo doesn’t text back, but he does pick up after the third ring when Yifan finally calls him, which is pretty fast for someone who usually lets it go to voicemail and then calls you back if he thinks your message sounds promising enough. Kyungsoo’s really good at being an asshole when he wants to be, but he’s also really good at being kind when he wants to be, too. It’s just that how often he wants to be either of those things is very dependent on who you are, and how Kyungsoo's feeling that day.

Today seems to be sort of a borderline day where he could go either way. His tone is a little sharp as he says, “Yifan I have a performance, and I’m on standby for rehearsal.”

Yifan frowns at his ceiling. “You’re performing at your church.”

Kyungsoo sighs. “It’s still a performance. And it’s a pretty big church thing, so a lot of people are coming.”

Kyungsoo could be lying or he could be being totally sincere. Kyungsoo sometimes dotes on him, so Yifan’s not too worried about figuring it out. Besides that’s not why he’s called. “Okay, I'll be quick then, uh." Yifan then panics a second before deciding to say _I really like Junmyeon and I don't know what to do about it_ , because if he says it then he can't take it back. 

"Junmyeon sort of makes my heart melt.” Is what pops out instead, and Yifan immediately freezes and re-analyzes the situation. Okay. Okay then. Maybe...maybe Kyungsoo didn't hear him. Maybe Kyungsoo will think he's joking and laugh?

Kyungsoo _is_ quiet for a long moment. In the background there is the reverberation of instruments playing the typical warm ups, the sound presumably echoing into the wings where Kyungsoo is standing. Finally, he takes a deep breath and says, “What the hell Yifan?”

Yifan groans. “That's not what I meant to – I just." Yifan tries to recuperate and refocus. "Kyungsoo, what am I supposed to do? He’s – we’re – I keep thinking I have a handle on my emotions because whatever, junior year and stuff, we’ll all be out of here soon. But then he…smiles at me, or smiles _at all_ , or laughs or touches my hand – ”

“You guys do touch a lot sometimes,” Kyungsoo agrees softly.

Yifan groans again. “Exactly! What does that mean? Does he like me? Should I ask him? Should we — I mean…”

Kyungsoo sighs, and Yifan thinks he _might_ be pinching the bridge of his nose. “Look, either put yourself out there and ask him about it, or resign yourself to never taking a chance on it. But you have to stop asking me about this every time Junmyeon makes your soul flutter or whatever. That is the extent of my advice. I can’t make the situation change.”

It’s Yifan’s turn to sigh. “I don’t _want_ anything to change though. I’m worried that if – if it doesn’t work out – I mean it’ll affect everyone – ”

Kyungsoo cuts him off at the knees in this train of thought. ‘Wait. You can’t possibly be trying to use the anti-fraternization excuse here. …Are you?”

Yifan holds his breath and carefully whispers out, “N…o…?”

Kyungsoo sighs heavily and right into the mouthpiece of his phone, the sound somehow sounding more agitated over the line than usual. “I don’t have the energy for this – _Yifan_. Almost half our friends are dating each other – ”

“Only Minseok and Lu Han, and Sehun and Tao!”

“ _And_ ,” Kyungsoo says. “Jongin and Chanyeol are well on their way, and you _know_ that’s going to be kind of painful since they only seem pick at each other.”

They both seem to pause, Kyungsoo in his fussing and Yifan in his cowering on his end of the phone, and contemplate Jongin and Chanyeol _actually_ dating – as opposed to Chanyeol tripping over himself in his lack of subtlety to try and get Jongin to like him back, and Jongin not dealing well or appropriately with the attention.

What would that even look like, them dating, Yifan wonders idly. Then he figures, if it’s meant to happen, then they’ll see soon enough. 

“…The point is,” Kyungsoo says, regaining his bearings. “If we can all fathom dealing with the on again-off again mess that’s going to be Jongin and Chanyeol, avoiding dating Junmyeon because you’re afraid it’ll ruin everyone’s friendship isn’t really a good excuse.” 

Kyungsoo has too good a point, and Yifan doesn’t know how to justify his fears to him anymore. “Yeah but…I’m…all over the place with my, uh, you know. Issues. And it’s a mess and…”

“Yifan. Trust me, none of us are even remotely put together when it comes to _that_. And anyway, if Junmyeon already likes you, then obviously it doesn’t matter.”

Yifan wants to yell in frustration a little bit (because everyone, _Kyungsoo especially_ , is leagues and miles and kilometers ahead of him in control over heat issues, so what does Kyungsoo really know about feeling like the black sheep with an embarrassing hormonal problem?), but he reins himself in just in time. Instead Yifan goes for another fear, and says, “But what if he _doesn’t_ like me?”

Kyungsoo _does_ yell, “You yourself called it a 'will they won’t they situation'!”

Yifan bristles right back. “I was kind of being optimistic but mostly _sarcastic_!”

Kyungsoo groans, "Yifan..."

Yifan sighs and closes his eyes. "I know, I'm hopeless."

“No you're not," Kyungsoo says, sighing too. "Okay, so take it a step further and be optimistic enough to _tell him_ how you feel. Because if I have to talk about this with you one more time, I might have to hurt you.”

Kyungsoo hangs up without a proper goodbye and Yifan somehow feels simultaneously less and more pathetic than before.

+++

Yifan's personal struggles aside, he gets a phone call from Chanyeol at an absurdly late hour that night – which can only mean that the attempt at wooing Jongin has gone poorly. Yifan groans but answers regardless, because these are the things you do for your best friends: being there when things blow up in their face.

“Chanyeol, what happened – ”

But the voice on the other line shouting, "You picked up!" isn't Chanyeol. It's Jongin, whose voice sounds abnormally panicked for someone whose usual extent of upset is quiet brooding and self-imposed isolation. Right now, Jongin's talking a mile a minute, and nothing coming out his mouth is entirely making sense. “I don't know, in case something else happens I just wanted to – I mean we already called – and people are on the way, but – ”

“…Jongin? Can you – I can't understand what's going on.” Yifan is careful to keep his tone as soothing as possible.

It seems to work. Jongin chokes on his words for a moment, but he gets it together. “I – Chanyeol set himself on fire while we were here in the park but – ”

Yifan is stumbling over his own feet as his sheets wrap around his ankles when he tries to leap out of bed. Why are they even still at the park this late? And _on fire_? “Jongin _what_ – ”

Jongin is bulldozing over Yifan’s words. “I already called Junmyeon and – and my sister first, actually – and then they told me to call the emergency line so I did – ”

From somewhere muffled in the background, Yifan hears Chanyeol’s deep voice shouting, “We also already put out the fire, so it’s cool!”

Yifan tries to keep calm while he goes to try and pull on pants and a jacket on over his sleep shirt and underwear, all while trying to balance the phone between his ear and his shoulder. It is not going as well or fast as Yifan would really like, but hey. “Is he okay? Are you?”

Jongin says something so completely incoherent that Yifan _knows_ his eyes are doing that wide-eyed bugging out thing they only do when he gets way too stressed.

“Jongin,” Yifan says, as calmly and steadily as he can manage. “Come on. Take a deep breath.”

Jongin does so (and in the background Chanyeol laughs out a strained, pained laugh of, “Yeah dude, you’re freaking out more than I am, and I’m pretty sure my arm is fucked.” which is just _not reassuring_ honestly) and finally comes back with something Yifan can work with. “Yeah, we’re okay, I just. Chanyeol’s kind of burnt up and – oh wait, I think I see the paramedics or someone – ”

Yifan tries not to sigh – in exasperation or relief – over the phone, works really hard not to say anything that might put Jongin more on edge. “Look, just text me what hospital you’ll be at. I'll meet you there, okay?”

“Okay,” Jongin whispers, voice sounding tiny but much less panicky now.

When Yifan gets the text from Jongin maybe five minutes later, he’s already received a group text from Junmyeon to everybody telling them _Chanyeol nearly blew himself and Jongin up in the park, I’m riding with Jongin’s sister while we follow their ambulance_. Which is just great.

(It actually does work out pretty well. Because everyone is in the know, he doesn’t have to wake up his mom or worry about figuring out catching a ride. Instead Yifan just leaves a note on the kitchen table just in case he’s back late and carpools with Yixing, who picks up Lu Han, Baekhyun, and Sehun on the way. Sehun complains the whole way about having to sit on the hump and also about Tao riding with Minseok’s carpool of Jongdae and Kyungsoo instead of with them, but Yifan is about ninety percent sure that’s just Sehun’s way of dealing with how worried he is.)

By the time they get to the hospital, though, there’s really nothing to be done. Jongin is looking mostly fine, though the ends of his hair are singed, as is the entire front of his clothes. He’s pacing the emergency waiting room while wringing his hands, and his sister looks vaguely like she’s given up on stopping him from where she sits. She does wave at them as they flood into the waiting room, though.

Junmyeon smiles wearily up at the rest of them and shakes his head tiredly. “We're not allowed back there for now, but Chanyeol’s mostly okay. Second degree burns, but we got here while they were fresh. They treated them pretty fast, I think.”

“He’s going to have a killer black eye too,” Jongin says distractedly. “One of the firecrackers flew, like. Almost straight into his eye.”

Jongin’s sister blows out a long low breath. “ _God_ Jongin, you’re both idiots.” And Yifan is a little inclined to agree with that sentiment. 

“This is what you do,” Baekhyun says, sounding almost awed. “You could have pissed off Kyungsoo and gotten celebratory milkshakes and fries after his concert like normal people, but you two try to blow each other up instead. What the fuck.”

Jongin bites his bottom lip and scrunches up his face. “It was an _accident_.”

“Everyone’s okay,” Junmyeon repeats sternly. “That’s what matters here.”

"You're really lucky," Yifan can’t help but throw in. The sight of Jongin scares him a little, because what kind of fireworks did Chanyeol even get and what were the two of them doing with it? Standing directly over it or something? Things could have been a lot worse. “And I thought you didn’t want extravagant?”

Jongin grimaces and starts to bite on his thumbnail. “I don’t know. I think – I don’t know.”

Sehun shakes his head and steps up to throw a casual arm around Jongin’s shoulders. “Buddy,” he says in that calm, nearly sarcastic while being completely sincere way of his. “We’re going to work on your flirting technique in the future. Chanyeol’s too.” Jongin manages to groan, before Sehun leads him to the opposite side of the waiting room. Everyone lets them go, because Sehun’s good at soothing Jongin in his crankier and jumpier moods when everything else they try only seems to incense him. And judging by the way Jongin’s sister sighs in something that sounds like relief, he’s in one of those moods.

"I'm not letting our parents know about this whole mess until morning," she tells them quietly, shifting to get more comfortable in her chair. "But Chanyeol's parents are on their way."

There really isn't much to do in the aftermath. Yifan stretches his neck tiredly, coming to terms with the realization. “Guess we just have to wait.” 

He sinks into the seat next to Junmyeon. Smooth, he thinks to himself congratulatory, especially when Junmyeon immediately bumps their legs together and sighs exasperatedly, like Yifan’s the only one who’s not totally ridiculous right now in this whole situation. Yifan doesn’t say anything but he pats Junmyeon’s leg right above the knee and Junmyeon sighs again before leaning his head against Yifan’s shoulder.

Kyungsoo looks pointedly at the two of them (okay, Yifan mentally revises, so maybe not so smooth or subtle, whatever). He’s squinting especially hard at Yifan, but says nothing. Which is good; it makes it easier for Yifan to pretend there’s nothing weighty there for him to decipher.

They fall into their usual groupings, scattered throughout the ER and for the most part sleepy and quiet beyond the occasional murmured conversations. It isn’t until Chanyeol’s parents arrive a half an hour later (Chanyeol’s father taking one good look at the rest of them before tiredly waving at them all and saying in his deep, booming voice, “Don’t you all have school tomorrow? Clear out.”) that they leave. Jongin stays, out of a sense of responsibility and also because he’s on tentative overnight watch in case anything else is wrong with him – and so his sister stays as well.

“Bummer,” Jongdae says quietly as his stretches along the length of the hood of Minseok’s car. “I was really hoping we’d get to see Chanyeol when he got discharged.”

“We’ll see him tomorrow,” Tao says. “First thing after school, okay?”

Baekhyun snorts, “Like I’m going to school? I’m skipping to spend the day with him.”

Tao stares at Baekhyun for a long moment before puffing himself up. “Then me too – ”

“ _It’s not a contest_ ,” Junmyeon interjects before things can get out of hand.

Lu Han laughs lightly and drapes himself over Junmyeon’s shoulders. “You’re not the boss of me. Maybe I'll skip too.”

Yifan also lets out a small laugh (because he knows Lu Han is only getting involved to give Junmyeon a hard time) and runs a hand through his hair. “So are we heading home? Or should we get…” He pauses and looks briefly at his watch, which leads him to groan. “Ugh. Breakfast.”

“If you buy me food, I will consider going to school,” Baekhyun is quick to say to Junmyeon.

“Traitor,” Tao mumbles.

“That _was_ a really quick shift in alliance,” Jongdae agrees solemnly.

Minseok pats Lu Han deftly on the back. “If you buy me food, I’ll love you forever.”

Lu Han, in a heartbeat, is off of Junmyeon and immediately hanging off of Minseok, eyes wide. “Don’t you already love me forever?”

Minseok shrugs and pats him again, this time on his head like Lu Han’s a good pet. “It’s pretty conditional at this point.” 

As Lu Han begins to squawk over this, and Minseok ignores him (despite Lu Han literally hanging off his shoulders and trailing after him like a very loud, maligned shadow) in favor of trying to figure out how they’re going to fit everyone into the two cars with Junmyeon added to their numbers, Yifan notices that Kyungsoo is moving away from where Baekhyun and Tao are beginning to argue over where they should all go eat, walking away while rolling his eyes. 

...This is because Kyungsoo is approaching _him_. He’s taking a moment to send Yifan _another_ loaded glance, and when Yifan tries to ignore it Kyungsoo just puts a firm hand on Yifan’s arm. Yifan doesn’t have time to panic about what precisely Kyungsoo is going to do to him, not before Kyungsoo leans in to whisper, “Chanyeol may be an idiot and nearly blew himself up, but he put himself out there and now Jongin’s in there getting to know his potential future in-laws.” 

Yifan scoffs weakly. “Future in-laws? Chanyeol almost killed the both of them. I think Jongin’s just worried like the rest of us, we don’t know if they’re going to date.”

Kyungsoo’s eyebrows knit, the same way they do when he’s concentrating on something very hard and confusing, as he goes on to say, “They’re going to date. Trust me when I say Jongin was wooed by this. Like he has been by all of Chanyeol's other reckless acts of affection.” 

Yifan does trust him, because Kyungsoo and Jongin are weirdly close and seem to get each other’s prickliness. While Chanyeol likes Jongin – and Sehun plays well with Jongin – Kyungsoo _gets_ Jongin. Honestly, Yifan thinks, it’s lucky for Chanyeol that Kyungsoo isn’t into Jongin like that, because Kyungsoo would out-ace him in a second.

Kyungsoo’s eyebrows are still knitted, as he shrugs at, apparently, the absurdness of it all: Chanyeol liking Jongin and Jongin liking him back and Jongin apparently thinking nearly dying in a pyre of firework-induced flames is romantic and sweet. Yifan doesn’t really get it either. “Just. Food for thought.”

“I’m not going to grievously injure myself and/or Junmyeon to get a date – ”

Kyungsoo groans and looks skyward, presumably to not have to look at Yifan’s confused and embarrassed expression. “I’m not saying be Chanyeol – that would be disastrous. Just. Put yourself out there. A little. Learn from Chanyeol. …A _little_.” Kyungsoo grimaces as he amends himself. “I can’t believe I just said that. Like, the _absolute minimum_ amount possible, learn from him.”

It… _is_ food for thought, something Yifan turns over again and again in his mind for examination for the rest of the morning as they head for a 24 hour pancake house, cramped and miraculously fitting into two cars (the miracle has everything to do with Junmyeon riding in Minseok's car, and Sehun sitting in Tao’s lap in Yixing's. He crossly and persistently complains the whole way about Tao’s bony knees all while sniffing Tao’s hair the entire ride. Tao meanwhile looks like a cat that got the cream, and snuggles into Sehun’s side – and it all just generally is obnoxious and disgusting, but adds to Yifan’s ‘food for thought' when it comes to potentially having a relationship with Junmyeon).

+++

Things settle back down easily enough. If Chanyeol and Jongin start dating in the quiet interim that is Chanyeol’s medical leave, nothing changes enough between them for anyone to pick up on it. Not yet at least.

Jongin does seem to be less outright standoffish more often towards Chanyeol. But when Jongdae points this out during a study period together, corners of his lips upturned more than usual, Jongin easily dismisses it by saying it’s only because of Chanyeol’s injury. 

“I’m just being nice, for once,” Jongin mumbles into his dance theory textbook, fingers tapping rhythmically against the table. “He needs help with carrying things and stuff and I’m not that big a jerk.”

Jongdae looks to Yifan, too amused. It is admittedly for good reasons (everyone’s noticed that Baekhyun is actually the one most often helping Chanyeol carry things – Jongin’s just actively seeking out and hanging around Chanyeol more often), so Yifan only silently shrugs and lets him carry on.

“So does he always need help with carefully rearranging his bangs?” Jongdae says, tone thoughtful and far too innocent. “Because I swear to god I saw you seeing him off to his English class and, if I didn’t know better, I’d think I saw you _also_ lovingly fixing his hair – ”

Jongin throws his hands up in the air at that. “You know he’s super into about how he looks all the time! And his hair was in his eyes – and his good arm had books in it and he _asked me_ to.” Jongin is getting that familiar stressed and tired look he gets sometimes when he’s overwhelmed, which is no good for anyone. Yifan steps in by reaching over and flipping Jongdae’s classical Korean history book open to a random page.

“Junmyeon says he’s drawing the line at letting all of us steal and pass around his government notes,” Yifan says dutifully, because Junmyeon _did_ mention it the other day. “And that you’d better pass history on your own.”

Jongdae bristles, “That cheapskate! It’s just the two of us in that class together, he can’t punish me for all our friends sucking at our one _other_ shared class.”

Yifan shrugs, “Take it up with him, then.” 

Jongdae groans fiercely and lays his head down on his book. “Oh trust me, I will.”

So yes. Normal: whining about schoolwork, catching moments with friends here and there, going to basketball practice, sort of but not really pining after Junmyeon. Same old, same old.

(“You make me sick,” Kyungsoo tells him, sounding more tired than annoyed – though sometimes Kyungsoo gets like that, just really really lethargic and weary with the entire world.

“Honestly by this point I’m making myself sick too,” Yifan admits sadly, and immediately goes right back to avoiding dealing with his emotions.)

+++

The weirdest things can end up being a catalyst – this particular one is Minseok’s heat, of all things. Which they all basically know he’s having, since he’s been out all day and he wasn’t sick the day before. Though that in and of itself is not the catalyst, because that’s just normally what happens when someone has a heat on a weekday.

(Maybe it would be more appropriate to say that Lu Han is the catalyst?)

“Liar, there’s no way his parents are letting you visit,” Junmyeon tells him when Lu Han wheedles food money out of Junmyeon after school. Yifan’s about to be late to practice, but Junmyeon wanted him look over his Chinese workbook before his club, and honestly Lu Han (with a tagging along, though distracted Sehun) was not part of the original plan. “And also I’m supposed to believe you can’t afford convenience store snacks?”

Lu Han shrugs and takes Junmyeon’s hands very carefully into his own. “You’re supposed to believe that I’m short on money right now, and that I will pay you back?”

Yifan snorts at that, without entirely meaning to. Junmyeon stifles a laugh, at both Lu Han’s words and Yifan’s reaction, and even Lu Han has to grin.

“But anyway,” Lu Han says, expression going back to one of dedicated seriousness. “I’m not lying to you about buying food for Minseok. It’s totally a sweet and romantic thing that I do, bringing him his favorite snacks after his heat.”

Junmyeon quirks an eyebrow and Yifan resists the temptation to fake gagging at how enthusiastically Lu Han is figuratively patting himself on the back.

…Okay literally now, Yifan mentally amends as Lu Han drops Junmyeon’s hands to do just that. Yifan rolls his eyes as Lu Han says, “We started it this year because ~maturity~ and all that. His parents appreciate me enough to let me do it, because I'm such a great boyfriend.”

Sehun looks up from his cell phone game long enough to finally throw in, “How about including the part where over the summer you used to sneak in his room for this 'totally sweet and romantic thing' of yours, and then his parents found out and had a fit?”

Lu Han waves a dismissive hand. “Only because they thought I was trying to sneak in for heat sex. A total misunderstanding, and once that was cleared up they thought it was adorable. That _we’re_ adorable. Jongin’s not the only one around here with _in-laws_.” 

The way Lu Han says this and then shoots an amused look at Yifan startles him. Then it makes Yifan glare before looking resolutely away. Lu Han has clearly been talking to Kyungsoo, which is just _horrible_.

Sehun nudges Lu Han in a way that is just short of actually aggressive. "What, are they gonna matchmake you together now and make it official? Shut up." Lu Han very purposely smushes his hand over Sehun's face, and only snatches it away when Sehun inevitably licks his palm.

Junmyeon sighs at the lot of them and digs out his wallet from his messenger bag. “You know what, here, take my money. I don’t care anymore because student council started five minutes ago and my Chinese workbook is still in need of corrections.”

Lu Han crows triumphantly and, after the exchange successfully happens, he takes Sehun by one of his arms and leaves them with a wink and a salute.

“He’s too much,” Junmyeon says, voice nothing but fond if not slightly weary.

Yifan agrees with a light, “Yeah," then runs a kind of nervous hand through his hair, because seriously... "I can’t believe Minseok’s parents are cool with that, though.”

Junmyeon shrugs digs through his bag again to pull out his workbook. “I guess I can? He wasn't totally off with that maturity thing. I think we’re all sort of getting better at dealing with it, as we get older – parents included.” Junmyeon snorts. "Though, to be fair, with Lu Han's parents rarely being around most the time, he's only really got one set to have to convince that it's all fine, and Minseok's parents are kind of non-traditional."

‘It’ being their teenage heats. And what Junmyeon’s just said is totally not true for Yifan, that they're getting better with dealing with it – that their heats are settling in finally and becoming _normal_ – which makes Yifan’s stomach tighten with embarrassment. “I wouldn’t know,” Yifan says quietly, and only a little bitterly. It’s not a secret that he’s still a mess. There’s absolutely no way for something like that to _be_ a secret.

Junmyeon’s fingers tighten on the binding of his book, expression becoming stricken as he realizes the potential insensitivity on his own part. Yifan kind of regrets saying anything, because he didn't mean to make Junmyeon uncomfortable. “Ah. Well, I’m sure soon…? I mean, eighteen is practically around the corner, and I'm sure by senior year – ”

Yifan shakes his head, because he didn’t entirely mean to bring this topic up. “No, don’t worry about it, uh.” He awkwardly holds his hand out for Junmyeon’s workbook. “Still want me to go over corrections?”

Junmyeon’s looking intently at Yifan, like he’s working on figuring something out. “Maybe later – we’re both late, aren’t we?”

Yifan takes his hand back and shrugs, feeling really weird and out of place for some reason. What’s up with this atmosphere and why is Junmyeon looking at him like that? It takes a lot of work to keep his calm demeanor, because he's feeling weirdly unsettled right now. “Sure, okay.”

And Junmyeon stares at him for a moment longer before he opens his mouth and says, completely unexpectedly, “Yifan, do you like me?”

Yifan’s heart stops. His brain stops. Clearly he’s going to die. “...What?”

Junmyeon’s eyes go wide – so Yifan’s expression must be ridiculous right now, if Junmyeon's looking at him all concerned like that – and he puts a careful hand on Yifan’s arm. “No, I just – sometimes we seem to – or maybe, just. I mean, you smile at me a lot? And maybe I touch you more than necessary sometimes, but you seem to like it…and then we danced together at homecoming last year?”

“Uh.” Yifan says coherently because oh god, he wasn’t prepared for this conversation today. Or ever, probably. He had planned to take this crush to grave, or at least carry a silent torch for Junmyeon until he figured out how to extinguish it properly.

Junmyeon’s hand is still on Yifan’s arm, and his expression is still startled – almost like he didn’t plan on this conversation either. “Geez, this wasn’t how I meant to – uh." Junmyeon takes a very deep breath and lets his shoulders hang loose as he exhales. He's calming his nerves, steeling himself, and Yifan isn't sure if that's reassuring or frightening, not when everything in him kind of just wants to bolt to save himself. 

"I was just thinking," Junmyeon murmurs quietly, even though there is no one around. "That you get really wound up when it comes to stuff about heats and…well, Kyungsoo was mentioning the other day that you’re talking about not dating until it settles." There's a spark of something in Junmyeon's eye, something distinctly decisive. "But I get this vibe that...well. Well, I was wondering if you liked me anyway?”

(Alright, so maybe it would be most appropriate to say that _Kyungsoo_ is the catalyst, which shouldn’t be even a little bit surprising, but still – )

Junmyeon’s voice is getting quieter and quieter, as his eyes search Yifan’s face. Which is _burning_ , and there’s no way he's not blushing. Yifan cannot find his voice or his words, so he stays silent and just stares wide-eyed back at Junmyeon.

Junmyeon seems to realize that Yifan isn’t going to say anything any time soon. So he smiles tentatively, so nicely it hurts, and says, “Because sometimes it sort of seems like you like me. And if you like someone, it seems a little silly to hold yourself back because of hormones stuff.” 

“Um,” Yifan whispers out because – _god_ , he knows Kyungsoo is trying help and he’s done it so much more wonderfully subtle than anyone else in their group would have done it, but _still_. He’s not ready for this. He’s not ready for rejection –

Junmyeon laughs quietly and smiles up at him a little more assuredly, though both gestures are tinged with nervousness. God, Junmyeon handles stress of uncertainty and the unknown so differently from Yifan, whose heart feels like a jackrabbit's, beating like it might explode out of his chest. “Yifan, please calm down a little. And can you use your words? Because I uh, like you too? And I need you to use your words to let me know if I’ve been reading this all wrong.” 

Yifan’s trying, really seriously, to get himself together, but his thoughts keep scattering with each new thing Junmyeon says. What? 

Yifan puts a hand over the hand Junmyeon’s still got on his arm. “…What?” Is all he can hoarsely ask. 

Junmyeon’s smile is so gentle and so amused, but in a delicate sort of way (nothing like the amused looks Yifan’s been getting from almost all of his other friends lately) and he repeats himself. “I like you. Do you like me?”

Yifan exhales very very slowly. And finally he says: “Yes.”

Junmyeon’s eyes crinkle as he smiles a little wider. “Oh. Good. So maybe you can…if you want to maybe not wait until later, we can date?”

Yifan stares down at Junmyeon, speechless, before Junmyeon’s eyebrows shoot up and he flushes a little. “Ah, I mean go on a date, not…just skip straight to being a couple or...”

“Okay,” Yifan says, his brain feeling like someone poured it back into him. “Yeah, let’s date. Go on a date. Whatever. _Yes_ , I like you.”

Junmyeon’s smiling eye crinkles are back as he beams up at Yifan, and they probably stand there for a full minute in silence, just smiling at each other before they finally part to go to their extracurricular activities. 

“I’ll text you later, to figure out details,” Junmyeon says as he waves goodbye, and Yifan’s never thought that much about how their alignments maybe determine or influence any of their personalities, because that's all supposed to be old and too-traditional and _wrong_. But it’s sort of funny to him how easily Junmyeon’s taken control of this whole thing and nudged it where it’s needed to go.

“Cool,” Yifan says with a wave of his own. And it’s so surreal, that he’s going to be waiting for Junmyeon to text him about a date. That Junmyeon likes him, even though he’s him.

Yifan is most definitely criminally late for basketball practice, but that doesn’t seem to matter that much right now – not when he’s got a _date_.

+++

The first date goes pretty well, seeing as they end up keeping it simple – just meet after school activities and pick up fast food and go to a music store. To be fair, even after that, not much changes – and it makes Yifan sort of have a new understanding of _why_ Jongdae goes after Jongin with playful barbs concerning him and Chanyeol. Why Kyungsoo’s been so exasperated this whole time. Yifan still hangs out at Junmyeon’s house for his notes while Junmyeon and Jongin trade manga, still kind of hovers in Junmyeon’s space and keeps tabs on where he is and what he’s doing when they’re all together, still lends a sympathetic ear to Junmyeon as he complains about Jongdae spilling coffee all over his history notes and then pretending he’s not stealing them in the first place.

Yifan isn’t sure if they’re _dating_ , not when they go on outings that they’d go out on _anyway_ normally like going to the movies, or going to the mall, or going to a pretty nice restaurant – only now with just the two of them – except they also occasionally hold hands, stand and sit a little closer all the time, touch each other a little more.

(“You know, you’re not exactly _weird_ or anything,” Junmyeon tells him the first time Yifan has to go home early from a date because his pheromones start getting out of control to warn of his heat coming the next day and it’s just better for everyone that he keeps to himself until it’s over. Yifan is, of course, mortified, but Junmyeon’s as calm and patient as ever as he drives them home. “Hey, Yifan, look at me – it’s _fine_. I understand.”)

Okay, so they’re probably dating. Yifan’s just too afraid to ask to clarify. Too afraid to ask to make it official. Kyungsoo is incredulous because, “How is it that you’re more timid now than you were before he explicitly told you he liked you? Yifan, this is ridiculous, and you're kind of giving omegas everywhere a bad name.”

Which Yifan already _knows_ (except for that thing about giving omegas a bad name, because _hey_ ), so thank you very much Kyungsoo for nothing. Though it’s probably better than Tao, who at one point looks up from updating his facebook status on his phone, pulls the lollipop he’s eating out of his mouth and, gesturing emphatically with it, says, “Just grab him and make out with him and tell him you want to seriously be his boyfriend, not just some guy that he's sort of dating.” Like that’s an actual option.

None of his friends understand his problem – though honestly sometimes, like when Junmyeon traces mindless patterns on Yifan’s leg with light fingers, distracted as they sit together in Junmyeon’s family den and watch a movie, Yifan doesn’t totally understand his own problem either.

+++

Well, it turns out that Tao’s suggestion is indeed an actual option. It's maybe a month and a half into it their more-than-likely-probably-for-all-intents-and-purposes-dating, and when Junmyeon looks up from his menu at Yifan saying some inane comment – while absentmindedly swirling the water in his glass like it’s wine or something – and he beams at him.

“What?” Yifan says, startled because he didn’t think mentioning the better prices of the lunch specials and how that means they should come to this place on the weekend sometime was worth that much attention.

And Junmyeon just shakes his head, “No you’re just.” He gestures at the entirety of Yifan like that means something and he shakes his head again. “I can’t explain it. Nothing.”

And Yifan smiles at him, only a little confused before leaving it alone, and he easily takes Junmyeon’s hand when he offers it over the table. It’s a really good date, a really good dinner and everything feels right and warm and nice and Yifan is happy.

So when Junmyeon lingers close as they leave the restaurant and leisurely walk through the parking lot, Yifan takes a chance (puts himself out there like Kyungsoo’s been telling him to do all this time) and stops – and when Junmyeon stops as well to look up at him, Yifan carefully puts his hands on Junmyeon’s shoulders and bites his bottom lip.

“Would it be okay to…?” Yifan doesn’t want to scare Junmyeon by just leaning down all of a sudden, if Junmyeon doesn’t want… "I mean, we're dating, right? So..."

Junmyeon’s eyes light up the second he understands what Yifan’s trying to ask, and in a moment he’s reaching up to cradle Yifan’s face in his hands and moving up and in. 

Yifan meets him halfway, and he feels Junmyeon's delighted smile against his lips.

The funny thing about it all, Yifan thinks, is that it’s not like he’s any less of a mess. _Nothing’s changed_. But it’s just that he’s starting to realize that honestly, what a mess he is this one, sometimes sporadic, time out of the month really doesn’t have to matter as much as he thought it did. And Junmyeon seems to like him just fine, regardless.

 

(“You’re so _ridiculous_ ,” Kyungsoo says, when Yifan relays this thought later on in the week. “I can’t believe you, I only said that like a hundred times.”

Yifan laughs at how Kyungsoo shoves him but still smiles a little and tells him congratulations – and guesses he probably should have listened to Kyungsoo sooner.)


	2. In with the breeze (this lazy Sunday morning)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((this is a pwp chapter; skip it if you want!))

Yifan is in his usual position for dealing with heats: curled up in his bed under the duvet, like that’s going to do something. He’s burning hot, but still under the duvet, face peeking out and facing towards the door as he breathes carefully measured breaths. His hips threaten him with tiny almost-thrusts but he keeps breathing and keeps biting at his bottom lip and just. Just tries to get through it.

But he wants – 

(“Have a good night,” Junmyeon had murmured the other night after their date – dinner and a movie – all coy smiles and happy eye crinkles. Like they hadn’t aggressively made out in Junmyeon’s car before leaving the restaurant parking lot for the theater. It’s something that’s stayed on Yifan’s mind for hours at a time, all throughout the movie and even after Junmyeon dropped him off with little more than a brief peck to his lips and that gentle good night. How Yifan, eager and curious about _boundaries_ again and wanting to see how far Junmyeon would be willing to push, had leaned in to kiss Junmyeon deeply and thoroughly, taking the rare initiative. 

Eventually though, when Yifan had found himself faltering and going shy after nipping tentatively at Junmyeon’s lips, Junmyeon then took the lead. Junmyeon had responded by slowly reassuring him with a coaxing tongue and little returned nips. Everything had just slowly gone out of focus until next thing Yifan knew he had been gasping for breath with Junmyeon halfway crawling over onto the passenger side and into his lap to straddle him. 

There had been some grinding and plenty of heavy petting, until they had finally remembered about the movie and about general public decency – but just. How is Yifan supposed to not be constantly thinking about how Junmyeon had felt half-hard up against him?)

Yifan groans squeezes his legs tightly together at the memory. He wants that. He wants – _god_ if Junmyeon were here – 

And Yifan knows he should calm that train of thought down. He and Junmyeon may have known each other since childhood, and they may have been dating for a while, unofficially as the so called ‘parents’ of their group of friends since said group’s inception, and now officially over the past month – but no. No no, heat sex, that’s. That’s heavy. That’s serious. And Yifan is still just a kid, all the sex ed teachers and pamphlets always tell them that they’re not ready for that and – 

And it doesn’t matter, because Yifan wants, and he can imagine Junmyeon carefully taking the lead in that careful and thoughtful way he does, in that way where he always gives Yifan the option to follow. It’s a suggestion, to obey, and Yifan likes that. Junmyeon has this presence, gentle and kind and trustworthy and it makes Yifan want to lay himself up under Junmyeon. Let Junmyeon part his legs and slowly spread him open, let Junmyeon dip his fingers into Yifan’s cunt and work him wide and wet – 

Yifan’s breath catches in his throat on a groan. He needs to stop. His clit phallus is already stiff against his inner thigh and he feels like his skin is crawling with need.

This is of course when Yifan’s door flies open.

“That’s enough moping from you – ” Junmyeon is declaring as he flings open the door and steps right into Yifan’s unintentional lair of omega-in-heat-pheromones.

“…Uh.” Junmyeon then says, as Yifan’s scent hits him full on.

If Yifan wasn’t so lost in hormones and pain-pleasure, he’d be embarrassed. As it is he can only choke out, “C-can you – _god_ , close the door, you jerk.”

Junmyeon does so, but with him on the wrong side and _still in the room_ , because he’s dazed and confused by Yifan’s scent and his head is getting turned around. Yifan can smell himself, and it’s so pungent in this room that there’s no way it’s not reading in Junmyeon’s brain as erotic. This isn’t good.

To Junmyeon’s credit, though, he is at the top of their class, and he’s good at thinking on his feet. “Ah,” he stutters out as well, but he is putting in the effort to focus and somewhat succeeding, eyes locked onto Yifan’s and his expression halfway coherent. “Ah! Sorry, I – the group had the constitutional Sunday morning study group thing, and – ” 

Ah that’s right, Yifan thinks dazedly. Ever since they all ended up in a class together – though spread across different class blocks – every other week or so they try to get everyone together to ensure everyone’s passing. It had been Junmyeon’s idea after the mock midterm preps had been returned and it came to everyone’s attention that Sehun was indeed failing and completely unperturbed about it. And Yifan had known there was a get-together today, truly, he just…

Junmyeon is still working through his panic by talking non-stop. “ – and you didn’t show up or text or anything, so we thought you were still mad about Minseok stealing your wallet as a joke last night at the mall – and about Tao then spending your spare cash on food stands – so I came to check on you, and…” 

At this he appears to have finally run out of things to say. He blinks and looks at Yifan, seeming lost. “…so…” 

Yifan groans and works very very hard not to say _fuck me please_ , because that’s really all he wants to beg. He’s getting wetter, cunt opening up a little bit at the alpha scent wafting ever so faintly off of Junmyeon, as Junmyeon’s body reacts a little to Yifan’s. 

He manages to keep it together enough to bite down the request as it inches closer and closer to the tip of his tongue. “Yeah well. Had a sudden heat. Couldn’t – ” 

Yifan chokes on his words and can’t finish explaining how he woke up this morning with every intention of doing group study – only to be surprised with a sudden heat, no preemptive spikes in scent or his scent changing to becoming vaguely sweeter and more enticing and no low aches in his groin to warn him of what was to come. Just woke up and started a heat after an hour of lounging in bed and reading his lit homework for Monday, and then couldn't imagine dragging himself across the room to get his phone sitting innocuously on his desk and let everyone know he was incapacitated. Instead he’s been curled up in his bed, trying to will this all away, for the past couple of hours. The sunlight streaming in through his window is bright, as the early afternoon rolls in, and all Yifan can think about is how badly he needs to get fucked.

Yifan actually starts to cry a little at the thought, at the thought of how much he just wants to be _fucked_ , and how Junmyeon is — unfairly – _right here_ in front of him.

Junmyeon, who at Yifan’s long silence had thought to take a hint and leave, spins back around at the quiet sob Yifan accidentally lets loose. He’s away from the door, hand snatched off the door knob, and over to the bedside in a second. “Are you okay?” He immediately demands, eyes raking over Yifan’s immobilized, blanket-covered form. “Is it not – is this not normal? I’ll get your mom – ?”

Yifan tries to laugh, but only sobs a little more. Go get his mom from her usual day-long church attendance because her son wants to have sex with his boyfriend. Yes. Perfect.

“No,” Yifan says, or moans rather. “This is, I’m. _God_ , Junmyeon please.”

And Junmyeon isn’t so much a saint that this is isn’t getting to him: his scent is getting more pervasive too, his musk building to match Yifan’s. He carefully kneels by the edge of Yifan’s bed and looks Yifan in the eye. “What? What do you need?”

Yifan’s body is on fire and he has enough mind left to preempt his ridiculous request with, “This is going to sound weird and clingy, but…” 

And Junmyeon keeps looking at him like he’s the moon and stars in the sky.

So Yifan pauses only long enough to draw in a deep breath, and then gets on with it. “But. I really want – I can imagine you – in me – ”

And Junmyeon smiles sadly, reaches up between them and brushes Yifan’s bangs out of his eyes. “Yifan that’s the heat talking. There’s no way we’re ready for that. And also your mom would kill you and me both if we did.”

Which Yifan already _knows_. That it’s the heat and hormones, things that aren’t looking out for his emotional wellbeing, wanting to rush this. But he just wants to feel full, tired of sighing and clenching around empty space. Yifan’s breath catches at his own thoughts and, just. He’s so wet, and he can smell Junmyeon so close and – he knows, getting Junmyeon to have heat sex with him is totally not an option. But. “I. Kiss me?”

And Junmyeon, Junmyeon who is keeping a level head but has the distinctive scent of arousal floating off of him, Junmyeon whose breath isn’t completely even, leans in and kisses him so filthy that Yifan is aching even more.

“God,” Yifan pants out, and his shoves his hand between the mattress and himself. “Just. Don’t stop kissing me, I’m gonna explode if I don’t – do something myself – ”

And Junmyeon sighs into Yifan’s mouth, a happy little content thing right before he fiercely cradles Yifan’s sharp jaw in both his hands. “Do it then.” Junmyeon says it like it’s a challenge.

And Yifan lifts his hips and slides his hand past his phallus, stiff against the inside of his thigh, and balls to go straight for his cunt. When he’s not on heat he enjoys the foreplay of phallus-play when he’s masturbating. On heat though, with how intense his heats are for him right now in the throes of adolescence, foreplay means nothing. All he wants is something thick and heavy and hard as deep as possible in him, and Yifan groans as his fingers sink right in. Junmyeon swallows the sound for him, fingers pressing so desperately at Yifan’s jawline that there might be bruises afterwards.

“ _God_ ,” Yifan mumbles as he clenches around where he’s impaling himself, and it’s not enough. The heat is greedy and the second Yifan gave in to masturbating it’s taken off. He’s even wetter, cunt widening and welcoming whatever’s willing to fuck him. Junmyeon could easily slide his dick in Yifan right now, no problem and no pain. He whimpers at the thought.

“Shh, shh,” Junmyeon murmurs, one thumb smoothing across Yifan’s cheek, like Junmyeon hasn’t _also_ resorted to using his other hand to palm his crotch through the denim of his jeans. “We’ll work through it.”

They kiss sloppily as Yifan finger fucks himself, hips rising off the bed. The ridiculous thing is that this really shouldn’t be that erotic: Junmyeon definitely can’t see anything, not with how Yifan is draped in his heavy duvet. Maybe that somehow adds to the mood and Yifan’s desperation. Or maybe that just adds an acceptable level of distinction that lets them play-pretend this isn’t only just a step away from heat sex.

“Are you thinking of me?” Junmyeon asks quietly. He’s getting caught up in how badly Yifan’s body is asking for Junmyeon’s, the quiet demanding a little more stern that Junmyeon’s usual tone.

It makes Yifan come, not even clenching around his fingers but instead trembling and wide as Yifan curls them desperately and grinds his phallus against his own wrist. “Yes,” Yifan whispers out, voice hoarse, as he pants through this first orgasm, new wetness dribbling into his own cupped palm. “God, I’m gonna – gonna – with my whole hand, thinking about your dick.”

Junmyeon hums appreciatively and devours Yifan’s mouth. Their mouths meet in slick, slurping sounds, gross and wet and clumsy.

Yifan has never done this much while in heat. Usually it’s the occasional accidental ruts and thighs rubbing together that results in orgasm and extra heat. Today it’s – it’s actually on purpose and he’s. Falling apart.

He shifts up onto his knees without breaking where they are connected at the mouth, resulting in his ass up in the air while still under the sheets, and pants roughly and unevenly into Junmyeon’s mouth.

“You’re fine,” Junmyeon tells him, quiet and firm against Yifan’s lips. “You’re okay. I’ve got you.”

And Junmyeon does have him. He _does_. Yifan shivers and whines a little. Junmyeon laughs, not unkindly, at his neediness and licks playful stripes along Yifan’s mouth.

“Stop that,” Yifan mumbles as he carefully angles his hand against the opening of his cunt, to see if it’ll fit with no problem. He’s so gaping and dripping that no, there isn’t going to be one.

“No,” Junmyeon says simply, and it’s not that firm or anything, just a joke, but Yifan wants to be up under Junmyeon, both his body and his control, so badly at this moment that Yifan just.

Just goes for it. Presses his hand up and in, and it slides in so easy, _so_ so easy. He gasps and instantly moans at the sensation, eyes fluttering close at the intensity.

Yifan hears Junmyeon become inquisitive, murmur, “Hm?”

“It’s in,” Yifan pants out. “Just now I. I. My whole hand. I…” He tapers off into a moan because he’s got his hand inside himself and it’s still not enough. It’s not Junmyeon’s dick and it’s not going to swell in him when it’s all over and. And Yifan wants to cry.

“I want to be fucked harder,” Yifan groans, carefully curling his fingers and slowly dragging his hand out bit by bit, before just as slowly pressing it back into himself. There’s an audible squelch and his cunt accommodates just fine, so opened by the first orgasm and the heat wanting him to be fucked and filled. “I _need it – Junmyeon_.”

And Junmyeon sighs – then suddenly is taking Yifan’s lips with that old ferocity. It surprises Yifan into opening his eyes again. Junmyeon’s eyes are sharp and serious, though his expression is pained and clouded ever so slightly with arousal. “I said no. You know we can’t. We’re _not_ going to.”

Yifan basks in how Junmyeon’s voice has a sharp edge to it, in how Junmyeon is taking charge – because that’s what Yifan wants most right now. “God,” Yifan says, almost a mantra by this point, as he drags his hand in and out and in and out. “ _God_ , Junmyeon…”

Junmyeon is murmuring to him again, fingers delicate along the side of Yifan’s face, all while Junmyeon’s grinding his palm to the erection tenting the front of his jeans. “I wish I could. I will, one day, okay? I want to be in you, I want to fuck you deeper than you can manage yourself.” 

Yifan whimpers again, and Junmyeon just keeps kissing him, keeps talking. “I want to stay in you and fill you up with my knot and spread you so far open you can’t move. You want that?”

“ _Yes_ ,” Yifan gasps out, and he maybe comes again. Everything is so sticky and wet – god these sheets are done for – and he’s trembling down there. He’s so wide open and so lubed up with his own wetness that he can’t tell. Yifan’s body is at the point where it doesn’t matter, nothing matters, as long as someone can keep fucking him wide open and hopefully come in him. 

Yifan pulls back just a little from Junmyeon, just so he can lower his ass out of the air; sits down fully on his hand and keeps thrusting, now while grinding down on in. He _still_ needs to come again. He’s coated in sweat and breathing so heavily and there’s so much heat left. Yifan can feel it laid out in front of him, can feel how much more fucking his body wants now that it thinks it’s getting what it’s been demanding. 

“God,” Yifan repeats ineloquently, fucking himself on his hand in a graceless rhythm. “Junmyeon I – I don’t know if I can keep doing this I – god, _Junmyeon_.” Yifan comes again, abdomen tightening in spasms as he squirts an absurd amount of wetness around his own hand and onto his sheets. 

Junmyeon keeps peppering the skin he can reach – Yifan’s mouth, cheeks, the bridge of his nose, the crook of his neck, and along his jaw – with kisses as Yifan writhes and shifts to better thrust into himself. “You’ve got it, you’re fine, you’re so good.”

They make it through. Yifan isn’t sure how long it takes, how many times he comes – just knows that somewhere at the end there, he can’t get more than three fingers in, suddenly not so wet and wide, and when he comes this last time the fire within him finally quiets enough that he can breathe and think and feel human again.

(The heat isn’t actually over: in adolescence heats last a full day, but the unbidden desire to have sex only lasts part – though a good portion – of it. The rest is the buildup and the letdown of emotions and hormones, with only the occasional spike in that primal need.)

Yifan blinks up at Junmyeon blearily, actually thinking straight for the first time in – well. “…How long was that?”

Junmyeon smiles tiredly and leans in to carefully kiss the tip of Yifan’s nose. “Not too long. That wasn’t so bad, now was it?”

And geez, they are, at some point, going to have to talk about all the junk that has just occurred between them just now. About the fact that Junmyeon has just willingly stayed for what Yifan would be willing to bet was at least over two, if not three, hours (the outside light streaming in his window has turned golden-red in the hues of late evening) watching and _helping_ Yifan get off. Somewhere in there, though it’s a blur on Yifan’s part, Junmyeon got off too – he vaguely remembers Junmyeon sucking in a sharp breath and pulling himself out of his jeans, remembers Junmyeon panting through his knotting and waiting patiently for the swell to fade, all without missing a beat in kissing Yifan through his own ordeal.

That’s all just a lot to process though, especially when he’s bone weary and winding down from however many orgasms. So he files it away for later and focuses on Junmyeon’s current question.

“No,” Yifan finally says, with a bravado he usually doesn’t have off the basketball courts. “Wasn’t bad at all. Maybe next time I’ll help you with yours?”

And Junmyeon laughs and beams like sunlight, so radiant that Yifan almost wants to look away.

(He doesn’t. Instead he carefully kisses Junmyeon at the corner of his eye, right on the crinkles.)


	3. Blushing up a storm (Or: ‘Oh my *fuck* make out already – ’ ‘Baekhyun, shut up – !’)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((it's pretty integral to the plot and so referenced a lot, but chapter 2 pwp had junmyeon walk in on yifan mid-abrupt heat and they knew better but basically ended up making out and saying nasty things to each other while masturbating.))

Before the…incident involving Yifan's heat and Junmyeon and their general just being stupid teenagers, things had been a little different. Not by much, and not in any huge relationship-altering ways, just…different. It's hard to put into words, Yifan thinks, because it's only really noticeable by comparison. One particular memory that comes to mind, when he's comparing before to now, is the two of them cozying up together on Baekhyun’s living room couch for some reason or another. That Yifan can’t entirely remember. What he can remember is less specific and more just general impressions. 

Startlingly clear, randomly, are things like how Baekhyun tells them in warning, “I’m going to hit both of you if you don’t stop staring at each other and making goo-goo eyes every ten seconds.” 

He's saying this even though he’s still peeking over Kyungsoo's shoulder at whatever Kyungsoo's doing on his phone, and isn't even looking in their direction. "It's sickening," he goes on to say. "And I won't have that in my house. Make out or get out, I can't do this in-between gross stuff."

Yifan remembers at least having the decency to start a little at the sudden interjection. They're mostly watching television, but Yifan keeps ducking his head to make asinine comments about an actor or a show advertised on a commercial or some silly joke Lu Han's texted him, and Junmyeon keeps turning his head to look up directly in Yifan's eyes and smiles while he listens. Yifan didn't realize that might be annoying for onlookers, but he isn't entirely sure if he wants to apologize or just roll his eyes.

Junmyeon does not share this uncertainty. Instead he reaches for Yifan's hand and, once he tangles their fingers together, then very deliberately looks straight at Baekhyun.

“Okay,” Junmyeon says. “I’m not staring at Yifan anymore.”

Baekhyun looks up from Kyungsoo's phone (which honestly is for the best, Kyungsoo has been nudging him away harder and harder with a solid shoulder aimed to Baekhyun’s face and _that’s_ destined to end in an outright fight between the two) and scrunches up his mouth in displeasure. “See, I don’t like when you get like this – are you about to go in heat? Getting all alpha on us? Because you’re acting like an _asshole_.”

“You’re one to talk,” Kyungsoo mutters, and Baekhyun sighs and very intently leans back into Kyungsoo's space.

“Where is your keeper?” Yifan asks, because Baekhyun is playing a dangerous game here, and it’s honestly stressful to watch. Baekhyun’s keeper could, at any given time, range from anyone within the group to multiple people outside of it, even including Taeyeon this one time over the summer when she had been bored (and, as Jongdae always liked to put it, ‘kind of desperate’. The jury was still out on that one, and Yifan wasn't about to launch an investigation or anything). It all just very much depended on both who Baekhyun was naturally flitting towards and who was in the proper mood to handle him.

This is unfortunate for Kyungsoo, who apparently fits the first criteria almost constantly while rarely simultaneously fitting the second.

“He’s right here~” Baekhyun coos, nuzzling into Kyungsoo's hair, before cackling and leaning out of the way of Kyungsoo's elbow a second before it catches him in the side.

“I've already texted Chanyeol to hurry up and get over here,” Yifan says defensively when Kyungsoo sends him a long suffering glance. "Please hang in there."

Meanwhile, Junmyeon says diplomatically, instead of responding to Baekhyun’s earlier barb, “Baekhyun, is there any particular reason why you are all over Kyungsoo?”

Baekhyun only shrugs and nuzzles back into Kyungsoo's hair. Kyungsoo sighs and just lets him be, which it's a little surprising that he's conceded so quickly. Baekhyun usually doesn't wear him down so easily.

“Because I love him _so much_ ~” Baekhyun trills again, fluttering his eyelashes. 

“Yay,” Kyungsoo says unenthusiastically, as Baekhyun cackles at his response.

“Oh,” Yifan says curling up closer to Junmyeon on the couch, (at which Kyungsoo shakes his head, Baekhyun gags, and Junmyeon grins). “So you can be clingy, but we can’t?”

“It’s different,” Baekhyun says. “You've been really…just really mushy. Me and Kyungsoo are like an old married couple, and who doesn't like seeing some good old-fashion begrudging domesticity?”

Kyungsoo sighs and goes back to messing around on his phone. “Keep saying things like that and _I’m_ going to hit _you_.”

Baekhyun puffs out his cheeks, and Junmyeon and Yifan just watch the oncoming show. This consists of Baekhyun carefully and slowly reaching over Kyungsoo's shoulder to pluck his phone out of his hands, and throwing it across the room a second later. “Well, how about you stop ignoring me to read your stupid e-books?”

Kyungsoo just as calmly and carefully, gently and almost _lovingly_ , takes hold of Baekhyun’s still extended arm and then essentially rams his entire back up against Baekhyun’s chest and backwards-body slams him onto the carpet. Baekhyun makes a small _umpf_ as he lands on his back underneath Kyungsoo.

Yifan's eyebrows knit together as they begin to wrestle each other, Baekhyun shrieking more and more loudly and Kyungsoo trying to avoid his clawing fingernails to get Baekhyun in a headlock. “Should we…I mean, I just always feel like we should do something?”

“I worry about them,” Junmyeon says in an agreeing tone of voice, still not making any move to actually do something, just looking on at the violence like it’s not really a big deal (and honestly, with how often it happens it’s really not). Junmyeon's hand, tiny and soft, feels nice in Yifan's, so he lets himself get lost in that sensation while they watch Baekhyun and Kyungsoo try to fall just short of killing each other.

They're at it for a good few minutes before intervention comes in the form Chanyeol. “The party has arrived – !” Chanyeol bellows out as he lets himself in through Baekhyun’s front door. Almost none of them ever lock their doors in the middle of the day, since they all often just invite themselves over to everyone else’s house all the time and it’s easier that way. When he sees what Yifan and Junmyeon are staring at, sidled up together on the couch, his face falls. 

“Aw man, I missed the good part!” Chanyeol sighs out, right before jumping in the middle of the fray to pull Baekhyun out of harm’s way (because, Chanyeol confided to Yifan one time, he has learned that trying to pull Kyungsoo out first puts him directly in Baekhyun’s line of fire – and Baekhyun scratches and bites where Kyungsoo only tries to slowly squeeze the life out you and maybe kicks here and there).

_Friendship_ , Yifan thinks blandly, as Baekhyun immediately starts ranting at Chanyeol about how much Kyungsoo overreacts to _everything_ and Kyungsoo just remains laying on the floor, staring murderously up at Baekhyun.

"Good thing my arm is all healed up," Chanyeol says solemnly, patting Baekhyun's shoulder. "Or else we would just have to leave it up to fate which one of you would survive. And the numbers aren't too much in your favor." Baekhyun makes a wounded noise and shoves Chanyeol – then laughs when Chanyeol shoves him in return, grinning. 

“I just worry,” Junmyeon repeats serenely. Yifan nods in agreement, and lays his head on Junmyeon's shoulder.

 

(When Yifan examines these kinds of memories at length he it's not hard to pinpoint more specifically that it's the casual way Junmyeon used to touch him that's changed most noticeably. Yifan is not sure what to take away from that.)

+++

The thing is of course they had to talk about Junmyeon stopping just short of helping Yifan through heat sex – about Yifan shamelessly begging him to do it.

Yifan's mom was certainly kind enough about it – according to Junmyeon she had a pleasant and sanitized conversation with him on his way out the house, going as far as to offer him a glass of water (that Junmyeon politely declined out of sheer embarrassment), and then heavily insinuated that she would not tolerate repeat offenses. Once Yifan had finally finished heat and had showered, she’d taken him aside while he was throwing his sheets in the wash.

“I don’t want to _ever_ again come home and find out that your boyfriend is loitering around in your room during your time of the month,” she had told him, not exactly mad but definitely very, very stern. “If I hadn't known that I raised you better, I would have been more worried and probably would have come up to interrupt and embarrass you.” 

She had paused, only to let out a humorless laugh. "Though, seeing as Junmyeon came down not long after I came home, I suppose I would have been too late anyway."

Yifan had been mortified with the whole entire situation, but… “It was – it was a _complete_ accident, Mom, I promise,” he had whispered to the floor, because he was staring at his feet and not at the disappointment in his mother’s eyes. “And we didn't – you know, _do_...anything, just…”

Mom had taken his hand into her own, and with her other hand she had tipped his chin up until he met her eyes – and even though that was still looking down for him, at least now his eyes weren't trained on his socks. “I know. But you've had a hard time with your hormones, and you don’t need to go tempting fate, okay?"

Yifan had nodded in understanding, and she had smiled softly at that. "Like I said, I know I raised you well. Thank you for not going too far.” 

The sincerity of her tone at that moment, the fact that it takes him a full week before he can look at his mom again without feeling like he let her down, still weighs on him.

So yes, there is a big talk that Junmyeon and Yifan had to have with each other.

“Okay, first of all,” Yifan says grimly, dead serious. “No one can know what we did.”

Junmyeon snorts, pulling one of his very ridiculous faces. “Oh no, of course not. They’d never let us live it down.”

Yifan pauses for a second to stare over at Junmyeon carefully, trying to gauge. “…You’re not upset are you? Because I’m not saying that because I'm ashamed of us or, or embarrassed – ”

Junmyeon outright laughs at him. Somehow, when Junmyeon does it, it's still not mean spirited or anything. “Yes you are. _I_ am, your mom talked to me about my _knot_ , Yifan.”

Yifan blanches. “I thought you said she just offered you water and sent you off with a vague warning.”

Junmyeon's cheeks are reddening but he laughs again anyway. “That’s all I could bring myself to tell you at the time. It’s embarrassing, you know.”

Yifan almost is tempted to ask what his mom said exactly. But in the end he can’t bring himself to do it, and just waits to see if Junmyeon will say something himself.

“It wasn't much,” Junmyeon eventually admits. “Just basically made sure I hadn't, you know...”

( _Fucked me_ , Yifan's brain supplies helpfully.) 

But Junmyeon shrugs and doesn't finish that last sentence. “...And then she just told me that she understood that hormones and stuff would make me want to do it, but that I had better keep it in my pants anyway. And that she was _not_ okay with the whole thing.”

“Yeah, we kind of probably should make sure that happens,” Yifan says carefully. “That everyone keeps everything in their pants and to themselves. My mom was not pleased with me.”

“ _I_ wasn't pleased with you either,” Junmyeon says sternly. “With myself too,” he’s quick to add when Yifan looks sharply over at him, ready to get annoyed if Junmyeon's trying to pin all the blame on him. "Sorry. It's just that we shouldn't have done it."

“Yeah well,” Yifan makes a vague gesture with his hands that ultimately means nothing. “It was a huge accident. Won’t happen again.”

And Junmyeon's eyes flicker for a moment before he looks away and murmurs lowly, “Well…I would be lying if I said I wasn't hoping it’d happen again at some point. At an _appropriate_ time, I mean.”

Yifan's cheeks are getting hot again and he rolls his eyes demonstratively, even while reaching for Junmyeon's hand. “Well yeah, of course we’re gonna – ” 

Yifan isn't too sure how he should end that sentence, and his mind at this moment helpfully supplies memories of that fateful Sunday. He still doesn't know how much is too much to ask for. He still doesn't know exactly what it is he wants himself, outside of impulsive heat urges.

“At...at some point, in the future,” he decides to mumble softly. "Way far off in the future, a while from now, it'll probably happen again, yes." Because the last thing he wants Junmyeon to think is that he's desperate. But he also doesn't want Junmyeon to think that Yifan isn't trying to make this work. 

It’s a hard line to walk, because Yifan doesn't know how long Junmyeon wants to try out this relationship, or how long he thinks they might last. Yifan's not sure either of course, but right now he can sort of see trying out forever for them – which is dumb. He knows it’s dumb. They’re young and it’s silly and – and the problem is that Yifan has always sort of been a romantic at heart.

But he’s trying not to clue Junmyeon in on that half-dreamed up delusion, because Junmyeon? Yeah, he’s more down to earth. He's...got a certain kind of softness, is kind and optimistic, but also has the sharp edges of a realist sometimes. When he decides to pick a fight, he won’t let it drop until he wins – his constant patience a weapon that way. And Yifan's afraid to be on the receiving end of that persistence when he already _knows_ his weird almost-convictions are absurd. He doesn't need someone else to tell him that ad nauseam. 

Junmyeon tightens his hold on Yifan's hand as he looks curiously into Yifan's eyes, the barest shadow of worry in his expression.

Yifan tries to pull himself out of his own spiral of thoughts, because that's probably going to start freaking Junmyeon out in a second here. He shrugs, aiming for nonchalance. "I'm fine, if you are? With waiting."

Junmyeon still looks cautious, but he nods. “Yeah. It's better if we wait until we’re actually ready.”

Yifan smiles. There, that's settled and been handled and now they can move past it.

+++

“Did something…happen?” Yixing asks after Yifan has been thinking that they've been doing _totally_ well.

Yifan really only manages to stay calm and collected while replying with an airy, “What do you mean?” because Yixing's question is coming from near nowhere, and Yifan doesn't concretely and entirely know what he’s talking about yet. Sure he's got suspicions because of the vague wording, but Yifan can sometimes be optimistic with the best of them, if he puts his mind to it. 

Because really, it could be anything. In fact, right this moment Baekhyun and Tao are getting sodas from the vending machines up front, a break from the three of them getting chemistry explained in layman’s term by Yixing. Yixing could just be worried that, while Yifan has been flipping through his notebook and trying to find something of use in between all his in-class doodles (an effort that is admittedly not going very well), Baekhyun and Tao have fallen just shy of choking each other out or something. That's a very real concern to have, after all. 

The only reason why there’s even a smallish hint of dread growing slowly in the pit of Yifan's stomach is because, on the other hand, Yixing has very clearly, very intentionally waited until Baekhyun and Tao are busy and distracted and _gone_. It’ll probably take them fifteen minutes to stop messing with each other and remember that they need to come back. They’ll probably even be soda-less, most likely.

What that means is Yixing thinks what he needs to say is delicate. And that narrows down potential topics considerably.

Yixing is tapping rhythmically on the table, staring over at the nearest bookshelf and ignoring how the sound sort of carries really loudly, seeing as they’re in a public library and all. If Yifan didn't know better, wasn't so used to Yixing's sort of vacant mannerisms, he'd think that Yixing was not really paying attention. Instead he waits for Yixing to make the first move.

“I meant," Yixing says after a while. "With you and Junmyeon.”

Yeah that dread is definitely there now as a concrete thing, but technically Yifan still doesn't really know what Yixing is trying to get at. He’ll just have to play it safe. “What? Baekhyun's always saying we’re too clingy, but – ”

Yixing stops tapping and looks directly at Yifan. He still has that familiar sleepy look in his eyes, which is good. If he was shooting Yifan one of his more cutting looks, Yifan would really be worried. "Not lately you haven't, though? Not in the same way, I think." Yixing's dimple starts to show a little, as he gives Yifan a hint of a smile. “Which at first I just thought, 'Ah, that’s Yifan finally getting used to the reality of Junmyeon wanting to date him'.”

“…Gee, thanks,” Yifan says. Yixing's joking, but he's making Yifan out to be some kind of wispy, hopeless romantic.

“No, look,” Yixing says lightly, and now he's openly smiling. “I’m just acknowledging that since you achieved a lifelong fantasy, the honeymoon period was bound to be long.”

Yifan furrows his eyebrows. “Okay that's enough out of you – I haven’t wanted to date Junmyeon my entire life.”

Yixing shrugs, and doesn't look at all affected by how Yifan's clearly getting a little annoyed with him. He does at least seem to shift out of playful mode, dimple disappearing. “Anyway, I’m not worried about you two trying to hold hands at every moment or anything. It’s just…"

Yixing looks troubled, like the words he's searching for are eluding him. He tries to grasp at them anyway. "Junmyeon sort of seems like he’s…handling you?"

Yifan really is trying now, no longer intentionally pretending that he has no clue what this conversation is about, but figuring out what exactly Yixing is trying to say is proving to be slightly difficult. “Handling me? Yixing, I don't understand what...?” Yixing has to be talking about that casual touching thing that Yifan's been trying really hard not to over-analyze – but 'handling' is a weird way to put it, and it's throwing him off.

"Ah," Yixing says quietly, slowly tilting his head. "Maybe you don't notice that? Okay. But it’s definitely like you’re almost tiptoeing around him – have you noticed _that_ about _yourself_?"

Okay yes, that's an easy one. Of course Yifan is ‘tiptoeing’ around Junmyeon right now: he isn't sure how far is too far right now, because they went too fast too soon. But also it's that Yifan had been the one pleading and begging for Junmyeon, and now he feels like he’s shown too much of his hand and there’s this…imbalance between him and Junmyeon. He’s probably imagining it because he’s admittedly a little neurotic sometimes, but being aware of that doesn't make his worries magically go away. He’s being cautious while pretending he’s not, and trying act normal. And anyway, Yifan thinks desperately, things _should_ be normal, because they talked about everything. But...

"...I don't think we're weird right now, though," Yifan mumbles, because admitting that he's fully aware of how he and Junmyeon aren't really being casually open with each other right now to himself is one thing; admitting it to anyone else, even Yixing, is embarrassing.

Yixing's eyes are getting a bit sharper now as he looks closely at Yifan with a clarity and focus he usually saves for complicated math problems, difficult music scores, and time-consuming lab work. He probably figures that Yifan is currently playing dumb, but Yixing is kind enough to not say anything too accusatory out loud about it. “Alright, well let me put it another way then…”

Yifan can hear loud, arguing voices echoing from somewhere up front near the entrance of the library. That would have to be Tao and Baekhyun on their way back. Yifan doesn't mean to flinch at the thought of this conversation still being in progress when they get here, but it happens anyway.

Yixing reaches over and carefully taps Yifan on the cheek a couple of times to get his full attention again. “Hey focus. Look, if Junmyeon's being overly conscientious with how he is around you, and you him, then doesn't that just mean that you both have something in common that you should be talking about?”

_But we already *did* talk_ , Yifan thinks desperately as Yixing then takes his finger off Yifan's face and points at something amidst Yifan's chemistry scribbles.

"And with that, back to studying," Yixing says with a soft smile, like he hasn't said anything of consequence over the past several minutes.

Tao and Baekhyun are reaching their table by now, Tao scrunching up his face at Baekhyun and Baekhyun laughing loudly at who even knows what. They are soda-less, as predicted.

+++

“Are you okay?” Junmyeon asks when they hold hands under the table when everyone gets together for a group study.

“Is this fine?” Junmyeon asks when they kiss goodbye after school.

“Everything good?” Junmyeon asks when Yifan pushes him up against his car to make out with him.

Okay. Now that Yixing's pointed out that Junmyeon's _handling_ him, Yifan is very very aware of it for what it is. Not that he wasn't noticing it before, but it seems worse now. Maybe it’s getting worse?

That Yifan's been taking it upon himself to try and go back to being _normal_ with touching each other all the time doesn't seem to help – if anything it makes him feel clingy and kind of like he's giving off a weird, skittish, desperate vibe. Which certainly doesn't help anything, if Junmyeon feels like he needs to be moderating their PDA every second they're together.

Problem is, Yifan doesn't know how to initiate a conversation that'll go in a different direction than their last attempt to straighten everything out. Instead he just tries to approach the issue by getting a little more aggressive with his advances, initiating more kisses and hand holding and everything short, hopefully, of throwing himself at Junmyeon.

“You don’t have to ask me every time, about everything,” Yifan keeps saying. But Junmyeon just laughs and smiles delicately while making sure to carefully push Yifan away after too long.

Yifan is at a loss at what to do and it's all starting to really irritate him.

“I mean, I know what this is about,” Yifan vents to Jongin during study period, who’s idly practicing his footwork while they sit instead of studying. “It’s because I didn't want him to think that I’m overeager and said – ” 

Yifan belatedly remembers that no one else knows about what’s happened with him and Junmyeon. 

“…Said some stuff. About going slow.” He finishes, slowly.

Jongin shrugs and flips through Junmyeon's government notebook (which, when did he even get that?), mostly disengaged, as per usual. To be honest, if Yifan was going to tell someone about the incident, Jongin would be up there on the list of candidates because of his typically low-energy personality.

“Then tell him you didn't mean this slow. Or that you didn't think he was moving too fast.” Jongin pauses and looks up from Junmyeon's neat handwriting, quirking an eyebrow. “Unless you did? I don't know the details, it's kind of hard to give advice like this.”

Yifan shakes his head quickly. “No no, it’s…it was a little complicated. What happened.”

Jongin sighs and scrunches up his nose. “Does it need to be?" When Yifan steadfastly doesn't reply, Jongin laughs. "You know, sometimes I think Kyungsoo's on to something when he denounces all romance. Especially yours and Junmyeon's, geez."

Yifan just squints unhappily at Jongin.

Jongin only smiles in return. "I mean, you have to admit, is this really worth it, for all the problems it apparently creates for you?”

If Yifan were a meaner person he'd bring up Chanyeol and fireworks and trips to the ER at three in the morning as examples of _real_ manufactured problems that romance has wrought. As is, Yifan settles for flinging his hands above his head in exasperation – before remembering they’re in the school library and that his arms are too long for the gesture to not be vaguely threatening to those around him. Jongin’s jumped at it – but to be fair, Jongin jumps at and is startled by most things. 

"Sorry," Yifan says, for accidentally surprising him. “It’s just, it's not a problem – ”

“Yeah it's a problem,” Jongin says, no nonsense. “Why else would you be asking me for advice?”

“I’m not – ”

Jongin smiles vaguely and finally stops running through routines in his head, feet stopping mid-step so he can lift his leg and poke Yifan in the knee with the tip of his shoe. “Why don’t you two know how to use your words? _Talk_ to him.”

Yifan groans and buries his face in his hands. “Why is that the only advice you all ever have for me?”

Jongin laughs a little. “Maybe because almost all your problems start with a lack of communication?” 

Yifan parts his fingers enough to peek over at Jongin. “Wow, _thanks_.”

Jongin taps Yifan's knee again with his foot. “Be grateful Jongdae's gone missing somewhere right now. Or else _he_ would have called you, I don’t know. Like, a giant awkward baby or something?”

Jongdae has probably gone to find Liyin, having come to terms with his currently lackluster history grades (“Junmyeon will eventually help me if he thinks I’m almost failing, so it’s kind of pointless to study at this point anyway,” Jongdae had pointed out to Yifan when his complaints to Junmyeon had fallen on deaf ears). However... “You speaking through a hypothetical Jongdae proxy doesn't make hearing it any better, you know.”

Jongin laughs again. “Sorry. But hey look, you know what helps with talking?”

Yifan can think of a million things: being less neurotic about everything, having a boyfriend who’s not so caught up in silently trying to shoulder every responsibility ever, not accidentally having almost-heat sex that your _mom_ knows about. Those kinds of things. Lots of things. A billion things, almost.

Jongin grins and pokes Yifan's knee one more time for good measure. “Sleepovers.”

Yifan can’t tell if Jongin is messing with him or not. Jongin sometimes has that same ‘sincere sarcasm’ thing going for him that Kyungsoo has. Probably through prolonged exposure and osmosis. “I...what, with you?” He asks tentatively.

Jongin tilts his head and frowns a little, almost like he’s disconcerted – but mockingly so. “Do you need to talk to me and work out deeply internalized and overly complicated relationship issues?”

So that’s a no. “With _Junmyeon_?” When Jongin just tilts his head in a half nod, Yifan's the one who feels genuinely disconcerted. It's not entirely on purpose, but Yifan can't help but ask, “What, is this how you worked things out with Chanyeol?”

Jongin's expression immediately slams into a squinting, unhappy pout – and Yifan knows that, accidentally, he's taken this conversation somewhere he shouldn't have. He gropes for a change of subject, and promptly forgets any and all ways to hold conversation.

“How, uh.” Yifan can’t even begin to figure out what _is_ going on with Jongin and Chanyeol, and so he doesn't entirely know how to avoid stepping on Jongin's toes about it. Chanyeol's pretty upbeat about the whole thing, though he’s being uncharacteristically tight-lipped about it. That’s kind of telling in its own way, but also _isn't_. “How’s that going…?”

“Why is everyone so interested in that?” Jongin says unhappily, and Yifan tries not to say _Because he set himself on fire for you during a romantic night outing at the park which is, morbidly, *almost* the basic definition of a date?_ because it probably won’t help Jongin's now dour mood.

“I don’t know how it’s going. It’s weird. I don’t know if I want to…” Jongin trails off and looks back down at the notebook before him, frowning thoughtfully. “I don’t know. We’re working something out, I guess.”

This is more of an answer than Yifan expected to get from him. “Hey,” Yifan reaches over to pat his hand reassuringly. “It’s okay. We can work on our communication troubles together.”

Jongin looks up at Yifan from behind his bangs. “Speak for yourself. Your communication issues blow mine out the water.”

They don’t actually, but Yifan will leave that topic alone for now. He just scowls. “Hey, wait a second, we need to talk about these apparent _sleepovers_ you're having with a potential suitor.”

Jongin bursts out laughing at that and, when he’s done, drops his head to rest his chin on the backs of his hands, laid flat against the table. “Boy have you got this twisted. Also, you’re not the boss of me.” 

Yifan scoffs and reaches over to poke Jongin in the nose. “I’m still responsible for you – didn't you call me almost first when it was an emergency? That counts for something.” 

Jongin scrunches his nose up again, under Yifan's fingertip, before batting it away. "Whatever, talk to me when you're _actually_ a good role model."

Yifan shakes his head, but he figures Jongin does have a point. Maybe trying to talk things out didn't work the first time, but the whole thing is, at its essence, a communication issue. There's no reason to think that it's a hard problem to address, not if he just tries hard enough at fixing it.

…Not that it’s a problem.

+++

“So this problem you and and Junmyeon are having...that ever going to get cleared up?” Chanyeol asks pretty offhandedly before cramming a handful of fries into his mouth.

“ _It’s not_ – ” Yifan begins to say, but then he starts a little at the realization that Chanyeol of all people is the one bringing this up. His fingers tighten around his sweating fruit cup. “Wait, how do you – ”

Baekhyun stretches like a cat and laughs all the while, mouth so wide open that Yifan can clearly see his tonsils. “What, how do we know about it? Because obviously we don’t have eyes and haven't noticed Junmyeon basically handing your hands back to you after you've been handsy for too long?” Baekhyun shoots a smug look to Yifan. “Yeah. Okay.”

Yifan groans. He's tired of always having conversations about his emotions and relationships (and, apparently, his inability to manage either of them appropriately). “It’s not a problem,” he says anyway, though it comes out sullen. “I’m working on it.”

Chanyeol nods understandingly, but Baekhyun looks skeptical. “What, how?” He asks. “By staring forlornly at Junmyeon and hoping he reads your mind?”

Yifan's _brainstorming_ , thank you very much. “I’m working on it,” he repeats sternly. “On a plan of attack.”

Chanyeol laughs at that and rests his chin on his hands that are flat on the table, nosing the side of his drink that sits in front of him. It's just because he never can sit still for long, which isn't news to anyway who knows him, but Yifan's sort of getting a strange sense of deja vu from watching him. Weird. “Why don’t you actually attack then? Just take him aside and ask him what his deal is.”

Because Yifan already knows what his deal is. That’s not the issue here, it's more that it’s embarrassing and weird and Yifan's bad at facing his problems head on without ample of planning time beforehand. He’s forming a strategy right now. “That’s not the problem – ”

Baekhyun lights up. “Oh, so you’re acknowledging it’s a problem now?”

“ _No_ – ” Baekhyun’s the worst sometimes, Yifan thinks dully as he finally remembers to loosen his grip on his fruit cup and wipes his damp hand on a napkin. But there's really no avoiding this conversation since it's in full swing right now. “No, I just – I. I know why he’s doing it, and it’s just a…a sensitive issue.”

Chanyeol sits up abruptly to take a sip of his soda, eyebrow raised. “Yeaaah," he says once he's done, still nibbling on the end of the straw like a teething child. "Junmyeon's not really the _sensitive_ one in this relationship, I think.” 

As Yifan dully ponders over if he should be offended by that or not, Chanyeol follows up with, “I’m not saying that to be mean, I’m just – you know. I know you, buddy. You can be hard to read – and deal with – sometimes.”

Yifan personally wouldn't say he’s sensitive...but even he has to acknowledge that he's not the easiest to _get_. He's not incredibly open. And he’s definitely not like Junmyeon. People sometimes mistake Junmyeon's almost eternal calm patience and general coolheadedness for passiveness, _weakness_. Meanwhile Yifan is mostly anxious and standoffish towards the new and unknown, and he _knows_ he can get kind of emotional easily, even if he keeps those emotions underwraps and hidden under a stoic expression and a cutting gaze while his brain works in overtime. Knowing about his own flaws doesn't make addressing them any easier, though.

“Well, like I said,” Yifan mumbles. “I’m working out what to do.”

“Well,” Baekhyun finally says after staring at Yifan with what can only be described as heartfelt pity for a very long time. “If you’re still in the middle of figuring out what you’re going to do, then what do you think it's most likely that you’ll end up doing?”

Chanyeol half-smiles and elbows Baekhyun in the side. “Way to be eloquent.”

Baekhyun shrugs and elbows back. “Hell yeah that was eloquent – I’m asking what he's worked out so far.” He wiggles his fingers in some sort of gesture that Yifan has no idea what it’s supposed to mean. “What’s the most plausible plan you've got in your arsenal, you giant jittery _giant_?”

Not much, he realizes as Chanyeol snorts at Baekhyun’s words, which buys him only half a second to review what his standing on the matter is. So Yifan shrugs as well, because turns out he has almost nothing despite all the going back and forth over it in his head. “Uh. I mean…” He thinks the most productive thing to have come from his pondering the situation has been talking to both Yixing and Jongin. The rest of the time has been spent trying to get Junmyeon to lighten up without explicitly bringing up the issue, all to no avail.

“Not...not much,” he has to admit haltingly after a moment. “Yixing said talk to him – which already didn't work – and Jongin just suggested we have a sleepover – " 

Baekhyun’s eyebrows immediately shoot up, way too fast and _way_ too high for his thoughts to be going anywhere good, so Yifan feels the need to clarify. “A _chill_ one. Like, the things you see in dramas where you just talk a lot and then go sleep.”

...That...actually...now that he says it for himself, it doesn't sound half bad. He was skeptical at first, the suggestion seeming silly when Jongin first said it, but that could be really nice. And honestly, maybe the change in atmosphere could be more than a little bit helpful. Yifan's not about to say any of this out loud though – Chanyeol might not say anything since he's kind of clingy himself, but Baekhyun does not know the meaning of 'live and let live' most days.

Baekhyun makes a tiny sound of understanding. “Ah. Man for a second there I was going to be really amazed with Jongin being way more outgoing than I originally thought.” Baekhyun ribs Chanyeol in the side, grinning. “I was about to say, looks like you nabbed yourself a good one.”

Chanyeol makes a snuffling noise into his drink, presumably a laugh, before he looks up. “Yeah right. He only has those things with Kyungsoo. We don’t…we’re not there yet.” 

Baekhyun and Yifan share a muted look of confusion over the table at his words. Yifan half wants to ask Chanyeol what that means exactly, because this strange ritual Chanyeol and Jongin are playing through is intriguing and strange but also kind of stressful for onlookers, not unlike the experience of rubbernecking a car accident. But before Yifan can decide how to delicately phrase _What in the world are you two doing with each other, because no one else can figure it out, you know_ , Chanyeol is flicking condensation from his fingers in Baekhyun’s face. “But hey, I resent the implication there. He’s still a good one.”

Baekhyun mimes gagging, “All of you are gross, you know. Fawning over each other all the time and stuff.” He sends Yifan a look, just to make sure Yifan knows he's included in the set.

“Well, we can’t all be as sexually loose as you,” Chanyeol shoots back, digging through his fries again.

“You’re right,” Baekhyun says primly, looking proud of himself. “It takes some serious commitment and confidence, and we all can't have the makings of greatness in us." Baekhyun plucks a grape out of Yifan's fruit cup and nibbles on it shamelessly while looking Yifan straight in the face.

It makes Yifan wonder out loud, “Why do I hang out with you? Especially when you never order your own food.”

Baekhyun flutters his eyelashes charmingly, now reaching for Chanyeol's fries. “Because I’m so awesome?”

Chanyeol flat out laughs in his face. Yifan has enough courtesy to only shake his head sadly. It's things like this that make his life difficult. It's probably why Kyungsoo is currently fending off all invitations over group chat to hang out with a dry reply of: 'can't. sort of sick. cough cough.' Yifan should have declined to hang out in some similar way when Baekhyun invited him out (under pretenses of passing the chem quiz, thanks to Yixing) with just Chanyeol. He should have realized no good could come from being with just the two of them together. Oh well, he thinks sadly as he watches Baekhyun's expression morph into something that can only be described as sweetly murderous.

After Baekhyun shoves Chanyeol onto the floor and steals his drink, Chanyeol climbs back into his chair, saying, “But hey, if Jongin recommends you do a sleepover thing and talk this out, I’d say go with that.”

Yifan squints at him. If Jongin said _Let’s go to the park with a bunch of fireworks and flammable plant life_ , Chanyeol would say to go with it. This has been proven already. Chanyeol is very biased when it comes to Jongin – and vice versa. His input on this matter means almost less than nothing, in that regard.

"You'd probably love a sleepover with Junmyeon, seeing how you guys used to be all lovey-dovey and touchy," Chanyeol is still earnestly campaigning for Jongin's idea. "Look me in the eyes and tell me you're not all fascinated with the idea of – " Chanyeol pauses, gasping before grinning way too widely. 

" _Oh my god_ wait," Chanyeol basically whispers out, and both Baekhyun and Yifan share that look of confusion again. Luckily, Chanyeol doesn't keep them hanging in suspense for long. "I can imagine the two of you, like, wearing each other's pajamas and spooning while talking about your deepest darkest secrets, oh my _god_ , Yifan you'd love it."

Is Chanyeol implying something here? If this were coming from a handful of his other friends, Yifan would feel insulted; with Chanyeol, he's not sure if he should. Yifan _does_ still feel a little attacked right now, but Chanyeol's suggestions, jokes or not, are making his heart beat double time. This is stupid, everything's stupid and he hates his friends. “We’re _not_ going to have a sleepover, Chanyeol,” Yifan says decisively. “First of all, we’re not platonic best friends like Kyungsoo and Jongin.”

Baekhyun sips at Chanyeol's drink like it's his own and says, with a gratuitous shrug like he thinks differently, “Eh…debatable…” 

Yifan decides to ignore that. “And second of all my mom would never – she’s watching us. She doesn't want us to be alone together in…suggestive settings. It’s not a case of whether or not I want to, it’s literally just something we _can’t_ do.”

Chanyeol seems put out by this particular revelation. Which makes sense, seeing as they all know that Yifan's mom is nice but also that she doesn't mess around. “Really? Why is she worried about you guys all of sudden?”

_That_ Yifan's obviously totally not going to talk about, so he just shrugs noncommittally. “I…think it’s because we've been together for a bit now.” He’s not entirely grasping at straws here. New developments in their relationship _are_ the root of the problem. “I mean, so it makes sense that she’d get worried if we’re together by ourselves.”

Baekhyun plays with the straw of Chanyeol's drink and hums. “Makes sense. Before now there was absolutely no way you were going to put out – or that Junmyeon would have asked you to put out. But now…” Baekhyun squints exaggeratedly, before nodding to himself. Yifan furrows his eyebrows and pulls a displeased face at him, which only serves to make Baekhyun to squint harder. "Wow look at that confidence! So brazen, yeah, I could see Junmyeon trying to tap that now – the whole new self-assuredness thing does wonders for you, Yifan." 

"You're such a _jerk_ sometimes," Chanyeol says, but he's laughing these words out and throwing an arm over Baekhyun's shoulders, so Yifan questions the loyalty there.

Annoyed at the implications Baekhyun's teasing him about, despite how not far off he really is, Yifan finds himself furrowing his eyebrows harder and mumbling out a halfhearted, “Be quiet.” It's not the best comeback, he'll admit.

Baekhyun only smiles endearingly up at him though, "I'm just joking, my dear friend." Baekhyun's really great at doing this thing where he makes his voice silky smooth and his entire countenance apologetic and it's a trap, it's always a trap _every time_ but Yifan can’t help that Baekhyun's smile is near contagious. He finds himself smiling a little too, even though he doesn't really want to be.

Baekhyun waves a lazy hand, "Well, only partly joking – I don't know if it's held up, but back in middle school he did totally have this _thing_ for dominatrix omegas and his porn stash – "

Chanyeol dutifully moves the hand slung over Baekhyun's shoulder in order to cover the entirety of Baekhyun's face. Yifan's beliefs about Chanyeol's alliances are reaffirmed.

"Annnnd I think that's enough out of you for today," Chanyeol says lightly, popping a fry into his mouth with the free hand.

Baekhyun wriggles until he's leaning far out of Chanyeol's reach. "Ugh, if I didn't know where your hands have been, I would have licked your palms."

Chanyeol waves his fingers playfully in Baekhyun's face, grinning. "Mm salty~"

Baekhyun vindictively snatches a huge handful of Chanyeol's fries, and sticks out his tongue at him.

"Thank you," Yifan says faintly, looking down at his fruit cup. The plastic container is slowly leaking little beads of juice onto the already sticky fast food table. The apple slices are a lost, rapidly browning cause. His life is very very sad, almost as pitiful as this slowly rotting pile of fruit that sits before him. Mostly he's just annoyed, though. "This has been a really helpful conversation."

Chanyeol is idly tapping some sort of rhythm against the table, clearly thinking. “Well, what do you want us to do? We can't magically solve your problem for you – especially if you're not taking advice."

Yifan spears a pineapple chunk ruefully and doesn't look up.

Chanyeol sighs. "Okay well, hey, if you ever take Jongin up on his advice – " 

Baekhyun makes a quiet but derisive sound in the back of his throat that's probably got everything to do with the concept of Jongin handing out romantic advice. Chanyeol ignores him with the grace of dedicated practice. "I figure, to get around the mom ban, you've got me! I'll be your cover. Just let me know and we’ll pretend you’re at my place.”

Yifan scoffs, cramming the pineapple in his mouth. It's sickly sweet, and that puts him even more on edge for some reason. “Yeah Chanyeol, because _that_ can’t possibly go wrong.”

Baekhyun presses his feet to Yifan's knees under the table, the soles of his sneaker uncomfortable against his kneecaps. “Hey there resident pessimist, it might not – not if you play your cards right."

Yifan reaches under the table to try and pry Baekhyun's feet off him. "Ow, that hurts, do you have to – ?"

Baekhyun applies more pressure with a grin. "Yes. Anyway, you’re the one who’s scared Junmyeon into thinking you’re a fragile flower or something. You’re going to have to do _something_ about it. By this point even I'm kind of thinking you should go for your sanitized, romantic sleepover.”

Chanyeol grins again, as he tries to balance a fry on his upper lip. " _Yifan_ , I think you'll have a blast – besides, what else have you got to lose?"

Uh his _pride_? But honestly that went out the window a long time ago. Yifan groans at his predicament, but it’s not like Chanyeol or Baekhyun are _totally_ wrong. Something has to give, because this living in limbo thing is killing him.

+++

“So we need to talk,” Yifan finally gathers enough courage to say while checking over Junmyeon's Chinese workbook. The half a distraction gives him something to keep busy with in case this doesn't pan out well.

This new found streak of bravery is, unfortunately, at the same moment that Junmyeon has decided to say, “So I've been hearing from Jongin that you want to have a sleepover with me?”

Yifan looks at Junmyeon with alarm. “Wh – no, Jongin is just convinced that we need to have one." The walls of Junmyeon's empty homeroom classroom sort of feel like they're threatening to close in on him any moment now. Yifan blames that for his next words, which he blurts out without thinking entirely through. "Why are you always talking to other people about me?”

Junmyeon's face twists into something pinched and confused. “What, and you aren't talking to everyone else about me?” 

No, everyone’s bringing it up with him, that’s the difference here. “Not intentionally – anyway, that’s not the point here.”

Junmyeon crosses his arms and leans back in his seat, “Oh?”

Yifan scrunches up his own face, lips pressing together. “Don’t give me that – ”

"Look," Junmyeon says quietly, authoritative and calm. Yifan's rising panic sort of subsides a little because of it, and Yifan isn't sure if he likes or hates that. "I think – I mean, it just feels like you're always talking about me, to everyone _but_ me. So it makes me wonder, why don't you just talk _to_ me?" 

Yifan isn't about to panic anymore, but he does still feel flustered. This topic is just going to do that to him. Yifan's not going to break eye contact here, but his fingers worry at the corner of the workbook in his hands. "I – it's not that I'm doing it on purpose, I just..."

He's always just taken a while to get his thoughts together for the things that matter. He's always taken a while to figure out what it is he wants to do and say about the important stuff. "Junmyeon, you know how I am." 

Junmyeon smiles, though its a wincing one that's a little too close to a grimace to be mistaken for anything happy. "Yifan, I _know_ you're..." He runs a hand through his hair and laughs. Yifan flinches at the sound, and that turns Junmyeon's expression immediately apologetic. 

With a sigh, Junmyeon drops the pretense of a smile, looking searchingly at Yifan's face again – like the first time they had this talk all over again. "I know you're pretty introspective. But talk to me! What's so scary about talking to me, of all people?" 

Yifan pauses. He never thought about it like that. That he's 'afraid' of Junmyeon, or that Junmyeon's 'scary'. That's not quite right, though, because it's more the concept of saying the wrong thing and messing everything up that's frightening, and – 

" _Yifan_." Junmyeon's looking at him plaintively. Probably because of the long pause with Yifan not sharing with the class, so to speak. 

Yifan ducks his head briefly, kind of embarrassed. "Right, sorry. How do I put this?" There's really no way to make it sound good out loud. Yifan begrudgingly accepts his fate of perpetually sounding pathetic. "It's about high risks, I guess? With you, if I say something stupid..."

"Huh?" Junmyeon seems taken aback. "What? Do you think I'll break up with you on the spot? Yifan – " 

Yifan can't help getting defensive. "I know it's _dumb_ , but I still get all – wound up when I think about talking this stuff out with you – especially when we already _tried_ to talk about – about the _incident_ and somehow that went horribly wrong, and it's all so _embarrassing_ – " 

"Yifan," Junmyeon says before letting out a weird part laughing part sighing sound, and it...sort of rubs Yifan the wrong way because he's honestly trying his best here too. "Obviously we have to try talking more than once, you know, if it doesn't work the first time – " 

_Obviously?_ Alright, _obviously_ they aren't on the same page here, because Yifan doesn't appreciate that in the least. 

"Okay, I know I'm being a huge, high-strung omega pain in your butt – " It's a little extreme, Yifan knows, to take it there, but it just really feels like Junmyeon's putting words in his mouth in addition to talking down to him. "But if you could actually talk _with_ me and not _at_ me for a second – "

This takes Junmyeon completely off guard, his searching look getting an air of urgency to it as he takes in Yifan's apparent agitation. Good, Yifan thinks to himself. 

"What are you talking about?!" Junmyeon asks.

Yifan crosses his arms, looking determinedly down the bridge of his nose at Junmyeon. He doesn't often use his height to his advantage, usually just feeling too tall and out of place because of it, but right now it seems appropriate to try it. "I really feel like you're lecturing me, and, you know, you aren't completely in the right either!"

Junmyeon seems almost like he's at a loss for words. "I wasn't saying I'm – what, am I being a huge alpha control freak, since we're throwing out self-deprecating alignment barbs now?"

He's being _kind of_ condescending, yes. "It's just, no one asked you to assume that I didn't want to talk to you ever! I, I had to think about it – I was figuring it out – and I had literally just now brought it up on my own, remember?"

Junmyeon holds up a hand as if to stop the conversation flow, then seems to think better of it and puts it down. Yifan is grateful for the gesture, because yeah: condescending. "Okay. Yes, I came on a little strong with that. You're totally capable of talking to me, in your own time."

"Thank you," Yifan grumbles out, mostly appeased but not really sure how appropriately fast to disengage. He does uncross his arms, at least.

"And I shouldn't necessarily wait to say something if it's bothering me that we're avoiding it, right?" Junmyeon proposes carefully. He waits until Yifan slowly nods in agreement. That's fair, and honestly it takes some of the pressure off Yifan. 

"Basically," Junmyeon says. "We should meet halfway. Just....don't be afraid to say things to me, okay?"

Yifan takes a deep breath. "Look, it's not that I'm _afraid_ , I just...want things to be smooth. I want to figure out what it is I want to say before struggling through a conversation and figuring it out along the way." _I want to work out my emotions before messily spilling them all over you again_ , Yifan thinks but steadfastly does not say.

"...Well," Junmyeon frowns slightly, and maybe he gets that underlying message anyway. "No matter how I might take it, you should speak your mind more."

Easier said than done. "I'm trying to work on it, promise."

Junmyeon raises both his hands, as if to show that he means no harm – which Yifan _knows_ okay? Geez. “Okay. So...what is it that we need to talk about, then?”

Right. This time Yifan's not going to be dismissed, not by himself _or_ by Junmyeon, and he’s not going to just go with the flow and let the pieces fall into place after Junmyeon nudges things just right. Junmyeon just said to speak his mind, right? “Are you afraid I’m going to shatter or something?" Yifan says, letting the words come out unbidden. "Because I’m not _sensitive_.”

Junmyeon blinks rapidly at that. “…What?”

Yifan eyes him carefully and tries to figure out how to keep his own momentum going. “Like – maybe it’s because I said we shouldn't have sex for a really long while? But I was sort of being…” Okay and this is where things start sounding a little ridiculous. “I don’t know. I was playing hard to get, I guess?”

“ _What_?”

Yifan groans. “Not like – I mean it’s not like we aren't already together, but I didn't want to seem…clingy.”

Junmyeon is staring at Yifan like he’s some foreign entity that is beyond comprehension. Uh oh. “I _mean_ , Junmyeon, come on. I was practically begging you to – ”

“It’s okay!” Junmyeon has thrown his hands up again, now almost in alarm. “You don’t have to, uh. Say it.”

...So maybe Yifan hasn't really been taking into account _how_ embarrassed Junmyeon also is about the whole thing. He’s a little unsure how to process this new information, as he quietly says, “Uh, okay.”

Junmyeon clearly hears Yifan's uncertainty, because he closes his eyes and takes a deep, deep breath. “Okay,” he says when he opens his eyes again, calmer. “Okay, so you thought I’d think you were clingy. Okay.”

“Yeah,” Yifan says. “But I didn't think you’d freak out and start moderating out PDA. Like…calm down. I'm fine.”

Junmyeon nods again. “Yes, okay. I…okay, I’ll stop that.”

Yifan doesn't know why everything is so complicated, when clearly it doesn't need to be. “...Is this it? Is this all it took?" He squints over at Junmyeon. "Really?”

Junmyeon's mouth is doing that twisty thing it does when he’s biting down on a smile. “Seems like it. Unless...does there need to be more?” He raises an eyebrow, no longer trying to hide his smile. “Do you want to work out a sleepover schedule?”

Yifan squints more, unsure if Junmyeon is joking or not, and frowns. Chanyeol's teasing floats up in the back of his mind. Yifan focuses on the more pressing matter at hand. “Okay seriously, why are you talking with Jongin about me?”

Junmyeon laughs. “I promise, it just came up. He brought it up, actually.”

Yifan frowns harder – at which Junmyeon laughs more – and goes back to fiddling with Junmyeon's workbook. "There has to be something we can do to get them all to mind their own business."

"Besides us dealing with tripping over ourselves faster so they don't notice it," Junmyeon says lightly with a shrug. "I don't really think so."

Yifan doesn't either, but... Well, being on the subject of them figuring out how not to trip over themselves so much is making Yifan's mind wander back to Chanyeol swearing that Yifan would love being a huge sap. To Jongin insisting that sleepovers work for talking about your feelings. He doesn't want to think about these things right now, but of course he can't help it.

"Hey," he says carefully, because _speak your mind_ right? "Honestly? Sleeping over and, I don't know, hanging out and watching TV together while talking about our hopes and dreams and why some inane thing you texted me during your free block has actually been kind of bugging me all day – " 

Yifan is rambling. He's rambling, but Junmyeon is only looking at him with quiet and fond amusement. Yifan...likes it when Junmyeon looks at him like that. "Like, doing all that... Just, I kind of want to do that with you, sometimes.'"

Junmyeon smiles, gently joking, "What, do I text you enraging things often?"

"No, that only happened once, with that news article you sent me about upcoming election campaigns or whatever. It just felt like you were implying that I don't keep up with news enough or – something, whatever." This candid talking thing is weird, because Yifan feels like he's talking about inane, annoying things now. Almost like he's tattling to Junmyeon about pointless things that he himself did. Yifan will have to get a better hang of this. "It's not important anymore."

Junmyeon laughs, ever so softly, and reaches over to flip a page in his workbook. Yifan glances down and realizes he'd been on the wrong page, on yesterday's already graded assignment, the whole time. 

"Got it," Junmyeon says cheerily. "We'll figure something out, then."

So maybe they'll end up giving that sleepover thing a try after all. Maybe it won’t be so bad when they so clearly need to get better at this communication thing. It's not so hard if they really try at it, it seems.

+++

It turns out getting back to normal is pretty easy, which Yifan attributes mainly to the fact that it _seriously_ had been a non-issue all along. Well, maybe not a complete non-issue: the whole accidental sex thing is still kind of mortifying to think about. But beyond that, Yifan's just seriously making it a point to work on the whole 'talking more openly with each other' thing like they discussed, because otherwise this relationship is going to be fraught with unnecessary stress and tiptoeing and he isn't sure if his heart can take all that.

Junmyeon's working on it too, and it shows with how he stops wordlessly handling Yifan, which is greatly appreciated. Instead of just pushing Yifan away, he only sometimes stops them when they're making out to sincerely ask if everything is okay. Since Junmyeon really only does it when he’s about ten seconds away from sticking his hand down Yifan's pants – and also because it's happening less and less frequently lately – Yifan doesn't mind so much. 

So they're back to being, as Baekhyun puts it, 'disgustingly cute'. Yifan isn't sure what exactly it is everyone has against how he and Junmyeon always make sure to kiss goodbye, or how they hold hands a lot, or just sort of seek out each other's presence when they're in a room together. Even Yifan's teammates make obnoxious kissy noises when Junmyeon sometimes get out of his numerous clubs early and waits for him after practice – and of course all their friends basically roll their eyes at them all the time – so clearly there's something.

“What other people think isn't really all that important,” Junmyeon says wisely as he all but burrows possessively into Yifan's side.

Yifan is inclined to agree, beaming at the contact even as Kyungsoo groans and Chanyeol snickers at them and Sehun mimes stabbing himself in the chest (which Baekhyun mimes helping him with). Yifan can’t see the rest of his friends, because they’re in his blind spots and also because he is too busy settling his chin down on top of Junmyeon's head, delighted – but he figures it’s safe to say they are either ignoring them or making fun of them.

(Lu Han confirms this suspicion by saying loudly, "Ah to be young and in love again!" To which Minseok only lets out a long-suffering sigh.) 

“You have Jongin and his suggestion of sleepovers to thank for the display in front of you,” Chanyeol, for some reason, boasts. Like _he’s_ the one who’s inadvertently responsible for the whole thing.

“Chanyeol _please_ ,” Kyungsoo says from his place in Baekhyun's favorite armchair in the living room (there had been a fight for it, between him and Baekhyun, and the winner had gotten the right to sit in it undisturbed throughout the duration of the movie they'd just finished watching), Kyungsoo's tone is as if Chanyeol's words are paining him.

"Yeah, I don't really want to take responsibility for this," Jongin says, throwing in his two cents while gesturing at the both of them on the couch. "Like, I'm happy for them, but...please leave me out of this."

“Anyway,” Baekhyun says, throwing leftover popcorn at Kyungsoo because that’s the kind of risk-seeking daredevil he is – and also because the movie's over, and all bets are now off. “The fact that our obedient Junmyeon and Yifan in no way, shape or form would _ever_ have the audacity to disobey Mother Wu aside – ”

Yifan sees Chanyeol perk up with excitement – probably from the realization that he knows something no one else knows. Yifan only gets about a second to think anything of it, and that's not even long enough for him to begin to think about getting worried.

This is because their resident youngest, who's rolled halfway across the floor to escape Baekhyun's further incessant miming attempts, pipes up before either Chanyeol or Yifan can. "You're so rude sometimes," Sehun says idly. "Who hurt you?"

Baekhyun throws more carefully aimed popcorn, still at Kyungsoo. It makes wildly impressive distance, gets considerable air, and catches in his hair this time. "Why, Kyungsoo of course. You have to learn how to be horrible from the worst people you know."

Yeah, so, Yifan is pretty sure the only reason Chanyeol doesn't proceed to let it slip that he and Junmyeon have already used him twice as a cover with Yifan's mom to have sleepovers is because Kyungsoo, at this moment, takes it upon himself stand up, step over Sehun, and slap Baekhyun upside the head with a throw pillow.

Chanyeol sighs as he peels himself off his throne of pillows to go intervene. "Kyungsoo, look, I'm so glad you're clearly feeling better – like, totally don't let 72-hour bugs or whatever get you down, I'm about that – but does this always have to be one of the first things you two do?" 

Kyungsoo ignores him as Baekhyun grabs the pillow and pulls Kyungsoo down onto floor with him with a wicked smile. Kyungsoo hits the pillow, and by proxy, Baekhyun on the other side of it. Chanyeol stands to the side braced to jump in and separate them, and Tao, from somewhere in the adjacent kitchen, can be heard laughing loudly and high-pitched, obviously entertained by the debacle.

Despite Chanyeol being preoccupied, and the level of chaos in the room clearly and steadily rising (Junmyeon sighs out something that sounds suspiciously like, "And commence my worrying,"), Yifan still makes sure to send Chanyeol a covert look of gratitude – that Chanyeol just smiles and shrugs at – while running his fingers lightly over the soft material of Junmyeon's corded sweater. Things are kind of really good right now (present havoc included), and he’s determined to enjoy that.


	4. With odds stacked against us (wanna be with you)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((this is a pwp chapter; skip it if you want!))

Yifan has had sudden heats before – hell, practically _all_ the time. If he gets a day’s warning with the heavy pheromones – sure yeah, it’s embarrassing as hell, but it’s also helpful. But most times, his heats drop from out of nowhere and slam his life off schedule. And sometimes these sudden heats surprise him in new and exciting ways.

(Really, only since Junmyeon has come along.)

So Yifan is waking up to Junmyeon sleepily rutting against his leg, in the midst of a heat that apparently started in the middle of the night. The heat is clenching around his lungs, making it hard to breathe in anything but needy pants. Junmyeon isn’t awake yet, his body is only responding to Yifan’s.

_Shit_ , Yifan thinks, going from bleary to frantic in no time flat. This is probably (definitely) an inevitable outcome from them deciding to have sleepovers at Junmyeon’s place. This is exactly _why_ they lie about them – Yifan’s mom isn’t dumb and ever since their first tryst, sure she still _trusts_ Junmyeon (probably because while his scent lingered, there weren’t any telltale scents of heat sex, and that means something when it comes to the two of them) but like hell she’ll ever let them hang out for hours behind closed doors when Yifan’s heat scents are wafting into the rest of the house again. That first time was a gift, a freebie that she looks the other way on. If it happens again where she can see or smell it, Yifan is pretty sure there’ll start being long talks and restrictions and a grounding or two.

This current situation is a pretty good indication of why her stance isn't unfounded or unreasonable.

But still, Yifan is grateful that they’re at Junmyeon’s house, because this isn’t as incriminating or embarrassing as it could be. And Yifan isn’t going to have to wake Junmyeon up and direct him to the nearest bathroom and tell him to leave the house after he takes care of his clearly growing hard-on. Because Junmyeon’s parents are loving but busy and are constantly traveling on business trips.

Of course, this is _still_ embarrassing because Yifan is groaning under the weight of his heat, eyes fluttering close as the rhythmic but sleepy thrusts Junmyeon grinds into his leg.

Junmyeon slowly comes to as well, and Yifan knows it because Junmyeon’s face is pressed against his collar bone, right where his t-shirt dips. The gentle, level breaths of REM hitch a second before Junmyeon stops grinding against him and makes a sleepy, snuffling noise of confusion that sounds a little bit like, “Mmuh?”

“Sorry,” Yifan whispers as Junmyeon pulls back and takes in how their legs are tangled up from last night’s cuddling, with his growing horror apparent on his face. Yifan feels bad because he’s always doing this, always ruining things with his stupid imbalanced hormones. “I. Just woke up like this.”

“Oh. Oh no.” Junmyeon whispers back, accidentally giving in to another thrust before he catches himself. “Okay, what do you…want to do?”

Yifan shivers. The heat probably started last night, but only just now is getting heavy enough to wake him up with its arousal and need. “I don’t know. I…god, Junmyeon, this one is…” 

He can tell already with how heavy and hot it's weighing on him already. It’s going to be bad and long and _horribly_ demanding and. And he really doesn’t need to go making that worst – or at least _longer_. Honestly they don’t need to be playing this game they're playing where they almost fuck while Yifan is in heat, because it’s a giant set up, a huge game of chicken that one of these days will end in heat fucking and guilt and a baby scare.

But at the same time it’s going to be so bad and getting Junmyeon to fuck him – god, the idea makes Yifan want to claw off his own skin, the mere thought feels so good. And Yifan could do it, could totally do it, could get Junmyeon to fuck him, to finger him, to _something_.

Junmyeon reaches up between them and carefully, gently and chastely like Junmyeon’s swollen dick isn’t pressed up against Yifan’s thigh, touches Yifan’s face, cradling it in his hand. “Bad? Want me to get you some water?”

Oh no, Yifan thinks as he shudders and the heat suddenly spikes up. This one is going to be _really_ bad, like back in middle school when they first started and he was so far gone that his mom had to put him in her bed and stay home from work and swab down his feverish body with a damp washcloth, feeding him little pieces of ice to keep him hydrated because he couldn’t hold himself upright long enough to drink water. 

“Fuck my thigh,” Yifan pants out. “I don’t even know, just. Get yourself off and get me off and then we’ll...I don’t know. I don’t know, we’ll, I don’t _know_.”

“Call your mom,” Junmyeon says decisively. Clearly he remembers middle school too. “Is it that bad? Are you sure you want – ”

Yifan is already screwed, he doesn’t know how much getting a little taste of what his body craves is going to worsen it. It _could_ take the nauseatingly powerful edge off it, a potential hidden blessing mixed in with the downside of having a longer heat. Said heat is pooling in his belly, pooling between his legs, warming every part of him so much that he’s starting to sweat under his arms. 

“I might pass out,” Yifan says, and he isn’t sure if he means if he does or doesn’t have sex. “I don’t know, I’m starting to feel delirious, Junmyeon.”

Junmyeon, in the middle of trying to sit up and untangle them, hears the weak desperation in Yifan’s voice. He stops what he’s doing and leans in to kiss Yifan carefully. “You haven’t had anything to drink since last night. You need water. And then your mom.”

Yifan grabs at Junmyeon blandly, fingers somehow miraculously catching the front of Junmyeon’s pajamas, and he clings. “Okay, but I. Back then when, when I was thirteen and this kept happening and we went to a bunch of doctors,” there is a pang through all of Yifan’s body and he pauses to shudder, and then clings even tighter. “One of them said the release of hormones from heat sex could make it a little more bearable.”

Junmyeon looks just as alarmed as his mom had at that suggestion. Yifan would laugh, if his chest wasn’t constricting like it is. “And yeah, I _didn’t_ ‘cause I was only thirteen and my mom demanded another doctor and other, more plausible solutions,” Yifan’s skin is tingling and his brain is tingling and his _cunt_ is tingling, because of course it is. He’s a mess, what the hell is he even talking about right now? “B-because, you know. Sometimes doctors on this stuff are really wrong and really messed up about all this and… I just. Now, maybe. I… I’m not thirteen anymore.”

He feels stupid with heat, but he also feels like maybe if the two of them do _something_ it’ll help. That’s probably the heat talking, justifying his rationale to get a dick in him. But seriously the doctor _said_. And it makes sense – sure he’ll be in heat longer, but he’d be satisfying this primal need inside him to just _do something_. 

“Yifan…” Junmyeon sounds doubtful.

“Please,” Yifan whimpers, begging because he feels like he’s on fire and this stage of the heat has only _just started_ and he’s still got to climb to the apex of uncontrollable arousal (and then climb back _down_ ) and he’s. It’s going to be long and bad and he’s scared Junmyeon’s going to force them both to behave by going to school and leaving Yifan here to fend for himself. It probably would be better that way, but Yifan’s not thinking rationally about it – and he certainly doesn’t want to be left in this house by himself, struggling to deal with a bad heat.

“Don’t leave me by myself,” Yifan finally says. He can ask for that much. That’s not so bad, he thinks, that Junmyeon can’t offer it.

And Junmyeon looks very intently into Yifan’s eyes. “I’m not going to go anywhere – not for that long. Just downstairs and then I’ll come right back. Please calm down and believe me, okay?”

So Junmyeon gets his way, leaves, and when he comes back it still feels like it’s been a small eternity.

In that time, Yifan has stripped to just his boxer-briefs and is sweating his pheromones-laced sweat all over Junmyeon’s sheets (and Junmyeon might have to burn his room down after this, if he ever wants to get another good night of sleep). There’s a criminal wet spot between his legs, so damp and soaked through that Junmyeon’s eyes linger on the stain left on his fluorescent green underwear.

“Your mom has an early morning conference but she said she’d be here by noon,” Junmyeon says softly as he places a bowl of ice on his bedside dresser with a soft _clink_. In his other hand is a cup of water with a straw that he carefully holds to Yifan’s lips. Yifan sips and pants and sips some more, a long process before he downs maybe a quarter of the cup. Bless Junmyeon’s patience, Yifan thinks as writhes a little at how the heat scrapes up and down his spine.

“Are you gonna fuck me before then?” Yifan eventually whispers hoarsely. He’s so far gone and he hasn’t even been awake for it for an hour.

Junmyeon smiles sadly and places the cup next to the bowl. “We really have to stop having this conversation when you’re out of your mind with heat. You might give a guy the wrong idea.”

He climbs back in bed with Yifan anyway, and his dick is still swollen and heavy between his legs. Yifan reaches for Junmyeon and easily slips his leg back between Junmyeon’s once he settles.

“Why,” Yifan says quietly, trying to fold himself into Junmyeon’s scent. “You’re my alpha. I’m yours to claim. _Fuck me_.”

Junmyeon breathes out a long slow exhale. “Yifan… You don’t even believe in those archaic schools of thought. And you know I don’t either.”

He sounds disappointed but he’s humping Yifan’s leg. Yifan wants to explode. His cunt is throbbing and he just…

“I’ve got you, though.” Junmyeon murmurs, hand reaching between them to dip into Yifan’s underwear before Yifan can do it. “You know I’ll take care of you.”

Yifan groans and gushes around Junmyeon’s fingers the second they make contact. Orgasm number one, and this first hour still isn’t even up. This really is going to be bad.

Yifan isn’t sure if he’s manipulated his way here, isn’t sure if Junmyeon believes Yifan’s pleas that doing something sexual can’t make this worse than it already is, isn’t sure if Junmyeon is just as much of a victim to his body sometimes as Yifan nearly almost always is.

But Junmyeon fucks him with two fingers, a constant even as Yifan starts to truly open up. His phallus is curved up, poking a little tent into his boxer-briefs and starting a little circle of wetness where the head is pressed. Junmyeon grinds into Yifan’s leg and doesn’t say anything else for a while.

“I want you,” Yifan stutters out, breathless. “I want… God, the knot hurts right?”

Junmyeon’s trying to catch his breath too. “What, hurts me? Hurts you?”

Yifan laughs, and it sounds hysterical. He’s so wide around Junmyeon’s fingers, but he won’t complain. This is what Junmyeon is deciding to give him. It’s intentional and that kind of silent control, that Yifan will just take what Junmyeon decides to give, it’s got him shivering and happy while reveling in that kind of control.

“I know it’ll hurt me,” Yifan says. He has fantasies about it, has read forums about the burn and stretch and stay of the knot, how it hurts but not too bad if the fit’s right (‘if you’re meant to be’ the more romantic people might say; ‘if you take your time and prep right’ is how the realists put it). With yonic knots, it’s the squeeze of the vagina as it tightens and swells around the cock or phallus, traps it inside and milks as much come out as possible and locks the two together. Yifan sometimes wonders: if Junmyeon had a yonic knot, how would that feel? He knows Junmyeon’s a little less versatile than him ( _most_ people are, honestly), but he has a vulva…even if they’ve never talked about how deep it goes, if it knots too. Some alphas don’t have one, can’t knot with it, or just plain don’t like to do it like that. Yifan’s got a phallus that ejaculates and maybe one day they could – like that too, if – if Junmyeon wants and can and –

“Yeah, it’ll hurt you,” Junmyeon breathes out, repeating after Yifan in almost a trance, and he comes, as disarmingly and quietly as he does most other things. Yifan can feel how he’s starting to get thicker than usual immediately after, girth expanding. He’s slowly beginning to knot up. Yifan grinds down a little on Junmyeon’s fingers, as Junmyeon and his multitasking begins to fall apart in slow motion.

Junmyeon sucks in a breath at the slickness dribbling from Yifan down onto his hand, but he tries to keep it together enough to answer Yifan’s question. “Yes, of course the knot hurts me, all that pressure and – ”

Junmyeon is shivering, cock getting thicker pressed up on Yifan’s leg. “ – But it hurts in a good way. Like. Like the buildup before the letdown. The letdown is better for it.”

Yifan has to talk Junmyeon through the knot when it starts to get overwhelming for him. When Junmyeon groans and stills and succumbs, his dick still swelling and now impossibly wide against Yifan.

(Who just. _God_ , comes at imagining that happening inside him.)

“You’re okay,” Yifan says breathily, because honestly he’s barely hanging on by a thread here, too. “One day, one day you’ll do this in me and. And with me slicked up inside it’ll feel better,” Yifan shudders at the thought of it, at how Junmyeon groans at his words, and somehow finds a way to keep talking. “And we can hold on to each other to anchor the pain – god, Junmyeon do you think about that? I think about that. How it’ll feel, your knot in my cunt.”

…And Junmyeon’s right, they really need to …talk about…this tendency they have. That they talk about heat sex like it’s a forthcoming inevitability.

Junmyeon hisses against the swell between his legs, and focuses on fitting another finger (and then another) into Yifan. Yifan, heat still rising, sighs happily at the brief stretch. He’s accommodating it in no time, opening up wider still, and Yifan rolls his hips slowly, driving Junmyeon’s fingers around within him in a clockwise circle. 

“Yeah, I think about it too, Yifan,” Junmyeon finally says, quietly, before making a tiny strangled sound in the back of his throat as his knotting plateaus.

“I’ve got you,” Yifan manages to return as Junmyeon continues to fall apart (as Yifan falls apart too, but on a slope that is somehow simultaneously slower and yet faster than Junmyeon’s – or maybe it’s just a longer ordeal). 

Junmyeon grunt-cries out as he comes again, and then with that slowly begins to swell back down. Junmyeon ruts through it, carefully and gently, and Yifan fucks himself just as carefully on Junmyeon’s hand (as he’s too distracted to move it on his own). The slowness of it all makes Yifan want to cry in frustration, but he doesn’t. Because Junmyeon will better handle him once it’s time. He just has to hold out.

“Okay,” Junmyeon says after a deep inhale and exhale of air and a final thrust. “Let me really take care of you.”

He slides down the bed and, after carefully pressing gentle hands to Yifan’s hips to resituate him, back flat against the bed, settles between Yifan’s legs while pulling down Yifan’s underwear.

“ _God_ ,” is all Yifan manages out before Junmyeon goes to work.

He licks Yifan’s wide, wet cunt out so thoroughly and gently that Yifan whines in the back of his throat loudly enough that it sounds like a scream. Junmyeon licks upward towards Yifan’s phallus, briefly stops to gently draw Yifan’s balls into his mouth for just a moment. Then he licks a stripe up Yifan’s phallus too and mouths the head, tongue flicking against the slit. He doesn’t linger long here, goes back to Yifan’s cunt because that is where he is neediest.

Yifan is gushing against him, grinding down against the near-phantom presence of Junmyeon’s flitting tongue. When he whines about it, Junmyeon laughs softly before carefully slipping a crooked finger into Yifan with ease.

Junmyeon is so familiar with Yifan and the sounds he makes and the way his hips move when it's something he likes, he manages to make Yifan come this first time with his mouth alone. Yifan can’t help but whine and buck against Junmyeon’s face and beg for more, and Junmyeon doesn’t seem willing to stop so soon either, hands steadfastly firm on both his thighs. He keeps licking dedicatedly into Yifan – and it’s not really what the heat wants, but Yifan’s not complaining, not yet, is just squirming and gasping as Junmyeon eats him out.

Finally though, Junmyeon seems to come back into his more sensible state of mind. “I’ll stop soon,” Junmyeon whispers into Yifan’s cunt, somewhere around orgasm number three, by now working three of his fingers of one hand into Yifan, and using the other hand to fist Yifan’s phallus. “I’ll have to, or else I’ll end up…”

Yifan _is_ crying now, gasping out tears at how much he feels everything and how he still wants more and more and more.

“Fuck me, please,” Yifan whimpers. “Please, god, Junmyeon, I just, I need it, I – ”

“Shhhh,” Junmyeon shushes him, and it’s not condescending but comforting. “See? I want to. But I can’t. We can’t.”

Are they going to have to rehash this every time they stumble into one of Yifan’s heats together? Because the accidental heat while together thing is bound to keep happening, honestly. “I know,” Yifan groans. “But I want to. I want it.”

Junmyeon keeps shushing him, just quiet nonsensical hums, all while fingering him and jerking him off at the same time. Yifan is completely and totally overstimulated. Occasionally Junmyeon shifts his fingers to the side in order to dip a careful tongue back into Yifan’s cunt, in order to eat him out around his thrusting fingers, and it’s driving Yifan insane.

When Junmyeon gets Yifan to come two more times (it’s not hard, it’s like Yifan’s coming at every little touch and sensation now), he pulls back. Yifan hiccups, choking a little on his tears and the arousal that’s still shaking his body to pieces.

Junmyeon moves around a little until he can lean in and kiss Yifan on the forehead. “I’m going to clean you up a little, and then I’m going to get you some more water – after you finish this glass – and move you to the guest room, okay? And then we’ll wait for your mom to come.”

Yifan sits up as much as he can manage (it’s not much) and presses his sweaty face into the crook of Junmyeon’s equally as sweaty neck. “What’s the point?” He feels like he’s going to die. The desire to get fucked is still lurking deep in his bones – though maybe it isn’t as bad as before. It’s hard for him to tell right now, though.

Junmyeon presses another kiss to Yifan’s temple as he pulls away. “Because you’re important to me, that’s why.”

And as he helps Yifan sip from the straw again and starts doing exactly what he’s said he’d do, Yifan feels it. Feels important in the way Junmyeon deems him worth taking care of. In the way Junmyeon looks at Yifan like he’s always important, like what he has to say is worth listening to, even in the midst of heat babbling.

“You’re so important to me too,” Yifan manages to rasps out, even as the heat clenches at his body so hard he can’t see straight. He doesn’t see if Junmyeon smiles at his words, too busy gasping at the _want_ streaking through his veins – 

But he hears Junmyeon’s quiet little contented laugh, so it’s all alright.


	5. Let’s spend the night together (Or: with friends like these)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((chapter 4 pwp included yifan and junmyeon having a sleepover but yifan, of course, going into heat. this time they don't keep their hands to themselves, there's oral sex, and more nasty talk. yifan's heat this time is kind of intense -- something he's dealt with more when he was younger -- and it makes him clingy even though he's self-aware enough to know it. they both acknowledge that they're playing a dangerous game. oh yeah, and because yifan's heat was so intense, they called his mom to come get him and take care of him...so she now knows about their sleepovers -- and the lies they've been telling to sneakily have said sleepovers.))

Junmyeon, for all his usual calm collectedness and his ability to let things roll off his back, can be a type of high-strung that's in a class of its own when he’s not trying to put a best face forward. He's always been like that, even way before they started dating. Yifan knew that, but nowadays it just seems like he's seen Junmyeon not-so-put-together _way_ more than usual – which makes sense considering they've finally managed to all slough through midterms. Yifan sometimes takes how often he's seen the sort of quietly but frantically freaked out side of Junmyeon so far as a good sign that Junmyeon's comfortable enough when it’s just the two of them to show that side of himself. Not that he necessarily _enjoys_ watching Junmyeon freak out. He spends a lot of time trying to do his duties and be good emotional support, of course. 

But there are also times when Junmyeon's _seriously_ stressed, and he lets it show to _everybody_ how jittery and busy-body he's getting. These times _suck_ , because what can Yifan even do for him? All Yifan really just wants is for Junmyeon to go lay down somewhere and take a nap until he feels better, but there's no way that's going to be an option that Junmyeon would ever feel comfortable in taking. 

Yifan usually ends up stress-napping for the both of them, honestly. And anyway, of course Yifan, who among his friends is slightly renowned for taking and internalizing and overthinking and over-feeling _everything_ (despite his talent at holding a stoic face and looking on the outside like he’s unbothered by the world), can’t really _say_ that. Pot, kettle, and all that. Plus he gets that just saying something to Junmyeon isn't going to change the root of the problem: that Junmyeon's got a huge workload, and after all the study groups and extra homework and student council already starting on prom planning, debate is sort of pushing him over the edge. But that doesn't mean Yifan can't worry.

“We _just_ finished midterms, so maybe lay off yourself a little? Even just for a day?” Yifan tries proposing carefully when Junmyeon spends an entire two hours curled up a chair at his kitchen table and Yifan wakes up from a nap to discover that he hasn't moved at all. After the whole being caught in the act of openly lying to his mother about spending the night at Junmyeon's (though, as far as she knew, they'd been appropriately responsible when Yifan's sudden heat had hit him, which had earned him _some_ mercy. Yifan both counts his blessings and has to keep steadfastly ignoring the tiny seed of guilt he's carrying around from that sort of lie), Yifan has kind of been on house arrest. So Junmyeon coming over and staying strictly on the first floor in communal areas is about the best they can do for dates and seeing each other outside of school for now. 

But even then, Junmyeon half killing himself by furiously researching and memorizing who even knows what is hardly romantic, even on the worst terms. “I know the debate thing is really important to you, but – ”

Junmyeon waves a dismissive hand and doesn’t even look up from his notes. “I’m fine. Hey – thoughts on the transparency of civil servants’ alignments, particularly on the federal level?”

“I’m not helping you write points for your argument,” Yifan tells him sternly. He's been down that road before once, and he'll never make the same mistake ever again if he can help it. Junmyeon doesn't mean anything by it, but he gets pretty nitpicky pretty fast with someone who clearly doesn't do debate. “I’m not falling for that trap. And I mean the one where you get annoyed with my untrained, un-debate-y ways.”

That draws a laugh from Junmyeon – which, like, score. Point to Yifan. He can be a good boyfriend, even if it's only in kind of useless ways. 

Junmyeon smiles down at his notes, though his eyes are still scanning the page frantically. “This time it's easy, I swear. I just wanted to build an opening off of public opinion quotes. You can be as candid as you want, promise.”

Yifan makes a face, though Junmyeon isn’t looking at him and misses it. “Still, no thanks. I don’t feel like having to sit in the crowd and hear you dismantle my lowly, uniformed view on the weird importance placed on federal workers’ supposedly inherent ability to be aggressive.”

At that Junmyeon does look up, eyebrow quirked up in his sort-of-kind-of-annoyed-but-not-really look. “That’s not what the argument is about – ”

Yifan, now that he’s got Junmyeon’s gaze, makes the same face as before and points at Junmyeon accusingly. “See what I mean? Not falling for it.”

Junmyeon laughs – a too loud burst of his snorting, ugly laughter – and Yifan smiles. Success.

+++

But yeah, Junmyeon's hitting what Yifan would tentatively call a crisis horizon, one where he’s projecting his anxiety at everyone else instead of keeping it safely to himself like usual. To be honest, Yifan feels bad for him when he gets like this mainly because he knows Junmyeon's doing everything in his power _not_ to – he just can’t entirely help it because he’s spiraling out of control. Yeah, as the boyfriend it’s a little hard to deal with, but then again it’s proving to just be hard on _everybody_.

“For the love of god, can someone please tell Junmyeon to calm down,” Minseok says as he slides into the seat next to Yifan and looks pointedly at him, like that’s not supposed to be telling.

(Okay _yeah_ , as the boyfriend, and all the extra baggage that entails, it's getting a little hard to deal with.)

“Don’t you have lunch right now?” Jongdae asks, lifting an eyebrow at Minseok, who takes a huge bite out of the packaged bread in his hand.

Minseok finishes chewing and swallows, before scoffing. “Well yeah. With Junmyeon.” He looks at Yifan again, nibbling thoughtfully on his bread like he's graciously giving Yifan time to talk.

Yifan shrugs, not entirely sure what he's supposed to be saying here. “I can’t make him chill out about this debate thing any better than you. Just…let him burn himself out over it. The match is in a week, he’ll crash right after it’s over. You know how he is.”

Minseok shakes his head, sighing around his mouthful, and reaches across the table to pet a sleeping Jongin's hair with his free hand. Jongin snores a little into his book, but stays fast asleep. “…Wait is this where Jongin comes to skip lunch all the time?” Minseok asks, seeming put out. “Because he is _never_ at lunch, but I always thought he was, I don't know, bothering Taemin or something."

“Yeah no, he's usually here,” Yifan says. Jongin is the kind of person who works too hard almost all the time, and he not only has dance class at school but also after school four days a week at some dance academy. This means he uses any free time at school to make sure his afternoons are freed up for late nights at the studio. Yifan and Jongdae try to occasionally get on him about not eating, but Jongin snacks in class all the time so he assures them that it's fine. “He doesn't have a study period, so…” 

Minseok scrunches up his nose, but Yifan can tell his offense is completely manufactured for joking's sake. “So he constantly abandons me? We’ll be having words." Jongin snores louder, and Minseok laughs, petting his hair fondly again. "I mean, after this debate thing, though. Because I’m skipping lunch until Junmyeon stops asking me to do counterpoints against him, and then waxing poetic closing statements for ten minutes to test if they’re too 'ethos-laden' or whatever.”

“I know what you mean,” Jongdae moans out. “I thought once midterms were over we’d finally get to have some peace and quiet, but alas…”

When he also looks pointedly at Yifan, Yifan throws his hands out defensively. “I seriously don’t know what it is you both want me to do, though?” Yifan's actually kind of also busy himself. They're holding tryouts soon, and with the actual basketball season getting ready to start the coach and assistants have been modifying the practice schedule to be increasingly intense. Also there's the whole 'Junmyeon isn't going to just chill out because Yifan said to' thing, but apparently no one else cares about that.

“You’re the boyfriend, figure it out. Like…I don’t know, drag him off somewhere and make out with him until he forgets about his stress?” Jongdae offers hopefully. 

Minseok, who is now people watching the other students milling about the library while eating his bread, lets out a noise of disbelief before Yifan gets a chance to.

“Yeah...” Yifan says in agreement with Minseok. “That would be my answer too, to that suggestion.”

Jongdae groans, “Come on, but I’m in history with him! If I have to help him go through our book to highlight passages about elections with politicians revealing their alignments to garner votes one more time…”

“Didn’t I come in here specially to lodge a complaint? I share lunch with him,” Minseok reminds Jongdae.

Yifan scowls and looks back down at his notes. “ _Look_ , I can’t do anything about it, okay? He’s too tightly-wound for me to calm him down – I’m already doing my best, alright?”

Jongdae continues to whine piteously. “But finals are like…right around the corner. He’s going to be unbearable once we’re back from fall break, so it’s super important that we enjoy ourselves while we can.”

“Does he know you talk about him like this behind his back?” Yifan wonders idly, giving up on actually retaining any information and going to draw in the margins of his notebook. There's homework due this afternoon that he probably should be working on, instead of trying and failing to ignore his friends attempting to throw him on handling Junmyeon. Yifan officially does not believe in the art of handling people.

Jongdae's smile is evident in his voice – Yifan doesn't even have to look up to see it. “Yeah. I talk about him like this in his face too. He knows I’m a rogue-ish lovable kind of asshole; it’s part of my charm.”

That’s mostly a lie, because for all of Jongdae's bravado and joking, he’s actually very tender and careful with all of them and how he quietly takes care of them – Jongdae's more than likely only whining about Junmyeon in the first place because he’s worried. Like he said, there's fall break and then finals, so if Junmyeon doesn't disengage now he's going to be attempting to run full throttle on empty straight through the end of October up until December. But Yifan really does need to get that homework done before his last block, so he leaves Jongdae alone to his dreams of grandeur asshole-ishness or whatever while reaching for his literature notebook. The argument that’ll ensue otherwise isn't really worth it, not when they all always know he’s bluffing about it, and he knows that they know.

“I also talk about him in his face to him, because whatever.” Minseok says. And _that’s_ true. Minseok is either completely quiet or letting each and every one of them know exactly how he feels about something. “But even though it’s annoying, I do actually get it. His incessant need to be a perfectionist. Just…” Minseok waves his hand around in some kind of generic but soft gesture. “Quieter, please. Ask him to do it more quietly and less in _our_ faces?”

While Yifan appreciates the more considerate sentiments of Jongdae and Minseok's requests (Baekhyun, for example, was predictably blunt and a little biting about it; Chanyeol too), he doesn’t really _get_ when precisely he became Junmyeon's keeper, according to the rest of the world. He wonders if the others demand for Junmyeon to do stuff about him behind his back too. 

“I’ll ask.”

+++

"I'm avoiding engaging him on that particular subject," Yifan admits to a distracted Kyungsoo who's just blandly asked him if Junmyeon's doing alright or 'is planning to micromanage and over-prepare himself to death at this rate'. "I'm trying to give him his space."

Kyungsoo and Yixing are both bent over some music theory homework and busy making notations on the shared piece of paper between them, but Kyungsoo looks up for the first time in a while at Yifan's response. "Oh," Kyungsoo says. "I was just wondering what was up with Junmyeon being all...high energy, I guess. I wasn't like, trying to sic you on him or anything."

Yifan laughs. "That's a first."

Yixing looks up too, apologetic. "Are the others on your case?"

Kyungsoo taps his pencil on his homework, a half smile on his lips. "Gee, I wonder how that feels, to have at _least_ five other people asking you to look after someone else like it's your job."

Yifan frowns. "Is this...about Baekhyun? Or – maybe Chanyeol?" Jongin, when he's in one of his particularly brattier moods? ... _Me_? Yifan adds reluctantly to the list.

Kyungsoo waves his hand. "See? How I'm supposed to be babysitting all of you?"

Yixing reaches over and flicks Kyungsoo on the nose. "Hey, calm down. It's not like you're incapable of brushing us all off when you decide you want to."

Kyungsoo wiggles his nose, looking kind of annoyed, but ultimately quiets without a fuss. Yixing hunches over their homework to quickly scribble something down, then looks up at Yifan again. "How are you doing, then? With the stress?"

That question, of all things, has Yifan a little confused and taken aback. "Huh? What does it have to do with me? I mean it's annoying that everyone expects me to magically get Junmyeon to stop worrying and scurrying around when we all know that's just his way at this stage of stress, but – "

"I mean," Yixing says slowly, putting his pencil down and smiling at Yifan like he's said something incredibly and hilariously uninformed. Yixing's one of the best at making Yifan feel silly, usually with absolutely minimum effort on his part. "Like Kyungsoo said, it's kind of burdensome to have people asking after you to control someone else."

Yifan doesn't really think it's burdensome, just _annoying_. And it's kind of annoying how it seems like most everyone else who's whining about the inconvenience of Junmyeon being overbearing isn't thinking extremely hard about empathizing and putting themselves in Junmyeon's shoes when they complain. And if they are it's coming seemingly second to their own personal inconvenience. Maybe that's just because no one else is dating Junmyeon. Maybe Yifan's being weirdly oversensitive per usual.

"I'm fine," Yifan says, fiddling around with his mp3 player. He already finished texting his mom photo evidence that he's at the public library with Kyungsoo and Yixing, so really all that's left is to actually get some work done. Yifan can't wait until he's not grounded, so little things like slacking off at the library don't make him feel like the worst kid ever. "Anyway, how is the music theory homework going?"

Kyungsoo scrunches up his face. "Kind of horrible and very tedious. We're doing mixed meters and complex time signatures and I honestly don't have the energy for this – it's a _pain_."

Yixing sighs and slouches. "I know. But on the bright side we're almost done! At least she made it pairwork – imagine having to this on your _own_."

"That's good," Yifan says, trying for encouraging. He hasn't even started on anything yet. Considering that they've been here for almost an hour now, his procrastination is getting out of hand.

"Yeah," Kyungsoo says, with something a little less severe than venom but only barely. "Especially since Jongdae has been boasting about how fast he and Baekhyun finished it during their class block."

"Kyungsoo wouldn't let me ask for any of their answers," Yixing whispers to Yifan, nodding at how Kyungsoo doubles over their homework again with renewed vigor at his own mention of Jongdae and Baekhyun, eyebrows furrowed in stern determination.

Yifan shakes his head, smiling at Kyungsoo's stubbornness. "Yeah, I'm not surprised."

Yixing shakes his head right back at Yifan, eyes twinkling with something. Maybe that's mirth? Yifan can't really figure it out. "Obnoxious competitive streaks are actually a surprisingly common personality trait among our friends, don't you think?" 

Yifan finally settles on a song to click on and eyes his literature homework, which sits innocuously untouched on the edge of the library table. He isn't sure if Yixing is trying to impart another life lesson on him or something right now – it gets hard to tell when Yixing is always talking like a mellowed out spiritual guide. "Maybe," he decides to say noncommittally, and reaches for the book at the top of the stack.

+++

Yifan does try his best to delicately deal with the matter at hand. He _does_ want Junmyeon to not half drive himself into an early grave every time a deadline crops up.

"I'd love to chat," Junmyeon tells him when Yifan goes out of his way to call him after school after what essentially could count as complete and total radio silence since this morning has transpired between them. Yifan doesn't think anyone's seen Junmyeon outside of class in far too long, which means he's probably been holed up somewhere perfecting his argument notes – though Tao mentioned fundraising brainstorming season is in for student council, so he could be doing that too. All Yifan knows is that as the debate match draws nearer, Junmyeon's ramping himself up in a way that Yifan has only seen very rarely. Junmyeon's in too many student body activity things this year, and apparently the crunch times are all overlapping. 

"Seriously, I would _love_ to," Junmyeon says, and to his credit he sound deceivingly put together. He's probably got three different day planners open and a highlighter in each hand. Yifan is probably on speaker right now, currently a distant unimportant blip in Junmyeon's hectic life. "And I'm so happy that you called to check up on me, but I have to go – I finished one thing and now I have to meet with my debate partner before tutoring – I'm just busy, okay?"

"Okay," Yifan mumbles as he slouches into the AV room. Amber's waiting for him, looking up expectantly from some packet she's skimming over as he walks in. "You don't have to worry about brushing me off – I mean, I just think you should take a breather ever now and then, you know?"

Junmyeon laughs. "Right, okay, thank you Yifan. I gotta go!"

Yifan doesn't even get another word in before Junmyeon hangs up. Amber's looking up at him now with her head tilted to the side, her expression quizzical as she tucks a pen behind her ear to free up her hands and rummage through her bag on the table.

"Trouble in paradise?" She asks lightly, pulling a bag of chips out of the depths of her backpack.

Yifan slumps into a chair across from her. God, Yifan _wishes_. Not that he wants to fight with Junmyeon, which surprisingly beyond the general tiptoeing issue they had earlier on hasn't really happened. It's just, maybe a huge blowout fight would be easy to fix than this unspoken undercurrent of weirdness they tend to fall into instead. 

"No, just a big debate match on the horizon – plus, you know, everything else – that's making him..." Yifan wriggles his fingers in the air, trying to emulate a tiny explosion with his hands. "...a lot to handle. And everyone's decided I'm the one who's responsible for calming him down so..." Yifan sighs heavily and shrugs off his own bag onto the floor. "Whatever, I'm trying my best."

Amber frowns, bag crinkling in her hands. "You don't sound too happy with that. What's got you down?"

Yifan snorts, kicking his heel against the leg of his chair. "What do you think? Everyone's expecting me to make Junmyeon stop being a perfectionist because it's, I don't know, _annoying_ them, and I can't figure out how to ask him to do that while _actually_ being concerned for his mental health." Yifan feels bad when he puts it like that because, seriously, he knows they _do_ care too – Jongdae and Minseok alone are enough proof of that. It's just...agitating. That everyone else can't just accept the inevitable about this situation, offer their quiet support, and wait it out. That's what Yifan's resigned to doing. That's all Junmyeon will _let_ him do.

"Dude," Amber says when he looks up at her with what is probably a pathetic expression. "Just tell them to get off your back."

"That's – not..." Yifan frowns. "Amber it doesn't work like that?"

She pauses in trying to open her bag of chips with her teeth to look at him, comically wide-eyed. "Whoa...I didn't realize...friendship doesn't include telling people when they're bothering you...!" She laughs to herself and finishes ripping open the bag. A few chips fly over to Yifan's side of the table.

Yifan sends her a pained look, as she pops a chip into her mouth. "What I mean, Amber, is that's not what's happening here."

Amber licks her lips and eats another chip. "Isn't it? Or am I misunderstanding the part where you're anxiously trying to hint to your boyfriend that apparently everyone in the world thinks he's annoying, even though you disagree, and only because of peer pressure?" She points at the chips on the table. "And you can have those, I guess. I know how to share."

Yifan gestures, now meaninglessly because he isn't sure what hiss exact point here is anymore. "I – I mean, it's for his own good, to calm down. I'm worried too!"

Amber throws a chip at him. "Oooookay, if you say so." She goes back to the packet before her, puling her from behind her ear and jotting down last minute notes, on what Yifan is now realizing is a typed up script, and pulls out her phone as she slides it over to him. "Cheer up emo kid – and let me know if these questions are good for your whole team." She starts clicking away on her phone. "And if there's anything you want to add, questions or topics or game stats or something, just let me know."

"Right," Yifan says quietly, already skimming the questions. "Sorry for unloading on you like that. Thanks for wanting to interview us."

Amber throws another chip. "I'm serious, _stop_ , where's your pep? You're supposed to be my fun interview prep sesh!" Yifan just rolls his eyes, and turns to the next page.

Yifan doesn't think anything of Amber having her phone out – she's the definition of a social butterfly, plus with her radio show she's always handling the logistics for _something_ – until he's getting a text from Minseok saying _'? sorry, for stressing you out too. I can talk to Junmyeon if you want? just thought he'd be more likely to listen to you.'_

Yifan frowns and slowly looks up at Amber, who is now making her 'purposely guiltily too innocent' face she makes when she wants to be caught.

It still takes Yifan getting a second text from Minseok ( _'so please make amber stop yelling at me'_ ) before he gets alarmed. "I didn't tell you to yell at anyone! I'm fine!"

She waves her hand. "I didn't yell at him. And I'm helping you out." 

"I don't need help," Yifan tells her sternly. Amber raises a skeptical eyebrow and pops another chip in her mouth, like she's daring him to prove her wrong. Yifan finds himself rising to the proverbial challenge. " _Because_ , tomorrow I'm just going to tell Junmyeon straight that I think he's working himself too hard and that it's affecting everyone around him. And when nothing _changes_ , everyone will finally leave me alone about this. Happy?"

Amber slowly chews for a long time, staring at him thoughtfully, before saying anything. 

"...Huh," she finally says, pretty apologetically. "Right, I'm actually sorry for interfering, I didn't realize it was going to put you more on edge like this. Really, sorry."

He's not on edge, it's just this feels like it's being blown out of proportion – especially since all anyone can do is wait it out. Why is it Yifan's job to calm Junmyeon down? And why is Yifan kind of so bad at it? And then why is it his job to get everyone around him to cease and desist?

"Can we," he says in what he wouldn't call a _huff_ (but according to the eyebrow quirk it earns from Amber, she _would_ ). "Just get back to this radio interview prep for the team?"

Amber licks her fingers and then wipes them on her pants, nodding emphatically. "Yeah totally. If the script's cool and good to go, I can go print off more copies for you and all the rest of your jock teammates."

Yifan shoots her a look. "You almost play as much basketball in your free time as me, Amber _Jock_ Liu."

Amber brightens up, grinning wildly. "Hey, I almost like the J standing for that better!" Yifan just shakes his head at her.

When Amber eventually has to go run out to pick up the copies from the printer down in the main office, Yifan texts Minseok an apologetic, _'you don't have to talk to anyone for me, it's fine'_. After a moment, Yifan figures he should clarify further: _'amber misunderstood me, i'm the one who's sorry'_.

_'if you're sure you can handle it :P_ ,' Minseok jokes in response.

Still, all of Yifan's friends are going to be the death of him, he thinks idly when Amber bursts back in the room with a stack of copies in one hand and her cellphone on speaker in the other. "Viccy-vic wants to know why you're inconsolable and making my life hard," Amber sing-songs, like she clearly wasn't the one who _probably_ called up Qian first to complain.

"You're such a tattletale," Yifan informs her right before she shoves the phone in his face. On the other end of the line, Qian sounds mostly confused and kind of annoyed – and seriously, sometimes his friends are all horrible and _ridiculous_.

+++

Kyungsoo is, according to Jongdae, “actually sick for once," and according to Chanyeol, "barely able to walk straight, like I had to escort him to the nurse because he was barely surviving gym class and he wouldn't let me carry him but I _wanted to_ – ”

(Yifan is reluctant to call this 'karmic backlash' like Baekhyun was so readily deeming it, but it does seem like he's not faking it this time to get out of doing things he doesn't want to do.)

So. Yes, Yifan can’t recruit his help in the ‘attempting to calm Junmyeon down’ brigade. It’s a shame because he’d honestly be the best one for this job, seeing how he kind of gets best why Yifan isn't exactly enthralled about how he's been _tasked_ to Junmyeon. To be fair though, since he's been dragging his feet on the issue and quietly making his general displeasure be known about it, the others do sort of seem to be starting to get the point slowly. Yifan still is just really confused why apparently his _dating_ Junmyeon all of a sudden makes other people think he’s magically better at bossing Junmyeon around. Junmyeon humors him more than other people and obviously tries to do things for Yifan to make him happy about just as much as Yifan goes out his way to do things to make Junmyeon happy, but beyond that nothing about their dynamic has changed. Yifan knows the right ways to persuade him to do the occasional thing here and there, but…

“This better not become some kind of long-running, contrived problem,” Lu Han says, looking kind of annoyed when Yifan brings it up. The two of them are both idly watching Sehun chat with...well, Yifan doesn't really know _who_ they are beyond being someone who's kind of familiar looking. Yifan can’t entirely remember where he knows their face from, but it could just be that he's seen them around school. “I’m tired of that being a thing with you two.”

“It’s _not_ , geez,” Yifan mumbles, half glaring at Lu Han. Lu Han looks, for lack of better word, imperiously back at him, and Yifan regrets starting this conversation off on the wrong foot. He searches vaguely for a topic changer, and finds one right in front of him – literally. “Ah, who is that that Sehun's talking to? I feel like I sort of know them?”

Lu Han waves a dismissive hand. “That's because you do sort of know her. That’s Daeun.” 

Yifan squints, because it does sound a little familiar. She’s apparently said something hilarious, because now Sehun is laughing and clinging off her, while this Daeun is giggling and patting the top of his head. They seem close, so Yifan probably _should_ know her. 

Lu Han sighs at how Yifan is still drawing mostly a blank. “She’s friends with Sehun, clearly. And she’s in the same sign language class as Tao – which is what’s the hold up. Tao’s out on heat and Sehun's picking up his homework for him.” Lu Han bites down on a peal of laughter. “Those silly lovebirds.”

Yifan rolls his eyes at the barely held back laughter in Lu Han’s voice; he clearly finds the act hilariously endearing. “What, don’t you pick up Minseok's homework for him? What makes them so different from you?” 

Lu Han does laugh at that, incredulously so. “No no, his parents pick up his homework – or Minseok gets it himself afterwards. I _only_ bring food.” He pauses, humming carefully in thought for a moment. “And the gift of my company.”

“So…nothing,” Yifan retorts flatly. “You bring him barely anything and then you make him suffer through you. How kind.”

Lu Han punches him in the arm, but he’s grinning. “Alright alright, simmer down and tell me what the big plan is already. Because I know you can’t just be normal and go up to Junmyeon and say ‘so everyone’s getting freaked out by your freak out, so could you scale it back?’ And honestly, if it were me – ”

Yifan cuts him off. “I don’t care what you would do, that’s not how we’re handling this.”

Lu Han looks back at Yifan, apparently offended. Yifan can't imagine why, when it's general consensus that Lu Han is a handful on a good day, and a whirlwind on a bad one. Lu Han's usually flip advice, however well-intentioned, is just completely useless and inappropriate for Yifan's use.

“What, if I’m not allowed to help then why am I here?”

For moral support, but Yifan's not about to tell him that. “Sehun's helping, you’re just there to reel him in if he gets out of hand.”

The most interesting range of emotions passes over Lu Han's face, from disgruntled to confused to amused. He finally settles on skeptical. “What, because you can’t? Why _Yifan_ ,” annnnnd Yifan can already tell where this is going – “I didn't know you needed a big strong alpha to take care of you – ”

“Is that supposed to be you?” Sehun asks pointedly as he shuffles up next to them, still waving goodbye to Daeun over his shoulder. “Because that’s the real joke here.”

Lu Han reaches over and fondly ruffles Sehun's hair. “Brat.”

“Did you get Tao’s homework?” Yifan asks offhandedly as he reviews ‘the big plan’ (which currently only consists of: accost Junmyeon before student council with his trusty backup, and hope for the best) in his head.

Sehun nods and holds up a bunch of loose leaf papers, focusing a little too intently on a paperclip (that had _probably_ been holding said papers together before) in his other hand. It's bent up into almost a circle, as Sehun's currently playing with it and not really giving the two of them his full attention -- but Sehun being distracted and even more flippant than Lu Han is not at all unusual. “But what are we doing? Because I didn't really get a memo beyond you texting me to meet you after school.”

They’re winging it, that’s what. The whole point here is that it doesn't matter, anyway. “Just follow me,” Yifan says aloud, and whips around to try and catch Junmyeon at his locker before it’s too late. Yifan texted him to wait up, so he hopefully hasn't left.

And sure enough Junmyeon's dependable as ever, even when over-stressed. He’s waiting at his locker – though he is flipping through his school planner and scribbling down god knows what.

“Junmyeon,” Yifan calls to catch his attention, and when Junmyeon looks up and immediately smiles something in Yifan's chest catches a little. It’s nice, to be looked like that. Like he’s important no matter what. 

Junmyeon then sees the other two, and though he’s still delighted he also is a little confused. “Alright, to what do I owe this visit?”

Lu Han makes a face, stifling laughter while grabbing onto Sehun's arm, which prompts Sehun to snort and say, “You are so _lame_.”

In this moment Yifan suddenly realizes that he’s made a dire mistake. Why he thought Lu Han would dial Sehun back, especially after being explicitly asked to, he now doesn't know. Lu Han never acts cooperatively when asked. And Sehun and Lu Han together are nightmares; the only worse combination would be Lu Han and Yixing. How did he forget this? Oh no.

Junmyeon just smiles at them, though it’s a little frayed around the edges, like all his smiles have been as of late. So Yifan cuts in because he doesn't know where those two might take this if left to their own devices. “Be nice.” He says quietly. This wasn't ever supposed to be _involved_ , or anything. It was supposed to be a quick get in, get out, and drive home the point that there's really nothing to be done beyond playing the waiting game. He had just needed _witnesses_ , really.

Junmyeon only waves his hand at it, completely oblivious to how pear-shaped this encounter is already going. “I’m used to them.”

Yifan tries not to panic despite that he full well knows that getting Lu Han and Sehun to disengage is a practice in futility. He just has to figure out how to keep this a 'get in, get out' operation. "I still want you to be nice long enough for us to have a real conversation," he tells Sehun and Lu Han, tone maybe a little stiffer than he intends it. 

Lu Han must notice something on Yifan's face in addition to his voice, because his expression shifts noticeably to something less entertained and a fraction more, well, _thoughtful_ and maybe...slightly concerned.

Sehun does not make such observations. He shrugs loosely. “I don’t even know what I’m here for,” Sehun complains. “You can’t expect me to just put up with Junmyeon being absurd.”

Lu Han still laughs, though with much more reservation, like maybe he's just being gracious now. Junmyeon sighs heavily and only shakes his head, that thin smile still in place.

Something about it all makes... _something_ flare up in Yifan for some reason. “He only said hi!” 

...Okay, the thing here is that Yifan didn't entirely expect himself to shout. So now he's left staring at the others, kind of shocked at his gut reaction.

The three of them are looking back at him with varying degrees of surprise written all over their faces as well.

“Yifan,” Junmyeon says warily. “I said it’s fine?”

Yifan finds himself scowling, because it's not supposed to be about him. This isn't what this attempt at an intervention was supposed to be about at _all_. “I know it’s fine. _I’m_ fine. We’re not here for that."

Lu Han is now looking at him like Junmyeon's looking at him: kind of increasingly worried. Meanwhile Sehun is looking vaguely indignant, which is basically his version of worried and uncertain combined into one.

"Have I missed something...vital because I've been busy?" Junmyeon asks gently, eyes wide and searching.

Well this is _stupid_ , and not at all how this is supposed to play out – “No, stop looking at me like that, all of you." No one does. Yifan's panicking now. This isn't about him. " _Seriously_ , this is about _you_ , Junmyeon, and how you're freaking out over your competition and everyone’s been on me about controlling you, like this is how it works – ”

Junmyeon's expression is changing into one that's only a few shades removed from horrified, while Lu Han – well, still looks concerned.

“Hey,” Lu Han reaches over to touch the small of Yifan's back and what the _hell_ this has gone so out of control in absolutely record time. “Please don't freak out. We’re joking, you know?”

Yeah Yifan knows that, and he’s not _freaking out_ right now. No need for everyone to be looking at him like he's fragile, he’s just. Flustered. “I’m not – stop it, I know you’re joking, and this isn't about _me_.”

Sehun's squinting at him now. “Are you sure?”

Yifan shrugs off Lu Han's hand, only for Junmyeon to reach out and catch his elbow. Yifan thinks about shrugging that off too – _I'm not the only omega here, plus Sehun's the youngest so why don't you two baby him or just *someone else* for a change_ he thinks a little viciously – but instead he only glares at Sehun and Lu Han. He's kind of utterly lost, and more than a little agitated, but even so Yifan isn't all that sure as to why he decides to say, “Why all of a sudden are you both able to shut up about how much Junmyeon is getting on your nerves? I’m not trying to throw you under the bus, but – ”

“One, that is the definition of throwing someone under the bus,” Lu Han says airily, as his eyes flicker to Junmyeon's hand on Yifan's elbow. Something about the set of his shoulders seems to relax. “And two, it’s not just Junmyeon who’s looking like he might go off at any moment these last few days.”

Sehun hums. “He _is_ the only one looking like he’s going to drop dead asleep on his feet, though.” 

Something snarls in Yifan's chest at Sehun's words, even though again, he is fully capable of understanding that Sehun's words are not _actually mean spirited_. At least this time, he doesn't have any kind of unexpected outburst. 

Junmyeon laughs, but it’s cautious. His fingers are smoothing constant patterns along the ridge of Yifan's elbow. “Yifan – all of you – I’m fine.”

At this, all the attention re-centers on Junmyeon. He’s not really fine, he looks run down and haggard but with a smile plastered over it. He’s going to be a zombie soon. It’s wearing down everyone around him, and Yifan's worried that –

…Oh, Yifan realizes with startling clarity, what Amber and Yixing and even Lu Han just now have been getting at clicking into place for him. Right, okay, so maybe... Maybe this really is a little bit about Yifan too.

“You know what, you two go away,” Yifan says, looking at them sharply. He makes sure to exaggerate his frown so at least Lu Han picks up on the fact that Yifan's _okay_ , seriously, and that he's not actually mad at them. “I don’t need you if you’re just going to be this way.”

Sehun scrunches up his face, crossing his arms. “I have not been told a single piece of information from the get-go – ” 

Lu Han shrugs, totally complacent all of a sudden. “Fine by me. Come, child,” he says sagely while taking Sehun by the arm and escorting him off, only a little forcibly as Sehun bristles at him now.

“That’s _my_ thing,” he’s whining as Lu Han pushes him down the hall and around the corner. “Besides you can’t call me a kid when I’m _taller than you_ – ”

Once they're gone, Junmyeon levels Yifan with a look immediately. “Sehun and Lu Han? Really?”

Yeah, Yifan's already kicked himself over that. “Sorry. Kyungsoo was unavailable.”

Junmyeon laughs. “Obviously, or else he would had nipped your thing in the bud.”

Yifan feels a little bad at how Kyungsoo always has to be their keeper. No wonder he’s sick right now, they’re all always running each other into the ground. But something about what Junmyeon's just said makes him pause and consider it. “... _My_ thing?”

Junmyeon shoots him this look, one with a quirked eyebrow and a little disbelief. “Yeah. The one where you grab a bunch of our friends and try to, I guess, defend my honor?"

Yifan groans at how badly misconstrued his original plan has become. " _No_ , I was trying to prove to them that I can't make you listen to me about prioritizing your health and having better stress management skills."

Both of Junmyeon's eyebrows go up at that. "...Oh."

Yifan runs a hand through his hair. "Yeah. It took a turn somewhere."

"Probably when your internalized worrying about me blew up in all our faces?" Junmyeon offers in that kind-but-still-totally-smart-assed way of his. 

Yifan purses his lips in displeasure, annoyed that this has become about him again. "I just think we all need to have a conversation about that there are better ways to offer emotional support beyond relentlessly teasing each other."

"Ah, but it is just our way," Junmyeon says with a laugh, letting go of Yifan's elbow. He turns to close his locker, then turns back to Yifan, shifting his weight onto one leg. "Plus, the whole thing with everyone getting genuinely irritated by my studying right after midterms… I get it. I mean, I’m not going to stop being a pain in the ass, because I've got a competition to win – but I get it.” Junmyeon is sounding every inch like your typical alpha stereotype, which is kind of hilarious except he’s serious. Junmyeon's good at ignoring things he decides aren't important to him for whatever end goal he has in mind. Which has from the start been what’s got Yifan worried about Junmyeon potentially overworking himself. “It doesn't bother me, so don’t think it needs to bother you.”

And Yifan…well okay, yes, that’s mostly true. Junmyeon has just touched on exactly what Yifan's worked out, that this as much about Yifan's issues as it is about Junmyeon's. But the biggest thing here is that, seriously, Junmyeon didn't take a moment to rest after midterms. And yes, he’s determined and driven and intense and competitive and busy, but Yifan also doesn't want him to burn himself out in the long-term.

“Can you just please,” Yifan murmurs softly, his tone making Junmyeon almost straighten in attention, eyes going wide at the plea in his voice. “Please promise me to be a little easier on yourself? Take some breaks, get some sleep, _eat_. And – and maybe, maybe Skype your brother tonight to unwind or something. Please?”

Junmyeon smiles again, that soft sweet one that makes his eyes crinkle at the edges. It makes Yifan's insides finally unsnarl themselves. “Okay, promise. Now release me to go be late for student council, you horrible, bad influence.”

 

(“I asked Junmyeon about it, and he essentially said for all of you to just suck it up and deal with it, and that everything'll be fine soon,” Yifan tells Jongdae the next day at study hall. “You can tell everyone else that this is the extent of my abilities, sorry.” Jongdae sighs, rolling his eyes, but mostly the expression on his face is worried. Yifan gets that, but really, this is the best he could do.)

+++

Of course the jokes don’t stop – like Junmyeon himself joked, that’s just not who they are as people. But they all bear through it and get through the week with minimal other incident.

 _'Come to my house loser, we’re planning on being incredibly inappropriate at Junmyeon's thing and we need to prepare'_ , is what Lu Han texts him the day before the match. Which is typical, the planning on being incredibly inappropriate part at least. But basketball tryouts have finished and coach is letting them out early because all the notes and comments the current regulars have offered need to be evaluated to work out who's making the cut – and Yifan manages to get tentative parole from his mom – so at least he can make it. Tao picks him up, as freshly showered as Yifan is, apparently having come straight from his training hall to get him.

"Thank you for the ride, and also you smell great," Yifan tells him, hopping into the passenger seat while pulling out his phone to call Junmyeon on the ride over. He's finally got the free time to check on how Junmyeon's doing, after all.

"It's a new shampoo," Tao says grandly, and when Junmyeon answers over the speakerphone a half a second later, Tao plucks it out of his hand with a cutesy, "And thank _you_."

"Tao," Yifan says warningly as Tao turns it off speaker and holds the phone to his ear with his shoulder.

Tao waves his hand at Yifan. "Shh, I'm _on_ the _phone_. Mama Junmyeon! How are you? ...Yes this _is_ Yifan's number, thank you for noticing."

" _Tao_."

Eventually, after regaling Junmyeon on how wushu practice went today, Tao does turn the speaker back on, but Yifan still only gets about a minute of talking time (about enough time to say 'hi' and 'how are you' and get a 'pretty good' in return) before Tao decides to get the last word in and turns it off again.

“Anyway, we won't keep you, so get some sleep and don’t stay up all night,” Tao tells him authoritatively. Yifan can’t believe his minutes are being wasted like this – except it's Tao. So actually yeah, he can.

Tao pauses for a moment. “No, you aren't allowed to talk to Yifan anymore. You’ll see him tomorrow during school, and when he comes to your thing.” He pauses again. “No, think of this like an incentive thing. The sooner you go to bed the sooner you’ll get to talk to him. Sort of like a bride before their wedding day.” 

Yifan frowns and, slumping back in his seat, stares up and the ceiling of Tao's car. _Ridiculous_.

"Love you! Bye!" Tao says happily, turning to wink at Yifan.

“You are outrageous,” Yifan grouses when Tao finally hangs up and tosses him his phone back.

Tao winks again, and then turns his eyes back to the road, switching on his turn signal. “Don’t be surly, this is good for him.”

Yifan grumbles, nothing of coherence, just to make sure Tao knows he's not impressed, and fiddles with his phone a little.

Tao sees him out the corner of his eye, and points accusingly at him. “Don’t you dare text him."

"Why?" Yifan bats Tao's hand out his face. "And both hands on the wheel."

Tao does as he's told, but then Yifan catches his eyes in the rear view mirror looking straight at him. "Honestly?" Tao says, wriggling his eyebrows. "I think it’s more fun this way. And Junmyeon needs to be put on his toes before a big challenge to get in the zone, anyway.” He flashes Yifan a huge grin in the mirror.

Yifan snorts. “Oh my god, please stop making things up and speaking complete nonsense.”

Tao bites down on his grin and shrugs, breaking their eye contact via rear view mirror to focus on driving again. “Only if you swear not to call or text Junmyeon tonight. Come on, it'll be fun.”

"Sure Tao," Yifan says, voice full of disbelief. "It'll be _loads_ of fun."

_'I think we’re gonna be horrible at your match tomorrow, we’re gathering en masse in preparation. I am potentially being held against my will? Or something, tell Jongin's dogs I love them.'_ Yifan texts while Tao’s distracted at a stoplight (mainly because Tao is texting as well).

_'Better stop talking to me before Tao wushus you'_ , Junmyeon replies back immediately. _'Also I don’t believe it’s against your will, you’re all horrible all the time, so… No, Jongin's dogs will never know of your love.'_

Yifan scoffs and manages to send, _'you’re a sucky boyfirnndlk,,d'_ as Tao snatches his phone again and throws it in the backseat. Yifan hopes, typos aside, that Junmyeon understands the message loud and clear.

(That Yifan's kind of crazy about him.)

+++

Lu Han lives alone most of the time, his parents spending large chunks of the year back in China handling the big family business back there or something, and right now he’s in that lull of living independently. Which is great for the ten other teenagers currently flitting around the place. Right now most of them are mainly going between the living room and the adjacent kitchen.

Case in point, at this present moment in time Baekhyun is marching from the living room and into the kitchen, for some reason literally yelling at the top of his lungs into a closed water bottle as he follows Yixing. Yixing is one of the few who are actually still working on their ongoing project to make signs and cheer sticks, Yifan and a freshly recovered Kyungsoo included, and he’s moving wet paint brushes from where he’s been rinsing them in the bathroom sink to where they've set up a drying rack on the counter.

“Can you not?” Kyungsoo mumbles tiredly, making no attempt to be heard over Baekhyun’s shouting. Only Yifan and Jongdae, who’s sitting back to back with Kyungsoo and is playing some kind of foot game with Minseok while they discuss who needs to take home what to make getting it to the match easiest, seem to hear him. 

Minseok stops mid-sentence about putting cheersticks in his trunk (ah, so he's heard Kyungsoo too) and nudges Jongdae's foot with his own meaningfully, which warns Yifan about exactly how this is going to go down a second before it happens. He accepts this inevitable outcome, and carefully and subtly re-positions himself so he’s not directly in Kyungsoo's warpath. Sure he's been sick, Yifan reasons, but Kyungsoo seems to have mostly bounced back already. If anything, whatever is leftover from Kyungsoo's illness is only going to make him easier to agitate.

“Hey Baekhyun,” Jongdae shouts gleefully, clearly goaded on. “Kyungsoo says shut up!”

“Yeah, well Kyungsoo can kiss my ass,” Baekhyun shouts back just as gleefully, from where he’s draped over Yixing's shoulders and messing with the brushes as Yixing sets them down and organizes them. "What's he going to do? _Cough_ on me?"

Chanyeol, who’s also in the kitchen and has been pressed up next to Jongin while they've been eating Lu Han’s popcorn for the past ten minutes, looks up from his conversation with Jongin and smiles wildly, like he can’t believe Baekhyun’s just said what he’s said. Yifan notices that Jongin easily makes the switch from holding a conversation to watching Chanyeol with quiet and affectionate amusement. Jongin seems to realize he's smiling gently at the way Chanyeol is vibrating with excitement next to him, and quickly stuffs a handful of popcorn into his mouth. Interesting, Yifan thinks.

Meanwhile, as Kyungsoo begins to frown and carefully sets his ruler down, Yifan finds himself giving Minseok his own meaningful look, because really? Could someone just help with cleaning up all the art supplies? That’s all Yifan wants – and also for Tao to come back downstairs from Lu Han’s room with Lu Han and Sehun from doing who knows what and give Yifan back his phone already. Why did Yifan think that he missed all this while he was grounded? 

Minseok just shrugs in silent response and peaceably looks on, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Yixing is the first to react, sniffing daintily and saying, “Big talk for someone who’s halfway across the room.”

Chanyeol bursts out laughing at that while Baekhyun instantly rises to challenge the implication. “I’m not hiding behind you – "

“And the what, like five people between you and him?” Minseok throws in casually, adding fuel to the handiwork that is undeniably his fire.

“Like that means anything,” Kyungsoo says smoothly as he stands and brushes off his jeans, then begins to move through the living room and into the kitchen, face the picture of serene.

Maybe it’s Baekhyun’s yelping and Chanyeol's incredibly boisterous laughing, Yifan thinks, that draws Lu Han back downstairs, Sehun and Tao in tow.

“I leave to trades CDs and I miss a show?” Lu Han asks cheerily as he settles down next to Minseok and immediately nestles into his side. "Huh. So what's this one about?" Minseok, who’s apparently bored with it now, only shrugs as he types away on his phone, like he didn't have a hand in creating this mess.

“You’re awful,” Yifan tells Minseok solemnly. Minseok quirks a grin at him.

When Kyungsoo finally lets Baekhyun go and goes to join Jongin at the table, reaching for the popcorn, Baekhyun slinks his way back into the living room, Chanyeol close on his trail. “I don’t deserve such horrible friends,” he whimpers as he flops onto a not-vacant spot of the couch between Sehun and Tao. Sehun obediently scoots over while rolling his eyes, and Tao squawks.

“You deserved it,” Tao says decisively when Baekhyun solidly does not move after Tao tries to shove him off the couch. “I didn't even see what happened, but you deserved it.”

Chanyeol's folding himself up on the floor next to Yifan, resting his head on Yifan's upper thigh as he all but throws himself in Yifan's lap and looks over at Baekhyun. Yifan cards his fingers through Chanyeol's hair as a gentle 'hello' of sorts. 

“Why don’t you and Kyungsoo just date already?” Chanyeol says teasingly. “Since you swear this is your version of flirting.”

Baekhyun opens one eye to look at Chanyeol, and he smirks. “We can’t date, he’s too busy trying to steal your man.”

“This again?” Kyungsoo's saying from the kitchen, sounding wholly unamused. “Get new material already, Baekhyun.” 

“Jongin is literally feeding you popcorn right now,” Jongdae points out carefully, as Jongin places a kernel in Kyungsoo's waiting mouth. Kyungsoo chews and sends Jongdae a _so what?_ look from across the room, though Jongin next to him looks less at ease with this new conversation topic. “And I’m not trying to set off that ‘should Chanyeol be girding his loins from the likes of Kyungsoo’ argument again, _Baekhyun_ ,” Jongdae pauses and sends Baekhyun a look, who’s opened his mouth to say something and now is promptly shutting it without a word. “But it isn't like this point is completely baseless or anything, is all.”

“I feel like most of us are missing a larger conversation here,” Sehun says, tapping Baekhyun on the nose. 

“I completely agree with that,” Yifan throws in casually, looking down at Chanyeol and giving him a questioning eyebrow raise. Chanyeol is in Yifan's lap, for crying out loud, so he isn't entirely sure if Chanyeol actually _is_ worried about Jongin returning his affections, not when he gets that practically hanging off of someone can so easily be a cornerstone of affection in friendship. Not when Chanyeol seems to really get it best that Kyungsoo and Jongin are super close, are like the best friend kind of soulmates. Yifan also isn't sure if Kyungsoo has shared his sentiments that Jongin totally _like_ -likes Chanyeol back with anyone else, so he’s not trying to get himself in the middle of anything by revealing that.

Chanyeol only shrugs up at Yifan, but it's hard to ignore the weird hush that's fallen over the rest of them. Everyone's trying to see how this is going to play out.

Jongin is staying quiet and still, like that'll make him less of a target, and Kyungsoo sighs – but stops letting Jongin feed him – and offers nothing either. Chanyeol is noticeably flustered, but clearly trying to hide it, as he finally takes it upon himself to say something to break the tension. “It was a joke, the four of us were joking about something earlier forever ago, it’s totally not important.”

Baekhyun, of course, can't leave anything alone: he picks up on Chanyeol's discomfort and hones in on it with a devilish grin. “Oh? So should I return the favor and tell you that you and Jongin should just date already, or…?”

Chanyeol laughs and fidgets in Yifan's lap, instead of giving Baekhyun as good as he's given out. “Oh my god, come on Baekhyun, we’re totally not – I mean, why would you even think – ”

This is an unexpected development. Even Baekhyun looks surprised at the stuttering response he's gotten. Yifan winces, grimacing, and reaches now to pat Chanyeol on the head soothingly, because seriously this is getting painful to bear witness to.

"Oh dear," Lu Han whispers quietly to Minseok, who only nods in agreement, a frown on his face. Yixing is watching silently from the kitchen, eyes more alert than usual.

Baekhyun seems to regret the uncomfortable turn this has taken, because he’s frowning too. Tao nudges him and whispers (loudly enough that everyone in the room can hear him), “Good going, way to ruin the atmosphere.”

(“What do you even know about keeping an atmosphere?” Baekhyun stage-whispers back sharply.)

Chanyeol, who has always been very good at reading and impacting atmospheres even when they aren't as blatant as this particular one, laughs loudly to break the tentative silence that threatens to bubble up again, and Yifan's grimacing even more now because he can tell it’s forced. 

When Chanyeol appears to be, shockingly, lost for words and only lets his fake laughter drag on, Yifan keeps petting his head and tries to help deflect. He looks to Lu Han desperately and asks, “Uh, so do you want to order takeout and split it, or should we be getting ready to leave now?” It's desperate, but best case scenario they talk about food for half an hour instead of whatever's going on here right now. Worst case, Chanyeol can make an immediate break for it if Lu Han kicks them out.

Lu Han is surveying the scene around him with something like amazement at the swiftness of this newest development. "Yeah," he says distractedly. “Yeah, if you all want to stay I’m totally for it. You know I hate eating alone.”

Unfortunately, this attempt at deflection backfires: Chanyeol can’t go back to laughing like a maniac after this, but there’s a _very_ long lull between Lu Han’s words and anyone suggesting what to order that highlights the stagnant pause, and how it feels like everyone’s waiting for something to happen.

Apparently the pressure is too much on Jongin, who finally hisses out, “Oh my _god_ , fine, we’re dating okay? Like officially, and everything.”

Chanyeol bolts upright and stares wide-eyed at Jongin. Yifan winces this time because the top of Chanyeol's head has collided with his chin – _ouch_. 

Jongin just shrugs defensively and says, to maybe the room as a whole or maybe to just Chanyeol (it’s hard to tell), “There, you happy?”

Chanyeol's actually blushing faintly, looking shocked and pleased and a tiny bit confused. “No?” He says weakly, as Jongin also starts to blush – though much more fiercely. “Jongin you didn't have to – ”

"Oh my god," Sehun says, so hushed it sounds like an exhale. Yifan agrees with the sentiment because this is _fascinating_ to watch – even though his chin is smarting.

Jongin glares at Sehun, and then at Chanyeol again, but there isn't so much malice as there’s affectionate annoyance in his tone (which means this is definitely directed just at Chanyeol) as he grumbles, “Whatever, shut up.”

“Kiss,” Baekhyun starts to chant, the first to stumble out of his shock and Lu Han joins in easily. “Kiss, kiss – ”

“Kiss,” Minseok says. “And also I want Thai food.”

Jongin no longer looks petulant but instead like he wants to disappear on the spot. Yifan reaches over to ruffle Chanyeol's hair congratulatory (Chanyeol grins thankfully at him), all while completely understanding Jongin's retrospective regret as he looks forlornly on at them all from his place at the kitchen table. Kyungsoo's patting his shoulder comfortingly, and then throwing in his lot of, “I want Chinese.” 

“Pizza!” Tao shouts emphatically, and the chants are forgotten as everyone starts to bid for dinner.

Jongin is still frowning at them in annoyance when they all have to come into the kitchen to go through Lu Han’s drawer of takeout menus to decide on food, but still –

“Kiss,” Yifan whispers conspiratorially to Jongin when he slides into the chair next to Jongin at the table, and he grins when Jongin looks at him in disbelief, expression one of utmost betrayal. 

Kyungsoo snorts and claps Jongin on the shoulder again. “Yeah, good job Jongin.”

“Shut _up_ ,” Jongin moans out quietly, and Yifan tries to make it up to him by sliding the menu of the Thai place over to him for easy access, promising to pay for an extra serving of the dish he chooses.

+++

According to the 'secret Junmyeon watch network' chat they've set up, where they update each other on Junmyeon sightings and whether or not someone needs to intervene before he accidentally self-induces a heart attack, Junmyeon spends the entire school day reviewing his notes and mumbling under his breath (and occasionally fielding the student council treasurer who's trying to get some kind of okay for a fall fundraiser and is running a bunch of numbers and dates past the rest of the council). He’s not frantic, but he’s very clearly in the zone and running through last minute preparation.

In a way, Yifan's proud of him. Now that they're in the last few hours before d-day, Junmyeon's shed all his nervous energy and traded it for the much more familiar (and much more preferred) calm, 'do or die' take charge attitude.

“You’re going to do great,” Yifan keeps telling Junmyeon anyway, whenever they have a moment where they catch each other in the halls. He and everyone else have been sending him pump up texts over group chat (the normal one, that Junmyeon's part of – not the 'secret Junmyeon watch network' one that Jongdae made last night that Junmyeon explicitly and obviously is _not_ ) all day. Maybe they're all overdoing it, but Yifan would rather that than the other extreme.

Junmyeon seems to get that too. Still, he does end up shrugging them off a little by the end of the day. 

“I’m fine, everyone,” Junmyeon tells them laughingly as he heads out after school for student council – to hopefully sort out that fundraiser thing and get preliminary prom junk out the way for now. The match isn't until later in the evening, and they all still have their many various extracurriculars to get to and take care of.

“Of course you’re fine,” Kyungsoo says lightly, dismissively almost. Yixing nudges him meaningfully and Kyungsoo cracks a tiny little smile, the only break in his facade. “But good luck anyway.”

“We’ll see you at six-thirty,” Yifan tells as he leans in for a kiss and Junmyeon smiles and moves to meet him halfway.

"Thank you. Please don't be so obnoxious at the match that you get kicked out, though." Junmyeon says, quite dignified and put together for someone who not even a week ago couldn't stop bouncing argument run-throughs off of any and everyone.

As they pull apart, Yifan says, “Seriously, you’re going to do great.”

“I know,” Junmyeon replies, laughing a little again. “God, is this how you feel when we go to your games? It’s sort of unbearable in a way.”

Kyungsoo shakes his head with an almost inappropriate gravitas for the situation. "Wow, the gratitude here is astounding, Junmyeon." 

Yixing nods, also grave, before reaching over to swat Junmyeon on the butt. “Yeah come on, we’re trying to support you.”

Junmyeon nods, very serious and grave too, though his eyes are scrunched up with mirth. “Of course of course, and again, thank you so much for it.” Yifan can't help but flick him lightly on the forehead because he's just too much. Also, the way Yifan feels about him is too much. Everything is too much, but in a good way. In the best of ways.

Yifan manages to get one more kiss out him, sneaking in more murmurs of ' _just stay calm_ ' and ' _I'm so proud of you all the time, you know._ ' – before Junmyeon laughs and pulls away, saying, “As much as I adore being well taken care of and looked after, I _really_ can’t be late to council again." So Yifan lets him go only a little reluctantly, something Kyungsoo rolls his eyes at and Yixing laughs quietly into his hand about.

"Thank you," Junmyeon tells them with a wave and a kind smile. "I’ll see you tonight.”

 

(As predicted Junmyeon's match goes great. They have noise clappers and cheer sticks and their huge signs and Baekhyun, Jongdae, and Chanyeol have painted their faces the school colors. Most of the group hollers inappropriate things, all of them stand up and stomp their feet and cheer after each of Junmyeon's turns while the rest of the audience claps politely, and at one point Tao gets into a one-sided yelling match with the debate moderator – who he keeps calling 'the ref' – for 'making bad calls'. Junmyeon, who clearly has underestimated their ability to exceed expectations in being horrible and the worst, is too embarrassed to even look at them throughout the whole thing.

_Ridiculous_ , Yifan finds himself thinking again. They’re all truly ridiculous – every last one of them.)


	6. Stardust shines on you (love is being madly together)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((this is a pwp chapter; skip it if you want!))

Truly, the word to keep in mind here is _ridiculous_.

Because their first time is a joke. Or maybe that’s not the right word – accident is much more fitting, after all. It is a culmination of irony and ridiculousness and is just – so very them.

_God_.

Yifan’s hormones may be constantly off schedule, but it’s not like the rest of his peers _never_ have unpredictable heats. They’re all teenagers with too many hormones and weird spontaneous body changes that don’t make any sense. They’re all suffering when you get right down to it, a bunch of unwilling slaves to their hormones with little to no ways to deal with it. (Yifan can’t wait to be out of this stage of heat development, geez.)

So, as unsuspecting and undramatic as it all is, the day they have heat sex isn’t some special occasion or significant day. All that happens is Yifan walks over to Junmyeon’s place after school one day, because Junmyeon hadn’t come to school and, when asked via text if he was okay, had sent Yifan back a simple: _yeah just feeling under the weather. see you tomorrow_. 

Yifan is completely unsuspecting, completely doesn’t expect to burst into the room armed with Junmyeon’s homework and hot and sour soup from the corner diner to find Junmyeon suffering not from a cold but instead an early heat. He is just trying to be a good boyfriend, and it’s totally backfiring on him.

Junmyeon takes it pretty well and in stride, though his eyes aren’t focusing all that well. He just casually says with a very unsteady voice, “Hi.”

Yifan very carefully puts the soup and homework down on Junmyeon’s desk. “Okay, so maybe…” Yifan says slowly as Junmyeon looks at him with this glazed over look, clearly so far gone for so long that embarrassment at how he’s sweaty and hard (and eking some of the most enticing pheromones Yifan’s ever smelled by the bucketloads) is nowhere to be found. “Maybe when you were texting us, you should have mentioned it was your _heat_ making you miss school.”

Junmyeon’s voice is hoarse and strained as he laughs from amidst his tangled sheets. His musk hangs heavy in the air and it’s messing with Yifan’s head. “Maybe,” he agrees, managing to sound pretty nonchalant for someone who has probably nearly been driven to tears in the past however many hours from being so out their mind with arousal. “I honestly didn’t realize that’s what it was at first, though. It’s – early.”

Which Yifan can definitely relate to. He nods sympathetically, but his mind and heart are both racing and his palms are sweating. Yifan takes a very long look at Junmyeon, knows what the smart thing to do would be, and then very purposely _doesn’t do it_.

“Hey,” he whispers while climbing into the bed. “So I can help you with this? If you want.” Return the favor for all the times Yifan's been begging for it and Junmyeon's given him small reprieve.

Junmyeon blinks up at Yifan hovering over him, suddenly so close, before his eyes widen in shock. “Yifan – ”

Yifan is really playing a dangerous game here – but there is just something about how Junmyeon’s half out of his mind with heat that’s drawing Yifan to him, that’s got Yifan feeling bold in a way he really really shouldn’t, probably.

He leans in and carefully kisses Junmyeon. “I’m just saying that I want to. That we _could_ , if you want. If you don’t, I’ll understand – ”

Junmyeon groans, so low and guttural that Yifan tingles with the beginnings of arousal. “Of _course_ I want to, too. I _always_ – ” Junmyeon shudders and cuts himself off, before weakly starting anew. “But should we? I – god, Yifan I can imagine it. So easily.”

Yifan strategically positions himself so Junmyeon’s leg slips between his own, and then drags himself painfully slow along the length of Junmyeon’s thigh. He’s not doing this right, something in the back of his mind tells him, but Yifan’s having a hard time listening to that. “Seriously, if you don’t want to, I’ll stop. Do you want me to leave…?”

Junmyeon is looking up at him, expression twisted into something pained and confused, like he’s torn and warring with himself.

Yifan knows better, he keeps telling himself. Seriously, this isn’t a difficult thing to figure out, and he knows how easy it is to get swept up in your heat and beg for something you have no business having. “I should leave,” Yifan finally says, voice much more steadfast than his emotions really are. He needs to go, before this gets anymore tangled and messy and out of control.

But as he makes a move to get up, Junmyeon places a firm but gentle hand at the small of his back. It is the suggestion that he could force Yifan to stop and just hold him in place that makes Yifan freeze and stay where he is – even though he knows full well that Junmyeon would _never_ force him to do anything he didn’t already verbally ask for. But that’s part of it: that Yifan gets to surrender control, loves to do that with Junmyeon.

“I really,” Junmyeon says with calm, quiet seriousness. “Want to fuck you, honestly.”

If Yifan’s going to be the levelheaded one here, this is maybe his last chance. But…

But if they both are wanting and willing, what’s the point in trying to stay away from each other? He can’t think of any reason to stop themselves, not when Junmyeon is saying yes and sounding so sure of himself – and when Yifan’s offering himself up in the first place.

“Okay.” Yifan’s voice is quiet and small and he already feels like he’s falling apart. He’s already a little damp, already a little aching for Junmyeon.

Yifan nearly falls out of the bed, trying to get all his clothes off, while Junmyeon struggles to sit up and peel off his sleep shirt and boxers. Yifan rolls away a little to give Junmyeon room to move, focusing himself on palming at his wetness through his boxer briefs. To be honest he’s trying to speed prep himself; if Junmyeon thinks Yifan doesn’t want this as bad as he does, thinks Yifan is hesitating and isn’t ready, he might put a stop to this. He’s good at being authoritative, and in turn Yifan is good at letting that control wash over him.

Junmyeon watches Yifan, expression both appreciative and observant. It almost feels like Junmyeon’s less a wretched mess during his heats than Yifan is, except Yifan can see the way he’s pupils are blown open. Can see the way his whole body is shivering with want and anticipation, and can smell the way his body is reacting to Yifan’s omega-ness. He’s a mess too, but just in different and quieter ways.

“Come on,” Yifan says enticingly as he can, slipping his underwear off and swiping a teasing finger through his cunt, letting Junmyeon see how it comes away glistening with wetness. “…Please?”

“Of course,” Junmyeon says, hands already reaching for Yifan. “ _You_ come on.”

Junmyeon should be easy enough to coax inside though, Yifan thinks as he swings a leg over Junmyeon’s hip and hovers, long fingers pumping in and out of himself. “Give me a second,” Yifan tells him, even as Junmyeon carefully takes Yifan’s phallus in between gentle fingers and strokes it. Yifan grunts, and the extra stimulus along with Junmyeon’s alpha scents enveloping him has his cunt remarkably easy to work open.

“Wait, condom,” Junmyeon pants out as Yifan finally lines them up. “We’re being irresponsible but at the very least we should – ”

Yifan lets the tip touch to his wet folds and gulps at the sensation. It’s going to be his first time with a dick inside, and he’s eager. “You’ll just break it with your knot. You don’t have heat condoms do you?” The thought that Junmyeon has condoms at all has warmth running through Yifan’s veins. He’s thought about normal sex with Yifan enough to have prepared for it, which is as reassuring as it is hot. Too bad they’re jumping the gun and skipping straight to heat sex.

Junmyeon looks appropriately abashed. “No…”

Yifan forces himself to evenly breathe in and out, trying to ground himself, and whispers, “Well, then let’s go.”

Junmyeon’s eyes spark with something fierce and assertive, and then he is pushing up into Yifan. The initial breach has Yifan gasping in surprise, as his cunt adjusts around Junmyeon’s cock.

Junmyeon feels like heaven inside him. The fact that _he’s_ in heat is jumpstarting all sorts of things inside Yifan. It’s not heat, but it’s getting him high and heady on Junmyeon’s pheromones, making it so he can keep up. It sort of is like a shadow of heat, new wetness coming out of nowhere and every one of his nerves on fire.

Junmyeon groans as he sinks deeper into Yifan’s cunt, and Yifan gasps again in response. “You’re dribbling on me,” Junmyeon whispers. “God.”

And Yifan’s thighs are trembling, his wetness dripping slowly and sloppily down his thighs, down the length of Junmyeon’s cock. It’s so hot inside him, and Yifan jerks his hips back with a snap, his balls slapping gently against the front of Junmyeon’s cock.

Junmyeon groans again. “I shouldn’t be doing this. _We_ really shouldn’t be doing this.”

“You’re inside me already,” Yifan points out, squeezing around the girth of Junmyeon’s dick. “I – I think you’re already swelling up – you haven’t even come yet – ”

“I’m in, like, my seventh hour of this,” Junmyeon says breathlessly. “Trust me, I’ve already come plenty of times, especially thinking about you.”

Yifan laughs, or at least tries before the sound catches in his throat. It’s so weird to be on this side of the heat. Yeah, they are actually _heat fucking_ right now (oh god), but Yifan has kept more sense of self, more common sense and self-control than Junmyeon. He doesn’t feel like he’s hearing everything out of his mind, like there’s this horrible but addicting feeling persisting where it’s like he’s being boiled out of his skin. Doesn’t feel like how distracted and unfocused and desperate he is is a huge, bad thing. An annoying thing, on Junmyeon’s part, to have to deal with. On this side of heat, there’s nothing but affection and desire to take care of Junmyeon, Junmyeon who is trying so hard to stay careful and in control but just literally _can’t_.

But still…

“If you still really want or need to stop we can – we _will_ ,” Yifan says urgently, no matter how much he feels like he’ll want to die if they do stop. He’s felt that particular urge before in worse exaggeration, having been on heat and demanding these things before. He can be a good boyfriend. He can be a good support system even when he’s enabled the worse impulses of Junmyeon’s heat because he has no self-control of his own, apparently – even on good days.

Junmyeon laughs, and it turns into a gurgling almost crying sound. “I want it so bad, Yifan,” he manages to get out. “I want to keep going.”

Which, again, Junmyeon is already in him swollen up with knot number one: this first time isn’t really up for discussion anymore. This is so wrong though, Yifan realizes vaguely. They’re both not in a good place to be affirming consent or anything, not when Yifan sort of _knows_ he’s fallen just short of manipulating his way here and Junmyeon is going to crave and need more than he’s going to be thinking about the long term implications of what they’re doing. And Yifan – he’s. Right now he’s really far gone but he should be. Just. Doing better. Junmyeon does this all the time, with him, when the tables are turned. Makes himself think straight, act right, removes himself when things get too hard to handle. Yifan should do that. Yifan _can_ do that.

“I’m yours,” Yifan murmurs instead, grinding down into the pain of being stretched – and Junmyeon groans. “Claim me.”

He just. _Wants_. And there’s something about it, about how he’s power playing here to get what he’s been wanting for so long and just so bad, and how somehow it’s all leaving him with less control in a weird twisted way. Somehow it’s all reinforcing in his head how much Junmyeon _owns_ him. 

But, Yifan realizes fully now, this still isn’t totally okay. What they’re doing and how they decided on it isn’t really…totally okay. “I’m sorry, I – shit, after this if you want to – if. I’m sorry, you totally aren’t coherent enough to say no, are you? I never am, during heat, I’m sorry – ”

And maybe it is because Junmyeon’s better at this whole communicating thing, maybe it’s because he’s in his ‘seventh hour’ or whatever of heat and is more lucid than Yifan’s been giving him credit for, but he lifts himself up from under Yifan’s body using his elbows and presses a messy but deliberate kiss to Yifan’s mouth. Yifan is the one to introduce teeth, bites at Junmyeon’s lips because it’s too gentle and sweet by heat standards and it’s all not fair, that Yifan’s always so far gone and Junmyeon always seems to be in control.

“It’s fine, I’m fine, promise,” Junmyeon murmurs with a mostly wrecked voice, but his hands are still moving comfortingly along Yifan’s hips, up his lower back. “Didn’t I tell you before I’ve got you? I’ll always have you.” 

Their bodies are so close that Yifan’s balls are being cradled in the curve of Junmyeon’s belly. The warmth of Junmyeon underneath Yifan is somehow enveloping all of him, is comforting, even as Yifan starts straining for breath as the knot really sets in. “You don’t have to promise that,” Yifan chokes out, legs tightening in their straddling of Junmyeon’s hips. “To always be put together or whatever. I’ve got you too.”

Junmyeon laughs and drops back down onto the mattress. “I know Yifan. I… _god_ …” He’s still expanding, buried deep inside.

Heat knot is not like the knots Junmyeon endures from masturbation. And just like Yifan has never had any kind of knot inside him before, Junmyeon’s never knotted in someone before. The pressure of Yifan’s cunt slicked around his cock must be as mind-blowingly new for him as this whole thing is for Yifan.

Geez, seriously, it’s stretching him so wide. “God god god,” he suddenly becomes aware he’s whispering near-violently. His cunt is being stretched wide open and – and – and if Junmyeon could just come and fill him up more Yifan feels like he could die happy right then and there.

“Mine,” Junmyeon whispers fervently, a rare rare occasion because while Yifan doesn’t really believe all that much in the supposed alpha-beta-omega roles their society had once enforced much more strictly, Junmyeon makes him look like a slacker in how much he usually openly defies those schools of thought at every chance he gets. Right now though, he’s clawing at the skin of Yifan’s hips, clinging to him so tightly, keeping the squirming Yifan held in one place on the knot. “ _Fuck_ , Yifan.”

He’s so swollen in Yifan and Yifan grinds down on it, choking a little – crying a little. It’s big and large and deep – and the _width_ of it. That’s what’s important to Yifan, because it’s spearing him wide open. It’s also reaching deep in Yifan and pressing up into a spot in him that’s been crying for attention for ages. It’s making all the little instincts that have been crying and asking for so much every heat to shut the hell up for once, instead now an in-unison cacophony of _yes, fuck yes_.

“Get it,” Yifan pants out. “Get it deeper – wider. Junmyeon, come on – ”

Junmyeon snaps his hips up a little and groans. “It hurts, almost, how swollen I feel. I want to fuck you so hard and so thoroughly, but I _hurt_.” And he comes with those words, come trapped in Yifan with Junmyeon’s dick swelled too wide and yet fitting perfectly in Yifan’s stretched out cunt.

Yifan groans and reaches between them to palm his phallus. “Jesus.”

“I’m sorry,” Junmyeon whispers. “But a little bit more. I – just, I still need to fuck you more.” His cock is swelling back down, only barely but enough for Junmyeon to wriggle a little loose. The circular motion has Yifan seizing up around Junmyeon, and gushing out both his own orgasm and some of Junmyeon’s residual come with tiny audible wet sounds.

With Junmyeon less swelled but still curved and hard and hot inside Yifan, there’s no way they’re done. “I’m sorry,” Junmyeon is muttering, one hand sliding up Yifan’s stomach. Yifan’s eyes flutter close as it brushes over his nipple and then keeps going, until Junmyeon’s cupping the back of his neck. His fingers rub gently at the ridges of his spine, easy to find with how Yifan has his head dipped down as he breathes slowly, trying to regain his senses through how good he feels.

“For what?” Yifan asks as incredulously as he can manage, more preoccupied with grinding himself down on Junmyeon’s cock.

Junmyeon gasp-groans and performs a series of rapid-fire thrusts, pounding so hard and so fast that Yifan gags, before Junmyeon catches himself and stops. The effort makes his whole body tremble underneath Yifan. “Lack of foreplay,” he offers quietly. “And intimacy, love, all that.”

Yifan rolls his eyes, “That’s not – be quiet. I love this.”

Yifan starts moving first, as Junmyeon shuts his eyes and huffs out through his heat. Soon enough, though, Yifan bouncing enthusiastically on Junmyeon isn’t enough, and Junmyeon’s hips start arching up to meet him halfway. The noise of flesh slapping together is obscene; the rhythmic creaking of the bed is almost just as sordid.

Yifan’s clit-phallus is bouncing between them, and every time Junmyeon pushes up and in Yifan can’t help but make small yelping moans in time with his thrusts.

“You’re so wet,” Junmyeon is groaning out, fingers curling on Yifan’s thighs. There will be bruises there tomorrow, and all Yifan can manage to do is moan out his rhythmic _ah-ah-ah_ s. “You’re so – god, Yifan, you’re so good to me.”

_*I’m* good to *you*?_ He wants to ask, say incredulously, clenching around Junmyeon’s cock – but Junmyeon’s coming and then swelling back to full size almost simultaneously this time, and Yifan is immediately preoccupied by how he’s being impaled on Junmyeon’s dick. Junmyeon is still thrusting up into him, shallow thrusts that are accompanied by a gross wet sound that has Yifan more turned on than before. “Come on you,” Yifan finds himself saying instead, as Junmyeon groans and whimpers as the swelling somehow gets worse. “Come on. Hold me in place. We’ll get through it.”

The burn and stretch this time…at least it’s familiar. Yifan’s thighs are shaky from the prolonged time spent holding himself upright above Junmyeon, knees digging into Junmyeon’s mattress, and that’s a good distraction to focus on. Junmyeon’s grip is iron-tight and desperate on his thighs while keeping Yifan angled just the way Junmyeon wants him, and his face is scrunched up in pain. It should maybe be unattractive, but it instead makes Yifan struggle to lean down and press a chaste kiss to Junmyeon’s forehead.

The knot is wide and uncomfortable now, but it’s a kind of pain that Yifan sort of likes. At any rate, there’s something about the way Junmyeon needs for it to be taken care of, needs Yifan, that makes this all somehow bigger than him and his immediate comfort. There’s something about the way Junmyeon whines underneath him, as Yifan can’t move in the slightest because the knot is done expanding and they just have to ride it out, that makes Yifan’s cunt looser, wider, wetter somehow.

When Junmyeon’s initial pain is done and their being locked together has passed into swelling down, Yifan reaches between them to palm his phallus and balls all in one hand. He’s leaking into Junmyeon’s lap and not sated yet so he’s bouncing a little too, dragging himself as much up and down on Junmyeon as he can managed while still mostly knotted together.

“God,” Junmyeon groans, fucked out and in awe as Yifan locks eyes with him and bounces himself. The mattress squeaks its protests, and Yifan abandons stroking himself to use both hands to support himself on the bed as he leans forward and puts as much power into his movement as he can.

“Don’t move,” Yifan moans out. “I want to – I – if I can just – ” He dissolves into incoherency, but Junmyeon somehow gets it, just turns his head slightly to leave little butterfly kisses along the inside of Yifan’s wrist. Leveraging himself, Yifan grinds in little circles as he lifts himself up and then drops his entire weight down onto Junmyeon. Rinse and repeat: Junmyeon’s already come and he’s not getting harder, but he looks out of his mind with what Yifan’s doing.

“You’re being absolutely amazing right now,” Junmyeon says hoarsely, reaching up and grabbing Yifan by the back of the head to pull him down into a rough, sloppy kiss.

After a few shaky minutes, Yifan finally comes, shuddering so hard that Junmyeon’s now shrunken, soft dick slips out of him with a wet _pop_.

Yifan just barely manages to collapse in the space next to Junmyeon, rather than on top of him. There is a minute of silence, where he tries to catch his breath and gather his thoughts.

The silence lingers for some time after Yifan _can_ think straight. Beside him Junmyeon is still in heat, of course, scent less pervasive but gradually building back up already. It’s a heavy reminder that they are indeed teenagers, their bodies stupid and illogical in how long it drags out their arousal. 

“Should I leave?” Yifan asks in a tiny voice. Those two orgasms maybe have helped for now because Junmyeon is so late into his heat, but his body will rebound in no time, the heat made longer by coming. And Yifan doesn’t know if he should be here for that, tempting Junmyeon further.

“Yeah, maybe in a moment,” Junmyeon whispers to him. “I – Yifan when my heat passes, we have to talk about this.”

Yifan feels his heart stutter with something he doesn’t want to think about. Instead he leans in and presses soft kisses to folds above Junmyeon’s eyes. “Yeah, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have – I should have left and – yes. _Yes_ , we’ll talk about this. Geez, I have to – ugh, I could get pregnant, huh? _God_ , sorry.” 

Junmyeon looks at Yifan with so much fondness in his eyes, even as there’s a slight spark of arousal in them as well as his hormones start to bounce back from their momentary lull. “I don’t regret it, okay?” He takes Yifan’s hands into his own. “Seriously, I just…wish we had planned that better. It’s a big step. We shouldn’t have rushed it. But it’s done and it was…geez, Yifan you’re amazing, okay?”

Yifan nods emphatically and leans in for one more kiss to Junmyeon’s pliant lips. “I don’t regret it either. You – Junmyeon, _you’re_ the amazing one, okay?” It’s cheesy and ridiculous, especially when Junmyeon’s heat is still rearing its ugly head, but Yifan thinks this moment is one that’ll stay with him for a long time.

“Hang in there,” Yifan whispers encouragingly, after throwing his clothes back on haphazardly, as he tip toes out the room to give Junmyeon some space. “Text me if you need anything.”

And though Yifan has to figure out how he’s going to get a hold of the appropriate emergency contraception and how to hide this from his mom and, god, contemplate what this new _thing_ means for their relationship…

Well, despite all that, the dazed grin and shaky thumbs up Junmyeon gives him in return makes it all worth it.


	7. Fall from impulsive (Or: lunchroom shenanigans and other high school tales)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ((chapter 6 pwp had The Full Sex! junmyeon missed school, telling the others he was sick -- because he thought he was -- and when yifan goes over to check on him he finds out that it turned out to be junmyeon's heat. yifan makes bad decisions, doesn't leave like he ought to, feels mildly guilty but a semi to mostly coherent junmyeon agrees to a hesitant but persistent yifan to 'lol fuck it, let's just have sex'. immediately afterwards (kind of during, too) yifan laments that he's taking advantage and feels guilty about not letting junmyeon agree to penetrative sex during less heated (*rimshot*) moments, while junmyeon comforts him and insists it's okay -- we'll be dealing with that here in this chapter btw. oh yeah, and they didn't use a condom because 'lol fuck it, let's just have sex'. in case you haven't been keeping up with everyone's reproductive plumbing, yifan can totally get pregnant from penetrative sex with junmyeon. if you wanna pretend it's mpreg in that old traditional sense, though, I'll leave you alone about it.))
> 
> have an actual note that's not a pwp recap: chapters should inevitably shorten down again after...this one/the next few? just a heads up/warning, so it's not shocking when we drop from 10k chapters to probably I'm thinking....3-5k chapters? 
> 
> anyway, insistence still stands that complaints about consenting issues not being handled fully and properly in-story should be filed if you have them -- feel free to include why, how you think I should handle them instead, etc! it'll be rough, but I can include further narrative discussions of it if any readers demand it necessary. let me know! and ask any questions you want or have! I'll answer with no attitude, promise.

Figuring out how to clean up the messy aftermath is a huge pain. There's not a lot of ways to get emergency contraception without getting an adult involved, and Yifan's not about to risk frankly _anything_ involved with this up to chance. 

That being said...well, Yifan would hate to put someone else in an uncomfortable position, but Tao’s parents own and run a pharmacy. Growing up they’ve all made full use of the serendipitous benefits of the occasional free treats and even a contraband pack of cigarettes here and there. Usually it's not a huge deal, but clearly this isn't an ice cream bar or a pack of gum he needs here. Yifan will do what he has to do, and if Tao's parents want him to tell his mom he _will_. It's just he'd like to exhaust all his other options before wholly disappointing his mother.

“I need you to come with me after school to uh. The pharmacy.” Yifan mumbles, trying to will Tao to understand what he’s hinting at here without actually explicitly saying anything at all damning. It's before lunch and Yifan's made sure to catch Tao at his locker beforehand, because Tao can't always be held accountable to not immediately if not accidentally overshare -- he’s emotional. He’s very in the moment. Yifan -- is sure that in a true emergency situation Tao could be trusted to keep an important secret, _honestly_ he is -- but he'd rather be safe than sorry. Technically he doesn't have to tell Tao, but it's a huge favor to ask of someone else's parents and Yifan can't even imagine how he would even begin to approach a request like this on his own.

Unfortunately Tao predictably does not pick up on the silent pleadings Yifan's sending his way, seeing how they are silent and also how Tao is simply more focused on trading his books out of his locker and shouldering his bag. Tao starts to make his way for the cafeteria, and lifts an eyebrow when Yifan lingers, so he has no choice but to follow. “The pharmacy? Why? I have practice right after school, you know that. And I kind of can’t just blow it off today.”

"Ah...that's fine then?" No it's not. Why did he say that? It's not fine, he at the very least needs Tao to call his parents and give them and heads up about Yifan's predicament, because there's no way he can breach the topic all on his own. 

But unfortunately Yifan isn't sure what else to say. He's had all morning to work on this -- all yesterday night too -- and yet he's still silently letting Tao just usher him along, telling some convoluted story involving sign language class being boring and Tao texting apparently half the world and updating his instagram about twelve times with covert videos of fellow classmates falling asleep. 

"Zhou Mi actually took time out of his so called busy college schedule to let me know my life is boring and tragic," Tao says. "Even though I know for a fact he doesn't have class before 10 am....he was probably texting me from his bed!"

"Um that's...so interesting, Tao, but..." Yifan is running out of time to work this out. They're passing into the threshold of the cafeteria, and he can see their designated table off in the distance.

Tao sighs. "I know it's not really. My life kind of is boring and tragic, it's depressing. Anything interesting happen with you lately?"

Yes, actually. "No," he says as stoically as he can manage.

So when the two of them sit down at the lunch table together, Yifan has officially made no progress on this very important matter. That's okay, he tells himself as he focuses on his sandwich. He's still got some time to work this out. There's the rest of school day to get this done. 

"Hey there," Jongdae says, the first to greet them besides Yixing waving at them as he sips his juice. From what Yifan can tell upon their arrival, lunch is already shaping up to be a pretty typical affair: Baekhyun's emphatically telling some story, Kyungsoo's dutifully enduring a cracking up Chanyeol hanging off of him (though Yifan sees Kyungsoo smiling slightly every now and then too at whatever Baekhyun’s saying), Yixing is flipping through some kind of homework for something, and Jongdae is clearly welcoming them to the fold. "What's up?"

Tao sits next to Kyungsoo, and Yifan next to him and across from Yixing. "Less than nothing," Tao says cheerily from beside Yifan. "How about you?"

From the tidbits floating down from Baekhyun's end of the table, Yifan _thinks_ there was some kind of incident in the student parking bay this morning, but it's hard to tell what's just embellishment on Baekhyun's part, halfway into his story. Jongdae shrugs tellingly, then nods at Baekhyun.

Everything’s _normal_. Practically anyway. Yifan pokes at his sandwich bread tentatively before taking a bite. He doesn't _feel_ normal, though. Instead he feels like he's got some huge telltale sign on him that'll give him away any second now, but he reminds himself to act normal. Just act normal and everything will be fine. "So we're just letting Baekhyun regale us on the dramatics of his life, huh?"

Kyungsoo, who apparently has finally grown sick of Chanyeol clinging off him and shakes him off to turn towards their end of the table, says, "Basically yes."

Tao laughs at the way Baekhyun pauses long enough make a face at Kyungsoo's back. It's long enough for Jongdae to lean forwards on the table to throw in some asinine remark that Yifan doesn't quite catch -- and probably wouldn't have understood even if he had -- and it sets Chanyeol off talking all fast and excited about something concerning their shared gym class. Yifan turns his attention to a conversation he can actually keep up with.

"How's your articles journal for government class going?" Kyungsoo is asking Tao.

Tao shrugs. "Uh? I was going to have Junmyeon help me out. When is that due anyway?"

"Soon," Yixing tells him. "I'm guessing your journal is...?"

Yifan remembers Sehun being totally surprised when he saw Junmyeon's early completed project when they were swapping notes the other day, to the point of asking them _what is that?_. Based on that... "Let me guess," Yifan mumbles. "You've barely started?"

Tao waves a hand, unaffected. "I've got more done than Sehun."

It would be more impressive to have less than Sehun done, seeing as he didn't even know of the journal's existence let alone deadline until maybe two weeks ago. "Yeah that's...." Kyungsoo says, trailing off tellingly.

Tao makes a face. "Whatever, I'll get it done."

Yixing nods calmly. "I'm sure you will. Feel free to ask for help."

Yifan nods too. "I'm almost done, so if you need supplies let me know." Yifan has leftover stock paper and stuff, courtesy of Junmyeon's over-preparedness. They had made a date night of scrapbooking articles for class, seeing as his mom had still been kind of wary about the two of them meeting up alone together -- which. Well, haha, turned out to be for good reason, Yifan thinks to himself.

Tao grins. "Of course." There's a moment of silence as he finally starts eyeing his salad, before he makes a slight noise of remembrance. "Oh hey," Tao says lightly. "I forgot to ask earlier -- Yifan, what did you even need to go to my parents' for anyway?"

Yifan looks up from his sandwich, taken aback at the sudden change in topic. He may have messed up, earlier, not taking the plunge and explaining all the way through. "...Uh. Huh?"

Tao waves his hand. "No it's just, I mean, if it's important or something I obviously don't _actually_ care more about being on time at the training hall if you need my help with something else."

Yifan has no clue how to disengage this conversation. He's made a terrible mistake. "No, Tao, don't worry about it. It's not important, promise."

From the way Tao and Kyungsoo look at him with varying degrees of disbelief, Yifan knows it's not convincing. At least, he thinks in consolation, the others, the ones he really has to be worried about, are still wrapped up in their own conversation about gym.

This blessing doesn’t fully hold up though. Jongdae, always the best at balancing multiple conversations -- evidenced by how he’s now actually messing around on his phone on top of bouncing between two conversations -- chimes in quickly. "Wait, what's going on?" He looks at Yifan with wide, worried eyes. "Tao’s parents' pharmacy? Is our basketball team's sole hope getting sick?"

Yifan frowns. Maybe...he can work with this. Misdirection is his only defense, since he already shot himself in the foot concerning secrecy. But he can’t fake being sick when he’s not. “Shut up, I'm not the sole hope.”

Yixing looks him over carefully. “Are you getting sick, though?”

“ _No_ , I just…” He can’t think of a way to _actually_ deflect and misdirect, though. He’ll just deny, de-emphasize, and deny some more. That’s gotta work -- it just has to. “It's nothing.”

Tao nods to Yifan next to him, now zeroing in on picking through his salad and picking out all the croutons to eat first. "Yeah, but you were asking and -- "

Yifan knows cutting Tao off isn't optimal for acting normal, but he can't help it. "It's _nothing_ , it's fine. I mean..." He chooses to mumble into his sandwich. "It's not a big deal."

Now Chanyeol is latching onto to the conversation -- which has Baekhyun turning to their end of the table too, finally -- and he’s raising an eyebrow, not saying anything but pausing in raising his soda can to his lips, eyes questioning. Yifan shakes his head at Chanyeol, and then Baekhyun, and he repeats calmly, “I'm not getting sick, everyone. 

"Okay then?” Tao says nibbling on his crouton and not nearly as invested in this conversation as everyone else. “If you're sure?"

Kyungsoo is frowning at Yifan, not as convinced, but Yifan tries to stay very very still and look as nonchalant as possible. “Yes, I'm sure.”

Baekhyun snorts out something, but he's taken a huge bite of pasta and it's mostly unintelligible (which is probably for the best).

Tao pops a half-eaten crouton into his mouth before looking sidelong at Yifan, raising an eyebrow. "Don’t do your version of biting my head off, geez. I’m only checking because it's not like you usually make a habit of asking me for favors."

Yeah see, here's that accidental oversharing thing Yifan was worried about. "Sorry, I’m not...trying to bite anyone’s head off.” He’s just on edge and trying to play it off that he’s not. “But seriously, don’t worry."

Baekhyun snickers. That’s...probably not good. "You know, with how you're trying to avoid answering the question I have a few _guesses_ about what it is you need from the pharmacy -- " And he wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.

Yifan _does_ cut Baekhyun off will no hesitation. "I know it's hard for you, but please don't be this way."

Baekhyun looks taken aback. "Don’t be what way? Observant? Not willing to sit through your Virgin Mary act? Listen, Yifan, if you finally wanna bone Junmyeon that's _fine_ \-- "

"Wait, hold up. Please," Chanyeol says, setting down his soda in distaste. "I am trying to eat. I don't want to have a conversation about their sex life right now."

Tao hums, and idly throws a mini tomato at Yifan. "Aren't you only barely on parole with your mom, also? Sounds a little more daring than your usual." Yifan tries not to color at that as he thinks about how much more daring the whole thing really is.

Yixing nods, a concerned look on his face. Yifan realizes they can never ever know what’s actually transpired, if he can help it. "Your mom is no joke. I would wait a second for the dust to settle, if I were you."

"I second that motion," Jongdae says, raising his hand unnecessarily. He looks down at his phone. “Mm, Liyin says hi, by the way, all.”

“Hi Liyin,” Tao says, before waving a finger at Yifan. “And the common consensus says: down Yifan.” 

"Well, I second the motion put forward by Chanyeol to have a completely different conversation right now." Yifan grumbles.

"Here here!' Chanyeol shouts with a grin.

Baekhyun shrugs and ignores Chanyeol. "Yeah yeah, whatever, like you and Junmyeon are actually _ever_ going to go all the way. Knowing you, you're just hem-hawing over being prepared for the impossible, non-inevitable of you having sex. Not that I’m not all for having spare condoms on hand just in case, but..."

Yifan frowns and blinks slowly, confused but also getting the distinct impression that he’s just been insulted. Kyungsoo's the one to say, “What you just said almost made no sense.”

"And hey, that's a little rude," Jongdae points out, pausing in messing with his phone to send Baekhyun an unimpressed look. “They could do it if they want to, just let them work it out in their own time.”

“Oh whatever, they’re _never gonna bone_ , I’m calling it now!” Baekhyun practically shouts, drawing sighs from most of the table.

And Yifan's...he’d be offended and annoyed in any other situation -- but it’s not any other situation. So he’s fine with Baekhyun's callousness, as long as it's not drawing any more attention to him than necessary. But unfortunately --

"Wait, but Yifan,” Baekhyun begins to say, sounding horrified. “Wait. You're...blushing.”

Ah, great. Yifan tries to look inconspicuous, and determines that it’s in his best interest to stay silent.

Tao looks up from the mini tomato he's throwing at Yixing, eyebrows knitting together. "What?” After a prolonged moment where he inspects Yifan’s stony face, he shakes his head a little. “Are -- wait, _are_ you actually trying to get me to help you get condoms for Mama Junmyeon because you're too embarrassed to do it on your own or ask him to -- _Yifan_."

So this is officially going to maybe be a trainwreck in one way or another. Yifan needs to escape the conversation pronto, but doesn't know how. "Uh," he says, because if he denies this misunderstanding, that only leaves the worse truth to be uncovered. Is this better? Yifan is just trying to get out of lunch time as unscathed as possible, honestly. 

Chanyeol laughs in disbelief; Jongdae is frowning a little, expression thoughtful and a little similar to the expression on Yixing’s face; Kyungsoo appears to be trying to master astral projection at this moment; and Baekhyun is back on the topic like a dog on a bone. This is horrible, but also the best alternative he’s got going for him.

"Oh this just figures,” Baekhyun is saying with all the glee in the world. “Oh my god, you're worse than I thought! Okay, Yifan, if you need someone to hold your hand and give you advice on the best condoms to get, you don't have to ask _Tao_ for help. I mean, I've seen almost all of you naked I think -- "

"You've seen almost half the school naked, honestly," Yixing points out kindly.

"Anyway," Baekhyun plows on. "What I'm saying is that I'm like. A professional. I could totally give you better tips on buying protection, and getting the probably right size.”

“There's a joke here somewhere about you guessing Junmyeon's dick size,” Yixing says dully. Baekhyun ignores him.

“ _And_ we'll go to some random convenience store for it. Then you won't have to look Tao's parents in the face later on and know that they know that you're _sexually active_. Which, let's face it, would just make you combust on the spot in embarrassment."

Yifan is definitely blushing now, face hot. He notices that Jongdae is eyeing him with a strange look that Yifan can't quite place. When Yifan locks eyes with him, Jongdae lifts his hands in a defensive manner before going back to messing around on his phone and minding his own business. At least that's one less person to worry about. "Oh my god,” Yifan says, finally finding his voice. “Please shut up?"

Kyungsoo, failing at blocking them all out, frowns, annoyed, and reluctantly joins the conversation. "Listen, you know, Yifan's not _actually_ a caricature of an omega or anything. Guys, come on."

(Chanyeol throws an arm over Kyungsoo's shoulders. "Come on, don't be like that, we're not trying to say that he is." He gets an elbow to his ribs for his troubles.)

"Yeah," Yixing says in light agreement. "There's no way Yifan is actually as flustered over condoms as you're making him out to be, Baekhyun. Give him a break.” 

Tao chirps happily, "Or that Junmyeon wouldn't just handle it if he was."

Yifan, embarrassed as he is, can't help but grumble, "Gee thanks." Tao grins and pats him on the back reassuringly.

Baekhyun flutters his eyelashes and depending on what he says, this could make or break Yifan's escape chances. Yifan waits with bated breath to see which it’ll be. "Yeah, we all know Junmyeon handles _everything_."

“...Gross.” Yifan says with a roll of his eyes, and he throws a piece of lettuce from Tao's salad in Baekhyun's direction. "Don't be petty, it's not as cute a look as you think."

Baekhyun smiles grandly before picking up the lettuce and popping it in his mouth. "So says you."

"Hey, stop wasting my food!" Tao fumes. "It's for me, not for you to throw it and for Baekhyun to eat instead."

"You were already throwing bits of it at me," Yixing points out.

"Of my own decision and volition," Tao says sternly. "There's a huge difference."

Jongdae, who has been comparatively quiet ever since going back to what Yifan’s assumed is him texting Liyin, finally looks up from his phone again -- but very slowly. Very, very slowly, his eyes getting wide as they lock back onto Yifan. That's not -- that's not at all good.

"Then actually eat your salad if you're going to make a big deal of it, Tao," Yifan tells Tao, trying to act like Jongdae's eyes aren't wide as saucers. Maybe if he doesn't acknowledge Jongdae, Jongdae won't say anything?

No such luck. "Hey, no. No, wait a second. Junmyeon was out because he was sick yesterday," Jongdae says quietly, voice hushed with something not unlike suspense. Yifan can only watch in horror as this unfolds. "He said he was sick yesterday. But he's here today and totally fine. And just now, he only vague-answered me when I asked him about yesterday and -- and oh my god, today you're asking about _pharmacies_ \-- "

Yifan's trying to stay calm, but Kyungsoo's eyes have gone wide too, his expression the almost embodiment of an exclamation point personified. Yifan doesn’t know what he could possibly say to stop this from happening, but he still tries to say _something_. "Jongdae -- "

The others are in various points of being just about to piece it all together when Jongdae leans across the table and hisses, “Oh my _god_ , did you guys have _heat sex_?”

There is exactly one second of dead stillness before anyone reacts. And then it ends.

Baekhyun whoops loudly, Yixing blinks a lot and frowns, Chanyeol gasps, mock scandalized, while Tao is _actually_ scandalized and Yifan wants to sink into the floor and disappear forever. Kyungsoo and Jongdae keep staring at Yifan with wide, accusing eyes.

“What?” Yifan says, trying to play at innocent. “I don’t know what…”

Yixing, the quiet traitor that he is, demonstrates a devastating blow to this attempt. “What do you need from Tao’s family’s pharmacy, then?”

Yifan just stares, silently murderous, at Yixing for a very long time. Yixing only mouths 'unprotected? really?' at him before smiling serenely, like this is some kind of comeuppance that Yifan deserves. Well, okay maybe he does. He's definitely learned a lesson about how not worth it a spur of the moment decision is, that's for sure.

“Oh my god,” Baekhyun is saying. “Oh my god? I _was_ wrong -- so wrong and, you know, I can’t believe you’re joining the disgustingly attached ranks of Jongdae and Liyin.”

"What?” Jongdae squawks. "Why am I getting dragged into this?"

Baekhyun makes a face like he isn't the one to blame, despite being the one who brought it up. "Hey, you have heat sex under 18, and you've brought any ridicule upon yourself. I can't believe you, Yifan." He glares at Jongdae. "You either, Jongdae. Even though it's old news."

(Yifan feels the beginnings of hope for the first time since lunch started. Maybe if he plays his cards right and is very very quiet and still, he can let the conversation topic change and then sneak away. After all, whenever Baekhyun brings up this theory about Jongdae and Liyin, Jongdae always gets...well...)

Jongdae rolls his eyes, scoffing viciously. “You know, Baekhyun, to this day I will continue to counter that you have no proof we had heat sex that weekend. So shut up.”

Chanyeol barks out a laugh, “Oh good one, like any one of us actually believes you didn’t.”

Jongdae puts his phone down on the table with way more force than necessary, visibly ruffled and annoyed. "Why are you doing this to me? _Seriously_."

But it is Kyungsoo who says, deadly slick and in a pretty spot on imitation of Jongdae’s voice, “‘But guys you don’t understand what it’s like for us betas, we don’t have them every month so if someone wants to wait for your heat, that means it’s _real_.’” Kyungsoo looks at Jongdae and gestures to him. “…Kim Jongdae, the beginning of sophomore year, in his rousing series of _I just want Liyin to notice I’m in love with her_.”

Jongdae laughs good naturedly, though the tips of his ears are red. “Okay, so you can shut the hell up too, Kyungsoo -- but you can’t tell me that it’s not true.”

“What, that you’re in love with her?” Chanyeol asks, just to be obnoxious, obvious by the way he's grinning.

Jongdae sighs exasperatedly, clearly annoyed, “ _No_ \-- well yes, but. I _mean_ the sentiment of waiting.”

Baekhyun wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. “That how she gets you to put out for her heats too? Her adherence to ‘the sentiment of waiting’?”

(Yifan is eyeing his escape options because this appears to be working? It’s actually _working_. Well, Yixing is looking at Yifan again like he's very very disappointed, and Tao is just staring open mouthed at Yifan like he's the biggest sinner of all time or something. But Tao is speechless and Yixing is wordlessly judging, so he'll deal with them later.)

Meanwhile Baekhyun is still going. “And what is this ‘I have no proof’? Excuse me, you both skipped school that Friday and came back the next Tuesday blissful and fucking _glowing_ ,” Baekhyun says, accusingly. “And then you mysteriously and suddenly stopped talking about the tragedies of heat sex being considered less important for betas? I’m sorry? But that’s not a coincidence, and I don’t need any more proof than that.”

Jongdae glares at Baekhyun and slowly says, deliberate as his eyes slide over to Yifan (whose heart sinks at the eye contact), “...Are you all really going to let Baekhyun rehash this same stupid argument, and let yourselves forget that Yifan and Junmyeon apparently had heat sex without protection and now _somebody_ needs the pill?”

" _I_ didn't forget for a second!" Tao says angrily, jabbing Yifan in the side of the leg with his knee.

The rest of everyone's attention has, of course, been immediately refocused back on Yifan. He decides to just avoid this fallout in as graceful a way he can figure. “Tao, text me later,” he mumbles, and he flees.

+++

So everyone else in their group knows by the time next class period starts (not like it’s hard -- most of them share first lunch, after all). Which isn’t a surprise, but the fact that Lu Han skips out on his own lunch to come find Yifan in physics, walking in the classroom literally to just point at him and splutter while looking bewildered, is a little much -- even for him.

“You’re leaving Sehun hanging right now in favor of dramatics,” Yifan tells him angrily, ears heating up at the way his classmates stare at Lu Han and murmur to one another in confusion. There’s no need for this whole thing to be any more public than it already is. “So really, who’s the worst right now?” The misdirected anger (because Yifan’s so stupid, and this is hundred percent his own fault, from start to finish -- ) works, because Lu Han looks appropriately ashamed and leaves soon after that.

‘ _I’m sorry it sort of just…got out during lunch_ ’, Yifan texts Junmyeon apologetically as soon as he can, after physics and during what’s supposed to be his study hall...not that he’s planning on sitting in the library to be gawked at by Jongdae and maybe Jongin -- who might choose today to attend lunch, considering recent turn of events. The others aren’t going to let them live this down, and Junmyeon has lunch during last lunch shift, which is starting just about now. This means Junmyeon is either going to have to bear through lunch with the teasing and shock aimed his way, or he’s going to have to skip because Minseok is brutal when he wants to be and Jongin, who typically is quiet and obedient with literally everyone _but_ Junmyeon, can latch onto that easily. Also Baekhyun’s been leading some sort of potshot crusade over the groupchat to give the two of them plenty of material to work with. To give _everyone_ plenty to work with. Yifan wants to disappear off the face of the planet.

‘ _it's fine_.’ Junmyeon texts back, easily and quickly. ‘ _let me know if you need help with anything though?_ ’

Ah, and then there's that. The reason Yifan’s gotten them in their current predicament in the first place. ‘ _it's fine_ ’ Yifan parrots back. ‘ _after tao got over his shock and idk disappointment in us he said he'd help me with it._ ’

There’s a bit more of a pause before Junmyeon replies. Yifan doesn’t know if that means something, or if he’s reading into things, but the text itself isn't all that incriminating: ‘ _that's not really what I meant but good to hear. talk to you later?_ ’

He still feels weird, and heavy with so many counts of guilt. ‘ _okay_ ’ Yifan says, then sends Junmyeon an innocuous emoticon -- and immediately gets an equally as innocuous and meaningless one in return. And that's cool and all but really, they both know there's a big elephant in the room that they're avoiding for now. 

One thing at a time though, Yifan supposes, and goes back to trying to survive the rest of his day with as little additional fanfare and attention as possible. He has to turn off his phone to do that, but hey he's not about to be picky about survival tactics that work.

+++

So Yifan and Tao go to get the pill after school. Because Tao’s dad is super understanding, he buys it for Yifan and gives it to him while promising not to tell Yifan’s mom -- under the promise that Yifan will _never_ , ever need a favor like this again in the future.

“Use protection -- or better yet, don’t be having sex,” he says sternly when he hands it over. “Or else I will be talking to your mother and holding true to the policy that I need parental approval for you to receive emergency contraception from my store.”

Tao is sucking on a lollipop and watching as Yifan blushes and nods, taking the little box from Tao’s father with downcast eyes and shame radiating off of him.

“Good thing he was on board,” Tao says as his father shoos them from the counter. “Because I totally couldn’t have snuck out _actual_ pharmaceuticals, you know.”

Yifan groans and runs a tired hand over his face. “That was never what I was asking from you, Tao.”

They leave the pharmacy and sit on the curb outside for a while in silence, while Yifan examines the instructions on the box and wonders how bad this whole thing is going to be. Tao sucks idly on his lollipop.

“So like,” Tao finally says. “Junmyeon isn’t mishandling or pressuring you or anything, is he? Because I’ll beat him up if he’s pushing you to do it with no condoms.”

Yifan feels his ears get hot again. When will the suffering end? “ _Tao_.”

Tao shrugs, “Hey, I have to _check_. You know, cover the bases. You didn't use condoms, and I'm sorry, but that's -- ”

"It was an accident and it won't happen again, I promise," Yifan tells him solemnly. This isn’t a lie or an exaggeration; it’s the one lesson he’s definitely come away with from the whole thing. It was dumb and not worth it and seriously, never again.

Tao mumbles something that sounds a little like _it better not_ , but Yifan doesn’t comment and Tao doesn’t elaborate. "So," he eventually says, expectant. Yifan isn’t totally on edge, because this can’t get worse, but he’s not letting his guard down just yet. "No pressuring, right? Junmyeon isn't uncharacteristically being a jerk or anything?"

At that Yifan has to laugh...and it sounds horribly tragic. It’s a flatly fake and despairing laugh, brought up by the memories of _pressuring_. “No -- honestly, if anything this last time I was one doing the pressuring. It was…bad.”

Tao’s eyebrows shoot up and Yifan winces, because. Well. Judgment still sucks. “Bad?” Tao echoes, confused and worried.

“Well, not. Not bad.” Not entirely. Not that Yifan didn’t enjoy it -- and Junmyeon had said, well, all that stuff about enjoying it, too...just... Just he knows it was really messed up. And the two of them still haven’t had that talk. The one where Yifan basically apologizes profusely for being a screw up.

(Ugh, why is it that they always need to have talks? They’re horrible and as much as Yifan hopes every time for it to be the last time, he knows it’s not -- and that it’s better that way. Because communication is something you have to actually try to work on, and he’s determined to make this all _work_. They still suck, though.)

Tao’s looking at him, more expectantly than before. “Not bad? So, what was it?”

Yifan groans. “I don’t know. I... We’re fine, it was just an accident that shouldn’t have happened, is all.”

Tao still doesn't look impressed. "You're going to have to express yourself a little better, because I'm not understanding a word coming out of your mouth."

Yifan groans again and looks up at the sky to avoid all that judgment Tao’s sending his way. It's pretty chilly out here on the curb, and it makes him shiver. "I don't know, it was an accident but...I wasn't the one...um."

Tao coughs out a little unimpressed sound, just so Yifan knows that Tao’s not letting him off the hook still, even without looking. "Well, right, Junmyeon was the one in heat, we all got that. So...?" 

Yifan shrugs. "So...I messed up. We uh." On one hand it's Tao, on the other hand it's Tao: he's, again, not always the best at being subtle or using indiscretion -- but he's not one to mince words, which is always great for advice. "Tao, this isn't really the first time we've messed around like this."

When he peeks back over, Yifan's so glad Tao connects the dots despite how vague he's being. Tao's expression slams straight into shocked. "On _heat_?"

Yifan runs an embarrassed hand over his face. "We've never -- not all the way -- but a couple of times, um... I mean, you know how -- how I am -- "

Tao puts a hand over his heart. "I am figuratively about to clutch at my pearls, _Yifan_. On _your_ heat?"

"I know, okay? Which, that's why I feel horrible.” Understatement of the year. Everything’s so messed up, even in this weird eye of the storm like calm...or whatever this is. Yifan wishes he’d done the right thing like he should have, but he has to press onward. “When it's always been me, we -- I mean, we weren't really playing it safe but at least Junmyeon never _jumped me_."

Tao's eyes go wide. "I mean -- but did you actually -- there's no way you _actually_ manhandled him...right...?"

"No!" Yifan shakes his head to emphasize that no, not really, not like that, _no_. "I just. I didn't leave after walking in on him and -- and I should have. You can't think when you're like that and he...I wanted to and he also wanted to...but I should have left right away."

Tao's shaking his head, tapping his lollipop against his lips. "I can't believe you and Junmyeon -- Baekhyun has been making vanilla nun jokes about you two this whole time, and really you've been messing around with heat sex -- ”

" _Tao_."

Yifan's face is burning, and his expression must be truly desperate, because Tao sighs and reaches up to pat the top of Yifan's head. "Oh my poor silly Yifan. Just go home and take your medicine. Worry about Junmyeon after tomorrow, when you're feeling better -- and _talk_ to him, please?"

Yifan was planning on it, seriously. It's just... "I just feel so bad," Yifan admits, voice low, as he lets Tao’s hand stay nestled in his hair. "Because I should have been better for Junmyeon."

Tao sighs and ruffles Yifan's hair, which is a weird reversal. When did Tao get so grown? Yifan's supposed to be the older, wiser, rational one here. "As a fellow teen in a committed relationship,” Tao says quietly. “I have to say that...yeah. It's hard, not being in sync with your partner -- and, for you, Yifan, not being regular with your own schedule can’t help. But you don't always have to be responsible for everything around you. We're all stupid teenagers with impulse control issues."

Yifan scowls -- enough is enough and this advice receiving part of it is getting weird -- and pokes at Tao's outstretched arm. Tao laughs but untangles his fingers from Yifan's hair. Yifan bats his hand away faster, and says, "Yeah, but I bet your issues of controlling impulses have never led to needing to secretly get the morning after pill."

Tao hums lightly, licking carefully at his lollipop. "Well that's true. But hey, we learn from our elders, right?"

When Yifan glares a little, Tao shrugs, smiling around the candy in his mouth. "I'm serious, stop over-empathizing with the hypothetical suffering you've decided Junmyeon's going through and go home. You made a mistake. Just try to make up for it later -- it’s all you can do."

+++

"So," Junmyeon says, when they meet for milkshakes a few days later, just the two of them.

Yifan nibbles on his straw. "So."

Junmyeon snorts. "Okay. No reason to beat around the bush.” He stirs his shake with the straw and smiles over the table at Yifan. “You know, we’ve really got to stop meeting like this."

Yifan keeps nibbling on his straw, mulling that over. Junmyeon obviously means this awkward approach to talking about something high past the time when they _should_ have talked about it, not the getting milkshakes thing. Which...yeah. Yeah, it's gotten and been old for a while. Yifan sighs. "Okay, then let's...talk?"

Junmyeon nods, firm and in charge. Yifan watches him quietly and lets him start. "Right, so...what happened the other day…”

Yifan pinches the straw, clearing his throat and trying to not get embarrassed at the memory of what it is exactly that did happened. “Can’t happen again, that’s for sure.” 

Junmyeon nods again. “Agreed. So we make rules to make sure it doesn’t. Rules like -- like, simple ground rule is we avoid situations where what happened could happen for a while. Both of us."

Yifan swallows thickly. ‘Both of us’. It’s never been flipped before, until the other day. There was never a need for rules and precautions until Yifan messed it all up. "Yes, yeah definitely -- look, I'm sorry about that -- "

Junmyeon waves a careless hand and smiles, eyes crinkling like usual. "No, Yifan, it's fine."

But it can’t just be fine. No way. Yifan reaches over the table to lightly touch Junmyeon's fingers that are curled around his glass. His fingers are damp and a little cold from the condensation. "No it's not. I should have left. I made a really bad decision and I manipulated you -- or the situation, at least -- because I'm always -- I."

This is going to sound horrible, because it just _is_ horrible. But Yifan takes a deep breath and soldiers on. "I always feel like I'm the desperate needy one and that...was a really terrible way to deal with it. But that’s what it was, I think."

There’s a very noticeable pause in the atmosphere. Junmyeon stares at Yifan for a moment before blinking slowly, mouth turning slightly down at the edges in thought. Yifan waits with a vaguely held breath; is this when Junmyeon breaks up with him…?

"...Huh,” Junmyeon eventually says. “That...is not really what I expected you to say."

Yifan's stomach flips anxiously. "I know. I know, it's messed up."

Junmyeon frowns, just a little. Yifan tries to keep calm and doesn’t pull his hand away. “Junmyeon?” He asks quietly. “Can you say something? Because I need to know how mad you are and if you want to break up and -- ”

Junmyeon fully frowns, but then quickly schools his face into something passive and holds up his free hand to stop him from talking. Yifan normally would mind, but right now he thinks Junmyeon has the right to do the things that Yifan kind of usually hates. Turnabout’s fair play and all that.

"I don’t want to break up, stop it.” Junmyeon says, insisting. “I’m just...I’m wrapping my head around how...so...just.” Junmyeon stops and shakes his head. Yifan thinks he sees a hint of a smile in the glint in his eyes, but he can’t be sure. It might be wishful thinking.

“Just. So, it wasn't about the..." Junmyeon pauses meaningfully this time while squinting slightly for some kind of build up. Yifan waits for whatever it is. "...heat of the moment? I mean, why it all happened."

It’s Yifan’s turn to pause, because that is a horrible joke (Junmyeon laughs, delighted). It's also the only way Yifan is convinced for sure that Junmyeon isn't...angry. About to break up with him. Junmyeon _might_ even be totally okay, if he’s making jokes like that about what happened. But Yifan won’t let the whole thing slip and slide away with a single bad joke. This feels too important to let it. "I mean of course it was also about..." Yifan's voice dips lower, into a quiet murmur. "Wanting you. It's always been about that. I just really should have left, because that wasn't how it should have happened."

Junmyeon's amusement has dissipated, and in its place is a contemplative look. Like he’s just now _actually_ realizing that Yifan’s not _just_ embarrassed about the whole thing. "Yifan?”

He’s not sure what exactly Junmyeon’s asking him, but Yifan says the only thing he can think of: the honest truth. “I feel like I took advantage of you.”

Junmyeon makes a sound in the back of his throat, intertwining the fingers around his milkshake glass with Yifan’s fingers still layered on top of his. They’re still chilly and wet, but comforting all the same. “Honestly, I don't feel bad about it. Not like I was taken advantage of or anything. I just...I mean, yes, I agree. That wasn't how that should have happened. But that’s all this talk is about, promise. I’m okay."

Yifan looks imploringly at Junmyeon. "You’re sure you're okay? I wouldn't blame you if -- "

Junmyeon's smiling now, skeptical. "If what? I was, what’d you say, ‘mad and wanted to break up’? Why would I be angry with you? Honestly we kept setting ourselves up for failure, so this was bound to happen."

Yifan still isn't relieved. Maybe Junmyeon isn't emotionally fraught or anything, but still. "I should have left."

Junmyeon sighs heavily. "Okay fine, yes, you should have. But there were all those times when I should have left before we ended up messing around, so -- "

"But you usually only stayed after I begged you not to go -- "

Junmyeon's eyebrow ticks up, fingers tightening around Yifan’s. "Yifan, I don't get what you want me to say? What do you want to do, prove you’re the worst? I don’t -- "

Yifan doesn't know what he's trying to do either. "I _don't know_ ,” he admits, a whining kind of huff he doesn’t mean to exhale. Junmyeon’s almost frowning again. Ah well, might as well commit. “I...just know that it's not about precedence. And even if it was, then you were always the one trying to avoid going all the way."

Junmyeon sighs again, though his eyes are gentle as they search Yifan’s face. "Oh my god, this is about _guilty blame_ \-- Yifan, listen, I was always doing all that for your sake. For both our sakes. But we've both made bad decisions, okay? And -- look, what do you want me to say to convince you I'm fine?"

Yifan's feeling flustered, like he’s making something out of nothing. But what if there’s something? Even the tiniest little something? Yifan doesn’t want that to be left to fester into something ugly and hurting. He doesn’t want Junmyeon to be hurting in silence over how Yifan let him down on something really really important. 

"I don't know,” Yifan admits quietly. “Junmyeon, I'm just...trying to take care of you, okay? Let me do this right this time. Let me apologize for taking advantage, okay? I promise it'll never happen like that again." Yifan doesn’t know what else to say, having talked himself in a circle. "...Okay?"

Junmyeon is staring at him, wide-eyed, but starts at Yifan prompting him to reply. Junmyeon smiles a little (and Yifan’s heart flutters at the sight, like usual). "Ah...I...sure. Okay. Thank you." Junmyeon ducks his head over his milkshake, shy all of a sudden. "It's not like I have any protests against you taking care of me."

That’s...how is he meant to reply to that? Yifan smiles too, jittery and off-footed and relieved all at once. He aims for a joke, "Hey, it's my natural inclination, right?"

Junmyeon looks up to very pointedly roll his eyes at Yifan, smile still in place. "Really? Okay, ground rule number two: no alignment talk." 

Yifan's stomach swoops in something like nervousness -- but maybe it’s just whiplash from how quickly it feels they are settling back into normalcy again. That wasn’t so hard, this whole talking thing, now was it? "It was a joke, you know."

Junmyeon runs his fingers over Yifan's knuckles, his touch careful and soft. The laugh he offers up is careful and soft too. "I know. Now seriously, we need set some rules, come on..."

+++

The rules are as follows: if one of them walks in on the other having heat, for the time being they leave, no questions asked; no more sleepovers, though those have mostly already been nipped in the bud by Yifan's mother; next time they have sex it'll be totally planned and no one's going to be in heat; and emotional inadequacies and other internalized negativity or uncertainty, they talk about as soon as it pops up. That needs reiterating since their last 'big talk', because it seems to be the first thing that goes with them.

("I can't keep up with all the things you end up thinking when you’re constantly trying to read and attune to _my_ emotions," Junmyeon says. "You sometimes seriously clam up and start living in your head and get weirdly intense, and there's only so much I can do when you get caught up in whatever headspace you're in."

Yifan trades him a complaint for a complaint. "Well, stop making me have to figure out when you're stressed or overwhelmed -- you pretend you're always okay, but things like preparing for debate competitions right after midterms and barely eating or sleeping and still pretending you're completely fine only makes me worry, you know?" 

Junmyeon laughs and scratches his head, sheepish. "Okay, you've got me there.")

It's not a lot of rules, really, but it helps a little. It's a good foundation to build on. When Yifan really thinks about it, and about how they really need to do things like this openly talking thing more often, he realizes just how new their relationship is. They're still learning about one another and how to be dating each other. It's hard. It’s supposed to be hard, because the payoffs are so worth it, but that doesn’t change that it’s hard and they’re tripping up a whole lot.

"I think you guys are actually really adorable," Tao says. He's asked Yifan to help him load some things into his wushu school's van for some competition they're going to next weekend, but Yifan's pretty sure it's in part an excuse for Tao to check up on him. Yifan thinks that Tao, honestly, has been a little more worried than anyone else about the whole accidental-ish heat sex incident -- maybe _because_ Yifan told him more about it than anyone else.

"Oh? We're not making you, what was it, clutch at your pearls anymore?"

Tao throws a punch mitt at him (it hits him right on the nipple, _ouch_ , and Yifan glares). "Shut up. Remember how I said you learn from your elders? Well, in a sense I'm your elder in dating expertise."

Yifan rubs at the sore spot on his chest and hands the discarded mitt back to Tao. "Are you about to give me more advice?"

Tao hums and tosses the mitt into the van's trunk. "Not really. It's just...it's cute that you guys are still figuring it out. But I am here to tell you to rest assured, and keep working at it."

Yifan leans heavily against the van. "Shouldn't you be sharing this advice with the newest couple in our ranks instead of me?"

Tao waves a hand, mouth pursed. "No, I'm not touching that with a ten foot pole, they're both so weird. And anyway you guys were the one in crisis." Tao leans against the van as well, crossing his arms. "Mm, and did you guys have a good talk?"

Yifan smiles, and nudges Tao playfully. It's always nice to have someone looking after you, after all. "Yes we did, thank you very much. Actually seriously, it was a good talk. I even ordered Junmyeon around a little, Kyungsoo would have been proud of me."

Tao nudges him back, his mouth slowly curling into a sly type of smile. "Yeah, see? Maybe we’re not natural born aggressors, but it doesn’t mean we don’t know how to be aggressive when the going gets tough, right?"

Yifan can't stop himself from bursting out laughing at how Tao wriggles his eyebrows in a way that _has_ to insinuate some kind of innuendo there. "Oh my god, _Tao_."

+++

"So," Sehun says, seeming to pay more attention to a knot in the chain of whatever necklace he has on than Yifan. He doesn't seem to notice that it's tucked into his shirt, and if Yifan were not on guard, not fooled by this bait and switch tactic, he might tell Sehun to fix his collar so his outfit aesthetic or whatever isn't _ruined_ (or _whatever_ ). As is, he's eyeing Sehun carefully, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Sehun does not disappoint. Still messing with his chain, he says, offhandedly, "Seeing how Tao has finally stopped talking about you all the time with me, I'm assuming things are going well with you and your betrothed?"

Yifan glares. "He's not my _betrothed_. Why does everyone love marriage jokes so much?"

Sehun looks surprised. "Oh, am I late to the party? Are we all not supposed to be constantly telling you and Junmyeon that you're getting married 24/7 anymore? I didn't get the monthly newsletter on the new ways we're messing with each other, so..."

Yifan puts a heavy hand on Sehun’s shoulder to get him to shut up. "Sehun," he says solemnly. "Please be quiet." 

Sehun looks up and squints, but acquiesces. For a second anyway. He goes back to fiddling with his necklace, and forgets the request the second they break eye contact. "I take it you're nervous about the upcoming wedding then, since you're so tense."

Yifan rolls his eyes. This could be worse. Sehun could be saying way cruder things. Yifan hasn't talked to Baekhyun for probably what's been four days now. He only just unblocked Chanyeol on all his social media yesterday. There's just worse to have to deal with, is all. "Not everyone’s into matchmaking these days," Yifan grumbles, still wary of where Sehun could take this. There’s still time for things to get ugly. "So I just don't get this preoccupation with this joke."

Sehun leaves the now unknotted chain alone and starts to mess idly with his bangs, but not before sending Yifan a skeptical look. Yifan blatantly does not glare back, because he’s actually nice, even when he doesn’t want to be. "Uh, old rich families definitely still do it -- and hate to break it to you, but Junmyeon’s family is definitely old and rich."

Yifan’s expression turns skeptical as well. “Uh, before you cast any stones...your family is old and rich too, remember? I mean -- how was that fancy dinner yesterday night?”

Sehun rolls his eyes. “Ugh, dumb and boring and long, like they _always_ are every couple of weeks we have to go. But of _course_ I know my old, rich family is old and rich -- we’ve _been_ in the matchmaking industry for the old and rich for forever.” Sehun leaves his bangs alone and leans his cheek against his hand, leveling Yifan with a bland gaze, though there’s a hint of a smile pulling at his lips. “So I’d know more about the matchmaking tendencies nowadays than you.”

Yifan pauses because Junmyeon's family...well, they might qualify for an old and traditional type of family that might employ Sehun’s family’s service, but Yifan’s family certainly does not. Does Sehun think that maybe Junmyeon’s family would be on him about getting matched if they knew exactly what he and Junmyeon have been up to?

Yifan shakes his head to rid himself of the thought. He can’t worry about things like that. “Well, anyway me and my mom definitely aren't going to be asking your parents about getting me a betrothed, and I'm pretty sure Junmyeon’s parents aren't into that whole, ridiculous scene.” 

Yifan pauses again, as he remembers that Sehun's parents kind of _are_ , beyond working in the business. Sehun’s older brother literally got married two years ago to a match their parents set up for him. Sehun's not so much affected, seeing as he’s dating Tao and how being the youngest accounts for all kinds of leeway, but it seems rude to talk backhandedly about his parents’ stance in Sehun’s face like this. For heaven’s sake, Sehun’s parents still make them go to weird fancy dinner gatherings of all the older family lines in the nearby area, fairly regular get-togethers that Junmyeon’s been joking about never being caught dead at for the past three or so years ever since _his_ parents stopped making them go.

"Uh sorry." Yifan offers carefully. “They aren’t ridiculous, I guess. But it’s just -- me and Junmyeon aren’t getting married in high school, you know?”

Sehun snorts, but it's in good nature since he's fully grinning now. "Nah, it’s fine. I know you’re not getting married -- I'm just kidding, because I know it’s a sore spot. But sorry, I'll stop.”

Sehun’s kind of a good kid, when you get right down to it. Yifan offers a smile in return, just happy things still haven’t taken a soured turn.

Sehun laughs a little, then goes back to his default stoic expression. “Anyway, please look over my homework like you're supposed to be doing, since this is a study date after all." Sehun bats his eyelashes with about zero other emotion on his face. It pains Yifan to admit how adorable that still is for some reason.

So Yifan sighs. "Hand it over."

While skimming Sehun’s accounting workbook, a class Yifan took last year, he makes small talk because Sehun’s clearly bored. He’s twiddling around with his necklace chain with one hand, and the charm dangling on his cellphone with the other, as he stares at his phone, occasionally pressing on a button or two, maybe taking a moment to text here and there.

"How’s dance going?' Yifan asks, looking up from how all of Sehun’s spreadsheets are a row off.

Sehun scoffs. It’s not a mean sound. "Alright. The winter showcase might actually get put together on time this year, Jongin is being super anal retentive and it's rubbing off on the rest of us, captain included. It’s making our instructor work us harder.” Sehun rolls his eyes, but Yifan can tell he is really excited at the prospect. “Which is _annoying_ , but I guess also kind of cool because I would kill to not have to be scrambling to learn set lists a week before the performance this year."

Yifan’s phone lights up on the table, and when he glances it's a text from Baekhyun that opens up with: ‘ _please stop avoiding me I just want to give you your membership card to the tramp club it's my duty as president why are you --_ '

Yifan deletes it without reading the rest, while Sehun continues to explain in detail what ways Jongin’s ‘anal retentive tendencies’ have pros and cons. “Like, honestly,” Sehun says. “It's a huge pain in the ass, and not all of us pick up on a routine as fast as him...but I _am_ getting faster at it nowadays. So there's a plus."

"Well, you're learning, that's good," Yifan says while crossing out one of Sehun’s wrong answers and writing the correction in the margin. "Do you think you'll keep dance up?"

Sehun stretches and yawns. "Hm? Um, for a while, yeah. It'll probably help me get into college, and after that maybe it'll be a casual hobby? Like a club or something.” Sehun puts his phone down and looks at Yifan with a questioning gaze. “Hey, do you think Yixing will pick it up again in college too, like that? Losing him was kind of a big hit, and he's really good at it. He should keep doing it at _some_ level, you know? Even just a hobby."

Yifan shrugs uncertainly. "I’m not sure...but it can't be helped. I think he's more aiming for music composition now -- I mean, after the science stuff."

Sehun rolls his eyes and slouches in his seat, not amused. Yifan smiles a little at how easy it is to read Sehun, even though he tends to cycle through the same handful of facial expressions at the rate of a sloth. "You mean after the valedictorian stuff."

Yifan shakes his head, still smiling, and crosses another answer out with purposeful flourish. "Not all of us are too ambivalent to be bothered by our grades, Sehun."

Sehun slouches further. "Hey, I'm finding myself. Going through the throes of youth, trying to figure out what the heck I'm going to major in in college, and conserving my energy in the meantime. Let me live."

Yifan bites down on a sudden urge to laugh. It’s partly because Sehun’s funny and weird and Yifan always enjoys that, and partly because well… Seeing how this is the longest conversation Yifan has had with someone in days that hasn't devolved into being about a certain specific topic, Yifan thinks it's a pretty good sign that things are blowing over. And that feels _good_.

Yifan’s phone lights up again. It's from Junmyeon this time: ‘ _please start texting baek back soon, he's taking it out on me and I'm going to be forced to hurt his fragile ego at this point (by siccing Kyungsoo on him.......)_ ’. 

Well, alright. Things are only just starting to blow over. A start is better than nothing.

"Oh," Sehun says with genuine interest, picking up and clicking away on his phone with both hands now. "Chanyeol is texting out real time updates of Junmyeon pitting Kyungsoo and Baekhyun against each other. Mind if I read them to you? Put my homework down, that can totally wait."

“Can it, really?” Yifan says, even as he abandons Sehun’s homework for his own phone. ' _I'm hearing through the grapevine that you're already enacting retribution against him though?_ ' Yifan texts Junmyeon.

' _oops?_ ' Junmyeon texts back immediately and Yifan can imagine the wide-eyed almost entirely (but actually not all) sincere way he'd say it in person.

' _except you don't mean that and you're evil_.'

Junmyeon only texts back a smiley face. Sehun’s reading out the increasingly ridiculous updates from Chanyeol and Yifan figures, fine; tomorrow he'll tell Baekhyun thanks but no thanks, he can keep any membership cards to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> +for those of you who have read chapters 1-6 on lj before, I've made some small edits to a few minor details of earlier chapters because of things that happen later on. the most notable one is that yifan is vice captain currently during junior year instead of captain.
> 
> +I'm going to update this when I can! slowly, admittedly....but as long as I don't say otherwise, updates are slowly coming.


	8. Corner store chats (Or: in which it seems like everyone is trying to imply that Yifan can’t take care of himself)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! i'm still...slowly editing and updating when i have time... though, this is not the most solid of chapters, i will admit.
> 
> anyway, i noticed i said something about minseok and soccer in ch 1 that i should have clarified way better, but basically minseok isn’t in soccer anymore this year. he was only in it up through sophomore year. i know i know, it’s pretty irrelevant.
> 
> (and just in case: crossposted on lj [here](http://beachfront-play.livejournal.com/9195.html).)

Blowing over he had told himself. Nope, actually things are just progressing into a new potentially more mortifying stage. Great.

"So," Yixing says rolling onto his back on Lu Han's bed, because Lu Han has stepped out to go to the bathroom and Yixing lives to mess with Lu Han. "How are we after our little life lesson? Wiser?"

Yifan hates Yixing sometimes. "Are you my mother?"

"No. But speaking of, how is she? You know, with all this?" Yixing asks pleasantly, wrapped completely in Lu Han’s duvet.

Yifan suddenly finds himself stricken, and he eyes Yixing warily. "We are never _ever_ telling her about this, got it? She will never know. She _can’t_ ever know." It would kill her. Or, really, she’d kill Junmyeon and then kill him.

"Not even at your wedding?" Lu Han has returned, and he is promptly over at his bed and trying to drag Yixing off. Yixing clings for his life. "Like, we can't even have a whole embarrassing toast at your reception where we bring up that one time we were seventeen and stupid and you and Junmyeon had _heat sex_ at his house with hot and sour soup cooling on his desk -- because talk about romantic."

Yifan blanches at the mere thought. Because _seriously_ , his mother would kill him, no matter how old he is, if she ever knew. "No!"

Lu Han momentarily releases his hold on Yixing to wave his hand in a 'what can you do' manner, like he can't be held responsible for what he might do in five, ten years from now. Great.

Yifan groans, and slumps down in Lu Han’s desk chair, which creaks mournfully at him. Even wayward furniture is sympathizing better with him than his friends. "Can we, I don't know, stop talking about this? Forever?"

"Well," Yixing says, pulling his ankles out of Lu Han’s grasp. Lu Han sighed and crawls into bed with him, looking perturbed. Yixing preens, victorious, before continuing. "Yifan, that might be a little hard. Since we do have to, you know. Talk. About it. I mean for real talk about it, too."

When Yixing just keeps staring dreamily off into space, with Lu Han tucking up under him, even after saying something as foreboding as that, Yifan looks to Lu Han for help on what exactly Yixing is getting at. Lu Han shrugs, eyes wide in a way that would _suggest_ Lu Han being just as bewildered as Yifan feels. But that is probably an act. Lu Han and Yixing play off each other all the time, and Yifan doesn't really fall for either of their playing dumb acts anymore. Instead, he just kind of hates his life when they team up on him like this.

So… "What if we just worked on homework instead?" Yifan asks hopefully, sliding lower down into the chair, trying to make himself small.

"Well," Yixing says thoughtfully, eyes less dreamy as he locks them on Yifan with purpose. "Counterpoint: what if we had a serious conversation about _actually_ how stupid what you did was?"

Yifan shifts awkwardly. This is something he’s been dreading the second Yixing had started being vague. It doesn’t make it any easier now that it’s here. "Um. I would rather not?"

Lu Han nibbles at a hangnail and looks inappropriately innocent, all cozied up with his best friend...which is exactly how Yifan knows what Lu Han's about to say is going to suck. 

"But how come _Tao_ gets the full story and we don't?” Lu Han says, all innocuous and flippant, poking Yixing in his soft and unprotected places because they’re all close up on each other. Yixing squeaks and tries to roll away, while Yifan is left wondering and scrutinizing Lu Han. Is he legitimately annoyed? Yifan can't remember the last time he saw Lu Han annoyed and not just playing at the emotion, and the lack of recent hands on experience leaves him unsure.

Lu Han leaves Yixing alone in favor of turning towards Yifan. He rests his head in his hand, propping it up to stare Yifan down. Yifan shrinks more in the chair. Lu Han might really be a little annoyed. “What, is it that we don't have enough emergency contraceptives to our name to earn the right?"

So there it is. Yifan groans and covers his eyes, taking a page out of Kyungsoo’s book and trying to project himself out of this conversation. "Oh my god, no."

Lu Han rolls out of bed, and the second his feet touch the floor he flings his arms above his head, now clearly incensed. "I'm just saying!"

"I just don't really want to _talk_ about what happened -- and I _had_ to tell Tao, is all -- "

Lu Han's crossed the room and is now poking him in the side. Yifan can feel it. And even though he has his eyes covered with his hands, Yifan recognizes Lu Han's bony fingers and lack of respect for personal boundaries anyway. "But I mean, wow. If I didn't literally sit next to you in gender, sex, and sexuality class back in middle school I would have thought you had _no clue_ how this stuff goes because -- "

"I _get it_." Yifan finally grits out, uncovering his eyes to not really glare at them, but at least get them to back off. Lu Han stops poking him, though he hovers, and Yixing stares steadily on from the bed. "Okay? I _got it_ when it happened. And again, you're _not my mom_ , but just so you know Junmyeon and I talked about it and we're going to be more careful. And what happened is never going to happen again. Okay? Are we good? Can we lay this conversation to rest forever?”

"I feel like the attitude is a little bit unnecessary,” Yixing says peaceably. “But that's all I wanted to hear. I mean, at least for now."

Lu Han grins and resumes poking Yifan. "That's so cute, the way you think we're not allowed to be nosy about you, though."

Yifan glares at them both for real now. "Homework, _now_ , or else I'm leaving."

“Bossy,” Yixing snipes, but he’s grinning.

Lu Han laughs in his face. It’s rude -- and a super Lu Han thing to do, though Yifan still doesn’t appreciate it. "Like you have a choice in when you get to leave,” Lu Han jokes, meandering back to his bed and climbing in. “You're so cute, Yifan!"

Yifan groans and covers his face again. His friends are horrible, but he does know that he deserves it this time around.

Luckily though, Yixing does actually want to cross reference his government notes with Yifan's ("Because you and Junmyeon are pretty much the only two who actually do the readings too, and then you study with Junmyeon, our poli sci major in training, so...") and Lu Han has to start looking at his psychology book for the first time this semester since there's actually a final for the class, so they do kind of leave Yifan alone to his own reading after that.

It isn't until Yifan gets a reading analysis entry done that he thinks to ask, "Hey wait, you both didn't ask me over just to give me the third degree, did you?" 

He hopes the answer is no. Because Yifan might actually be a little offended over them doing something like that (no matter if he one, _maybe_ deserves it and two, can see the good intention and well-meaning behind it), and he might have to seriously pack up and leave if they're going to be underhandedly kind of condescending like that --

Lu Han snorts, and Yixing elbows him (that may be because Lu Han is back to covertly trying to kick Yixing off his bed, though). "No," Yixing says serenely. "And while I _am_ kind of interested in asking how the experience of taking the pill went -- "

Yifan recoils at that question, and at remembering exactly how that ‘experience’ went down. "Uh, mostly just gross and I don't want to talk about it?"

Yixing waves his hand, but Yifan doesn't know if that's a dismissive hand or a 'we'll talk about it later' hand. Either way, Yifan has no plans to elaborate. Ever.

Yixing seems sincere though, nothing underhanded about his expression, no calm before the storm, this time. "Don't worry, we’re not _really_ trying to tell you off. We seriously need to study and anyway, it’s more that we haven't really gotten a chance to check up on you since the whole lunch debacle."

_That's not all my fault, I just had to avoid everyone basically guilt tripping me,_ Yifan thinks to says. "Well," is what he really does say, shrugging because -- again, he gets that he sort of deserves what happened in the fallout. "There was a lot...happening. And you share music theory homework with Baekhyun all the time. I never know when you two are just randomly hanging out."

Yixing hums in understanding. Because yeah, clearly that’s enough said. Then Yifan looks at Lu Han, with another shrug. "And you're just a social butterfly." The unsaid, but self-explanatory, is that Yifan had definitely been avoiding group gatherings until recently. Even lunch had been a no go -- he'd just been eating in the library or an empty classroom. He just didn't want to deal with the aftermath until recently, no matter how justified it technically really had been.

"You're _dating_ a social butterfly, I just don't understand this," Lu Han says with a shake of his head, gratuitously shoving Yixing closer to the edge of the mattress all the while.

"You're just going to wash your sheets when I leave anyway, so I might as well stay on your bed until I go," Yixing tells him authoritatively, shoving him back.

" _Anyway_ , back to _Yifan_ ," Lu Han replies just as authoritatively, completely avoiding addressing how they all know Yixing is probably right. Yifan laughs under his breath at the two of them.

But when they both peer over at him, just blinking and waiting (he hates when they're on this weird twin brainwave thing they do, it's creepy), Yifan slowly closes his book and sets it down in his lap. He is resigned to his fate. "...Yes...? Can I help you?"

Lu Han shrugs, wholly unhelpful. Yixing tilts his head a little, and says lightly but carefully, "Just, are you okay?"

Yifan taps on the cover of his book and thinks that this is, well, interesting. Scary interesting? Weird interesting. Because if it were coming from Tao, to whom Yifan let spill why he personally was worried about the whole messy ordeal beyond the obvious ‘I could get pregnant’ thing, it would be one thing. From Yixing and Lu Han, who only know most general parts of the issue, the ‘I could get pregnant’ thing, it's...another. 

Yifan doesn’t know how to approach it, so he just flat out asks. "Did...Tao tell you something?"

"No. Why?" Lu Han says leaning forward. "Is there something to worry about that you aren’t telling us?"

Yifan grimaces. He hates trying to not show his own hand. "Not anymore there's not." Not that it would have really been their business if things were still a mess, seriously. He and Junmyeon...they’re working on them, and too much outside input might just make things harder. "I'm just confused at what's going on here, and I know Tao’s been worried so I thought maybe...he’d said something weird.” 

That’s all a lie, but Yifan’s determined to help this thing finally pass over without any further incident. No one needs to know the finer details, and Tao only got them because honestly, he was owed them. So Yifan nods at Yixing and Luhan, who are staring at him still. “But it’s fine. I'm fine, Junmyeon's fine, everything is fine."

The three of them spend another few silent moments, just staring at each other -- or more precisely, Yifan staring at them staring back at him. Yifan feels almost like they’re in a western, and he half expects a tumbleweed to blow through any second now. There might be sweat collecting ever so slightly on his brow, just from the wordless scrutiny.

But maybe they just like to watch him squirm, because finally Lu Han closes his psychology book with a loud bang. "Well! Enough of that! Who's hungry?"

Yixing looks at Lu Han with vague interest. "Are you offering something? Or, rather, do you actually have food in the house?"

Lu Han scoffs and pats Yixing on the head. "Of course not. We're going to the convenience store."

Yixing hums agreeably, finally rolling off the bed of his own accord. He stretches and grins at how Lu Han scowls at the rumpled sheets where he'd been lying, and Yifan has to stifle the laugh threatening to spill over because, _honestly_. 

"Okay,” Yixing says, still stretching and grinning. “If you're paying, then..."

Lu Han hasn’t given up on his frowning -- but he doesn't say no to the paying thing, and that piques Yifan's interest as well. "I could go for food," he decides, tossing his book and pen into his bookbag and standing as well. It would be a nice shift from studying and also, from being kind of grilled.

Lu Han groans, but there’s a familiar twinkle in his eyes as he climbs back out of his bad, and that means he’s not at all upset or put out. "I'm only paying because I'm nice and you both are basically my tiny little hopeless siblings who would be lost without me."

"I had to help you find your psych textbook this morning for your class review today," Yifan reminds him, bending down for a moment to zip close his bag, fixing Lu Han with an unimpressed stare the second he’s finished. "Buried in Minseok's trunk. And then I had to kill the spider living in the inside cover because you’ve never even opened the thing."

"You screamed more than I did," Lu Han points out defensively.

"Yeah," Yifan says, easily admitting to the objective truth. "Because I hate bugs. But I'm still the one who killed it."

Yixing snorts, and Lu Han squints at both him and Yifan, not amused. "Either of you keep this up, I'm not paying for you. If I wanted to treat a mouthy kid to food, I would have called up Sehun."

Yixing and Yifan both wisely shut up.

+++

The trip to get cheap convenience store food is mostly uneventful, and quiet, until they're waiting for the store attendant to finish heating their things up.

"You know," Lu Han starts thoughtfully, which lets Yifan know he's maybe still in trouble. "That you guys are like my family, right?"

Yixing shakes his head, the hint of his dimple showing. "And here he goes."

Yifan sips his drink and looks over to the store attendant, who notices his gaze and shakes their head at him. So the food isn't ready yet. Great, that means there’s not any readily available distractions. “Lu Han…”

"Hear me out," Lu Han says. "I mean, I'm practically a neglected child raising myself, so shut up and let me love you guys."

Yixing rolls his eyes, but Yifan thinks Lu Han's got a point, buried somewhere in there. Or he's getting to a good point, or something. That’s usually how it goes, with him. So Yifan nods at Lu Han, letting him speak. "Alright, so we're a second family for you. What's up?"

Lu Han looks at Yifan very very seriously, and Yifan begins to regret his decision when he says, "I love you very much, my tiny humongous baby brother."

Okay, so Yifan was wrong to think Lu Han actually had a point, or at least a good one. "We are the same age, Lu Han. You are only older than me by a few months."

Lu Han takes a sip of his juice and kicks softly at Yixing's shoe. Yixing bats him away. "Ah," Lu Han says. "But you see, I'm not the one who almost accidentally got knocked up, so... Clearly, I’m way more mature and you still need guidance."

Yixing snorts, and now Yifan's the one rolling his eyes. "Will you all _please_ drop it already? If you’re not actually going to say anything besides teasing me…”

Lu Han raises his hands defensively, though he’s smiling faintly. "It's all in good fun. Really. Though I kiiind of have to check that you're okay, you know? You never talk about yourself or tell us when you're having a hard time."

"This is true," Yixing agrees, not looking at Yifan but instead over at the front counter where (Yifan sees when he looks over too) the store attendant has set out two of the three of their entrees. When the employee sees Yixing looking (and sees Yifan looking at where Yixing's looking), they just shake their head again patiently.

"This conversation better not be going where I think it’s going," is all Yifan can think to say, when Lu Han and Yixing’s last words actually register for him. He’s seriously ready for everyone to move past his one huge and horrible mistake. For them to stop talking about it, no matter how casual and joking -- or, if this is indeed about to be the conversation he suspects it’s about to be, semi-serious.

But: if wishes were horses, then beggars would ride. Yifan’s never identified with an idiom more strongly than that one right now. He can’t control his friends, and that’s the truth.

"What," Yixing says languidly, because he's never ever heeded Yifan's warnings ever in all the time they've known each other. "You mean where we make sure you're taking care of yourself? Where we make sure you know you can tell us or come to us for anything?"

"Where," Lu Han chimes in helpfully. "We double check, _just_ to make sure, that Junmyeon's not pressuring you or pushing you or anything?"

Yifan's not blushing like he might have way back when this all started, when everyone first found out, but he's still not _comfortable_ with this topic or anything. "How many times am I going to have to assure you all that Junmyeon and I made a bad decision _together_ \-- but mostly that I made a bad decision all on my own and of my own volition? Please stop."

Lu Han shrugs, but he does look mildly apologetic, so that’s a start. "Sorry, I know this bugs you -- and not completely in the fun and funny way,” he admits, swinging his feet and almost-but-not-quite avoiding Yifan’s gaze head on. That’s interesting. That does mean Lu Han feels a little bad about this, after all. “We just have to check because you're, y’know. Family. And because me and Yixing love you, and because you're horrible at being a coherent human being -- "

Lu Han’s being sincere, but it’s quickly spinning into mischief and jokes, so Yifan cuts him off. " _Thank_ you -- and thank you for suspecting Junmyeon of being, I guess, horrible? Just in case, for me."

Yixing takes a long sip of his drink and is staring off into space, probably thinking and gauging and assessing Yifan’s emotional response, like he always does. Yixing is simultaneously too good to him and the best at undermining him completely and totally. It’s pretty impressive and Yifan is as grateful and he is confused and annoyed by it, at times. "It's not like we actually think Junmyeon _would_ , you know, do anything like that. But you have to be safe. Like you said, just in case."

"Better safe than sorry," Lu Han says solemnly, nodding.

Now Yixing spares Yifan a glance, eyebrow arched high. "Which, incidentally -- "

Yifan raises a hand to stop him, sighing because -- "I swear, if that's about to be one more crack about using protection..."

Yixing blinks owlishly, face purposely blank and innocent. "As long as you get it."

"I still can't believe it if I think about it too hard," Lu Han says, with a hmph, like he’s getting ready to get up in arms about it. They are solidly back into teasing mode here, all sincerity and solemnness long gone.

Yifan groans. "Then don't think about it!" He doesn’t want his friends trying to imagine the scenarios and details of what happened. He just...doesn’t. It’s way past embarrassing.

Lu Han maneuvers a bit and then kicks at Yifan's foot now, grinning. "Don't worry, one day you'll be able to live this down. I mean, Jongin and Chanyeol are a ticking time bomb for some big mishap. Maybe Chanyeol will accidentally on purpose set himself on fire again because Jongin's cold or something."

"It _is_ winter now...and if that happened, then no one would be paying attention to how lewd you and Junmyeon get when no one's around to tell you otherwise..." Yixing muses, and Yifan can tell they’re about to fall into one of their infamous ‘just the two of us’ conversations where they forget anyone else is in the room. There’s just something about the little sparkle in Lu Han’s eyes and the barest quirk of Yixing’s mouth. He’s learned to pick up on these things.

"Or maybe Jongdae and Liyin will up the ante and reclaim the crown for being disgustingly attached and basically married," Lu Han says, hopping a little in his seat. "...not that Jongdae would ever admit to it if they really did, you know, bareback."

"Maybe they'll actually get married then, to win," Yixing shoots back, grin growing bigger and eyes going sharper. Yifan always finds it interesting how the two of them just come alive when they start joking with each other like this.

"No, maybe _I'll_ get married!" Lu Han says, grinning hugely. "Maybe I'll get Minseok pregnant too, while I'm at it."

"Please don't joke like that," Yifan says, pained by the two's fast-paced banter only as it threatens to spin out of control. Minseok would probably appreciate him putting a stop to any talk like that. "Plus you and Minseok can't _have_ kids even if you tried."

Lu Han frowns, and Yifan would maybe fear that he’s stepped out of line if Lu Han wasn’t waving a dismissive hand and saying loftily, "Not with that attitude, you can't."

Yixing snorts. "Like Minseok would let you knock him up even if you could." And Yifan has to agree with that sentiment. Lu Han squints at the two of them suspiciously, and he might say something really weird just to get the upper hand --

"Your food's ready!" The store attendant finally calls. And as Lu Han brightens and immediately spins towards the counter in delight, Yifan is kind of grateful to not have to see where exactly that conversation turn was getting ready to go.

+++

Yifan shares the encounter with Junmyeon, because how can he not? "I think I got the 'if he hurts you, we hurt him' talk from Lu Han and Yixing," Yifan tells him hesitantly, as he closes his locker and shifts the weight of his books in his arms. He doesn’t think Junmyeon will be upset or anything, it’s just weird to talk about. “I mean, just so you know. I think they were joking a little bit?”

Junmyeon laughs, though Yifan isn't sure why. It’s made clear in a moment, when Junmyeon explains. “Oh, I got what was supposed to be an intimidating cornering from them the other day. Don't worry, they definitely mean it.”

Yifan blanches. Those two... “I don't need them trying to protect me.”

“They mean well,” Junmyeon points out, reaching over to help Yifan readjust a book or two that threaten to teeter out of his hold and onto the floor. “And anyway, I don't need them to tell me to take care of you.” 

Yifan might be blushing and biting down on a smiling kind of twist of his mouth, at Junmyeon’s sweetness. Then Junmyeon shrugs and stops just short of rolling him eyes, his smile something a little like self-satisfaction. “If they think I'm actually afraid of them though, that’s funny.”

Something about how callously Junmyeon is brushing off Lu Han and Yixing ( _other alphas_ something within him whispers and shut up brain shut _up_ ) makes Yifan shiver. That is...worrisome maybe, that he's kind of sort of into that.

“I'm going to take care of you,” Junmyeon says firmly, though he’s smiling. His fingers brush against Yifan’s that are clutching tightly at his books.

He clutches maybe a little tighter at his things, swallowing thickly. “It’s a two way street, you know,” he says as calmly as he can, falling back on his default stoicism and shoving away his own weird response to Junmyeon just casually being in control. It’s weird, Yifan’s being weird, but it’s not big deal.

“Yeah,” Junmyeon says, slowly and thoughtfully all of a sudden. His fingers are still trailing over Yifan’s. “Uh, if Jongdae gets...aggressive or anything let me know. He’s still...”

And that certainly is a dose of reality. It pulls Yifan right out of his own head. Jongdae has a lot of right to be displeased with Yifan -- and, in the time that’s followed the disaster of the day after his and Junmyeon’s ‘accident’, Jongdae has had time to let Yifan know on _no_ uncertain terms that he’s still not totally happy. 

It wasn’t a big thing, and Jongdae wasn’t being mean when he finally started talking to Yifan again. He had just been...very direct. He was upset about it, and he didn’t want a repeat incident to happen, where Junmyeon’s rare vulnerability was taken advantage of.

Yifan honestly still agrees with him on the issue, that it was a huge mess up that shouldn’t have happened, and if there’s any victim here then it’s Junmyeon. That there will never be an incident like this again, or else. Yifan knows better than to voice any of that out loud though, to Jongdae or Junmyeon, just to keep the peace. Because, well, sure -- things have settled. And even if it still sort of bothers Yifan and he still worries if everything’s alright like this, Junmyeon will just insist he's okay, and the conversation won't break any new ground.

With Jongdae, Yifan says nothing because he knows Jongdae needs to say his piece and vent. And that’s alright; Jongdae’s allowed to still be disgruntled over what happened. That’s fine. Yifan kind of welcomes it, in a way. 

So Jongdae maybe ‘getting aggressive’ with him...well. “Hey, it just means you have people looking out for you, too,” Yifan decides to say. It’s sometimes so hard to work through his own thoughts into good, succinct sentences, but he thinks he’s been getting better all the time. “I’m glad I have a team of people helping me take care of you, too.”

It’s cheesy, but it’s not like Yifan’s trying to impress Junmyeon any more than Junmyeon is trying to impress him. It’s not about impressing or being smooth and cool and put together. They’re both messy people. They're both just working on being genuine around each other, in ways that don't hurt themselves or each other. And it's a process of finding out how much more increasingly comfortable being together, and just _being_ , being _them_ , can become. 

Yifan doesn't doubt they’re still going to encounter growing pains, but as Junmyeon smiles at Yifan, pleased as punch, it doesn't seem so important at this present moment.

+++

Yifan, of course isn't expecting more to follow -- though apparently he should. Honestly though, his defenses are down because he's studying with Chanyeol and Tao, all of them trying to help each other finish chem lab reports.

Because he’s never been in love with chemistry, his mind has been wandering...and inevitably keeps going back to how delighted he had been with Junmyeon basically challenging what Lu Han and Yixing could do to him. The little thrill he’d felt is awfully familiar, but...not. Not a good familiar. More a ‘this is how you got in trouble in the first place’ sort of familiar. 

And while Yifan is fully aware that the old traditional sense of it all isn't what Junmyeon was really saying, his brain (and body) still took it that way. And he _liked_ it, liked taking it that way, and when the heck did he become a pervert who gets his kicks from misconstruing his own boyfriend’s words and meaning? And also, how was he going to get this under control because Junmyeon would be bound to notice sooner or later, if he kept it up. And just, _yeah_ , was Junmyeon not really into alignment kinks -- well, no more than the light dabbling they’ve had in the past of being out of control horny teenagers who --

...And Chanyeol is yelling something enthusiastically, Tao watching on with too much amusement for this to be good. Yifan realizes he has no clue what’s going on around him, because he’s been so immersed in his own thoughts. With an internal groan -- that’s never good, because playing catch up with his friends is the hardest thing ever -- he tries to pay attention again.

However, much to his surprise, when he tunes back in Chanyeol is shouting, " -- and now we've got traditionalists on the school board!"

That jolts Yifan into paying attention. "Huh? Wha -- really?" He looks between them both, Tao's tittering and Chanyeol’s slowly blooming smile. Something’s off. "...What are you talking about?"

Chanyeol grins like a jackal and it's frightening. " _No_ , not really. What do you think this is, one of Tao’s dramas?" Chanyeol pauses then tilts his head, tapping idly on his notebook on the library table before him. "Well, okay, not really _probably_. There is that one new board member my dad was making a huge fuss about. You know, whose kid goes to our school?

Yifan doesn't know, but Tao seems a little interested, eyes wide and intrigued as he tucks his chin into his hand and leans in. “No, what is this?”

Chanyeol grins somehow wider, hunching down like it's all one big secret. “This is real life drama, is what it is! Whoever this new person is, they're over the top, all 'blah blah blah alphas are important and omegas are for babymaking and betas are useless sluts' or whatever. Which, while they downplayed it to get voted in, we know it's pretty bad because I’ve had a run-in with the kid and...let’s just say, the whole apple-tree thing definitely applies.”

Tao sucked in a quiet breath. His exact reaction, Yifan notes with amusement, to plot twists in a show. “The kid is horrible?”

Chanyeol is eating this attention up. “ _Horrible_. A raging traditionalist, it's crazy in this day and age -- ”

Yifan sighs and starts rifling through his own lab book. “Are we done telling dramatic, I don't know, school time ghost stories or whatever? What were you really talking about?”

Chanyeol laughs with a shrug. “Before it was covalent bonds, but then I was trying to see if you were paying attention. Because you looked super vacant, dude."

"I was listening." Yifan protests. At Tao’s snort, he amends himself. "Obviously at the end there, anyway."

Chanyeol rests his chin in his upturned hand and wriggles his eyebrows. "Are we daydreaming about our booooyfrieeend?" 

Yifan scoffs, and buries himself a little more in flipping through his notes. “No? Not really.”

Chanyeol laughs and reaches over, starts pinching Yifan’s cheek. And Tao is cooing, even as he’s saying, “Hey, leave Yifan alone! He can be in love with mama Junmyeon if it makes him happy.”

Chanyeol tsks dramatically, obviously in jest. “Not if his grades suffer because of it.”

Yifan leans out of Chanyeol’s reach. “What, you think you need to babysit me? I’m fine. My grades are fine.”

Tao immediately shoots him this completely unimpressed look and Yifan feels cowed. “Yifan, I love you and you do a great job of taking care of other people, honest. But you are horrible at taking care of yourself.”

“You’re sort of in need of, like, fifty mothers,” Chanyeol nods in agreement. “And that’s what we’re here for! I’m your favorite mom, I hope?”

Yifan is at a loss. Can they just go back to studying? Why can’t anyone in his life be normal? “This -- this is a really weird conversation, and I want it to stop.”

Chanyeol shakes his head, grinning. “Nope, not until you call me your favorite mother -- I gave birth to you!”

Yifan can’t help but laugh at the sheer ridiculousness. He reaches over and squeezes Chanyeol’s wrist briefly in forgiveness or...something. Acknowledgement that he’ll play along after all. “No you didn't, and my mom who actually did give birth to me is my favorite mom. But you can have runner up, promise.”

Chanyeol fist pumps happily, and Tao regards Yifan warily. Yifan sighs. His friends... “Runner up, tied with Tao, alright?”

Tao shrugs, like he doesn’t care even though obviously and clearly he does. Chanyeol simply nods. “I can live with that.” 

There's a brief silence, a shuffle and rustle of papers as they all regard their schoolwork again. Yifan’s thinking about biting the bullet and asking where exactly they are material-wise, because he really was zoned out for a bit there, when Chanyeol clears his throat. “Hey, so as your nearly favorite mom, I have to, um, ask…”

Yifan looks up suspiciously. “Yes?”

Chanyeol’s face twists up as he obviously tries to find the words he wants to use. “I’m...sure this is a little late, and I’m glad everything has worked out, but uh. Junmyeon and you…”

Chanyeol seems to be struggling, but Yifan waits kindly for him to figure it out -- he’s pretty sure where this is going anyway. Chanyeol seems to appreciate the patience, and finally says, “I guess what I mean is, be a little careful, Yifan. And know that we're here for you if you're worried or need emotional support or something.”

Hm, interesting. Yifan’s amused by Chanyeol’s words instead of offended like he thought he might be. This whole thing is just a slight bit laughable. “So, are you all taking turns? Warning me? Because you think I’m a defenseless omega or something?”

Chanyeol snorts. “Dude, I’m friends with Kyungsoo. We all know it’s not an omega thing.” Chanyeol sprawls across his section of the table, humming. “Buuuut, you kind of, uh, _melt_ , let’s call it, over Junmyeon a lot. So I’m just worried if maybe you’ll end up letting him push you too far without realizing your own boundaries? Just. Think about it sometimes, is all I’m saying.”

Melt, huh? There’s that word again, even if it’s coming from someone else instead of himself this time around. He wonders if him and Junmyeon are really all that _bad_. But okay, now Yifan is getting at the very least annoyed. Or maybe uncomfortable. Especially at Tao, who is sitting and watching quietly, sure, but with his expression as one in complete agreement with Chanyeol. And the thing about that is, Tao’s the main one to know exactly how Yifan is perfectly capable of pushing Junmyeon too far. Knows exactly how he’s capable of being the one to follow his own desire and decisions in the face of Junmyeon’s influence. It’s just weird, is all Yifan’s saying, for him to sit here and listen to these kinds of concerns and agree with them.

Yifan shifts a little in his seat, trying to stifle his knee jerk reaction of avoiding their eyes. It’s not a big deal, and he has no reason to be antsy. Not really. “He didn't force me to do anything I didn’t want to do, you know. He never would, which you _also_ know. And us dating isn't like it’s me against him or anything, so you don't need to take sides.”

Chanyeol sighs. "Hey, look, sorry -- and I swear this isn't an alignment thing -- it's just…” Chanyeol makes vague hand movements. “Remember how I already told you that you're kind of the sensitive one? I'm serious, you're sensitive! And if you're heat sexing it up, then obviously it's serious. I mean, accident or not, you're still together afterwards."

...That’s...not actually the most illogical point. Yifan frowns down at the table. “I…” He has no ready response, so he looks at Tao, who shrugs.

“Isn't it serious?” Tao questions, like it’s got the most obvious answer in the world. He neatly tucks his pen behind his ear and looks at Yifan like he’s really interested in what the response will be.

So why is that throwing Yifan for a loop? “Isn't -- aren't we all serious? You and Sehun are...and Chanyeol, yeah, you and Jongin aren't that old a couple, but isn't the whole point -- ”

“What,” Tao says, now incredulous, pen already drooping on his ear. “To get married? To do it on heat?”

“Lower your voice,” Yifan says sternly, if not desperately. Tao looks unimpressed, and Chanyeol, concerned. “And, I don't know. Just. Why date if it's not serious?” It’s not that Yifan wants to get married, he’s just...aware that there’s a larger picture and a longer game that he’s more than interested in pursuing when it comes to dating Junmyeon.

Chanyeol sighs again, pushing off the table to prop his head up on his folded up arms. “See? This is what I mean. You're...intense, and Junmyeon’s intense, too. So you guys take to each other, and that's great, but I’m worried you’re gonna end up in trouble if you don't lighten up.” 

Yifan mulls that over. Chanyeol sits up a tiny bit more, eyes sparkling and genuine. “And sure, I’m serious about dating Jongin, but who knows if I’m gonna marry him! And who knows if Sehun and Tao will ever be able to stop adding on more and more extravagance to their event of a wedding long enough to ever have the ceremony.”

“Haha,” Tao says pointedly, pulling his pen from his ear and throwing it at Chanyeol. “Anyway. Yeah, with me and Sehun, I'm not sure if we're ever going to do heat sex -- but you and Junmyeon seem kind of like...inevitable about it? That it was an inevitable for you. And it's a pretty big deal, Yifan.”

They’re not completely wrong -- not that he and Junmyeon have no common sense and are going to get themselves in the kind of trouble these two are hinting at. Yifan straightens his notebook so its edge is perfectly parallel with the table edge, and tries to tread carefully but firmly. “So...you’re afraid we’re going to get married in high school and have a kid by the time we graduate college? Is that what I’m hearing?”

“Oh god no,” Chanyeol says immediately, sitting all the way up, posture tight like a bow. “Please don't say that. I _wasn't_. I wasn’t even thinking or worrying about that before...but now…”

Tao laughs at Chanyeol’s dramatics, obviously amused. Yifan, not so much.

“Get on with it, then,” Yifan grouses. They’re really _not that bad_ , god.

“I just don't want you guys to hurt each other,” Chanyeol says finally, soft and serious for once. “I don't know, just be careful. And if you feel like you're not thinking clearly or like you can't do or say something because it’s Junmyeon and you don't want to hurt his feelings or whatever, you can always run stuff by me for an outside perspective. Or anyone, really!”

“Everyone’s here to help, if you need it,” Tao says with an oddly excited series of nods. “But try to just...date and be happy and not make things too complicated for yourselves. I don't want to have to check up on you two like this last time.”

It's true that ‘this last time’ was a mess. Yifan is still worried that they seriously hurt one another by being too intense in all the wrong ways -- Yifan a worse culprit than Junmyeon, of course. But he’s trying to aim beyond that. 

"I promise to be more careful. I...about us being ‘serious’, all I know is that I want to date him for a really long time,” Yifan says slowly in his own defense. "I don't know if we're meant to be or anything, but I could see myself having a lot of first time experiences and adventures and...stuff with Junmyeon for a long time. I _want_ to.”

Tao tilts his head, eyes lit up and entranced at the mere notion of romance. “You're hopeless sweethearts, this is killing me.”

Chanyeol shrugs and relaxes against the table once more, seemingly more at ease. “Hey, we're just obligated to check, and to say we'll kill Junmyeon if he breaks your heart. You know, as your mothers.”

Yifan can only roll his eyes. “Okay okay, _mother_."

+++

Yifan takes Junmyeon to the mall -- like they both aren't busy, and like basketball isn't breathing down Yifan’s neck these days -- and they people watch at the food court while sharing a giant soft pretzel.

“This is nice,” Junmyeon says, sipping his lemonade. “I don't usually come to the mall and just...relax.”

“Yeah, I figured,” Yifan says, sucking salt off his fingers as he glances to Junmyeon just to see his relaxed expression. It’s good to just hang out like this. “You're usually coming to a specific store for something, right? You're a very driven, goal-oriented person sometimes.”

“Ouch, tell me how you really feel,” Junmyeon says jokingly. He plays with his straw, and Yifan fights the urge to flick condensation in his face. Junmyeon makes him feel playful. 

“Actually, it would be really fun if we all came again, but as a group,” Junmyeon says suddenly, excitement in his voice and lighting up his entire face. “We haven't done that in months. Just walked around and -- ”

“And argued over where to go, like always.” Yifan points out. “If you want us to come here all together, maybe make it less about us being together the whole time, and more about being able to meet up when and where we want?”

Junmyeon frowns. “So you mean just here at the food court.”

Yifan sighs, and takes bite of the pretzel. “I mean, everyone will pick where they want to go and break off into pairs or smaller groups anyway. So maybe we can...I don’t know, eat and maybe do something else together before coming to the mall. And make a thing of...getting ice cream or something once we’re here.”

Junmyeon gasps, clearly thinking up something. “Or a _movie_.” The way he’s getting excited tells Yifan that there's officially a plan in motion. As Yifan looks around, the brightly lit mall and constant murmur of the crowds ebbing and flowing around them seem pretty inviting. Yifan can’t help but see the appeal of a giant group date, too.

“We'll have to coordinate everyone’s schedule,” Yifan reminds him, even though he knows it’s not going to be a deterrent.

“There's time,” Junmyeon insists, waving his hand and leaning in to drink more lemonade. “Maybe we'll aim for the break. There's definitely time.”

They lapse back into silence for a while. Yifan finishes off the half of the pretzel that’s been designated his, then has to pull out his phone when he remembers Amber asked him the other day about a follow up broadcast with the team. He’s got to at least put that in motion while he thinks of it, or else he’ll forget until late tonight or tomorrow. That, or it’ll bug him the whole time.

“Sorry,” he tells Junmyeon, who only shakes his head and keeps looking out at the crowds, a small smile in place. He’s really at peace. It’s cute.

Yifan disregards the text notification he has from Yixing at first, focused on his goal. However, once Amber fields his very important questions (about her own request, what the heck) with ‘amy and I are trying to make out and you're killing the mood bro', he goes to see what’s up with Yixing. 

Turns out ‘what’s up’ is Yixing texting him a photo that features Lu Han holding a cupcake with a candle in it. Yixing has captioned it 'congrats on getting laid even if we disapprove of how it happened and your mom would be disappointed!!' because he’s secretly horrible. 

“Hey,” Yifan says as he closes the text and pockets his phone, ready to focus on his date. Except, Yixing’s text reminds him of Chanyeol and Tao and...well, he has to ask. “So speaking of everyone -- ”

“How are they being horrible now?” Junmyeon says pleasantly, not even fazed.

“They’re not,” Yifan defends. Except... “Okay, well. Just, has...has anyone else been bothering you. About us?”

Junmyeon shreds off a corner of the little bit of the pretzel that’s left. “Besides Lu Han and Yixing? No. Or not yet, I guess. Who is it that I should be worrying about, now?”

That’s a good question. “Well, I’m not sure. They’re probably not actually going to say anything to you, but Chanyeol and Tao sort of...I’m not sure how to put it. Were checking on us? There was just this weird conversation we had, is all.”

Junmyeon tilts his head. “I’m confused. Weird? Checking on us? What does any of that mean?”

Yifan realizes he isn’t explaining himself well. “Uh, just. Checking on us. Because of what happened and how we’re both too intense, I guess?” Yifan shrugs, and can’t find the right words, still. “I mean, but if you're going to date and not be all about intentionally superficial flings like Baekhyun, why wouldn't you date seriously? I just…”

Junmyeon is frowning, but it quickly turns into him smiling apologetically. “I don't have all the context, Yifan. I’m still not understanding here.”

Yifan sighs. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to bring this up in the first place. It’s not important, really, beyond having the actual conversations in the first place, with both Yixing and Luhan and then Chanyeol and Tao. They were insightful at the time, but trying to convey them to Junmyeon isn’t working out too well. “I don't know. I think they were just checking that nothing was wrong.”

Junmyeon nods slowly. “I mean. I guess it makes sense with Tao, since he knows so much about...what happened.”

Yifan agrees readily. “Yeah, you know he gets hung up on things.”

Junmyeon pops the last bite of pretzel in his mouth, and talks around it, muffled. “So, do I need to be worried that we traumatized Tao? Is that what you’re getting at?”

Yifan laughs, leaning back in the metal backed chair. “No. Based on what was said to _me_ , apparently you need to be worried that I’m going to make you marry me before we graduate high school.”

Junmyeon smiles like he still doesn't get the joke (he doesn't) but wants to. And before Yifan can try to half explain further, Junmyeon says, "I think I can handle you -- but maybe _you_ need to be worried that I’ll make you marry _me_ first.” He’s joking, his eye-smiling tells Yifan as much.

But there’s a problem: that Yifan shivers at the underlying order in Junmyeon’s voice. And man, okay, this weird new thing with him is...maybe going to be a bigger issue than he initially thought.

+++

Yifan is so stuck on getting over the ‘talking to’s he’s already received (and on getting over whatever’s up with him that has him freaking out over Junmyeon exerting the barest hints of a power trip), that he almost forgets about Junmyeon’s warning of Jongdae.

Jongdae, fair enough, doesn’t get aggressive, necessarily. He does _say_ something to Yifan though, which is more than he remembered to be concerned about. Though again, it’s not _really_ something to get concerned about.

“I, like, don't want to have to threaten you with breaking your ankles or anything,” Jongdae says almost...sadly, really, as Jongin snores quietly into his dance theory book as background noise. Jongdae’s eyebrows are creased in worry and discomfort. “And I’m not...distrusting you, per se. But don't fuck him up, or else. I mean it.”

And now, Yifan vividly remembers Jongdae’s earlier directness, how that past conversation had ended with Jongdae begrudgingly admitting that Junmyeon had not been nearly as unaffected as he’d tried to convince Yifan. 

It still hurts a little to think that Junmyeon hadn't felt comfortable sharing that side of himself with Yifan. But Yifan also understands withdrawing to lick your wounds. And he had confided in Tao more first as well, partly out of necessity but also because it had been easier to sort things out with a third-party. Tao had been his buffering zone; Jongdae had been Junmyeon’s.

All in all Yifan just can't be mad that Jongdae’s coming on strong this time as well. It’s been a mess, the whole aftermath. "I won't,” Yifan tells him assuredly, watching Jongdae’s eyebrows lessen in their severity just a tad. “Seriously. I already told you I won't let it happen again. I mean that.”

Jongdae sighs and fiddles with his reading glasses. Things are getting busy, exams around the corner, if Jongdae’s wearing those instead of his contacts full time. “I know you do. But I have to check. Though,” Jongdae’s eyebrows re-settle into the neutral part of his face, a hint of a smile there on his mouth. “I _will_ do my part in making him shape up if he ever gets all super stubborn on you. He _does_ make things hard sometimes, and I know you never want to hurt his feelings if you can help it.”

Yifan laughs a little, and now that Jongdae’s fully smiling Yifan takes it to mean that he’s been mostly forgiven. Passed the test for the right response, right answer, to deserve to date Jongdae’s best friend. 

“Noted,” Yifan says, still chuckling, and Jongdae beams, nods, turning back to his own notes.

The atmosphere is lighter now, Jongin still snoring away, and everything feels...pretty normal. And. And Yifan ponders over how, yeah, Junmyeon is Jongdae’s best friend. Which…makes him good for advice. Chanyeol and Tao want him to be better at using the others as sounding boards when things with Junmyeon get a little overwhelming. And there’s a few things that have the potential to build and build into something overwhelming again between him and Junmyeon.

He’s got to figure out how to talk to Junmyeon about these things of course -- they promised to be better about that, after all. But he’d like to bounce them off of someone first, just in case. Just to get his thoughts straight.

Of course, one of the things, he doesn’t need to bounce off of anyone yet (or maybe at all): the kind of budding kink he’s apparently nursing when it comes to alignment stereotypes between them. He certainly doesn’t have to ask _Jongdae_ to know about Junmyeon’s thing about alignments. Junmyeon’s always been pretty vocal and forthcoming about how distasteful he finds the whole thing personally as kinks. And anyway, it’d be weird to ask someone else, anyone else, even Jongdae, about how to maybe have a conversation with Junmyeon about it. 

So of the things he might benefit from talking about with someone else first, that one's not actually going to happen. Not now and maybe not ever, if he can work it out and get over it quietly. Really, though, there’s another thing. And Jongdae is actually the perfect person to discuss it with.

“Hey, Jongdae? Quick question?” Yifan taps a pen on the edge of the table, and tries to figure out how to word what he wants to ask. He doesn’t want Jongdae to think he’s upset, that Junmyeon didn’t tell Yifan that he didn’t bounce back unscatched from the accidental heat sex thing, because that’s not it.

Jongdae looks up at him, eyes wide in vague interest, head tilting slightly. Yifan treads carefully. “Uh, based on how...the last thing played out and you had to tell me that Junmyeon wasn’t totally okay, do you think…?” 

Jongdae’s interest shifts into something more confused and wary. Yifan is really trying here to be coherent and concise with his words. Jongdae only just stopped being kind of upset with him.

“Okay just, do you think that Junmyeon hides when he's...hurting -- or, I guess, anything but in control and put together -- from me?”

Jongdae is also carefully mulling over his word choice, obvious by how long he pauses before replying. “I wouldn't say he broadcasts it to anyone when he feels weak, no.”

That’s too vague and incomplete to be useful. “Jongdae, seriously, please. I’m asking so I can do better.”

Jongdae sighs for a very long time. 

“Look. I think…” Jongdae’s words are slow and pensive. Yifan waits patiently, though on edge, to see what he’ll say. 

“I think that it's really not my place to say stuff like what you’re looking specifically? But yeah, I’d...agree that he really hates anyone seeing him struggling if he can help it.” Jongdae nods firmly, like ‘that’s all I’ve got to say about it’ and ‘so you better treat him right’ both wrapped up into one judging gaze.

_He doesn’t hide it from you, though_ , Yifan doesn't say. Because that's a low blow, and Yifan has no ground to stand on as is.

+++

Minseok needs models for some still lifes, and Yifan doesn't know what the theme or topic is supposed to be but it's generally understood that if Minseok asks you to do something, you just do it without questions. So Yifan shows up as told, and finds himself in the company of Jongin and Kyungsoo. They all nod dutifully at one another, resigned to their fate, and let Minseok manipulate the three of them in the positions he wants them in.

"I’ll do a live session for an hour and a half,” he explains kindly while taking pictures of them from all kinds of angles. “And then I’ll use the pictures for references, afterwards. You'll be free to go back to living your lives.”

Kyungsoo hums assent, while Jongin is quick to say agreeably, “It's no problem!”

Yifan just shrugs, and he’s starting to see why Minseok picked them; it’s slim pickings for the easily quiet and cooperative, and Yixing has AP math sessions, while Junmyeon is laughably busy, and Sehun has another one of his bimonthly fancy dinners to get ready for and attend. So the three of them make a lot of sense -- even if honestly, Minseok could have gotten anyone to be cooperative if he really wanted to. Yifan understands conserving your energy where you can manage to, though.

The three of them have a relatively comfortable silence while Minseok does the rough outlines, which is when he tells them it’s imperative they don’t move at all. Once he finishes that, though, he lets them know, and says, “Alright, you can talk. Just don't move your heads or anything, please and thank you.”

They’ve all been ruminating lightly on this and that during what is the basic equivalent of forcible meditation, which is why Yifan figures Jongin says, lightly and lazily, like it’s of no consequence, "Oh, hey, right, I heard everyone's like. Supposed to be giving you the talk or something?" Out the corner of his eye, Yifan can see Jongin just barely remember to not tilt his head curiously. “Um. So...do I...need to talk to you about anything too, or...?"

Yifan only flushes a little bit at the thought of getting yet another relationship talk from someone. He’s really good on that front. He hisses out, "No," the same moment Kyungsoo laughs out, "Oh please, Jongin, like you can talk to _anyone_ about sex."

Jongin hums, not even offended. If anything, he sounds relieved. "That’s true. I’m better than you though, Kyungsoo! I mean, callousness and apathy aren’t the best for stuff like that."

Kyungsoo laughs again, obviously not hurt by what’s...honestly the truth. "I think it’s better than being a blushing shrinking violet at the mere mention of genitals."

As if on cue, Jongin instantly blushes. Yifan has to laugh too, as Jongin stumbles to defend himself uselessly. "Wha -- I don’t -- "

"Uh-huh. Just saying," Kyungsoo says lightly, smiling. “And Yifan, don’t worry. I’m not going to give you the talk, either.”

Yifan sighs, only for the lack of being allowed to shrug. "It's less ‘the talk’, and more everyone's telling me to beware of Junmyeon preying on me,” he jokes. “Jongdae evened it out, though. Told me not to break Junmyeon’s heart."

Jongin nods, then flinches immediately, “Ah, sorry!” Minseok sighs, but otherwise lets it pass without a comment, so Jongin clears his throat awkwardly and continues on. “Yeah, I know. I heard Chanyeol giving himself some kind of psych up speech about it under his breath the other day. He usually only does that when they're testing to reassign chair lineups in band."

Yifan blinks, astounded, and turns to look at Jongin in disbelief. "Wait really? I got the same prep as his _band reputation_?” Jongin beams and nods, and Yifan feels like he might tear up a little. “I'm...so flattered."

"Should you be?” Kyungsoo wonders to the room at large, looking up at the ceiling like he can’t totally believe the conversation.

"You are all moving your heads,” Minseok tells them lightly, though in a clear warning. “Don't make me take away talking privileges.”

Yifan flinches, but takes refuge in the fact that the other two seem startled as well. "Sorry," they all chorus in unison, going back to their fixed positions.

Conversation topics get slightly duller from there, Jongin indulging them on how his dance teacher here at school is pushing for him to try his hand at choreographing and his wariness about that. Kyungsoo talking about the upcoming winter concert for choir, and how half the choir is still ignoring the actual score and instead singing all the famous pieces like the radio adlibbing edits, holding notes too long or not long enough and adding in unnecessary runs everywhere. 

“It’s obnoxious,” he admits. “And Baekhyun’s the worst one, because he’s definitely doing it on purpose to be funny. He was the first person to memorize the score when we first got it.”

When it comes to Yifan, he doesn’t have much to share. "I do boring half business, half linguistic translation course loads, mostly," Yifan says when they ask him what's new in his life. "That and basketball. The most exciting thing is that, as you know, you're all in my business of dating Junmyeon."

"And nothing new there," Minseok calls cheerfully from behind his easel. “Unless you’re pregnant, Yifan?”

Yifan breaks the no movement rule to glare at Minseok, and Minseok grins before shooing at him to get back in position.

"If you’re bored, you should try an art,” Jongin suggests excitedly. "You're kind of tall for dancing, but it's really about enjoying it more than it’s about textbook dance perfection. Honestly, I got a little tall for dance too, but you just have to tweak some stuff and try your best."

"I'm not going to pick up dance, Jongin," Yifan tells him kindly. “I’m not really bored, actually. Just...boring.”

Kyungsoo also seems interested in the prospect of Yifan trying something new, though, for some reason. "It's too late in the year for school choir," Kyungsoo informs him. "But there _are_ local places that offer lessons -- or I'm sure Chanyeol would be glad to teach you an instrument, if you want?"

Chanyeol’s actually been sharing offhand music lessons with Yifan for a while -- since middle school, probably. Yifan can half play the drums, the saxophone, and probably the guitar if he were given a second to fiddle around with it -- especially since Henry messed around with the ukelele long enough that Yifan half memorized the basic tabbing. Chanyeol had been contemplating the clarinet before Yifan stood his ground and told Chanyeol to pick an instrument already. 

"I think I'm fine?" He tells them hesitantly. “Basketball’s got me busy enough, guys, so why the push for me to get a new hobby?”

“Because it feels like your life revolves around school and Junmyeon lately, and it’s weird," Kyungsoo says without a pause, which has Yifan frowning.

“What’s that supposed to mean -- ”

Jongin cuts in hurriedly. “Ah, don’t mind him being mean, you know how he gets. _I_ just think it’s always good to try new things, is all.”

Yifan chances a peek at Kyungsoo, like ‘really?’, and Kyungsoo looks back at him with an unreadable expression. He doesn’t apologize or explain, but he does say more neutrally, "Some of us barely see you lately, so at least think about something new you might like to do for fun with a friend, maybe."

"Art?" Minseok chimes in hopefully. "It'd be nice to have a person around who doesn't go vacant the second I start talking about complimentary colors or, I don't know. Pointilism."

That makes Yifan stop wondering if he needs to probe Kyungsoo further for an explanation. "Those...are really easy terms, though?"

Minseok laughs humorlessly. "And yet..."

So Yifan shrugs. "Okay, maybe art. I like to doodle." 

Then he thinks about Junmyeon's hidden passion for drama. Way back before they were dating, Yifan remembers going to the spring musical, every night it showed, to support Junmyeon being in it. It had looked fun -- and Junmyeon had definitely seemed to enjoy it, even though he had been in the company and not a lead role. Maybe they could both pick it up, Junmyeon again and Yifan for the first time, and try it together for fun.

But then something gives Yifan pause -- Kyungsoo’s words. Maybe that's him making his life revolve around Junmyeon, though? Does he _do_ that?

"Is...do you guys really think my life is centering around Junmyeon?" Yifan asks, worried. "I -- am I becoming one of those people?" One of those omegas, specifically. He’s got enough on his plate when it comes to alignments already, with that maybe-kink thing of his being a ongoing issue that he’s avoiding for now.

There's a palatable pause, somehow noticeable even though they’ve been sitting in relative silence on and off since before Yifan’s posed this question.

"...Uh, and that's my cue to say break for five," Minseok says smoothly, snapping closed his paint set and immediately striding out the room.

And _that_ seems to be a pretty good cause for alarm. Yifan looks to Kyungsoo and Jongin with wide eyes, dreading the answer here. Jongin looks contemplative. Kyungsoo looks pained.

"I don't know," Jongin says slowly, obviously thinking. "You're both busy, and you’re part-time jock to Junmyeon’s being in a bunch of academic clubs… So it's hard to tell what's you guys hanging out a lot whenever you can because you both have so little free time, and what's you guys hanging out a lot because, seriously, you hang out a _lot_."

That’s kind of just as helpful as it is condemning. Yifan looks to Kyungsoo, the instigator of this whole thing. "Well? You're the one who said -- "

"I really _really_ didn't mean to start something, please don’t panic," Kyungsoo says desperately, now definitely looking and sounding apologetic. Yifan stares at him and waits for an explanation, thinking, it’s hard not to panic when he’s apparently maybe being _one of those omegas_. 

Kyungsoo can tell, and he reaches over to touch Yifan’s arm reassuringly. "No, seriously -- it was mostly a joke, Yifan. You’re fine. Hang out with your boyfriend and don't worry about it. You really do a bunch of _other stuff_ , like Jongin was saying. Like sports’ team stuff, where the rest of us are more artsy people. We’re all busy, that’s why it’s been hard to catch you lately.”

Now Yifan’s not convinced. He was literally just thinking about doing drama so he and Junmyeon could spend more time together. He’ll have no life of his own if left to his own devices, maybe, at this rate. Oh god. “No, I think you might have a point. When’s the last time I hung out with anyone other than Junmyeon for something not school related? Oh my god.”

Kyungsoo’s grip gets tighter, and his mouth is a grim line, like he can make Yifan believe him through sheer determination. “No, that’s what I’m saying. No one has a lot of actual free time outside of clubs. So it's hard for those of us in art stuff to connect with the sporty minority when there’s only you, and Lu Han doing soccer in the spring and Tao with martial arts -- oh yeah, and Sehun's thinking of maybe trying field hockey next year because of his friend -- what's her name?”

“Daeun," Jongin supplies helpfully, swinging his feet as he spins his chair around slowly. "I think Sehun’s gonna chicken out, though. Field hockey does a _lot_ of training and off season matches. I can’t see him being too into that."

“Really?” Kyungsoo asks, interested and turning to look at Jongin, and Yifan feels kind of forgotten even though Kyungsoo’s still got a grip on his arm. “I mean, he seemed to me like might be into it, though?”

Jongin seems skeptical. “Yeah, Sehun likes dancing, but contact sports that require a lot of commitment doesn’t sound like him to me. I think he’ll have fun for a little while, and then, you know, drop it.”

“Way to call him noncommittal -- ”

“Am I _wrong_ about that, though -- ”

"Guys," Yifan says quietly, and watches as they both spin around to look at him once again, coming back from their obviously distracted bickering. He’s not trying to make this about him, but he wants clarity on this. It feels important that he can see how things really are, and if he’s deceiving himself or not on the matter. "Are...you sure I’m not being..." He lifts the arm Kyungsoo doesn’t have in hand, and makes a general gesture that doesn’t really mean anything, but he hopes conveys something anyway.

Jongin and Kyungsoo both blink at it, maybe confused by the gesture. They get over it relatively quickly though, because what Yifan’s trying to get at isn’t hard to work out, really.

"Ah," Kyungsoo says, clearing his throat. "Right. No. No, I don’t think you are ‘being one of those’ kinds of…” Kyungsoo trails off, eyebrows knitting together as he considers the thought. “...Seriously, no. I’m saying -- I think part of it is just, we're not a sporty crew. So it's hard to find the time outside of school stuff to do anything, and you’ve been prioritizing lately. But if you're happy, you're happy. That’s good."

Okay, Yifan can live with that, maybe, let sleeping dogs lie -- except, he’s unsettled when Jongin, looking unsure, begins to say, "Um..." before a quick look from Kyungsoo makes him end with a quick, "Never mind!"

He doesn’t want to be coddled. He wants to figure this out, if it’s going to be yet another problem of his. He’d rather just _know_. Yifan frowns at him. "What?”

Jongin shifts uncomfortably, seems to remember that they're now allowed to move, and goes into full awkward squirming mode. "Okay, I don’t think you’re being obsessive or anything. I’m very pro that position. But this conversation does make me wonder, um. If you think it is maybe possible that you and Junmyeon...jumped the gun on some stuff because you are both -- I don't want to say are over-dependent but just. Constantly all on each other."

This...is a very familiar conversation topic, unfortunately, and the fact that it’s coming up yet again has Yifan questioning if things are really as okay as he’d been so sure they were when talking to Tao and Chanyeol about it. Yifan feels the horrified look on his face before he registers making it, and Kyungsoo jumps in immediately.

"Jongin, everyone doesn't want to keep their significant other an arm's length away from them at all times unless stated otherwise," he says gently, maybe a joke and maybe just a reminder. He directs at Yifan, "and Yifan, you can be as up in each faces as you want to be. I’m sorry I said anything, because you're fine. Seriously. Stop gauging yourself based on other people."

But what if he’s off and wrong and just not being as self-reflective as he thinks he is? That’s really a huge possibility, and he’d rather know now instead of later, when he’s really really bad. Yifan runs a hand through his hair, feeling surprisingly frazzled for someone who was relatively calm not so long ago. "But it's hard to know if -- if I'm not gauging right, otherwise?” And second and third opinions are the best way to make sure he’s _not_ being -- _weird_ \--

Kyungsoo sighs heavily, and pulls him in for a half hug. Over Kyungsoo’s shoulder, Yifan can see Jongin watching on carefully, like he might need to get in on the hugging. 

"Stop being so antsy that I can practically smell it in the air,” Kyungsoo tells him, sighing and kind of laughing, and Yifan has to join in weakly. He doesn’t really know when he starting working himself up so much in the past few minutes, and it’s a little laughable that he’s this anxious over nothing all of a sudden. Laughable and ridiculous. He’ll get it together, one of these days.

Kyungsoo tells him, “Look, no one can _tell_ you if you’re not gauging right. We can only give you advice if you need it. And my advice, Yifan? Is that you're fine -- because nothing can or will be worse than before, when you guys first started dating and you refused to actively be _talking_ to each other."

Yifan laughs a little stronger, before he gives in to the urge to shrug helplessly. "That’s true, but maybe Jongin's still right? About why we jumped the gun."

“It was just -- oh no, now I’m the one who wishes they hadn’t said anything,” Jongin bemoans quietly, going around the long way of the room to hug Yifan’s other, unoccupied side. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean anything by it, promise.”

But it’s not the first time someone’s pointed it out, is the problem. He and Junmyeon have talked and they’ve worked it out and it’s not going to be a problem as long as they both stay vigilant about everything, but seriously. Yifan would give anything to not have to feel this heavy guilt sometimes when he thinks about Junmyeon being upset and hurt (and hiding it) because of Yifan, because of Yifan being an _idiot_. Being an idiot with no self-control.

"But you’re right,” he says miserably, because everything feels like a lot right now, all at once. From what happened to what’s been happening, and everything inbetween. He just wants to play basketball and get good grades and go to a good college and date peaceably without everything else being so difficult and so complicated and such a mess. “It’s _hard_ , and a lot of it’s my fault and -- god, you know, some of this wouldn't be such a problem if I wasn’t so -- or, if I could just be on suppressants already, or -- I don’t know? I’m just so sick of being -- I don’t know. Of messing up.” 

He knows it’s not the whole problem or solution, that so much of his lack of control around Junmyeon has been rooted in him being messed up when it comes to heats -- but it’s just one more thing. One more thing that sucks and complicates everything. And yes, they've really been moving past that, they’ve got _rules_ for it now (because of it, now) -- but it becoming a non-issue altogether would just simplify things. Just one less thing. One less thing to worry about would be cool.

Of course, Yifan has no doubt that he's the one to blame for taking advantage of Junmyeon when he did -- he doesn’t want to ‘not worry’ about that incident and its outcome, because he has to. He's not about to blame it on the weird headspace he got into, thinking about not being the one out of control for once, but it’s for certain that it all hadn't helped. There’s not a simple solution or answer here, and he can’t change the past. Yifan can only feel horrible and try to reflect and change the variables he can, and wish for things to have been different. No matter how unproductive that last bit is.

Kyungsoo pulls back a little, his eyebrows ticking upwards as he asks slowly, “What was that? About the suppressants, of all things?”

Yifan...can’t explain it, everything, the reasons he’s saying most of what he’s saying. It’s all a jumbled mess inside his head. “No, it’s -- nothing. It just would have helped. If I was on suppressants. One less thing.”

Jongin buries a little deeper into his side, and he whispers something that sounds like, “Don’t, Yifan.” 

Yifan tries to peer down at Jongin, before his gaze shifts back to Kyungsoo who pulls away completely and looks at Yifan like he’s something Kyungsoo can’t quite figure out. Something’s shifted, the atmosphere changing, though Yifan can’t pinpoint what exactly.

"Okay, but what does that have to do with anything?” Kyungsoo’s asking pointedly, frowning now. He might be doing that thing he does, where he forces Yifan to walk logically through something, to rationally dismantle his own freakout and calm down afterwards. “We all already worked out that Junmyeon was the one in heat. And anyway, you know, suppressants are kind of hugely overrated."

Yifan swallows thickly. “I’m just saying. I’m sick of being -- compromised all the time. It’s not an excuse for what happened. I just...wish I'd been on them so maybe it wouldn’t have come to what happened, in the end."

Jongin huffs quietly into Yifan’s shoulder, burrowing deeper and deeper in an offer of comfort. “But everything turned out okay after, didn’t it?”

Yes and no. “I guess.”

Kyungsoo’s hand is on Yifan’s arm again, a gentle comfort. Yifan misses stuff like this, touching and tactile reminders that he’s grounded. Junmyeon offers that a lot, but sometimes it feels like not as much as he maybe used to, not as casual and soft and sweet lately -- and Yifan can only blame himself for that. 

“If they're saying you're too young for them, then you're too young for them,” Kyungsoo says gently. “And that’s that. You’ll be okay without them anyway, promise."

“I guess,” Yifan repeats softly, feeling more than a little sorry for -- himself, for Junmyeon, for everything. He hates that it takes so little to get his emotions out of whack sometimes.

"Hey," the three of them look up and over their shoulders, at Minseok in the doorway, a iced coffee from the vending machine in hand. 

“So...hey,” Minseok announces again, turning the can in his hands thoughtfully. “Look at it this way. You're alive and breathing and okay, and you and Junmyeon are still hanging in there. There are way worse situations to be in, aren’t there?

Yifan considers this. Junmyeon could have broken up with him. They could have never talked about what happened and made everything worse. Jongdae could have not let Yifan know that Junmyeon was upset and didn’t say anything about it to him.

“Yeah,” he admits after a moment. “Sorry. I’m just. Feeling bad for myself. I’ll stop.”

Minseok shakes his head, and then starts shaking his can, walking back to the easel. “No, we all do it. You have to get it out of your system sometimes. But if you’re done, then please shush up and get back in position, mannequins."

Minseok is very right, like usual. So Yifan swallows the remainder of his self-pity and figures, as he and Jongin untangle from one another and Kyungsoo pulls away again, that the only way he can make up for his mistakes is to be better in the future.

("And Yifan," Minseok says as he sends them out at the end of the hour and a half. "If you’re really worried about being too wrapped up in Junmyeon, then just take a step back. Do some art. Take a photography class, whatever you want. But only if you think you want or need to. It's high school, chill out and enjoy it."

Minseok really always knows the best and most right things to say.)

+++

Yifan isn't too sure about tackling everything that feels like it’s spilling out in the aftermath of what Yifan _thought_ was a good settling point between him and Junmyeon. There's the weird kind of thing he may or may not have when it comes to Junmyeon being bossy. There's the maybe being too clingy thing that Yifan thought he had worked out but apparently, based on the sort of cuddle pile it took to calm him down the other day, he actually hasn’t. There's that Junmyeon doesn't trust him -- but no, Yifan knows that last one’s not true.

Junmyeon trusts him. Trusts him enough. Maybe just doesn’t trust himself around Yifan, and that’s a problem of another kind. But semantics matter here.

At the very least, he wants to work out that last bit, the trust thing. The ‘please let me in when you’re hurting’ thing. Everything else can wait. The rest is possibly a whole lot of Yifan just being too much in his own head again. No matter how hard he tries, that's his default. Yifan even thinks that it’s possible that constantly worrying about trying to get better about being less neurotic just gives him something new to get tangled up in. Everything’s so hard.

Nonetheless, his racing, constant thoughts and horrible guilt about everything aside, he and Junmyeon promised to talk about things bothering them. And he promised himself, he’d use the others as sounding boards, which only counts if he follows through in the end. So he tries. Yifan tries his best, and brings it up to Junmyeon.

It’s interesting to watch how wide Junmyeon's eyes go, when Yifan asks carefully, "Hey, you trust me to take care of you, don't you? Because we always say stuff like that, that I'll take care of you and you'll take care of me, but...sometimes, it doesn't feel like it. Or like you believe I can, for you."

Junmyeon is as wary as he is confused. Maybe he also thought their last settling point was really it for them. Yifan has to trust that they’ll get there one day. 

"What are you talking about?" Junmyeon asks, in full caution mode. “Of course I trust you -- of course I believe you when you say you’ll take care of me, too.”

Yifan reaches for Junmyeon’s hand. They’re in the locker bay. There’s maybe fifty plus people bustling around them, hurrying to get to their after school activities, and this is all Yifan cares about right now. If he’s in over his head, he’ll figure it out eventually, but for right now it’s all okay. "But I don’t know if you really _let_ me take care of you. I mean -- you don’t let me see you when you're down if you can help it."

Now Junmyeon seems confused, linking their hands, one and then the other, together in easy second nature. “But I'm usually not ‘down’. And anyway, who broadcasts when they’re sad?"

Yifan huffs, a little annoyed that Junmyeon’s completely missing the point. "Not just sad -- I mean whenever you could use some emotional support. Like…” He maybe shouldn’t mention it, if Junmyeon’s hid it this long, but. “Like, Jongdae let me know that you were a mess before we talked things out. And he was probably _mad_ at me, honestly, because I wasn't there for you. And I was _definitely_ mad at me, for not being able to be there for you."

Now Junmyeon seems confused, and maybe a little embarrassed, judging by the way he’s swinging their hands together in some kind of joint fidget. "I just. You shouldn't be obligated to take care of me whenever, Yifan. I know how to take care of myself."

"But I _want_ to, that was the deal right?” Yifan points out. He’s tempted to roll his eyes, because leave it to Junmyeon to twist this up. “I don't feel obligated -- and anyway, I’m way more torn up over having to hear from someone else that you aren't okay. Weren’t okay. Anything like that."

It’s like something clicks with those words, and now Junmyeon looks apologetic. Yifan kind of wants to kiss his worry lines away, but he waits for Junmyeon to be on that same wavelength. 

"Oh. No, I just -- needed a day to cope. It wasn't even _you_ , really.” He looks sheepish, which somehow is really comforting. “It was...everyone finding out, and me realizing how much bigger than me it was, what you were going to have to do to make sure everything was okay. I think I felt guilty about sort of leaving you to take care of everything on your own."

Now it’s Yifan’s turn to be surprised and then sheepish. He never thought about it like that, and he can only nod slowly. "Oh. No, that was -- I was fine. But, um. Listen, you still don't have to pretend that you don't ever get upset, or that you don’t have to cope with stuff. You don't have to be, I don’t know, strong or whatever all the time.”

Junmyeon starts reeling Yifan in, pulling him closer and closer and closer, tilting his head back a little to look up at him. Yifan ducks down ever so slightly, just in case Junmyeon’s ready for that kiss sooner rather than later. He’s frowning slightly right now, so maybe not right this second. 

"But I like being _dependable_ ,” he’s saying. “I want you to know that I'm -- ”

"I _know_ ," Yifan interjects, a little exasperated and a whole lot fond. "I already know plenty well that you're dependable. And I love that, but I'll love you when you need help, too. It's okay to let me know that you're struggling, okay?"

Junmyeon sighs reluctantly and tugs on Yifan in a way that means he wants Yifan to all but collapse onto him, their practiced way of curling up into each other while standing even with the height difference. Yifan gladly obliges him, skipping the kiss for something more intimate, even in the noisy public space of the locker bay. 

"I never thought it would be this hard," Junmyeon says thoughtfully, maybe rhetorically. "I never thought dating you would be a whole jigsaw of us failing a whole lot."

"Me neither," Yifan agrees honestly, thinking about the other things that he still has to make concrete enough in his own head before he can even begin to start failing at them in real time with Junmyeon. One day, one thing, at a time. Like Minseok said. "But we're hanging in there, aren't we?"

Junmyeon nestles his face in the crook of Yifan’s neck, as Yifan hides his face in Junmyeon’s hair. Junmyeon is shorter, but still a solid strong presence as he wraps his arms around Yifan's waist. Yifan adores it. 

"I guess we’re at least doing that," Junmyeon says gently, happily. And everything else, Yifan thinks, is fine for another day more.


	9. Leave you breathless (Or: take notes on how to have a successful relationship)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the wait. this chapter is very weak and very very long and doesn’t feel right and has too much talking in it, but i decided to just post it and move on because i’ve been stuck on it for long enough. ask me anything that’s confusing, but we’re going to press onward now!

Yifan's got Junmyeon's government notes and Jongdae wants them. "You don't get to hoard them just because you're dating him,” Jongdae had told him menacingly at study hall. “Favoritism, or whatever, is _so_ not allowed -- I need them too. Finals are upon us."

While Yifan's not hoarding them -- which he had told Jongdae, but Jongdae was being obtuse -- he makes it a point to stop by Jongdae's as soon as he can to drop them off anyway. The whole situation is more that no one else has really needed the notes straight away, putting off studying for government in favor of whatever their higher priority classes are. No one but Junmyeon is all into the political science and law scene.

But still: Yifan isn’t hoarding his notes. Jongdae’s just the first to really need Junmyeon’s notes to bolster his own. So Yifan will gladly give them up to him.

And that’s all fine and good. There's... only one slight problem here though, with Yifan coming by to drop them off. Just one tiny, itty bitty, small issue. It starts with how they all let themselves in and out of each other's houses all the time, and ends with Yifan helping himself in through Jongdae's back patio door (because Jongdae doesn’t leave his front door open, but instead his backyard fence unlatched) and crossing into the living room while calling out, "Jongdae, I've got the notes -- "

Which, normally, all of this would be fine. They all do this to each other kind of regularly, it’s not a new thing. However, this time, Yifan rounds the corner just in time to get an eyeful of Liyin and Jongdae pulling away from each other as hastily as they can. 

It’s not fast enough, though, and Yifan very clearly can tell they’ve undeniably been making out heavily on the couch. Liyin’s still layered on top of Jongdae, only managing to push up onto her knees, bracketing Jongdae’s hips. Jongdae’s still got an arm looped around her tiny shoulders as he curls under her. Their lips are swollen, their eyes are wide, and the two of them are staring back at Yifan in utmost surprise.

Yifan can definitely say that the feeling is mutual. This wasn’t at all what he meant to do. Meant to _see_.

"Uh," Yifan says as his brain finally springs into action. He immediately backs up and looks away -- but not before realizing that he's seeing one of Liyin's hand still shoved down Jongdae's half unzipped pants. Oh god. Oh _god_. "Whoa, yeah, I gotta go."

"Oh my _god_ \-- " Jongdae doesn’t quite shriek, but it’s a near miss. It’s also the last thing Yifan hears as he turns right back around, and speed walks back through the kitchen and out the back door. His heart is pounding and his face is _so_ hot, especially as the cold air hits him full on as he races out through the door. Yifan can feel his pulse roaring in his ears. He’s mortified even though he’s probably the least allowed to be embarrassed in this situation. It doesn’t matter, he’s still freaking out.

Yifan only gets as far as down the back patio steps before Liyin catches up to him. She's clasping her shirt closed with one hand, her other hand grabbing at Yifan's coat to stop him, and her skirt is twisted around the wrong way -- and she looks chilly, but mostly bold. Yifan isn't sure if he's supposed to be panicking here and, like, averting his eyes to ignore her disheveled state, but she's laughing as the wind whips around her hair, seemingly unbothered by the turn of events. 

“...Jongdae still needs the notes," she says finally, quiet and giggling. Giggling like she can’t stop.

Now that he’s looking more closely at her, she does seem a little less unbothered and a little more, well, along the vein of _well, what can you do?_. Her entire demeanor is practically a shrug right now. Yifan doesn't see her uncomposed very often -- not ever, he thinks -- and he's thinking this might be her version of it. It’s still pretty laidback. “Um...”

At his being lost for words, she really does shrug, heftily at that, and giggles a little more. Eventually she says, "Um, yes. Sorry about... that. About this? He really does need them, though."

It’s -- kind of funny. Her reaction. Or maybe her lack of one. It’s not fake, that she’s not avoiding his gaze. That she’s not shy, and instead is trying to shrug this all off. She’s just... rolling with it. Right now, back in the house, Jongdae’s probably not as put out as Yifan currently is either -- though, Yifan would imagine he’s not nearly as sort of unaffected as Liyin. At least not yet, because the Jongdae Yifan knows takes a little more of a pause before rolling with the punches. Maybe that makes him more sensitive than Liyin, and it’s funny to even think about Jongdae as sensitive and shy. But comparisons are all relative, aren’t they?

At that whole line of thinking, Yifan’s mind flashes back, unbidden, to the way Jongdae was pressed up under Liyin, more vulnerable looking than Yifan’s ever really seen him. Huh, his brain throws at him, now isn’t that interesting? 

But Yifan shakes his head and suppresses a shiver at the winter wind. Shut up brain, he tells himself mulishly. This is _not_ the time to be weird.

Since Liyin is looking up at him expectantly -- she’s so small and Yifan feels stupidly large and hulking, staring down at her, fidgeting in maybe misplaced embarrassment -- all he can do is smile weakly. "Um, yeah! Yeah, he does, our article analysis journals are due tomorrow and the final’s coming up and everything."

She nods, smiling softly. She lets go of the edge of his coat, and Yifan’s been getting such vibes of calm serenity ebbing off her that his heart eventually stops going triple time. Just double time. He takes a deep breath and tries to get it together.

Yifan struggles to pull the notebook out of his bag, but he manages it after only a little trouble, almost dropping it once before handing it over to a still quietly giggling Liyin. This is all so weird. He’s really not sure of the correct protocol. He wonders if Jongdae will be over this by the time they see each other tomorrow, or if it’s socially required that they act awkward and stilted around each other for at least one full day. He wonders if Liyin being the calm cool alpha to Jongdae’s go-with-the-flow beta will mean they can skip that part of this particular awful teenager experience, with only Yifan’s high strung omega crap being the singular hitch in the interaction. 

(Of course that -- that’s not how this goes, not really. It has nothing to do with alignments, and he knows it. He just -- feels weird. About everything.)

"Uh, I'm the one who should be sorry." Yifan finally remembers to say, rubbing the back of his neck. He shifts his weight from foot to foot awkwardly, but tries hard not to break eye contact with Liyin. "For uh. Interrupting." Not what he actually meant to say or imply, geez.

Liyin's eyes go wide in momentary surprise, before she bursts in a new fit of laughter that she’s well warranted to, thanks to Yifan’s accidental innuendo. "Seriously," Liyin says, bringing her arm up to laugh, muffled, into her sleeve. She eye-smiles up at him, all in good nature. That’s good. That’s calming. "Don't worry about it."

Yifan shrugs helplessly, and Liyin lowers her arm, grinning at him, though she's fidgeting a little, teeth beginning to chatter from the cold. It’s nice of her, that she’s hovering to see if he needs more reassurance, but that’s not really necessary -- or appropriate for him to demand of her, given the circumstances. Yifan can't help but smile and wave at her. "Okay okay, go back inside. Make out with Jongdae or whatever and appease him -- I know he's probably inconsolable -- "

Liyin snorts. "Should I make sweet sweet love to him and make him forget? Is that what you're suggesting?"

Yifan snorts as well, at her audacity. It’s so clearly a joke that he can’t be anything but amused by it. She really has a way of smoothing over an atmosphere. "No, I’m not,” he tells her. He can’t help but tack on, “Though, sorry. Again."

Liyin shakes her head and hugs the notebook close, full out shivering now. "Really, it's what happens when you don't lock doors. I keep telling him that. So don't worry about it!"

With a final soothing smile, and with Yifan really unable to bear keeping her out in the cold without a coat on for much longer, she turns and shuffles back into the house with a wave. 

Yifan waves back, then turns and shuffles out of Jongdae’s backyard. He latches the fence shut closed behind him, then shoves his hands in his pockets and heads off towards home. The whole time he has to work really hard to not let his brain bring up the image of Jongdae and Liyin tangled up on that couch together, which he knows is... weird.

He tries not to think too hard about it: both what he just saw and the reason why it’s... resonating with him right now.

+++

Despite the perhaps illogical sinking feeling that everyone would just magically know about Yifan walking in on Jongdae and Liyin _heavy petting_ (for lack of better word), despite the fear that there’d be further mortification to undergo, everyone doesn't actually find out instantaneously. They don’t, in fact, find out at all.

This, undoubtedly, makes sense because why would any of the three of them _tell_ anyone? Yifan's not looking to entertain the others with embarrassing Jongdae, and obviously Jongdae and Liyin aren't going to go around advertising it.

The funny thing, to be honest, is that honestly Yifan doesn't even think Liyin would be too put off by it if others did know. This is partly because, besides Jongdae (and occasionally interacting with Yifan, Tao, Yixing, Lu Han, and Minseok), she typically runs in different social circles, since she's a year ahead of them. The other part to why Yifan thinks she basically wouldn’t care is the way she’s clearly unruffled by the most off-putting of things. It leads Yifan to believe that she'd probably handle a public fallout the same way she handled it with Yifan: with a smile and a shrug.

In some ways, thinking about public reveals and fallouts reminds Yifan of his own. Of how, no matter how much a bigger deal his and Junmyeon’s thing was, Junmyeon and Liyin have a sort of similar way of approaching that sort of thing. Where Yifan flat out panicked and got flustered and hid out, Junmyeon for the most part soldiered on near immediately. Liyin did the same, in the much more compressed sense of scale with Yifan...while Jongdae hasn’t smoothed things over so quickly and easily. It’s not a real, true comparison, and definitely is an awful metaphor. But Yifan’s mind keeps drawing the parallels anyway, and it’s got him wondering.

Is that an alpha thing, Yifan finds himself pondering, the not being so visibly high-strung? He knows it’s technically _not_ , not in the big ways that matter and not in any ways that overtake _personality_ , but still. Is it, to some little degree, what maybe makes the slightest bit of difference? Because Junmyeon, for all his tryhard perfectionism, has time and again shown that he is more often calm and level-headed and incredibly self-aware.

Meanwhile, Yifan feels like he spends most of his time reminding himself to not get caught up in and internalize every wayward thought of his own, on top of any emotions of those around him. That, or he is constantly low-level worrying at least somewhat about the wellbeing of all those around him. The more stereotypical differences in betas is harder to figure out, especially with the varying degrees of how flexible and calm Yifan’s seen all his beta friends be: someone like Jongin won’t rock the boat but still stresses about things silently, whereas people like Baekhyun will take control and make any situation work for him without a second’s pause most days.

Again, Yifan _knows_ alignments don't really equate personalities, that they’re not _everything_ when it comes to interactions. But honestly, he thinks they have to mean something _sometimes_ \-- at least because of socialization, if nothing else.

So, that brings Yifan back to Liyin. Judging from the little contact the two of them have had, she seems fine. Jongdae also seems...mostly fine. Maybe a little awkward now and again. Struggling a little with figuring out how to deal with the lingering mortification. Luckily, Jongdae isn’t the meanest person -- that award goes to Kyungsoo and Baekhyun when they're both trying to hit you where it hurts -- and Yifan can only be glad that he and Jongdae had finally returned to mostly normal footing before all this has gone down. He’d hate to have to worry about whether or not Jongdae hated him for real, if they were never going to be okay again, on top of grappling with obsessing over alignments like a middle schooler still confused about how the world around him should work. 

As is, it’s just this stupid self-made problem of obsessing over alignments he has to really worry about. And he’s trying not to think about that, honestly.

However, everything else aside, Jongdae's deep inherent kindness doesn't mean he doesn't know how to lash out when he's embarrassed. Again, he hasn’t really been mean or anything. But he’d definitely bluntly said, “I don’t really want to see you for a couple of days,” right after the encounter the next day at school, before he walked out on study period and didn’t return for two days straight.

Yifan’s had no complaints -- while he would have gladly told Jongdae about his willingness to let the incident lay forgotten between them, that he’s never going to bring it up if he can help it, Yifan also completely understands what feeling like your business has been put out for all the world to see is like. And he can’t fault Jongdae for doing what he has to do to be more comfortable about it. It’s marginally better than any kind of way Yifan could see himself coping with this kind of incident happening to _him_.

At any rate, by now Jongdae is mostly back to normal, is definitely coming to study block again, and Yifan only has to sometimes pretend that he’s not vividly remembering the way usually larger-than-life Jongdae had seemed all small and submissive under Liyin. Only has to sometimes pretend that he’s not then superimposing (just a little) himself and Junmyeon on the memory in curiosity and wondering _what if_.

So. Yes. Everything is clearly and obviously fine.

+++

Okay, everything is not fine, because Yifan’s still thinking about it, and he’s the only one and it’s weird. It’s weird, right? To be thinking about your friends making out with their significant others and having a strange kind of... voyeuristic envy of sorts, over what you’ve seen them get up to?

Yeah, it’s weird.

Also, it’s been at least a week, and Yifan has to admit that this is far too long to be thinking about it. He’s got to talk this out with someone -- and admittedly, that someone should maybe be Junmyeon.

He’s not going to do that, though. This isn’t Yifan _not_ learning from his mistakes. It’s him... trying to err on the safe side. He hates how often he’s info and explanation dumping on Junmyeon, and this isn’t... the same, as the other things. This isn’t really _about_ the two of them. Not immediately. And if it’s not really _about them_ , then he doesn’t have to bring it up and make a big deal of it. He just has to work on figuring out what he actually wants and needs to do about this... thing of his.

Basically, whenever he can, Yifan wants to try his best to straighten out his own logic and illogic before starting the same tedious process with his boyfriend. Yifan figures he owes Junmyeon at least that much, after all he’s been putting Junmyeon through these past few months. Plus, it’s about independence and all that. It’s not -- it’s not the same as before, this whole issue and Yifan deciding to talk it out with not-Junmyeon. At least he’s trying to talk it out somewhere and with someone to figure out a solution. That alone is progress.

And, again, this thing? It’s _not about the two of them_. It’s a little weirder than all of that. It’s a little more along a vein of Yifan really actually needing to self-reflect on things on his own for once. Any outside input needs to be solely as a sounding board. Junmyeon would have an overabundance of input, maybe even suggestions to try to help. He would be involved because that’s how he is, and with this... Yifan doesn’t want him involved right away.

Kyungsoo, obviously, truly is a better choice here, if Yifan just wants help untangling his thoughts with minimal intrusion. With minimal, well. Judgement, of sorts. Not that Kyungsoo won’t cut judging eyes his way, but that’ll be it versus Junmyeon’s much wordier version of things. It’s not a complaint or insult to Junmyeon. It’s just... what it is.

"So, like," Yifan says quietly when he gets the chance to talk to Kyungsoo, who’s texting who even knows who while sitting, cozy and curled up, on the living room couch. Kyungsoo, who he trusts with something private and embarrassing like this. Kyungsoo will understand and give it to him pretty straight. "Let's say I walked in on someone having sex."

Kyungsoo pauses immediately and looks up, alarmed. Horrified. "...Why are you telling me? Why are you getting ready to tell _anyone_ , but especially me?"

Yifan shakes his head, also alarmed at how that sort of interpretation sounds. "No, I -- I’m not going to tell you -- _things_. Anything. I’m just -- I need to ask something tangential to it? Just. There's a reason I said it sort of hypothetically. I’m not going to say names." He has to set the stage, after all. Give Kyungsoo all the information and moving pieces.

Kyungsoo still looks vaguely horrified, but then he very carefully asks, "Is -- was it... Junmyeon and someone else?" His voice is hesitant, like he doesn’t really believe this is the case, but he’s asking anyway.

Which -- oh god. Now Yifan is the one horrified. " _No_. Why would you -- why would I -- why would _Junmyeon_ \-- "

Kyungsoo pockets his phone dutifully and shrugs, blinking up at the ceiling owlishly. "Calm down, I didn’t really think that either. I'm just checking, just in case. I have to, with you. But. Okay.” He grimaces up at the ceiling and sighs. “...Okay?

Yifan blinks, and looks up at the ceiling for a moment to see if there’s anything Kyungsoo’s actually staring at. There isn’t, and Yifan’s eyes drift back to Kyungsoo, confused on how to proceed from here. “Um. Okay?”

“ _Okay_ ,” Kyungsoo says with a sort of emphasis. “So, what's up? What’s the problem here? Why am I about to be subjected to your firsthand witness account of -- "

"I'm not going to tell you details!" Yifan reiterates in an agitated sort of mumble, now pulling out his own phone so his hands are busy. He keeps glancing at Kyungsoo around his screen, though. "It’s not... so much a problem, I just -- it's. About what happened afterwards."

Kyungsoo grimaces up at the ceiling in apparent distaste. Yifan thinks him avoiding eye contact is how he’s processing the inevitable embarrassment this sort of conversation can only eventually lead to. That’s fair. "Alright,” Kyungsoo says. “So when this conversation ends, am I going to be able to figure out who exactly it was by process of elimination?"

...Alright, Kyungsoo is being purposely difficult and it's got Yifan squinting at him in annoyance. "No. _Look_ , I was... thinking about the, uh, dynamics that I got a glimpse of. Afterwards. It just got me thinking.”

Kyungsoo waves a confused hand. “Dynamics, Yifan? I don’t follow.”

Yifan struggles to put it into words, because that’s been an issue with this the whole time. “Um. Like. The alpha taking charge of things after I walked in. And the beta letting them? I don’t know -- I just. Got to wondering? If -- do you think -- what we are... matters?"

Kyungsoo pauses for a moment, before tilting his head so he’s now looking over and squinting at Yifan. Yifan feels like he’s said something stupid, so he looks down at his phone and taps on nothing.

"What, you mean our alignments?” Kyungsoo’s tone is genuinely confused, though he’s obviously trying to understand. Yifan knows he’s explaining this in a roundabout way and it’s confusing. He’s confused too. “Do you mean... in sex? Did you see something... potentially freaky?”

Yifan shakes his head frantically and taps at more nothing on his phone. He’s the one who’s... well. Maybe being perverted about this. He’s in no place to cast stones. And yet...

“No,” Yifan says desperately reaching for a way to explain things better. “I think I’m... wondering if other people think it’s weird to lean more into our roles when we’re being intimate and affectionate, you know? And if not and we do that, then... what’s the point of not leaning into them in everyday life, you know?”

It’s frowned on, that’s why. It’s a trope you see on television and in movies; it’s an element of malingering prejudice of olden days; it’s something a lot of people worked hard to overcome and change. Playing into them beyond playful jest, or beyond little things here and there that you may not be able to help... full on emulating them, that’s dumb. That’s asking for trouble.

Kyungsoo slumps forward a bit, to rest his elbows on his knees and look at Yifan head on. His expression is contemplative and wary. Like he’s afraid Yifan’s going to skitter away, which means he’s gearing up to say something that Yifan’s not going to necessarily like. Great.

“I mean,” Kyungsoo says slowly, “Yes and no, it’s weird? That just starts getting kind of... traditionalist, if you’re not careful. We’re not little kids, so I know you know they don’t _really_ matter. Or, I guess, they don’t have to matter, is the point."

Yifan sighs and slouches down into the armchair he’s in. Kyungsoo's living room is really well furnished, the cushions soft and forgiving and accepting his weight. "Yeah, I know that. They don't matter.”

But -- what about the sense of thrill Yifan gets, when Junmyeon starts alpha posturing without meaning to? What about the way he thinks he sometimes just wants to huddle up under Junmyeon, for no good reason. That’s... something. It’s something, and it scares him a little. 

“But, like... shouldn't they?” Yifan questions, voice smaller than before. He’s confused. He wishes he wasn’t. “I -- sometimes I feel like they should. Sometimes I feel like they really kind of do."

Kyungsoo bites on his lip and looks up at the ceiling again for a moment, clearly searching for the right words to say here while gnawing at his lip. Yifan clings to the hope that Kyungsoo might be able to work magic and straighten this all out for him.

Finally, Kyungsoo speaks. "Maybe..." He's doing that drawn out, stutter-but-not-a-stutter thing he does when he's searching for how to get his point across just right. Speaking slow and starting with placeholders. "Just... maybe, you should talk to Junmyeon about this? I feel like this is you hinting at a relationship thing -- "

Yifan goes back to furiously tapping at nothing on his phone. "It's not!" It is, and Yifan knows he’s not subtle. It’s still embarrassing to be in this same position as always: being told to talk to Junmyeon, his better and more logical half. Yifan’s tired of being the screw up around here.

Kyungsoo’s gaze returns to Yifan’s face, a heavy and meaningful enough thing that Yifan looks up from the avoidance technique that is his phone. Thankfully, at least Kyungsoo’s eyes are thoughtful and empathetic.

"I think it is,” Kyungsoo says soothingly, kinder than he really has to be with Yifan, who’s being awful as per usual. “Since you opened this up talking about sex."

Yifan pauses. He realizes -- true. He could have dove straight into this part. The want for affection that highlights how Yifan’s an omega and Junmyeon’s an alpha. How it settles and smolders in the pit of his belly. Idly, Yifan wonders; wonders if he was any other alignment, if he’d have this same disposition. If he’d give himself more leeway more often if he was a beta, or even an alpha, and was still just as clingy and needy and cautious.

That doesn’t matter much, though. Things are what they are. He is what he is. This whole thing is undoubtedly a relationship thing, as much as he dreads that. Yifan... needs to talk to Junmyeon after all. Because he wants something. He wants it and it’s something he’s going to need to talk through, even if the answer is ‘no’ from Junmyeon. _No, we can’t do that_. _No, I don’t want to_.

But, okay, the thing here is that Yifan opened up talking about sex (and, more importantly, intimacy), because that’s where it really starts for him. Yes, it’s a little bit more complicated than that, than the glimpse of Liyin hovering above Jongdae, trapping him, that Yifan caught. Yes, it’s more than the way Jongdae had steadfastly pretended Yifan didn't exist for a few days being vastly different than Liyin's giggling slight but dismissive embarrassment (both initially and afterwards; the same day Jongdae walked out of study period, Liyin had held an entire conversation with Yixing about some paperwork for their volunteer service class with Yifan standing off to the side --- because, well, he and Yixing had been talking first -- and she hadn't even flinched or seemed embarrassed or anything. Just waved and nodded hello and then goodbye at Yifan when the time had come, even taking a moment to ask Yifan about his mother and what his thoughts were on chances of snow. If anything, she had laughed a little at him, when Yifan blushed slightly and avoided her straight-on gaze). 

But sex is where it started, this latest bout of his. Logically, Yifan has to start there.

Honestly though, the biggest thing is this: Jongdae and Liyin’s personalities have always been much closer in giggling, devil-may-care extroversion, as far as Yifan can tell. And it’s not like Jongdae and Junmyeon, best friends extraordinaires, are really all that different either. Yifan kind of knows Jongdae well, from personal history and all that. So. The discrepancies in his and Liyin’s reactions are... intriguing. And that's what’s been gnawing at Yifan in some weird way. 

He’s probably been turning this over in his head too much, there’s a million and one reasons that can and have contributed to why Jongdae took a step away while Liyin faced it head on, unruffled. He’s making it be about things it’s really not. But still, he can’t help it. Here he is.

It’s not like he can explain any of that without telling Kyungsoo all the little details, though. So he stays quiet.

Because Yifan's refusing to say anything, Kyungsoo sighs a little. He’s also tucking his hands up in the sleeves of his sweater and folding his arms up into himself. Yifan isn’t sure if he’s making himself smaller intentionally, like he thinks that’ll make Yifan feel less threatened, or if Kyungsoo is just doing it because it makes him feel better, maybe warmer. Kyungsoo’s been a little under the weather again, the fall into winter cold really getting him down.

Regardless, Kyungsoo does indeed give it to him straight, shrinking posturing or not. "Is it -- ugh, I don't know how to talk to people about this kind of thing. But. Is this about you? You wanting it to matter?”

Yifan unintentionally flinches, as Kyungsoo hits a little too close to home. Yes, he wants to talk about this but really -- he _doesn’t_ want to talk about this. It’s complicated.

His flinch doesn’t pass Kyungsoo’s notice, who continues on. “Yifan, if you want to be all... stereotypically omega-ish with Junmyeon... if you want to be, I don’t know, tiny and protected sometimes... just ask him about it. There’s no shame in that from time to time, if it makes you feel good and it’s not hurting anybody. It’s _your_ relationship."

For some reason, that has Yifan bristling. He’s not _supposed_ to want to go back in time. And he definitely _does_ want to be independent and in control of his own life more than anything. So. So it’s weird and dumb that he’s even -- even been thinking so hard about all of this. About Liyin towering over Jongdae. About Junmyeon doing the same to him. It’s all stupid, and he’ll get over it.

"I don't want that,” Yifan tells Kyungsoo emphatically, trying to tell himself the same thing. Shake out of it and get over it already. “And anyway, you know how he is about alignment stuff. It'd be a whole... _talk_ and lecture-type deal and I'd have to explain it and -- I don’t. Need that. I get it, I already understand that it’s bad.”

Kyungsoo is tucking his chin into the collar of his sweater, now just his nose and eyes visible. Is he cold? Yifan no longer thinks it’s a tactic to be less intimidating, so maybe he really doesn’t feel well. Or maybe he’s just doing it because he wants to. Kyungsoo does weird things for no reason, sometimes. "Mm, okay. So, for clarification... you are _absolutely sure_ you don't want to be all super submissive and cuddly with Junmyeon? Even though you’ve clearly thought through how he might react to you asking about it?"

He hates Kyungsoo’s way of easily turning his own words against him. "I don't want to, Soo!" Probably. Mostly. Yifan's trying not to think about that. He takes a deep breath and tries to control his voice level. His stress level. "I'm just... saying all this stuff because, I don’t know. It’s something to think about, isn’t it? And I'm trying to have this conversation with you, because you have more common sense than most of our friends, and you're an omega too so it's... you get it."

Kyungsoo's pulling his knees up to his chest now, and he's a curled up ball on the couch, just blinking over at Yifan while he studies him way too closely. Yifan doesn’t like it. He wills Kyungsoo to hurry up and say something, even if it’s something he might not like.

"So," Kyungsoo says slowly, muffled. Then, finally, he follows it with, "I'm guessing it wasn't Sehun and Tao you walked in on, then? Whoever you saw must not have been omegas, if you couldn’t ask, and you _did_ specifically mention an alpha and beta earlier -- "

Yifan could wail, he’s so frustrated at the moment. " _Kyungsoo_."

Kyungsoo laughs and pops his face out of his collar. Yifan... actually feels better, now that he can see the tiny apologetic smile gracing Kyungsoo’s face. Yes, Kyungsoo’s messing with him (likely because he knows Yifan’s not telling it to him straight), but it’s not ill-intentioned.

"Okay, fine,” Kyungsoo’s voice is soft and gentle but no-nonsense. “So do you want me to reason out how much our alignments do still sort of matter sometimes and how, yeah, that would probably be because of socialization? Or do you want me to tell you that no, they’re kind of bullshit beyond the biological stuff and -- oh yeah, yes. _Yes_ , Junmyeon is going to probably be... a lot, and point that all out, if you bring something like this up to him?"

Yifan can’t help the sigh of an exhale he lets out at the options he’s being given. The saving grace here is while Kyungsoo’s words sound blunt, his eyes are nothing but understanding. 

“I’m not trying to give you a hard time,” Kyungsoo reassures him. “It’s just... yeah. While I can go either way on this crap, Junmyeon is... well, obviously you know how he is. The second you say something like, ‘I think alignments should matter more’ he’s going to maybe freak out a little bit.”

Yifan groans and hides behind his phone, closing his eyes against the truth of Kyungsoo’s words. "I -- didn't mean that I think they should matter. I know people have been working for centuries to fix power imbalances and blah blah blah, I get that. I just... I think there's...” 

Saying ‘there’s something interesting there’ is too inviting of questions, and ‘there’s something nice about it’ is too blatant in broadcasting Yifan’s major struggles with the issue in the first place. He grasps for words and finds them all too lacking and too revealing all at once.

“...There’s some truth,” he finally decides on lamely. “To the stereotypes. Even if it's just that because we're expected to be a certain way, we half turn out that way."

Kyungsoo shrugs generally in response. "I mean, yeah, that's probably true. Alignments are social constructs, sure, and being told that certain things mean acting certain ways probably influenced all of us at least a little. It’s all some real food for thought, for sure.”

Now Kyungsoo’s expression morphs, and it’s unreadable to Yifan. “...But you know," Kyungsoo raises his arms up perpendicular with the floor and pops his fingers out of his sleeves, the fabric sliding up his wrists. "Let’s step away for the serious sociology discussion for a second. And, let’s talk about _you_. Because... from the way you've been blushing this whole time..."

Yifan tries to hide behind his phone harder. Crap, has he been blushing? Great. "I'm not blushing?" He tries to insist, not liking how it sounds like a question.

Yifan can’t hide and see Kyungsoo’s face at the same time, but Kyungsoo doesn’t sound convinced. "Uh-huh, sure. Anyway, back to what I’m trying to say here. Yifan, there's nothing wrong with you wanting affection and wanting to, I don't know. Be all the clichéd things we're told makes us what we are. Because we know those things don't _actually_ define us.”

Yifan peeks from around his phone, and he gives up the ghost. Gives up trying to deny what he and Kyungsoo both know to be true about Yifan’s stance on this. “I’m not trying to push for, like. A counter-culture revolution or anything here, Kyungsoo. I just. Kind of want... something. I don’t even know what, to be honest.”

Kyungsoo smiles sadly at him, like he’s genuinely sorry that things are confusing and difficult for him right now. “I’m so sorry I can’t help you more, Yifan. It just... it seems like you really need to talk to Junmyeon about this stuff, okay?"

+++

"Hey," Chanyeol says offhandedly, more focused on highlighting and notating sheet music for his band sectionals that he's been laughingly complaining about for the past few days. "Do you know what Jongdae's deal is?"

Yifan can tell that Chanyeol's not even paying that close attention to Yifan's oncoming answer, but he still feels a little like he's being put on the spot. Jongdae’s been mostly normal, and each passing day gets better. So Yifan doesn’t want to call attention to anything, and he’s not going to flat out tell someone what any of it’s about. Playing dumb is probably the best action, then. "Huh? What are you talking about?"

Chanyeol rubs his nose -- and smears ink along his upper lip. "I mean, he seems a little weird around you. Quieter, I guess? And Jongdae usually only gets like that when he's being sort of passive aggressive."

"Passive aggressive?” That’s an interesting word choice. Yifan’s been thinking things have mostly settled back into pretty okay between them, though they’re still just ever so slightly off. Off enough for Chanyeol to pick up on it, apparently. “Wouldn't that look, I don't know... meaner? Coming from Jongdae?" Jongdae and Baekhyun play well together, so if anyone could dish it out as well as they could take it, it'd be Jongdae.

"No no, he's the good one," Chanyeol says solemnly. "Baekhyun, Kyungsoo, and me -- the three of us are the asshole ones." Honestly Yifan's always thought that Chanyeol was the good one, but maybe that's bias. Yifan and Chanyeol are pretty good friends after all, and Chanyeol's biased when it comes to being not-horrible towards him.

Chanyeol shrugs. "But anyway, did you guys... like fight?" Immediately after putting that out there, Chanyeol's eyebrows raise sympathetically and his eyes go round in that way they do when he realizes something. "Oh man, wait, is this about that whole 'he's hogging my best friend’ thing?”

Yifan blinks at Chanyeol in sudden confusion. Huh? _What_ thing now?

Chanyeol eyebrows are now knitting together apologetically. "Oh no, is it? Because, man, sorry I... might have instigated that. I totally take the blame for that, my bad."

Yifan frowns, though he holds a finger in front of his lips to remind Chanyeol that the library is a public space and his volume is several notches too loud. "I... don’t think so, Chanyeol -- "

Chanyeol's eyebrows go higher somehow. He perhaps misunderstands Yifan’s shushing motions, because not only does his volume stay firmly fixed at ‘slightly too loud’, but he keeps going. "Oh, shit, wait is this leftover anger and resentment about how you're not good enough to be wooing Junmyeon with heat sex?"

Yifan’s shushing gets more frantic because _geez Yeol_ , and this time Chanyeol takes note, even as he sighs and rests his chin on his hand (he's getting ink all over his cheek now). His voice is closer to a whisper as he says, "Well, okay, anger and resentment is not how Jongdae'd put it, but we keep telling him it's healthy to express negative feelings."

Yifan's confused, but he's also not _too_ worried about it. Any issues with Jongdae have little to nothing to do with the heat sex thing, Yifan is very assured about that. He entertains the conversation topic with Chanyeol anyway, absentmindedly digging through his bag for a wet wipe.

"Says the one who tries to laugh everything off," Yifan snipes lightly. "and Baekhyun maybe could take a lesson in expressing his negative feelings _less_." When he finds the packet of wipes, he gestures for Chanyeol to lean in, which Chanyeol does obediently. "Maybe throw that pen away, it's a menace."

Chanyeol laughs and turns his head as Yifan nudges him this way and that. "Thanks, you’re a lifesaver."

Yifan shrugs off the compliment and scrubs a little along the soft ridge of Chanyeol’s right nostril. "But seriously, what are you talking about? Is Jongdae mad at me and I don't know about it?" 

Yifan knows anything Chanyeol’s sensing can’t be about the heat sex incident, and instead likely is the remnants from the whole 'I walked in on you getting it on with your girlfriend' thing that Chanyeol, obviously, doesn't know about.

However... Yifan’s getting the sense that that’s something here to talk about. At the very least, whatever it is that Chanyeol is referring to with accidentally instigating, Yifan’s a bit curious to know more about. It maybe is sneaky of Yifan to dig into that, but still. He’d like to know, if he can.

Chanyeol hums. "Uh, not really _mad_...? Maybe I’m overreacting. And I mean, now that I’m thinking about it, he already got in your face about the Big Accident with you and Junmyeon, right? So it can’t be that..."

Yifan has to agree with him. "Yeah, I think we’re cool with that."

Definitely, Jongdae had made it very clear that Junmyeon had discussed with him at some length what had happened, like Yifan had done with Tao. And sure, Jongdae had rightfully been much less forgiving of Yifan's role in the whole thing, but that had long since blown over. The mutual threats flying around in both Junmyeon and Yifan's directions to do a better job of taking care of each other had been the last of the awkwardness between him and Jongdae, Yifan thought. Study periods with Jongdae and Jongin hadn't been awkward until recently, and that’s for a very obvious reason.

But... Chanyeol’s talking about and alluding to something else. So what if there’s more? Yifan feels weird about prying into what Jongdae apparently says in private about him through Chanyeol, but maybe that's part of it. Maybe whatever it is that Yifan doesn’t know is making it a little harder for Jongdae to get over Yifan's recent accidental breach of his privacy?

Yifan wants to know. Maybe it’s nothing, but he wants to know for sure if it’s important or not. Yifan's not the most above-it-all person or anything, and the means to finding out are laying right in front of him. So why not?

“Chanyeol,” he says carefully trying not to seem too suspicious. Really, he just wants to know. That’s all. “If you don’t think it’s that, then what do you think it _is_...? What’s this best friend hogging thing you think you instigated?”

Chanyeol laughs sheepishly. "Oh. Yeah. That. See, the other day, I was whining at Jongdae about Junmyeon hogging you -- actually,” Chanyeol starts wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. “This was probably right before we found out that you two had..."

Knowing that Chanyeol has no qualms about saying ‘heat sex’ never mind talk in detail about it in public, Yifan frowns one of his more severe frowns at Chanyeol to get him to cut off.

Chanyeol laughs (in a way that can only be defined as a giggle) because of the look Yifan is shooting him, and easily moves past the details of what it was Yifan and Junmyeon had gotten up to. "Well, whenever it was, I was whining. And you know Jongdae -- if you whine, he'll whine with you. So he mentioned that he felt like _you_ were hogging _Junmyeon_ and we bonded for maybe ten minutes lamenting and deciding that you two dating was the worst new development in the history of our friendship." Chanyeol's grinning by the end there, so obviously he's joking, if the extreme hyperbole of his words weren't already a give away.

Still. Yifan gulps, a little uncomfortable. “You... really think he’s upset about that?” It hasn’t come up before, but maybe Jongdae was prioritizing the bigger crisis at hand and this has simply gotten lost in the shuffle. There was the heat sex first. And right now, the weirdness Chanyeol has been sensing -- well, there’s no way it’s not solidly the thing Yifan can't tell Chanyeol about. But still, Jongdae and Chanyeol feeling like Junmyeon and Yifan aren’t sharing well is a strangely interesting new development to hear about.

Yifan's fine with letting Chanyeol draw his own conclusions to avoid an awkward conversation he really doesn't want to have, and he’ll be happy to let the topic of Jongdae fizzle out into ultimately nothing. However, it's out of genuine intrigue (and because that old fear of spending too much time being, just, all about Junmyeon, is re-surfacing yet again) that Yifan asks, "You two think Junmyeon and me are hanging out too much?"

Chanyeol shrugs, leaning against the table. "Not too much. I'm not saying don't get it in -- " This is punctuated by Chanyeol miming hip thrusts in his seat.

Chanyeol, Yifan thinks with a sigh, is impossible. " _Chanyeol_.”

Chanyeol waves a hand. "I joke, I joke. It’s not too much. But I do think it's hard to deny you both are together a lot. Makes it hard for a best friend to get some time in, you know? Especially when you first started dating. You’re better now, I’d say."

Yifan frowns to himself a little. "...Well... Chanyeol, why didn't you say something, if you wanted to hang out? I’m really not trying to be -- "

Chanyeol cuts in quickly, “Ah, I heard from Jongin about this -- I’m not saying you’re being obsessive or a, a specific kind of omega or anything.” He shakes his head. "I didn’t mention it because it’s really not a big deal! I told you I was just whining. After I got it off my chest, I got over it.”

What can Yifan say to that? He lets out a sound of disbelief, a sort of scoff.

Chanyeol just grins at him. “And anyway, I've got Jongin now. I'm kinda not as available for one on one hanging out as I used to be, either. So it's kind of... like the pot calling the kettle black."

Yifan snorts again, reaching over to softly run an affectionate hand through Chanyeol’s hair, who leans into the touch happily. "Still, I’m sorry."

If Chanyeol could purr, Yifan suspects that he would be right now, the look of satisfaction on his face reminiscent of a cat curling up in the sun. With Chanyeol, things are just easy. Yifan appreciates his positivity and strange brand of gentleness.

"Hey,” Chanyeol says, voice soft and reassuring. “I get that time management is hard. It's not like my feelings are hurt over it. I just got a little irritated over it from time to time. What’s important is that we're hanging out now!"

That's true. "Well, what's going on with you? I know about band sectionals," Yifan nods to the rest of Chanyeol's sheet music sitting on the edge of the table, queued up to be next for Chanyeol to study. "But... I guess, yeah, I haven't been keeping up with everyone like I should be."

Chanyeol waves a hand, still smeared with dried ink. "Nah, you're _fine_ , stop trying to throw a pity party about it. Anyway, nothing interesting is going on."

Yifan ruffles his hair, intentionally messing it up and grinning at Chanyeol’s dissatisfied whines as he pulls away. "How about you and Jongin? No more ER trips, obviously, but I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing."

Chanyeol winks. "Hey, don't let that fool you, the sparks are still flying between me and him."

Yifan grimaces. "And I don't need to hear your sloppy innuendos. Just tell me if you guys are okay." 

Last he remembered, Jongin had seemed more reserved about the whole dating Chanyeol thing when Yifan checked in with him a while back, but that's probably just Jongin being purely himself. Yifan can't entirely remember if that was before or after they officially came out as dating, but either way Jongin's been pretty shy about the whole thing. It's undeniably cute, but for some reason it's also got Yifan the slightest bit worried -- and he can't tell if it's exclusively for Jongin, for Chanyeol, or for the both of them. They can get on better than anybody sometimes, and other times they clash in the weirdest of ways. Yifan doesn’t want to meddle, but he can check in.

But Chanyeol nods solidly, confident. "Mm, we're okay! I... really really like dating Jongin, Yifan." Chanyeol's eyes are sparkling as he says this, and it makes Yifan’s heart pang with happiness for his friend. "He's like. Great. And super adorable."

Yifan smiles, thinking 'what are we going to do with you, Chanyeol?' "And maybe a little standoffish."

Chanyeol's eyes sparkle more. "Yeah, sometimes -- but he's the _cutest_ underneath that. A softie. A sweetheart at his core."

Well, Yifan thinks to himself, Chanyeol's always liked challenges. Yifan loves Jongin plenty himself, but he has no delusions about the way Jongin can clam up or shut down. He’s still a sweet kid. Just occasionally difficult to figure out. 

Chanyeol seems happy though, so Yifan concedes to it. "Well, okay." Something, slowly and possibly awfully, occurs to Yifan. He can’t help but prod a little, out of curiosity of Chanyeol’s stance on the matter. "Hey, quick question -- some food for thought... do you think both of you being betas has any effect on you guys?"

Chanyeol blinks and frowns confusedly, tilting his head a bit. “Mm? Like what? We’re already kind of chill to begin with... mostly... so do you mean stuff like that?”

Yifan isn’t sure. “I don’t know. I was... thinking, and talking to Kyungsoo about alignments a little bit the other day. So, I was just generally wondering, I guess.”

Chanyeol shrugs, a thoughtful expression scrunching up his brow. "I dunno. If this is about us not being like you and Junmyeon... Well, there's no way I could ever hog Jongin with Kyungsoo in the mix -- and then Jongin's not really about letting me always be all over him? So, yeah."

Yifan hums noncommittally in reply. He’s not even going to waste his time denying the part about him and Junmyeon. It’s a waste of energy and Yifan’s trying to come to terms with how he genuinely does want to be impossibly tangled up with Junmyeon in the most stereotypical of ways every now and again. Whatever. He’ll figure things out and try to stop beating himself up in the process.

Chanyeol grins lopsidedly and presses onward. "Plus, Jongin sometimes is barely beta material, if we're going by stereotypes. When he's not laidback, he's _totally_ not laidback."

Yifan gets what Chanyeol means, because Jongdae's the same way. But Chanyeol’s definitely more sort of allowed to say those kinds of things about betas, being one himself. Chanyeol knows this full well, evidenced by the next thing out his mouth. "To be fair though, Baekhyun is arguably the 1950s textbook example of how a beta ‘should and does act’ most of the time, but when he's angry there's no way you could justify with alignments how he goes out of his way to destroy any and all stability in a group.”

Yifan doesn’t know if he should agree with that... very apt reading of Baekhyun. “There’s... no accounting for spite, I guess.”

Chanyeol laughs openly. “Listen, if we were a traditional pack, Baekhyun would encourage dissent and incite a riot the first argument he had with an alpha. But I guess we all have the potential to get weird under negative emotions... like Junmyeon with stress, for example."

Yifan sighs and hums to himself as his thoughts turn to Junmyeon and this whole alignments talk, joking or not in this instance. “Yeah.”

Chanyeol frowns at Yifan. “Um? You okay?”

Yifan doesn't know so much if he is or isn’t. He’s trying not to think about it. “It’s fine. I’m good. Just thinking about some things.” Like how, maybe just a little bit, he wants to indulge in what their alignments may or may not imply with Junmyeon. "Don’t worry about it."

Chanyeol doesn't look like he believes that he shouldn’t worry, but he’s kind enough to let it slide. "Well... if I can finish this work soon, how about we get out of here and do something!” He nudges Yifan playfully, grinning at him. “It's so rare that I get you to myself, after all."

Yifan laughs at the harmless barb. "What, you want street food or something?"

Chanyeol beams up at him, and Yifan laughs again, checking twitter on his phone for where Chanyeol's favorite food truck might be.

+++

Yifan drags his feet as much as he dares, but it's hard to argue that Kyungsoo has a point. He can't stop thinking about all the moving pieces of his ‘issue’, and the longer he does so the more those pieces start to fall into place.

Yifan thinks the way Junmyeon sometimes takes charge of even the briefest casual conversations has played some role in the previously unexplainable heart racing that Yifan's been experiencing. In the weird unidentifiable longing that Yifan hasn't even thought to define as such until now, in retrospection. And Yifan realizes that, because of all their mishaps with one another, in some ways they've cooled down, and in some ways Junmyeon has backed off.

...Well. _That_ has more to do with Yifan's mess up that anything, though Yifan tries not to get stuck on thinking about that. About how he's manage to mess up the good things in his life. So, he might as well try and address this whole situation of his own making.

Still, when Yifan tries to bring it up to Junmyeon one afternoon while they’re hanging out in Yifan’s room, starting with a stilted, "What are your thoughts on sometimes, just every now and then -- uh. Well. Acknowledging our alignments?" Junmyeon looks at him like he's lost his mind.

"What,” Junmyeon counters immediately, nearly snorting out a laugh, clearly taking this as a joke. "Like revisit the fact that you're an omega and I'm an alpha? Yifan,” he really _is_ laughing now, light little amused chuckles. “We both already know that I have a knot and you don't, and both of us have monthly heats. There, alignments acknowledged."

Yifan falters. This is... certainly a setback. "No... Junmyeon. I, um. I meant more along the lines of... Junmyeon.” Junmyeon’s still chuckling slightly, so Yifan’s tone takes on a more stern, if not desperate, tinge. “ _Junmyeon_ , I’m serious. I want to do more... uh. Stereotypical things."

Junmyeon’s laughter trails off into silence as he squints at Yifan, head tilting in confusion. Bless his heart, he means so well, trying to work with this curveball Yifan’s thrown him. "I don't understand."

And Yifan tries his best. "I mean... maybe, for example, things like if you could be more intentionally dominating towards me?” The second it leaves Yifan's mouth, he knows it's not the right way to go about explaining the whole 'in my head I like the idea of retreating up under you occasionally'. That’s not wholly accurate, even. Yifan just struggles with wording this right, is all.

Still, Junmyeon obviously takes it poorly. It launches him right into a lecture, shoulders tensed up and lips pressed as firmly together as one can manage while lecturing. 

Yifan tries to give him the space to vent before trying to explain this more properly... but five minutes go by, and Junmyeon's only just getting warmed up on why the socialization of alignments is a bunch of useless crock -- and it’s all something Yifan has already heard. This is a conversation Yifan doesn't feel like rehashing and re-experiencing. He gets that bad parts of this. But this isn’t about the society as a whole, it’s just about him and Junmyeon. God, how does he _talk_ about this?

"-- And even the biological aspects of it doesn't really _determine_ anything,” Junmyeon’s saying sternly, a faint flush in his cheeks. It might be more from aggravation than embarrassment, though. “A knot doesn't guarantee pregnancy. Two omegas or alphas or betas, if they have the right kinds of compatibility, can easily have a baby, too -- "

_Yeah_ , Yifan knows all of this full and well. "Junmyeon," Yifan cuts in. "I get that. I... also get that you hate this sort of thing as a whole. But I just wanted to ask anyway, because. Well. I -- and maybe you, too? -- don't seem to hate it as much privately, between the two of us."

Junmyeon’s mouth snaps shut for a moment, and he just. Breathes, for a long few seconds. Yifan just waits, and finally Junmyeon says, "...Excuse me?"

Yifan isn’t sure what Junmyeon’s asking about specifically, so Yifan tries to cover all his bases. “Just, maybe we both can admit there's been some times that we've both undeniably been a little more into playing up alignments than we’ve pretended otherwise. Which -- maybe we pretend we haven’t because it's supposed to be, I don't know. Kinky, maybe. Self-oppressive, I guess."

Junmyeon's expression shifts in this strange way that Yifan isn't used to seeing aimed at him. He... isn’t sure if he's actually ever seen this expression before, but is seems more agitated than what Junmyeon usually offers up to the world.

"So, it's all stupid, is what you're saying," Junmyeon says, much too pleasantly, especially considering the look on his face. "All the strides made in equal rights and equal treatment are mostly pointless and it's fine to straight up be a traditionalist because hey, you think it makes sex more exciting."

Yifan frowns. He never said -- why is Junmyeon being -- "I think," Yifan comes back with, voice low with hurt. "That you are making some leaps in the conversation here. This is not about the, the _greater good_. It’s just me and you. Also, you are not being very nice, at _all_."

Junmyeon shrugs carelessly, eyes averted, shoulders growing impossibly more and more tense. If Yifan didn’t know any better, he might think that Junmyeon seems like he feels guilty. But if it’s about being ‘not nice’ to his boyfriend, it certainly doesn’t stop him from continuing. "Well. Shouldn't you like that I'm being so aggressive?"

...Okay, now Junmyeon is downright being an asshole. "Look," Yifan would bring up the background information of why this is all on his mind to contextualize everything, but bringing up Jongdae and Liyin and his own strange preoccupation with them lately likely will add more strife to this already strangely out of control situation. He’s also coming to be in a less and less giving mood, feeling more backed into a corner and like he needs to defend himself for bringing this up. "You don't have to be a jerk. Can you listen?”

Junmyeon makes a sighing sort of noise in the back of his throat, which Yifan takes as a go ahead. His lips keep going pinched and pouting, because, Yifan realizes with a start, he’s getting maybe seriously angry. 

Still, Yifan says, “I’m just trying to say that I like how it feels when we end up playing out our roles in these little ways. Only every now and then. And I thought you might be into it, too... and since it's _not_ that big a deal if we _maybe_ mess around with it when it's just the two of us."

Junmyeon won’t meet his eyes, and he won’t get off his soapbox. "Yeah, and that's the problem. That kind of thinking can easily slide into -- "

Listen, Yifan isn't going to sit here and be totally dragged through the mud by his boyfriend (who’s being an ass). "I really don't think my _offhand suggestion_ is what's kept us omegas down or anything. If you really don't like the idea of it, you can just say no without being a complete jerk." 

It hurts a little that Junmyeon's being so outwardly insensitive. Yeah, Yifan feels like maybe he didn't get a good chance to explain himself, but Junmyeon's clearly visceral reaction really discourages further discussion.

Junmyeon finally looks at him, but his gaze is foreign. Hurt, almost. Yifan doesn’t understand. "Fine,” Junmyeon says, voice flat. “No. I don't like it, and I don't want to do it.”

Yifan’s ready to shrug it off, his shoulders hunched up and tense. “Okay -- ”

But Junmyeon’s not done. “Seriously... What, you want me to mishandle you? Basically abuse you or something? Where is this even coming from." That’s not a question. But that’s also not at all right.

Yifan frowns and raises his hands in front of him slightly. "Whoa whoa whoa, where is _that_ coming from? I never said any of that.”

There’s a moment, a pause, where for the briefest of moments Junmyeon seems uncertain. He holds his ground, however, expression returning to fierce and unyielding quick enough, and Yifan barely contains the need to sigh. “Junmyeon, I just said you could be more dominating towards me. To me, you being more dominating isn't you being an alpha from a bad melodramatic romcom or something. I don't want you to not be yourself. And I don’t want to be _abused_ , geez, Junmyeon."

Junmyeon blinks. And though he still seems put off and... weird, Yifan’s words seem to make him pause and reevaluate. Yifan can see some of the steely defiance go out of him. However, his eventual reply is still lackluster: a somewhat flat and delayed, "...Okay, sorry. I jumped the gun a little."

...Uh. Yeah, Yifan thinks to himself, that apology barely feels like an apology. Yifan’s _so_ confused right now, and he’s _so_ trying to get the bottom of things. "So... is. Is there something else wrong?" Yifan asks slowly. "Because I -- well, I can't help but feel that you're too mad about this."

Yifan realizes too late that his phrasing is maybe a little blame-y. Is maybe a little dismissive -- not that Junmyeon wouldn’t have maybe deserved it at least a little for acting out over this. He started it, some more vindictive part of Yifan hisses out, but Yifan shushes that part of him up easily.

Luckily, it’s a non-point, as Junmyeon doesn’t seem to mind beyond pursing his lips in vague discontent. And that appears to be at the topic at large, because he says, "I'm just confused where this is coming from. You’ve never seemed the type to be into this kind of _stuff_ \-- "

The emphasis he puts on stuff is of the utmost distaste. Which, okay, Yifan gets it, that Junmyeon doesn’t like this ‘stuff’. Realistically, Yifan isn’t a huge fan of these things in everyday life, either. It’s just... it’s just a little concession. It’s Yifan defending that concession he’s asking for, bristling without meaning to. Yifan is exasperated.

"Why is it so _bad_ ,” he partway pleads, partway stands his ground. “I'm not asking for... I don't know. If it was the other way around I'd get it.” If it were an alpha asking an omega ‘can I control you’ essentially, it’s weirder. Harder. Even more complicated. This way, Yifan asking Junmyeon, has a lot less baggage as it were. “But _I'm_ asking _you_ to be domineering. I'm telling you I trust you enough to give you that control."

"Because you think I'd like it," Junmyeon says lowly, and his eyes aren’t ablaze now, but only just barely not. He’s really upset, Yifan realizes, and Yifan doesn’t know entirely what to do here. "Because you think I'm just being restrictive and depriving myself by saying no. Because I’m ‘undeniably into playing up alignments’, right?”

Junmyeon’s throwing his own words back in his face. “Junmyeon -- ”

Junmyeon presses onward, eyebrows knitting together and furrowing all at once. “We _just_ got through the messed up thing from before, why do we need to change how we work on top of that?"

Yifan frowns and dread settles in the pit of his stomach. "Is that what this is -- are you -- " Yifan doesn't know how to make amends for his biggest mistake thus far. "Are... you worried I'm going to manipulate you again...?"

“No, I’m not,” Junmyeon practically scoffs out, which is nearly offensive in a way that Yifan tries not to think about. Junmyeon does seem to realize, and tries to amend it a little. “I mean, I don't think you're going to do that again. And I wouldn’t let you again. I know what that nearly did to us. I won't let that happen again."

There’s Junmyeon’s way of firmly handling things with a tinge of compassion that Yifan cares about, is into. He appreciates Junmyeon doing that, even as the steel in his voice makes Yifan shiver a little, inappropriate considering the conversation at hand. It’s nearly involuntary though, and Yifan can't tell if that's from liking something specific or from the unfamiliarity of Junmyeon's colder intensity being aimed at him. That's the problem here, and that’s what he needs to explore and figure out.

Junmyeon clearly doesn't miss Yifan's reaction, but beyond surveying him warily and unhappily, he says nothing about it. At least not directly. "Honestly, Yifan,” he does say. “I'm offended you think I'm no better than some stereotype."

So, there’s Junmyeon’s distaste again. That’s so unnecessary, and Yifan wants to work that out if he can.

"I think," Yifan says carefully. "That you’re taking it personally that I'm asking about this? And -- it isn’t some slight against your moral standing. It’s weird and -- and self-centered, a little bit, for you to think that.”

Junmyeon flinches and stares widely, blankly, at Yifan, who’s stumbling on his own words and tries to keep going, and make things right. “Listen, I know you're a complex human being and not a stereotype. I just -- it’s weird that you’re -- you’re acting like it's so beneath you to be affected by alignment stuff -- especially when it's a concrete fact that you've already been into playing up our alignments before -- so -- "

Something visibly clicks on Junmyeon's face and Yifan watches in fascinated horror as Junmyeon shuts completely down. His next words are the coldest Yifan has ever heard from him. Ever. Anywhere and to _anyone_.

"I apologize you feel like I'm a walking talking _hypocrite_ with stupid morals I don't live up to in my everyday life." Junmyeon says, and Yifan can’t read him because he doesn’t have any previous experience to base this on.

And Junmyeon’s take on Yifan’s point is -- that's not... well, Yifan takes a moment to review what he's said and yeah, okay, he can see where that might be Junmyeon's understanding of things.

It wasn't supposed to be though, and Yifan tries to best rectify it belatedly. "It's not about hypocrisy," Yifan says gently, carefully, trying to think things through before he says them. "I'm not bringing all this up because I have a problem with you... or. Well.” Well, as long as they’re being honest about this, Yifan might as well say how he really feels. “Yeah okay, so maybe I do have a little problem with you being so intense about alignments all the time. But that’s part of the problem here. It just makes it hard to talk to you about these kind of things, you know?"

"Right, because all of a sudden you think alignments are important?" Junmyeon says stiffly. It’s like he doesn’t want to keep up being on edge at Yifan, but something’s not letting him back down regardless. Yifan doesn’t know how he’s forgotten that Junmyeon is ridiculously stubborn when he wants to be.

Yifan pauses to think before he answers, seeing how everything he’s said has seemed to only serve to aggravate the situation thus far. "It’s not _that_ sudden,” he defends. “I know they don't have to be important. But my point is that they, they _can_ be important. If you want them to be."

Junmyeon doesn’t have an immediately discernible reaction. Maybe he’s actually listening now. Maybe he’s calmer now. "And you want them to be important,” he questions. “Between us?"

"Not completely. Not _always_. But..." Yifan feels like he's just repeating himself now. Like whatever he’s said wrong before, he’s just getting ready to repeat, to step on that particular landmine again and have Junmyeon explode in his face once more. "Just sometimes. And maybe ‘important’ isn’t the right word here. I just think it -- it could be nice, if we could have them inform our interactions a little more at certain times."

"Like during kinky sex." Junmyeon's not asking... he's accusing.

Yifan frowns, feeling unbalanced and almost stupid. He can’t keep up with Junmyeon’s thought process. "No -- why do you keep taking it there?"

"Because during sex is when I've probably been most lacking in sticking to my morals." Junmyeon points out ruefully. "So that means either you're really _really_ into it, or this is your roundabout way of sticking it to me."

Yifan frowns. Honestly, he's probably been a bigger culprit about being into alignment play during sex than Junmyeon, but that's escaping Junmyeon at the moment, clearly. He’s now in a mood, he’s making this -- be something it’s not. Usually Junmyeon’s tendency towards drawing his own conclusions works well for them. Here and now, however, it’s tangling and tripping up Yifan, confusing him a whole lot. 

The only thing Yifan can do is try to get that straightened out. "Okay, better question, why does this keep on being about me _attacking_ you, when I’m not?" Why would he be ‘sticking it’ to Junmyeon?

Junmyeon’s answer is near-immediate, if not near-illogical (to Yifan, at least). "Because, _question_ ," Junmyeon practically hisses, all unlike his usual tone. "Why does it feel like you're doing all this to get back at me, by calling me a liar to my _face_?"

Junmyeon... is more shouting this than saying it. Yifan feels his eyes go wide, his body rigid, and his mind goes blank under the repeated thought that Junmyeon just yelled at him. Junmyeon just _yelled_ , point blank -- and he did it _at_ Yifan. He can't process much past that, and he can't begin to figure out how to respond to Junmyeon's incorrect (and confusing) accusation. All Yifan can do is wonder how things have gotten to the point that Junmyeon’s yelling at him. How have things gone so wrong?

To his credit, Junmyeon seems to catch himself, because he's running a hand through his hair and sighing. He seems frustrated and uncomfortable, and he’s not meeting Yifan’s gaze head on again. "Ah, sorry -- look, I'm... tired of going in circles about this. Honestly, I'm just _tired_."

That’s understandable: finals season has not been kind on anyone. Yifan feels cowed and -- well, honestly, now a little guilty. He could have waited until after finals to bring this up, he supposes. He probably should have -- but Yifan hadn’t thought this was going to be the somewhat big deal that it’s currently turned out to be. He just wanted to be open for once. 

Yifan can’t find his voice, so he waits out whatever else Junmyeon’s going to say; he doesn’t sound finished yet.

And he’s not. Junmyeon sighs again, shifting his weight in a fidget that definitely spells out his discomfort. "Just, the answer's no, Yifan."

"Cool," Yifan manages to say, though he's not really sure where his voice is coming from right now. He sounds far away to himself, disconnected and still preoccupied with all that’s happened. How Junmyeon raised his voice and apparently is actually seriously angered about this whole thing. This... sucks, for lack of better word.

Yifan’s mouth is still going, apparently. Which is strange, considering Yifan’s not sure what he’s planning to say. "Well, I guess that's everything, then? Since I asked a question, and now I have my answer." He’s not sure what he’s saying really, maybe just trying to end this conversation and move on by this point. Put things behind them, sidestep Junmyeon's slightly inevitable condescension that _has_ to be coming, and then reset things back to normal. But things aren’t so simple.

"If anything, think of this as a new start," Junmyeon says firmly and yep, there's that condescension -- which is different from Junmyeon's dominance that he likes. That's less presumptuous about Yifan apparently being an idiot. "So, I won't be such a _hypocrite_ from now on, just so you know."

"Stop saying that," Yifan snaps back finally. "I swear, this isn't all about you -- not like that. Everything I say and do and think, contrary to _popular belief_ , isn't about you!"

Junmyeon pauses for a very long time. "...Ah," he says quietly. "I see. Sorry. Guess I’m selfish, too."

The way he says it, the words he’s saying, all makes it clear it's not actually an apology. The way Junmyeon picks up his stuff and just walks off out of Yifan’s room and out of Yifan’s house, all without another word and just a stiff nod, also makes it abundantly clear. The conversation is done. It’s over and it’s been a stalemate, a cold and frigid war that Yifan didn’t expect.

To be fair, Yifan tries to tell himself to calm down about how Junmyeon yelled and went _mean_ at him and then just walked off, there's nowhere else for the conversation to go. He asked his question and got his answer, he reminds himself. That was the point. So he’s good. That’s good.

But. Yifan's heart is still racing in the aftermath, and not in a good way this time. Junmyeon's never raised his voice at him before, especially not in anger. Not even when Yifan thought and half hoped and wanted Junmyeon to be angry with him. Now that it's actually happened, Yifan feels... taken aback. Maybe even a little sick to his stomach. This all feels abundantly wrong. He doesn't like where this conversation had taken them. Not at all.

+++

Afterwards, Yifan doesn't know where they stand. Technically it's all been put out there. There's nothing that they didn't practically yell at each other during their terse argument, so shouldn’t it now blow over? Usually that's how this stuff works with them.

But this time, it seems like Junmyeon's still avoiding him -- and in turn, Yifan, who doesn't know what to do or what’s really wrong even, is avoiding him back. They left on weird terms, uneven footing, and Yifan isn’t sure what to do.

"Dude," Chanyeol says, as Jongin lays in his lap, reading some book for some literature class assignment. "That's because this was an actual fight, not him handholding you through your neuroses and the havoc it's wrecked on and around you."

Yifan has been working on that, ever since being overly-introspective led to the grand culmination of accidental heat sex. Still. "Shut up, that's not helping. Plus we _have_ fought before. Plenty of times."

"No, Chanyeol's right," Jongin says, peering around his book. "It sounds like you guys fought, not had a long, weird misunderstanding or miscommunication thing. They're different, trust me."

Yifan feels at a loss. But it makes sense; this _feels_ different from usual. Even the whole Junmyeon handling him at an arm’s length thing was less bald-faced open anger, and more misplaced sense of affection gone wrong. "Really?"

Chanyeol coos. "Ahhh, baby's first fight -- and you both don't know what to do."

Yifan frowns and runs a weary hand over his face. He knows Chanyeol -- and Jongin’s -- help is going to be limited in scope if only because he didn’t give them the details on what they fought about. Still, this input isn’t what he really wants, even if he did seek Chanyeol out to feel better about the whole thing. "Whatever. Like you two are that much more experienced than me. Us."

"With fighting, yeah," Jongin points out, resting his book on his chest and looking at Yifan upside down. He’s kicking his feet idly on the carpeted floor of Chanyeol’s room, looking more at home than ever before, Yifan notes with perhaps the barest sense of jealousy. "If you haven't noticed, Chanyeol and I don't really see eye to eye on a lot of basic human functions. Like being loud and over the top versus, you know. Not being obnoxious 24/7."

Chanyeol grins and brushes Jongin's bangs out of his eyes. "Over the top? Don't you mean being an awesome boyfriend who does awesome things and makes awesome plans and takes you on awesome dates?"

"Yeah, you sure do make a lot of plans," Jongin says flatly. "That are over the top and more methodically planned out that I could ever hope to achieve."

"Sounds like the opposite of a problem to me," Chanyeol says lightly, pinky rubbing along Jongin's hairline as he holds Jongin's bangs in place, pushed back off his forehead. Jongin eventually starts to smile up at Chanyeol, dropping the cold act, and Yifan would appreciate this display of affection more if his own relationship didn’t seem suddenly in dire straits with no hopes of returning to normal any time soon.

He really tries not to be bitter or jealous though, and his tone manages to stay neutral enough as he asks, "If you're so much more experienced than me, then can you help me out?"

"Not without all the details, not really,” Chanyeol points with a shrug. “And I know that’s not really always something you want to share.”

Yifan leans back against Chanyeol’s bed behind him, bringing his knees to his chest. Why the three of them are on the bedroom floor, who really knows or remembers, but it’s comfortable and at-home enough that Yifan doesn’t feel pressured to say anything one way or another. 

“And you’d be right about that,” he tells them sadly. “Anything general then, since I’m such a newbie?”

“Mm-hm. You gotta both acknowledge it was a fight whenever the next time you talk is," Chanyeol says sagely. “Rehash the fight. Address the fight. Talk about the fight.”

Jongin snorts, tapping idly on the spine of his book. “Okay, Yoda.”

Yifan laughs a little, too, but the despair is quick to set back in as he considers the advice. "But Junmyeon's not talking to me, Yeol."

Chanyeol shrugs, playing with Jongin’s bangs for a moment before gently tweaking his nose. Jongin squeaks softly, but doesn’t react otherwise -- besides a little smile that’s all fond and sweet. Yifan clears his throat to remind them that he’s here, and Chanyeol finally says, "Who says Junmyeon has to want to talk to you? You get in his face and tell him _you_ want to talk. You make him talk to you."

That’s not -- feeling so plausible right now, Yifan’s loathe to admit. Junmyeon was really mad, and Yifan’s not too happy with him either. "And open up with what, 'hey, so, we fought, you asshole'? Then what?"

Chanyeol lets out a low whistle. “Asshole? What did he _say_?” Chanyeol’s expression gets more serious. “Do I need to have a talk with him, too?”

Yifan rolls his eyes, though he smiles at the support. “No, Yeol, don’t worry about it. I’m just... frustrated, is all.”

"You just have to talk through it,” Jongin chimes in, shutting his book and placing it on the floor beside him. "Rehash it, like Chanyeol said. I know you said you guys ‘already said everything’, but if there’s still bad blood, that’s probably not true. And maybe Junmyeon doesn't feel the same way? Maybe he’s got things he’d like to say too, I mean."

Yifan frowns. That’s... possible, maybe. Both things. "I... guess I was a little accusing. He might have some stuff to say in his own defense, I suppose." He sort of did call Junmyeon a hypocrite.

Chanyeol perks up, resting his arms so they’re framing Jongin’s face, one below Jongin’s chin and one above the top of his head (and Jongin reaches up to gently circle his hands around Chanyeol’s wrist and uppermost forearm, tucking his chin and cuddling). "There you go, see?” Chanyeol is all optimism and excitement now. “Get in there, and figure out why you aren't seeing eye to eye! I believe in you, Yifan."

"It sounds so easy when you say it like that," Yifan grumbles. But ever since Chanyeol pointed out that this is practically their first fight, Yifan's gotten a new perspective on the whole thing. 

There's no way they're not going to stumble their way through their first real make up -- but Yifan's willing to make the first step towards it if he has to. (That may only give fuel to Junmyeon's argument that none of the stuff Yifan's pushing for about their roles matter, but Yifan will deal with Junmyeon being just slightly insufferable and smug if he decides to take that approach.)

"You can do it," Chanyeol says brightly. In his lap, Jongin nods vigorously, head bobbing under Chanyeol's hand. "We believe in you."

They stop talking about it, until Chanyeol excuses himself for the bathroom. Yifan expects to sit is relative silence while he’s gone, but Jongin picks up a new thread of conversation instead.

"Fighting's not so bad," Jongin tells him, switching topics quite drastically from the previous one concerning winter break plans and how they’re supposed to all go on a day outing together during it. "It's probably what you learn about yourself in the process that's the worst." 

Yifan’s still playing catch up, mind reeling as he adjusts and realizes what Jongin’s saying. “What?”

Jongin seems thoughtful, self reflective maybe. "Or maybe it's learning how the other person thinks of you and all the ways you’re letting them down that really sucks?"

Yifan frowns, confused and concerned. That’s... so dour, is Jongin talking from experience? Is he talking about him and Chanyeol? "What do you mean, Jongin? And make no mistake -- I’m asking about _you_ , right now. Are you and Chanyeol... okay?"

Jongin starts to chew on his lip, eyes troubled and distracted. "Hm? Oh yeah, no, we’re fine. It's not like Chanyeol ever says anything bad to me. It's not like he's even _mean_ when we fight. Which, maybe that's what's the worst thing? That I'm the mean one.” Jongin scrunches up his nose ruefully. “Not that Chanyeol thinks that."

Yifan doesn’t know what to make of this, honestly. "I don’t think that either, Jongin. You’re not mean. Seriously. And obviously Chanyeol would agree with me on that."

Jongin sighs, and he carefully admits, “Oh, I know not _really_. It's just, sometimes, dating Chanyeol feels like a competition I can't win. And then I get weird about it in my head, and then all of a sudden that's actually why we're fighting." Jongin shrugs, but carefully. Like he’s not sure if he’s allowed to shrug this off. "It’s only sometimes, that it’s like that. But Chanyeol doesn't know that. Which is why I'm the mean one."

It sounds... convoluted and personal, especially because he doesn’t know how Jongin and Chanyeol work as a couple. Yifan is not the one to fix someone else’s relationship problems. He can show concern and empathy, though, They come easy to him. "Is that... okay?"

Jongin shrugs again, his disposition softening, dulling into vaguely sleepy and calm if not a little disengaged. "Yeah it's fine, 'cause we make up. I'm just telling you this, because... um. There’ll be times when you're making up that you kind of have to remember that sometimes you have to be the one in the wrong.”

Jongin’s peering over at Yifan with a vague look in his eyes, somewhat grimacing briefly. “Sometimes you really are the one who was wrong. So own it and be the one who was wrong. Meet your significant other halfway, swallow your pride, all that. It all works out, in the end."

Yifan can’t help but frown. He... doesn't think he was the only one in the wrong. If anyone wasn't meeting the other halfway in the situation, Yifan's really inclined to point fingers at Junmyeon. But he doesn't know if he thinks, with this argument, that there is particularly a wrong side to be on, necessarily.

It’s a lot to consider. "What pride," Yifan jokes, self deprecating, instead. "Especially since I'm so obviously the one who messed up and was wrong in this fight with Junmyeon."

Jongin reaches over and kindly pats him on the part of his lower back that Jongin can reach, movements as lethargic as ever. "I'm not saying I think you were the one who was wrong. I have no idea what the fight was about, after all. It's just some solid advice -- and if you're really the victim, you can tell it to Junmyeon, if things get dicey.” Jongin gives him a pleasant smile, one so kind that Yifan returns it immediately.

Jongin’s very cute. Very kind. “Hang in there,” he tells Yifan, full of sincerity. “Junmyeon can be stubborn when he wants to be."

That's an understatement, Yifan thinks somewhat miserably. And he finds that honestly, he still has little to no clue what exactly he should do.

+++

So, Yifan takes it to the source of the problem: Jongdae and Liyin. Well, calling them the source is wrong -- because the source of the problem is obviously _him_. He’s been having weird thoughts about this all on his own, so that’s on Yifan.

But Jongdae and Liyin -- they can still help. Because they’re part of what got him seriously thinking and invested in bringing these things up with Junmyeon sooner rather than later. Kyungsoo was a big part of that too, but he’s already said his piece. There’s not much else for him to offer, unlike Jongdae and Liyin who are in a longstanding and fully-functional relationship. Regardless of how (or _if_ ) they incorporate the difference in their alignments, regardless if they do anything the way Yifan’s been fantasizing about doing things with Junmyeon, they can help solely because they’re dating and they talk to one another just fine.

Yifan knows all of this. He knows he needs a little help, to the surprise of no one. Still, it doesn’t make it any easier. Yifan, sitting carefully across from Jongdae and Liyin in Jongdae’s living room and trying to ignore the sense of deja vu he’s getting, tries to explain without making Jongdae mad again -- that he and Junmyeon are sort of fighting, and it’s half to wholly Yifan’s fault.

It turns out that Jongdae is actually unbothered about it. "Oh yeah, no, I know all about your guys' little tiff," is all Jongdae says in response, laid back and easy. At Yifan’s evident surprise, he laughs. "Have you forgotten who my best friend is again?"

“Ah...” And now Yifan feels sheepish. Of course Jongdae would know -- didn’t Yifan already talk this over with Chanyeol (and Jongin too, by virtue of him being there)? “Right.”

Jongdae's smiling (Liyin is too, actually), but Yifan suddenly remembers Chanyeol's words. That Chanyeol and Jongdae both have thoughts and opinions on him and Junmyeon being more preoccupied with each other than with their closest friends. It causes Yifan to shift a little awkwardly, as he wonders if there's some sarcasm or underlying bite to Jongdae's words that Yifan just can't detect. Or if Jongdae’s uncharacteristically holding onto some hidden grudge that’ll cause him to snap any moment now. Maybe Yifan is overstepping. Maybe he’s just overthinking everything.

He tries to set his inopportune thoughts aside, and focus on the matter at hand, swallowing thickly and playing with his fingers in his lap. "Does -- is that bad? Is this putting you in a bad position?"

Jongdae shrugs easily, snorting like the concept is truly and deeply funny. "Not really? There aren’t really sides, and me and Junmyeon have been around the bend on this issue already. He knows I think he's halfway full of shit sometimes about alignments, trust me. I'm a little confused why you'd think I could help you with anything, though? Or why you asked for Liyin to be here?"

"Um." Right, and this is where things get kind of embarrassing. Before now it’s just been Yifan explaining that he asked Junmyeon about alignment stuff and it didn’t go well. They fell out. Now he might have to get into the whole, why he decided to do so to begin with.

"Well, I guess it's been on the back of my mind for a little while." Yifan thinks back on the weird swooping feeling he's been getting in his stomach every time Junmyeon wrenches control of things, of the weird feeling of exhilarating forbiddenness of taking control of Junmyeon during the incident -- only to relent and give it back best way he knew how in the middle of sex. He tries not to flush too much, but it’s good to realize that that's probably what _that's_ been about. "But walking in on you two... it sort of. Sparked a real interest."

Jongdae and Liyin share a careful look, and Jongdae’s still looking at her as he asks slowly. “Why...?”

And now Yifan’s full-on flushing in embarrassment. “I -- don’t know how to explain it, my mind’s weird but um. There’s some impressions I got from the whole. Situation. How Liyin reacted. How you reacted. It made me realize, uh. What I liked about that, if I thought about it being me and Junmyeon.” That sounds awful and voyeuristic, but Yifan tries to leave it at that. He can’t help but throw in a barely audible, “It’s not a sex thing though, I swear.”

Liyin laughs, while Jongdae's expression goes slightly pained. "So _that's_ it,” she says cheerfully. “I wondered why I had been explicitly invited to this pow wow. No offense, but it’s a little odd." Yeah, Yifan knows, because again: she has her own friends

Jongdae doesn’t seem nearly as amused, a rare sort of feat in a way. "You do know she's _busy_ , with college applications and her own life," Jongdae says, more cross than he would be usually about anything concerning himself. It’s... valiant. Sweet.

Yifan bites on the inside of his cheek as to not smile. “I know, I’m sorry, I just. Need help to figure this out.”

Jongdae rolls his eyes, but it’s not mean. “God, do you ever... think about what you say? Geez, Yifan, ‘impressions’... you’re something else. But luckily I get what you’re trying to say, I think.”

Yifan nods, hopeful, grateful. “Okay, great.”

"But also,” Jongdae adds on as a flippant afterthought, very genuine in how he sounds like doesn’t really care but knows that he should. _That_ , all together, comes off as annoyance, which isn’t too bad. “Yifan, what the fuck? Why are you still thinking about what happened the other day? Please, stop."

"I'm sorry," Yifan says, but really he's just glossing over Jongdae's annoyance. Because once you bulldoze through that stage, Jongdae usually goes pliant and caring and offering the best advice he can muster up. You just have to work for it, and that’s what Yifan’s aiming for. "If I could, I would. I really did try to work it out without it coming to this. But Junmyeon and I, we just fought when I tried to bring it up. So..." So, clearly he needs help. He’s always needing help.

Liyin laughs a little, soft and forgiving, and she nudges Jongdae. Jongdae, who had already been sighing and rubbing the bridge of his nose and letting go of any last notes of aggravation, nods his head almost imperceptibly at Liyin. "I got it, I got it," he mumbles. But soon enough, his ever-present smile is back, maybe with a little fond exasperation -- not that that’s all that odd or uncommon. "Ok, Yifan. What can we do for you then? Our expert dating counsel is at your service."

Liyin hides her mouth behind her hand, but Yifan sees her grin before she can hide it. Jongdae’s openly grinning at him, which would have given away both of their amusement with the turn of events, anyway. Still, it makes something click in Yifan’s head -- like a small little _ah_. Like a realization of ‘oh, so this is why the two of them get along: they’re the same person in a lot of ways’. Maybe that should be obvious, but Yifan never really hung around the two of them alone together long enough to really sort of get it and know it firsthand.

That’s not important. At least it’s well-meant. The ball’s in Yifan’s court now; he’s just... got to explain this whole thing, again and better, to get help now. That’s it. Not so hard, right? (Ha.)

"Mostly," Yifan starts as diplomatically as he can manage before his words catch in his throat for a moment. His mind is working in overdrive to figure out how to voice ' _I want to be able to fall into Junmyeon's alphaness like you were able to hide behind Liyin when we were first getting over me walking in on you, so how do I ask him about that_ ' without it being taken the wrong way. Because truth be told, Yifan doesn’t actually know if that’s how things played out for them. And it’s none of his business. 

But all the same, his presumptions correct or not, what Yifan saw (or thinks he saw) between the two of them inspired that little spark of a thing he was already trying desperately to ignore. That’s the important part. It’s now a wildfire, and trying to take it to Junmyeon hadn’t gone well.

So here he is. Looking at Jongdae and Liyin’s amused faces and trying to bring it to them. How does he ask for what he wants? Or how does he get Junmyeon to forgive him for trying to ask at all to begin with? Dating is so _hard_. "You two communicate really well? So I just... wanted to know how you might incorporate alignments into your relationship? Through talking about it? Uh, without becoming a full-blown traditionalist?"

As the other two watch him and wait for more elaborating, Yifan finds himself running a hand through his hair. Honestly he’s getting ever so slightly frustrated, recalling the fight between he and Junmyeon. But he has to revisit it to figure out where his questions lie.

"I mean, not that I think you’re -- into that,” he says awkwardly, to cover his bases in not accidentally offending them.

“Mm-hm, right,” Jongdae says casually, looking entertained as he lounges back on the couch with his girlfriend. “Sure you don’t.”

Yifan clears his throat awkwardly, not super sure what Jongdae may or may not be implying here. He’s uncomfortable with the possible implications and tries not to think too hard about it. “Yeah, I don’t. And seriously, I’m not asking because I want to be all -- it's not like I want to marry Junmyeon straight out of high school and start having a full batch of kids and do nothing but raise them while Junmyeon is the breadwinner.” That sounds awful to Yifan. That’s not what he’s after, and that kind of situation seems to be the typical end goal for most traditionalists.

“Mm-hm.” Jongdae’s repeating himself, but this time he sounds like he takes Yifan’s words seriously. Which Yifan appreciates.

“Yeah. I have goals and aspirations and stuff, and I _get_ it that traditional views about things are really limiting overall. I’m not dumb. It's just sometimes... it would be nice to... with the occasional things, to um." How does he _put_ this, geez.

"...Indulge?" Liyin offers when Yifan seems at a loss for which word he wants and fumbles up his sentence.

"Yeah, indulge," Yifan agrees to it immediately. That’s a good word for it. "In like. Little things. Just here and there. It’s seriously not a sex thing. But bringing that up with Junmyeon... I mean, I’m not good at talking. Or -- me and him, sometimes it’s like _we’re_ not good at talking to each other.”

Jongdae bobs his head in a nod of sorts, one arm slung over Liyin’s shoulders in the picture of comfort. One of her hands finds its way to rest on Jongdae’s stomach, and she’s patting his belly in some quiet rhythm. They look so comfortable. It’s making Yifan kind of miss Junmyeon, even though they’re fighting. Especially because they’re fighting, and Yifan feels so far away from him right now.

Nevertheless, Jongdae, tangled up on the couch with his most loved person, hums. “It went badly, then.” It’s not a question.

Well, it doesn’t need to be, obviously. “It went _so_ badly, oh my god.” Yifan confirms, laughing a little at the absurdity of it all. “Junmyeon thinks it’s awful, and I just... can’t figure out if it’s really so bad?"

Jongdae waves his free hand in the negative. "No, it's really not that bad. I don’t know if Junmyeon got what you meant, though? He’s sensitive about it, even though it’s just like a... well," Jongdae looks thoughtfully off into to space. "A kink? That’s. Probably too strong a word for kind of having a thing for alignments, honestly. Because practically everyone does, a little bit -- though don't tell Junmyeon I said that. Then I'd have to admit that I know teasing Junmyeon all the time about it is, you know. Kind of obtuse of me."

Yifan frowns and shifts uncomfortably in his seat across from Jongdae. He's... clearly missing something there. It sounds like one of those best friend things, and he can’t help but just let it go. "Okay...?"

Jongdae waves his hand carelessly again. "Seriously, don’t worry about it. Anyway, it's fine? Everything you just said, about it being the little things and not all the time. I bet he didn’t... get that? So first things first, you should probably just repeat it to Junmyeon.”

Liyin beside him plays absently with Jongdae’s shirt and purses her lips. “Oh? Didn't you say any of that when you guys were talking last time?"

It’s embarrassing to admit to the truth, really. "Not... that well, no." Yifan hadn't worked out the right way to put it, which probably was part of the problem last time. And Jongdae, it feels like, walked him right to the correct answers of it all. And also this time around, he had Junmyeon's own fight ammunition at hand to address when it came to this not-kink (according to Jongdae). Having a redo has made things a little clearer for him.

Liyin ‘ah’s quietly, not really too judgmental, and she tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. "Well, better late than never. It sounds like to me, now you've got everything you need already to set things straight.”

Jongdae eagerly nods in agreement. “Yeah, you didn't really need to talk to us about anything after all! Which is good, because I have no clue if we’ve got good communication tips."

Yifan rubs at his neck, still uneasy. He's not so sure he’s all set to be sent off on his way. "I... guess. If there's really no advice you can think of...?"

Jongdae carefully smooths out Liyin's skirt when he notices how it's rumpled between them. He seems to be thinking, and when his eyes meet Yifan’s again, there’s determination in them. "I mean, I'd probably make sure," Jongdae’s expression goes full-on steely eyed by this point. "And I mean _make sure_ that Junmyeon admits that he's not totally _not_ a hypocrite sometimes.”

Yifan can’t make heads or tails of that sentence. “What?”

Jongdae doesn’t let up, but he relents on the vagueness at Yifan’s apparent confusion. “Okay, I’m sure you already noticed, but he tries to act like he never gets into alignment stuff. When, really, he _does_. Like I said, everyone does sometimes at least once in their life. But for Junmyeon, the fact that he does bothers him, and he acts out over it sometimes.”

Yifan makes a noise of understanding. Yeah, okay, that he gets.

Jongdae seems pleased that Yifan’s not totally clueless or something to that effect. He nods. “Yeah, so Junmyeon getting that, that he’s kind of being a hypocrite sometimes, saying people can’t be into it while being a little into it himself, all because he feels guilty or whatever -- that him being so bothered is its own problem -- that’s probably important, I’d say. When you bring it up, tell him I said it, okay?”

Yifan doesn’t know how he’s supposed to go about that in the middle of rehashing what they fought about in the first place, but he nods obediently because Jongdae’s advice is useful to be aware of (even if it’s useless because Yifan comes up short in the execution of it).

Jongdae then shrugs. “I don’t know how you two talk or anything, and this is probably asking a lot of you? But at the very least, just don't be a dick about it -- but keep bringing it up -- and he’ll come around eventually... honestly, knowing you two, you'll comfort him and make it all okay and he'll open up about it. And will magically stop feeling all guilty. Which'll definitely help."

Yifan really gets the feeling that there's a whole host of things and conversations that have happened between Junmyeon and Jongdae that are giving Jongdae insight that's currently flying right over Yifan's head. He does laugh, however, at Jongdae’s final verdict. "I’m not magical or anything, but okay. If you say so. Thanks for the advice."

Jongdae grins his little cattish grin. "No problem. Gotta help you guys out, since you're just a painful awkward mess sometimes."

Yifan, distracted, makes a sound of weak indignation. More importantly though, is how much all of this situation reminds Yifan that Jongdae is Junmyeon’s best friend. Reminds Yifan of what he and Chanyeol talked about. And he wonders...

Yifan feels weird asking, but he feels weirder leaving it alone. So he breaches it carefully. "Um. Hey, Jongdae? I -- I was talking to Chanyeol and he mentioned..."

Jongdae's eyes narrow a little in suspicion. That’s a fair reaction to their friends and the great unknown they bring with them. "Yes...?"

Liyin is calm as ever next to him, her touch on Jongdae’s middle now a soothing, circular rubbing. She tucks her free hand under her chin and looks between the two of them passively, just a spectator.

Yifan might as well take that leap. He’s been taking a lot of leaps lately, and maybe he’s getting better at biting the bullet and working through things. Maybe. Just maybe. "He -- we ended up talking about how, um, Chanyeol feels like me and Junmyeon spend too much time together. And -- you and Junmyeon -- like you said, you're best friends. So... do you also think -- ”

No wait, that’s not the real question he wants to ask. Jongdae’s delicately raised eyebrow conveys that Jongdae knows that, too. Yifan changes his tactics at the last second. “Actually, okay, what I want to know is: are you kind of annoyed with me, like that, too?"

Jongdae, eyebrow still raised all-knowingly, pauses for a while before eventually answering. "Maybe... more so a while ago. Especially when it felt like you guys dating was more just Junmyeon babysitting you all the time."

(Yifan really doesn't think he's as high strung as everyone's always telling him he is. But maybe he’s getting better at that, too.)

"Now, I'm more just not... happy he's been spending more time with me just so he can get relationship advice, but hey. Honeymoon period's ending. These are the trials and tribulations of being the best friend. I can deal." Jongdae shrugs, and his easy expression is back, a hint of a smile at the curling edges of his lips. "So, I'm not _angry_ with you, promise. Kind of annoyed with the whole situation every now and then, sure. But I'm not a little kid who can't share their friends or something."

Yifan wasn't sure what kind of answer he was expected, but he realizes that the answer he _wanted_ was one that was much less burdensome. Yifan wanted to be reassured that really, everything's fine and nothing _else_ in his life is wrong. But okay. Okay, Yifan already promised Chanyeol to work on it. This is the same principle, but just on the other side of things. 

"Well,” Yifan says seriously, “Now that I've been made aware of the problem, I'll try to fix it."

Jongdae laughs, soft and grateful, Yifan can tell. Jongdae’s a really great friend, honestly. A good confidant and a great support system. "Good luck,” he tells Yifan with a little smile curling at the edges of his lips. “Though -- you? Not be high maintenance? That'll truly be the day."

Yifan laughs too, running a hand through his hair. Jokes aside, he does have his work cut out for him. Every day he gets a little better at figuring things out, though. "Thanks for the vote of confidence, Jongdae."

Jongdae snorts and shrugs genially. "No problem. But hey, seriously? Thanks for thinking of my feelings."

When Yifan looks more closely, he realizes Jongdae really is touched by his reaching out. Yifan feels a little flustered, because, well, of course. "No, I -- thanks for giving me some insight to how your best friend thinks. I'll let you know how the attempt at making up goes."

To liven up the atmosphere, Jongdae’s expression goes for the mischievous, and Yifan knows what to expect coming out of his mouth next. Jongdae doesn’t disappoint. "If there is make up sex," Jongdae warns him fake-menacingly. "I want _no_ details."

Yifan grimace-laughs, groaning. " _Jongdae_."

Liyin laughs softly. Yifan, for a moment, forgot she was there, her presence so quiet and at ease. "Glad we could be of service with the free peep show and deep insight," she says liltingly. Something about her _tone_ is cat-like, graceful and understated, and suddenly Yifan _really_ gets it, why these two are dating.

Yifan grimaces a little further (a little more genuinely), as Jongdae falls over on the couch, because he's laughing so hard. 

"Annnnd thank you for this lovely chat," he mumbles under his breath. Somedays it feels like he needs to get better friends -- though, okay, honestly, he doesn’t really mean that. He never really means that.

+++

Maybe Jongdae promptly talks to Junmyeon, or maybe Junmyeon just has worked out his own side of things, because Yifan doesn't get to make the first move after all. No, it's Junmyeon who calls him out to a local cafe that they usually never go to, under the pretense of studying. And Yifan goes, and tries to keep up that pretense, because he doesn’t know exactly what Junmyeon wants to do here.

But after about five minutes, after they’ve failed to even pull out materials and laptops from their book bags and are only staring at each other in silence, waiting for the other to make the first move, Junmyeon finally drops the act and says, sheepishly almost, "I'm sorry. Freezing you out was not the best thing I could have done, I guess."

Yifan blinks down at Junmyeon and tries to gauge him. Beyond the uncomfortable awkwardness lingering, Junmyeon seems... more normal than the last time they talked. But Yifan's still getting a sort of ‘off’ vibe from him, so he's hesitant to believe that everything is okay, just like that.

"I'm not -- I mean, it's fine," Yifan says diplomatically. He doesn't want to start the blame game with words like 'I'm not mad at you' and 'what the heck happened that pissed you off so much?'. This is all new, everything from the fighting to Yifan asking for something and Junmyeon not yielding in the least. They just have to take this slow and careful, and they’ll be okay. Yifan can do slow and careful. "I shouldn't have... pushed."

"No," Junmyeon says, eyes flickering down to the floor now, and then away to the far wall with the chalked up menu off in the distance. It's an abashed sort of resolution that Junmyeon's pushing onward with. "You're allowed to push and ask for things. I know that, and I’m supposed to -- I mean, I could have been more courteous with my refusal. And we’re supposed to talk things out, if we’re not seeing eye to eye, that’s literally one of our rules.”

Technically speaking, Yifan feels like that could be a dig (or a reminder, maybe) to him. He shouldn’t have justified to himself not coming straight to Junmyeon with this. Or, well, maybe that would have made things worse, Yifan not having Kyungsoo’s advice to bolster him. Not having Jongdae and Liyin as examples and guides for how to approach Junmyeon right now, Junmyeon, who is a little unrecognizable to Yifan in the way he’s been reacting. 

But who knows. Right now, all Yifan can do is pick idly against the wood grain of the rustic table before them and mumble, “Yeah.”

Junmyeon clears his throat awkwardly. His eyes are flickering, skimming the drinks’ menu with a fierce dedication to distraction and avoidance. “Yeah. But I... it’s not a good excuse, but I just sometimes get worked up about alignments."

That’s not news. Does Junmyeon think that’s news? "Uh yeah, I know,” Yifan says, still cautious. “I mean, but I get it? You're all intense political science and history buff, you like to study all the reasons and hows and whys traditional stuff was horrible. So I get why you're really hardcore about -- "

Junmyeon shakes his head and looks up at Yifan again, almost plaintively. "No, but I didn't have to yell about it. I shouldn’t have yelled."

He didn't and Yifan still wishes he hadn’t, but again, Yifan's not going to verbally point fingers. What’s past is past. They all have their moments, and Yifan’s not really one to have ground to stand on with acting best in the moment, either. If Junmyeon isn’t upset, then Yifan’s ready to try and move past this thing. _His_ thing. "No, it’s... okay. I already knew you wouldn't like me asking, but I just -- "

"No, it’s not okay, because I didn't have to yell about it," Junmyeon repeats firmly. “I don’t want you feeling like you have to censor what you ask me just because I might not like it. So... I shouldn’t have yelled.”

Well... "Okay, yeah, you shouldn’t have yelled, no," Yifan hesitantly parrots back. Junmyeon looks more satisfied when he does, so it seems to be the right thing to do. "But hey, I don’t want you to feel like _you_ have to censor your own reactions? So if you’re mad, you can be mad. If you’re frustrated and need to yell, I’ll be okay... okay?”

“Ah, right, of course.” Junmyeon says, lacing his fingers together and looking somehow somber and yet a little cowed. It probably has something to do with how Yifan has to remind Junmyeon now and again that he’s not a delicate little flower, for all the trembling, frenetic, anxiety he tends to have to work through to do _anything_.

Speaking of... Yifan scratches a bit more intensely at the table and tries to maintain steady eye contact, a calm face. “And listen, I'm glad I asked. Because, you know, my whole problem with bottling everything up and making everything worse? This whole thing’s been me, um, working on it, I guess.”

Yifan falters, but presses on when Junmyeon doesn’t say anything -- though his expression makes a change for a little confused. Yifan clears his throat. “Like... I actually managed to say something, put it out there, and now we know that the offer is off the table and you don't want to. So, now I don’t have to contemplate over it and get weird about it! I can just... well, honestly, be disappointed and get over it now." 

He doesn’t mean to sound like he’s whining or anything about not getting his way. Yifan hopes Junmyeon isn’t taking it that way, because seriously, that’s not his intent even if his words have come out a little more tangled and backwards than he’d like them to. It’s just, the fact of the matter is they’re skipping a bunch of steps in the dance they usually do, and that’s cool. That’s probably called personal growth or something, and Yifan thinks he should be proud of it.

"I..." Junmyeon sighs, and drops their sustained gaze again, looking out at the cafe at large. Yifan hears the tinkle of the bell of the door, and watches Junmyeon’s eyes track whoever’s come in. Finally, he continues. "Look, I'm sorry, Yifan. I really do want to give you everything you want, but I just -- can’t."

Junmyeon feeling _bad_ isn’t what Yifan wants here. He just -- he doesn’t want to regret bringing up his feelings in the first place. They’re going to make this work, no matter how long it takes. That means there’s going to be plenty of things and times where concessions aren’t possible, and he and Junmyeon won’t see eye to eye and won’t agree. Won’t be able to give each other something the other wants. That’s okay. That’s _okay_. They’re going to make that okay, and no one’s going to feel bad over it.

"Listen, I talked to Jongdae," Yifan interjects, because he's getting those weird guilty vibes from Junmyeon, and not only does he not like it but Jongdae explicitly told him that that was a big part of the problem. That he should mention specifically Jongdae himself if it came to it, so: “And he said -- well, something about how you’re sometimes a bit of a hypocrite about this stuff -- and that that’s _okay_ \--"

Junmyeon actually flinches before looking at Yifan in something that maybe is baleful curiosity, like he isn't sure if he wants to see where this is going. "I didn't think you needed to talk to Jongdae to confirm what you already believed."

"No, Junmyeon, that’s not what I’m trying to get at -- "

Junmyeon shakes his head, laughing a little ruefully and cutting in before Yifan can further explain. "No, I -- just, the two of you are right. About that. It's not like I haven't _totally_ been too into how taking care of you and -- and, ugh, _dominating_ you makes me feel." Junmyeon laughs again. "but I _hate_ that about myself, and it's all learned social behavior, so -- "

"I’m trying to say that I understand that, I respect that you feel like that," Yifan says desperately. "That you’re upset whenever you feel like you’re being -- stereotypical. You think I don’t get that? Feeling like you’re being a huge stereotype? But you don’t have to try and address it by beating yourself up for feeling or thinking or enjoying things that you think make you a stereotype.”

Junmyeon is staring, and the energy coming off of him is less... stressed out. This feels like it’s working. Yifan tries to keep his thoughts and words straight as he goes on. “My point, and Jongdae’s point I think, is that it’s not really about being or not being a hypocrite. It’s about not seeing yourself as a hypocrite.” Yifan scratches nervously at the tabletop, hopes he’s making sense. “It’s just about... finding that good medium of how to um. I guess... negotiate? What you think is okay and what you think isn’t and then what you’re willing to personally allow yourself to do and enjoy.”

Junmyeon is frowning, but it’s the frown of his where he’s mulling over his thoughts. He’s contemplating and listening. That’s good. That’s great. Yifan decides to press on.

“I know I said -- " Yifan can't bring himself to repeat it, his own brand of lashing out. "...Said some things to you, about you. But I just got defensive. Because I keep thinking it’d maybe be... okay? Nice? To um, indulge and enjoy. Because it’s... with you.”

Junmyeon has unfaltering focus on Yifan, and it’s making him fidget and chew on his bottom lip. Getting undivided attention like this, about this, is weird and a little stressful, but that’s alright. It’s fine.

“For me, with leaning into alignments, it’d be okay if it was just with you,” Yifan clarifies. “And only sometimes. That’s why I asked, because... because if I asked and you knew I was okay with it, maybe you’d want to indulge with me, you know? It doesn’t have to be bad, I thought, because I’m... really interested in some things. In exploring some things.” 

In feeling wanted, Yifan doesn’t want to say. He presses onward, instead. “In knowing we can sort of be vulnerable with each other, in ways that we aren’t with anyone else. But really, if you don't want to, I’m fine with that -- "

Junmyeon seems confused -- or maybe that’s intrigue. Yifan feels a little better, like he explained himself and what it is he’s been trying to get at all along much more concretely and thoroughly. But maybe not, because Junmyeon asks, "But what is it that you want me to do?" 

Yifan blinks. “What?”

Junmyeon sighs and waves his hands. "Everything you’re saying... okay, that’s interesting. That’s... different from what I was hearing and getting before? But I still can't figure out -- I mean, you’re saying you want to embrace our alignments, but what does that even mean?"

Yifan stays quiet for a long time. He didn’t realize that was an issue. Communication is really hard, Yifan realizes for what has to be the hundredth, thousandth, _something_ -th time. He tries to sort his thoughts out just right before going on. 

"I like how it feels sometimes when you, I don’t know, take control? Not all the time, I don’t like you being bossy or anything but... sometimes." He’s murmuring, but that’s fine. He’s getting through this. They’re working this out. "Sometimes, I like that I know that, I don’t know, that I can trust you and leave things up to you if I need to. Or something. It makes me feel, um. Weirdly important."

Junmyeon frowns. "You _are_ important, Yifan. But... I’m confused, you said, when we -- when you -- when the thing that happened, happened.” Yifan realizes he’s talking about the heat sex incident. He then also realizes they’re in a coffee shop and maybe they should have met up somewhere else.

“When that happened,” Junmyeon continues. “You said you liked taking control from me."

Ah that. Life is hard, strange, and ever changing. "Because it was almost like I wasn't _supposed_ to, in my head. Or something. That made it... exciting. And I had wanted to reciprocate all the times you'd helped me and... I don’t know," Yifan explains, only blushing a little bit. "I -- look forget about what happened that day and what I said it was about. _Now_ , right now, lately, I just kind of... want to fall into you all the time."

Junmyeon pauses, fingers tapping on the tabletop. "As poetic as that sounds..."

"I want you to just... I just." Yifan's searching for the right words here. "I sometimes just feel like I want to reaffirm that you're mine and that you've _got_ me. I think sometimes I worry about that, for no reason. I know I shouldn’t. It’s dumb. But I do."

Junmyeon's gaze softens. Yifan sort of... well, feels like he's melting, all the affection and happiness inside him warming him up. Yifan distractedly remembers using that very description about Sehun and Tao. Chanyeol used it too, about him and Junmyeon. How the tables have turned. His life is a joke. 

"Yifan," Junmyeon says gently. "Of course I’m yours and I’ve got you. And there’s nothing wrong with -- look. Being overly intimate, if _that’s_ what you want to do, then I can do that. That we can work something out. I think, before with the way you were putting it, I was thinking -- well, my brain jumped to something like one of those intense dom-sub couples who roleplay traditionalist fantasies out in public or something. Like you wanted me to make you be all self-demeaning about yourself and for me to act all... machismo and over the top, like some extreme alpha jerk."

Yifan's eyes are wide. " _Junmyeon_. Our lives are _not_ a porno, geez."

Junmyeon links their hands together, smiling up at him. "I know, I know. Plus I was -- like you and Jongdae were saying, I was being pretty hard on myself for being into some of that stuff to begin with. I don’t... want to be a creep, Yifan, you know? But I can be more demonstrative for you, if you want. Just tell me when, and how, or at least what's okay. We’ll work this out. Baby steps."

Yifan blinks, wonders, and takes a chance, the way the coffeehouse jazz plays softly over the speakers bolstering him on, oddly enough. "Um. How about right now?" It might be a bit abrupt, but Yifan wants to check. It'd be nice to know that they can _really_ work this out and try this, for real. Junmyeon isn't mad anymore, and that’s a great start, but Yifan would love some reassurance that things are one hundred percent okay. He knows that’s needy -- but isn’t that the whole point? “I don’t know, it... shouldn’t have to be too different from our usual PDA, you know?”

Junmyeon blinks back. There's a beat before he laughs, joyous and upbeat, like everything is so _obvious_ and _easy_. That’s pretty reassuring.

"Got it, got it. Come here." He shifts around the table, closes the distance between them, and reaches up to cup the back of Yifan's neck and pull him down. But instead of into a kiss like Yifan expects, Junmyeon maneuvers Yifan a little so his head rests in the dip of Junmyeon's shoulder. Yifan isn't sure what to make of it, until Junmyeon starts to gently caress the back of his neck from the edge of his hairline down to the topmost ridge of his spine. 

And... _oh_. There's something very calming and intimate about it. It’s different, but not too different from their usual touchiness. It’s kind of perfect.

"I've got some things I need to look at," Junmyeon murmurs to him, voice barely above a whisper with how close they’re pressed up against each other. "Online notes, exam schedules, things like that. Is it okay if I..."

"Sure," Yifan says, muffled into Junmyeon's neck. "We can go find a couch in the corner and sit down, as long as you don't stop -- " Yifan actually doesn't feel embarrassed at all, even though he's being completely shameless, melding into Junmyeon’s side in the middle of this cafe. "Don't stop this. I... really like it."

Junmyeon hums happily in agreeance, and that’s that.

They end up wedged together in some soft down chair in the shop’s back corner, Junmyeon using the internet on his phone, one handed, while Yifan drowsily drifts in and out, tucked up in Junmyeon's side. Yifan maybe should care that they are in public and Yifan's being gently petted like a -- a needy stereotype. But then again, maybe it's really okay that he doesn't care so much, how he looks to others. What others might think. Him and Junmyeon right now are working on them, and this is just kind of okay.

+++

"I hear you were sighted at that hipster coffee shop being cozy and cute with your BF," Lu Han says, eyebrows wiggling suggestively. He’s awful, and Yifan is going to ignore him, focusing instead on the homework he’s supposed to be doing. They grabbed the first empty classroom they could find, him and Kyungsoo, for the intent of having peace and quiet and getting work done. Lu Han gate crashing after stumbling upon them is having ill-adverse effects on the endeavor.

Kyungsoo, however, seems somewhat intrigued, if not unwillingly, and shifts in his desk seat to glance over at Lu Han next to him. "That seems kind of rude -- people gossiping about that sort of thing. Who are you even hearing these things from?" Kyungsoo asks, nose wrinkled in confusion.

"Himself," Yifan tells Kyungsoo dutifully with a sigh. "Because he saw us -- which I know because he walked up to us and cooed a lot about it before going and getting his coffee. He's just being obnoxious, now."

Lu Han's eyes go wider than usual, all in fake innocence. "What, me? Being obnoxious? Never!”

Yifan grunts, unconvinced, at him. Kyungsoo laughs under his breath. Lu Han is not deterred in the slightest. “Really, you two were being all cute. And! I'm always glad to hear about a fight and a make up all in the same breath -- it means I missed all the unnecessary drama in between."

"We all can't date one of the most low-maintenance people out there," Yifan tells Lu Han pointedly. Hell, they couldn’t all _be_ one of the most low-maintenance people out there, either. Lu Han and Minseok are both more chill than any single person had the right to be, honestly.

"Eh, who's own fault is that," Lu Han says dismissively as he throws an arm over Kyungsoo's shoulder, not letting the space of the aisle between their two desks get in his way. Yifan glances sharply when Kyungsoo wobbles a bit dangerously under the unexpected weight -- honestly, who would expect someone to go out of their way to perch so uncomfortably on someone else’s shoulder -- and Lu Han pauses as well. But Kyungsoo seems to get his bearings quick enough, and shakes his head at the two of them.

"I'm fine," he reassures them, though he does shrug Lu Han’s arm off him without a moment’s pause. 

It doesn’t matter much, because Lu Han's immediately back to his shenanigans, Kyungsoo indulging him or not. "Anyway, for all the jokes I have about how adorable you two were, and how sickening it kind of was to see the blatant disregard for everyone else in the room's discomfort with overt public displays of affection, I _am_ glad." Lu Han moves around so he can throw his arm over Yifan's shoulders now. Yifan sees it coming -- Lu Han has to change seats to manage it, after all -- so he kindly ducks a little to make it easier for Lu Han to reach his shoulders.

“Glad?” Yifan questions lightly, not sure what to make of those choice of words.

Lu Han hums and nods. "Yeah. It’s good for you, you know? And I hope I won't have to hear about any more ridiculous crises from now on?"

Ah. That is a legitimate question, isn’t it? Yifan’s hoping, too.

"Probably. You... probably won’t." Yifan tells him, and tries to really mean it. He thinks, with this newest development, him and Junmyeon have maybe figured this dating thing out. All the way and for real, this time.

He’s not delusional. He knows there's probably a lot more unforeseen misunderstandings and fights in store for them. But they’ve traversed a lot of the unknown together and this first real, honest to god fight was maybe the last great big uncertainty they hadn’t faced yet. So...Yifan thinks the path might not be so rocky, now that they're getting the hang of it all, good and bad and the worst.

"Well, I'm going to do you a favor," Kyungsoo says lightly. "And not hold you to that."

Yifan can't help but join Lu Han in laughing, and Kyungsoo smiles at the way Yifan clearly takes no offense -- considering his and Junmyeon's track record, even Yifan has to admit that that's not uncalled for.

"Fair enough," he says once his laughter calms down enough to talk. All he can do is look forward to what tomorrow might bring, anyway.


End file.
